Steel 'n' Blade Co
by UK-Underworld King
Summary: Tired of getting little money on the tournament, Samus decides to open a joint with her good friend Link. What kind of misventures and jobs will the two have to endure to earn an honest money for once?... Rated T for minor violence and some language.
1. Starting a new Business

Hello my fans (if I actually have any)! To all of you who voted the poll in my profile: thanks for your oppinion. To those who are started to read my fics: hello and welcome to my comedy fic!

Now, before we begin, this fic might have some romance and action in it, but the focus will remain on the comedy, so don't worry. Also, for those who might find some resemblance, yes, I read "Red, Blue and That Other Guy Inc." and got inspired by the idea, _BUT_ this fic in no way, or shape a copy from that fic and not because it uses Brawl characters. I have my own ideas for funny situations here, so no flames about it, otherwise you will be bluntly ignored!

Thanks for your attention and let the story begin! Oh and also, if someone want to volunteer for beta-reading it, just PM me.

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**Steel 'n' Blade Co.**

**Part 1: Starting a new Business**

"... And you hammer this nail and... done.", Samus instructed Link, who did as he was told.

"Phew... never thought setting up a table was so difficult.", the Hylian warrior said, dropping the hammer he had been using on the table and going to sit on his couch.

In the case you're wondering and you certainly are, otherwise you wouldn't be reading this, the two were on Link's room setting some things up... no, not that kind of things, you bunch of perverts.

"C'mon, stop complaining already. Real men know how to fix and set up the houses' furniture.", Samus said, putting her hand on her armored hip.

"But I did, didn't I?", Link said, mentioning the table they just got in order. "And can you explain again why we're setting everything in _my _room?"

"Simple.", the bounty huntress started. "Because we're not going to use _my _room. I don't want people messing with my things and using my bathroom."

"Oh, and I certainly don't have the right to keep my privacy.", Link said in a sly tone, narrowing his eyes at Samus.

"Not if you want me in this."

"But it was you who came with the idea of this joint in the first place!"

The previous day, Samus came to Link, one of the few people in the entire mansion that didn't get intimidated by her presence or tried to hit on her (which rendered these people weekly visits to the infirmary). She had an idea to start a business for them to get more money and thought Link could help her on that. At first, the Hylian swordsman found the idea a rather strange and asked why she wanted more money than what they earned in the tournament.

"Did you ever calculate how many discounts Master Hand puts on our salaries?", Samus inquired her friend.

"No. Math bothers the hell out of me.", Link said.

"Just because you can't calculate probabilities to save your own life.", Samus murmured. Link heard her and let out an "hey!", but the galactic warrior started talking again. "He doesn't value our hard work and put discounts and taxes on our contracts to get more money for himself."

"And what so? It's not like we need that much money."

"Well, I don't know about you, mister 'I use the same clothes for years'...", Link glared the armor-clad woman, but got ignored again. "but I have to keep a spaceship, a one of a kind, high-tech armor, which costs me more when I have to send it to polish, and buy missiles and bombs."

"Ok, I got your point. But why do you want to include me?"

"You're the only guy that I can ask this. Snake, Ike and Falcon: they wouldn't stop to gaze, drool and hit on me, not necessarily in that order. The princesses and Marth: they are already rich, so they would probably offer me their money and I don't want to sound like a beggar. The villains: I don't even want to get there. The rest is just a bunch of kids, an angel and a pile of creatures that either can't talk or are plain annoying."

Link asked about Mario and Luigi, Samus said they already had their own jobs and pretty much didn't need so much money, since Mario was Nintendo's mascot and Luigi had his own mansion. She also couldn't leave the planet to get her bounties due to the Tournament, so she was in a dead end.

The Hero considered all of that and ended up agreeing. After all, he helped his friends, not mattering how bratty or annoying they were. Samus' idea was to open a joint which provided several kinds of services, from investigations, to rescues and other "heroic" deeds. At least that was what she said to Link. The green clad swordsman found that interesting, thinking they could help people and such.

_Hehe, heroes... so predictable._, Samus thought.

Ok. that explained, let's go back to the scene in the beginning:

"Details, details...", Samus said, wriggling her hand in the air. Link grumbled from his couch.

The room of the swordsman wasn't luxurious, but was as big as any other in the mansion, with a couch, a king-sized bed (which was given to all Smashers, since they didn't complaining about the size of theirs when they wanted to... well, I think you might guess from here), a wardrobe, a bookshelf and a bathroom. Each Smasher could decorate the room they way he wanted, so Link put some photos of his friends from Hyrule and a big chest at the foot of his bed where he guarded all the gadgets he used during his journey, because you never know when you might need an Iron Boot or an iron ball.

The Hero had seen the rooms of some other Smashers. However, he had never been to Samus' room, just like the rest of the fighters of the Super Smash Brothers. It was told that the last guy who tried to enter her room, ceased to be a guy... or at least that was what they implied about Marth's almost feminine constitution (which resulted in more people going to the infirmary when the blue haired noble heard that).

"Now, for more important matters...", Samus went to a corner of Link's room, where she left two piles of pamphlets. The bounty huntress took one and left it on the couch, next to Link, who looked at her in confusion. Samus then explained:

"We're going to distribute those and not just for the people in the mansion. I thought on getting to the city too."

"You do know Master Hand is strict about visits, don't you?", Link asked, taking a pamphlet while looking to Samus.

"Don't worry. I've got that covered."

"How?"

"Let's just say I had to sacrifice something for a greater good...", Samus said, cryptically. Link just looked at her, wondering what it was.

----- Meanwhile, at Master Hand's office -----

"Oh, yeah. They're already offering ten thousand dollars for it!", Master Hand said, looking to the big screen of his personal computer, in an internet page that displayed an item he put on sale in E-bay.

"Don't you think it's strange Samus gave us one of Link's spare hats and told us he said he wanted to get rid of it in exchange for letting unknown people visit the mansion for the new business they're opening?", Crazy Hand inquired.

"I don't really care. And since when have you started making sense?", Master said, turning to his brother.

"SauCE!!!"

"I spoke too soon..."

------ Back to Link's Room -----

The Hero read the pamphlets and looked to Samus as he saw the name of their joint.

"Steel 'n' Blade?", the Hylian asked.

"Yeah. Why not? You use a blade and I have an armor.", she said, in a matter-of-fact tone.

"Is your armor made of steel?", Link asked again. He never could tell of which metal Samus' armor was made of.

"Actually it is... hum? ... look, are you going to stay there asking questions all day or are we going to distribute these?!", the bounty huntress said, changing the subject.

Link suppressed the urge to roll his eyes and let the subject drop. This is, until he saw something written on a footnote. While Samus picked the other pile, the swordsman or read it aloud:

"'We don't accept sexual favors'? Samus, what... ?", Link asked, turning to his companion.

"It's just to make sure we won't have perverts getting any bright ideas.", she said, going to the door.

"Who do you think would take advantage of something like this?"

"One word for you: fangirls.", Link gulped and didn't question anything more after that.

- - - - -

After some minutes, Link and Samus had distributed most of the pamphlets to the residents of the mansion. Some seemed a little interested, others had a look of "what kind of losers they are to do something like this", but since it was Samus and Link, none of them voiced those thoughts. A wise decision.

Then it was time to go to the city and distribute the pamphlets there.

"Ok, time to go to the city and distribute the pamphlets there.", Samus repeated what I just said... but since I'm just the narrator she probably don't care about this. I mean, no character really cares about what I speak. Nobody pay attention to me. You're all a band of jerks, do ya know?!

... Hum, sorry. Anyway, since the duo was near Captain Falcon, Snake and Ike, they heard what the tall, blond woman said and Ike just couldn't resist and speak what no person in his right mind would say near the bounty huntress:

"Hey, if you want my opinion, it would call people's attention if you did it in your Zero Suit.", the Crimean mercenary said, rising his eyebrows several times and making Snake chuckle and Captain Falcon laugh.

"Link, can you hold these for me?", Samus asked, already handing her pile of pamphlets to the Hero, who seemed to be the only male in the vicinity smart enough to not discuss with her when she used that voice tone.

"Sure thing.", he said, turning around and going to the door.

After giving Falcon and Ike another ticket to the mansion's infirmary (Snake was clever enough to escape while Samus handed the pamphlets to Link), Samus joined Link and the two of them went to the city. As the duo walked through the streets, trying to distribute the pamphlets, they noticed not many people seemed interested. In fact, some took one of the pamphlets and threw in the streets right after, in an almost automatic gesture, without even bothering to look.

"HEY! Do you know how much it cost me to print these?! Come back here and I'll... !", Samus yelled to a bystander, who didn't even seem to have listened to her and just kept walking, going to wherever people go at that hour.

"Samus, please. We're trying to get these people to listen, not to have them fleeing in fear.", Link said, from behind his pile, as he successfully distributed it to a young man passing by. "And we're in the city. You can break anyone's arm in the mansion, but here we have to worry about the _law._"

"And isn't there a law saying something about throw papers in the middle of the street?", Samus asked, turning to Link, still with angry.

"Well, yeah... I suppose...", Link said. If he wasn't holding a pile of pamphlets, he would have scratched his head now.

The bounty huntress considered grabbing the ones that were throwing their pamphlets away by the collar and shout at their faces "stop throwing things in the streets, you assholes!", but reprimanded the urge to do so. Passed some time, Samus noticed one thing: she and Link were famous videogame characters in the middle of a crowded city, yet there wasn't a legion of fans around them or people looking in awe.

_Strange. How come none of them are crowding around us like they use to do in the events we go? Surely they would recognize us. I mean, who more would wear a futuristic armor and a green tunic?_, Samus wondered.

Looking to her right, Samus saw a comic store and a good reason for her armor and Link's clothing not be calling the attention of people around. Workers and cosplayers were inside the store, wearing costumes that resembled Star Wars, Transformers and even Lord of the Rings. Some workers had pamphlets on their hands, probably announcing some promotion, or whatever they announce in comic stores.

_Ok... that's a good reason._, Samus thought again.

The bounty huntress then started to think: how could they assert their identity between a bunch of look-alikes? Well, the answer was quite obvious: showing their faces. But she wasn't much inclined in having a bunch of men looking and whistling at her, to not talk about some fans. She cringed at the thought. Some of them were even okay guys, but others... let's just say it's the same thing you throw an hamburger in the middle of a reunion of a group of hungry hyenas.

So she looked to Link and an idea came to her head once she focused her gaze on her companion's ridiculous hat. The armor clad woman spoke:

"Link, take off your hat.", the Hylian looked to her letting out an "huh?". "Take off your hat."

"Why do you want me to do that?", Link asked, a little suspicious as to what Samus was planning.

"Are you saying you never take this thing off? Man, talking about bad taste.", the bounty huntress said, launching the bait.

Link pouted and, while holding the pile of pamphlets in one hand, swiftly took off his hat, revealing his dirty-blond locks. He then spoke to his partner:

"Here, happy now?! And for your knowledge, I use this because there isn't anything more that matches with this tunic."

Suddenly, the Hero felt a strange sensation, like there were eyes watching him. Turning around, he saw many people had stopped whatever they were doing and looked at him, whispering between themselves. Some girls nearby were giggling almost without control.

Link found that a rather interesting, if not strange, and put his hat back. Like in those cartoons in TV, people immediately dispersed and started to walk around again. Link then took his hat off and eyes turned to him again and groups of girls started to whisper between themselves. He put it back and the crowd was walking again. When took it off for the third time, Samus grew impatient and snatched the green hat from his hands.

"Ok, you already saw it works! Now go and hand these pamphlets to those girls there!", the bounty huntress said, pointing to the small group of giggling girls that started to gather.

"I... don't know if it's a good idea, Samus.", Link said, casting an uneasy look to the girls.

"What? Don't tell me you never used your charm on a girl before.", the bounty huntress said in an amused tone. Link nodded. "Well, there's a first for everything, so go there and use your fame to our advantage, sir Hero."

Samus shoved Link forward with her arm cannon. The Hylian swordsman almost lost his equilibrium and glared at his "friend", but went to the group of giggling girls anyway. Now, do you know that sensation like when you're walking to a stand just to make a fool of yourself in the front of thousands of people? If you know, then you might have an idea of how nervous Link was. If not... well, don't worry, someday you will feel it.

Ahem. Anyway, Link arrived in the front of the girls. He gulped; feeling like his throat had turned drier than the Gerudo Desert.

_How come I can face enemies seven or ten times my size without break a sweat and when it comes to talk with a group of girls my legs feel like jelly?_, Link thought. And that, my friends, is one of the biggest ironies in the entire universe.

"Uh... hum... he-hello there...", Link started. The girls answered with more giggling and looking to one another, like trading silent messages. Link swallowed the lump in his throat, trying to calm himself. "I-I'm Link... you know... the Link of the Super Smash Brothers Tournament and..."

"See?", one of the girls said to the others. "I told you it was him."

"Oh, he's as cute as in the games.", other girl said, squealing. Link felt the temperature around his cheeks raise considerably.

"Hey, back off! I saw him first!", another girl said, in an angry voice.

"No, it was me!", another said.

Link already knew where that was going and decided to slowly back off. However, fangirls sometimes are much like predators: they feel when their prey is about to escape. Then one of them saw Link backing away and ran to him, starting a chain reaction and several groups of girls lunged for him, much like lions to a deer.

"Oh s...!", Link said, eyes wide and having his line censored by the rating sensor of this fic.

From her position, Samus saw Link being pretty much attacked by the fangirls and sighed, going to the other side of the street. She then started to gather the pamphlets in the ground, leaving her pile in a bench nearby, mumbling:

"Honestly, I didn't spend thirty dollars having these things imprinted for them to end as street garbage.", the bounty huntress said. She then reunited the ones she picked up with the ones in her pile. "Hum, why am I feeling like I forgot something?", Samus mused, putting her hand on the base of her helmet, where was her chin.

"SAMUS! HELP!!!", Link's voice sounded, amidst the mob of fangirls that seemed to be stomping him.

"Oh, yeah.", Samus said.

She then turned to the crowd and tapped her helmet, using her highly advanced visor to locate her target. Then, like the professional she was, the bounty huntress threw her Grapple Beam and caught something. She pulled Link out of the mob like a fish from a lake. The Hero fell on her feet and had several bruises and parts of his clothes ripped, but nothing too grave.

"There you are. Can't you do something without causing some kind of trouble?", Samus spoke. If looks could harm people, she would have been stabbed several times by the look Link gave to her. "Forget it. Let's just go before they realize you escaped."

Link stood at once and caught the pamphlets Samus gave him, pouting the entire way. The two companions then arrived in a junction, near to a bus stop and tried to distribute the pamphlets to the drivers. Link just agreed to not use his hat as long as they went to some place people wouldn't be able to crowd around him, so here they are.

Passed some minutes, Samus sat on the bench near the bus stop. Her pile was still almost intact, since most people felt "intimidated" when they saw her in her armor and drove off like they had just saw a notorious assassin. Yes, she had that power over people.

Link had just three or four pamphlets left in his hands and was already smiling, seeing that they could finally end that boring work and go back to the mansion, away of rabid fangirls and people wanting a piece of him. He then saw Samus was still with her pile almost intact and grumbled. If she didn't distribute hers, they couldn't leave.

An idea then came to the green clad swordsman as he sat near Samus. He then turned to her and asked:

"Having difficulties?"

"Well, let's say I'm the kind of person people often get the wrong impression about.", she said.

"Then take off your armor.", Link said.

"What?"

"Take off your armor.", Link repeated.

"Uhu... and to what hospital would you like to be sent?", Samus asked, reading her arm cannon.

"I-It's not what you're thinking!", Link quickly corrected himself, waving his hands on his front for her to stop. "It's just, since using my image worked, we could very well use yours too.", the Hero said, trying to point out the logic on his plan and praying Samus would understand that.

The bounty huntress stopped and considered that. He was right (for once), using his popularity proved to be effective, so hers could also work. However, there was one little problem to considerate there...

"I... don't think that would work.", Samus said.

"Why not? What's the problem?", Link asked, confused.

"Let's just say when I'm walking in the middle of the public without my armor, in a city like this, something bad tends to happen. It's the price for coming from a futuristic galaxy."

"Oh, c'mon. It can't be that bad.", Samus, looked to him behind her visor. "Trust me. Nothing bad will happen. I'm here to help you.", Link said, in an assertive voice and using his best encouraging tone.

Samus didn't know why she listened to him, but she did. Link just had that ability to make people feel a little more confident and secure. Maybe it was because of that aura of protection he emanated around his friends or the way he was always trying to help them. Thinking again, this was one of the motives that made Samus look for him to start this business in the first place.

The bounty huntress pressed the round button on the back of her left hand and lights involved her figure. Soon she was on her Zero Suit. Link smiled at seeing she had trusted him, making the galactic warrior smile back to him.

It was in that moment, a whistle sounded nearby. A guard appeared almost out of thin air near Link and Samus and started writing something in a paper, making the two Smasher look at him. The guard then handed the paper to Samus and gave a brief gesture of "good day to you", by inclining the edge of his cap.

"Ok, that was strange...", Link said, looking the guard walk away. He then looked to the paper that was given to Samus. "What is it?", the bounty huntress just handed him the paper in a quick and energetic motion. The Hylian took it and read. "'A fine for being naked in public'?"

The Hylian then swallowed another lump that formed on his throat when the reality of what just happened was processed on his mind. He slowly looked to Samus, with a nervous smile on his face. If Link's look would be able to stab people, then the one Samus was giving him that moment would certainly have blasted him off.

"I-I... I'm going to distribute these.", he said, quickly taking Samus' pile of pamphlets and taking distance between him and his more than pissed off friend.

Samus sighed in annoyance. Deep down, she knew Link just wanted to help her finish that boring task. Thinking now, it was almost funny the way he tried and achieved to convince her. Perhaps, this whole business with Link wouldn't be so bad. Perhaps it would even be the chance for the two of them to strength their friendship. Perhaps...

"SAMUS! HELP ME!!!"

Perhaps she was hopping too much from this... the bounty huntress sighed and stood, preparing her Grapple Beam and going for a new crowd of fangirls that were fighting to get a piece of the famous Hero, who was frantically waving his hands, trying to get out of the sea of bodies, just to be pulled back.


	2. The Joys of the First Job

Hi people! Another chapter for you!

On a short note: like I said last chapter, I'm looking for beta-readers for this fic, so, if anyone is interested, PM me.

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**Chapter 2**

**The Joys of the First Job**

Link was sleeping on his bed, dreaming of a match against Ganondorf where he completely humiliated his arch-enemy. Now, you might be thinking: shouldn't he be dreaming about women, or some peaceful scenery? Wrong! Contrary to what some might believe, Link had his feral side (pun not intended) and enjoyed a good fight against someone strong. But he particularly enjoyed to wipe the floor with Ganondorf's face, since the guy kidnapped his friends, threatened them, made fun of his height and so on.

The hero was hugging his pillow and mumbling in contentment when the door to his room opened and Samus entered, clad in her skin-tight Zero Suit. She looked around and saw the curtains closed and Link on his bed, smiling like a boy in a candy store.

The bounty huntress sighed and went to the Hero's bathroom, took a glass, filled it with water and came back to the side of Link's bed, who was still sleeping, his dream now shifting to one of his mornings in the dining hall. She then splashed the water on the green clad swordsman's face and the effect was immediate: Link immediately sat, screaming:

"Take your hands off that!!! I saw that cake first, Ganon... ! Wait.", the Hero then noticed his wet self and looked to the side to see Samus, shaking her head.

"Honestly. I don't even want to know what you were dreaming about.", she said, while going to open the windows.

"Whatever. And what are you doing in my room at this hour?"

"It's 9:00 a.m. Link. Most people are awake at this hour."

"Well, I'm not most people. I usually sleep until 10:00."

"And when did you go to bed yesterday?", Samus asked, raising her eyebrow.

"At 10:00 p.m.", the Hero said.

"Are you saying to me you sleep twelve hours straight?"

"During the week, yeah. Though in holidays I use to sleep fourteen."

Samus facepalmed at that. Most people in the mansion got ten to eight hours of sleep, some even less if they had intense activity in the last day. Anyway, she wasn't going to lose time discussing that. Link then asked his friend:

"And why are you here?"

"I kinda couldn't sleep too much last night, so I thought we could get things in order for when our first client comes."

"So, you're anxious about this?", the Hero asked. He always pictured Samus as a serious and analytic person, who don't let her emotions get to her very often.

"Maybe I am. Aren't you?"

"I'll be...", he then laid on his pillow again. "after another hour or so of sleep.", the Hylian warrior said, in a groggy voice.

"Oh, no. Don't even think about sleeping now.", Samus grabbed his sheets and pulled them, revealing Link in his white pajamas.

The Hero grumbled when Samus threatened to wake him with kicks, should he fall asleep again. He sat again, as his companion opened the curtains and the solar rays forced Link to cover his eyes until they adjusted to the light. While the bounty huntress went to the desk they had set up yesterday in the middle of Link's room, Link started to get, up thinking:

_Great, I'm being forcefully waken in my room by my excited, female partner... man, what do I do?_, I think many people might have some good suggestions, Link. But since we have to keep the rating of this fic, let's just drop it and see how this situation unfolds.

"Great. Now that you got up, go get dressed.", Samus said, setting things on the table, like a tag with the name of their joint.

"Huh?", Link asked, his mind still half-asleep.

"Get dressed.", Samus repeated.

Link just shrugged at that and started to undress himself (luckily, he started by the shirt of his pajamas). When Samus put the tag, she nodded with a smile on her face and turned to her companion. When she saw Link shirtless form, she blushed a scarlet tone.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!", the bounty huntress asked.

"Getting undressed.", Link said, in a seemingly innocent voice.

"In my front?!"

The Hero took some seconds to process that information. When it finally hit him, he blushed three shades of red at realizing the stupidity he almost did. Looking to the side, he mumbled a weak apology, too embarrassed to look at Samus directly.

The bounty huntress facepalmed again. Great, Link wasn't just the sleepy kind, but also a complete idiot in the early hours of the morning. She just pointed to the door of the bathroom and Link went there, still too embarrassed to say anything.

The Hero closed the door and left his friend alone on his room. Samus sighed again and went to sit in the table, propping her feet up and resting them in the new furniture. She then looked to Link's bathroom's door and couldn't help, but admire the build of her friend. Yes, you heard it right, she was thinking about his looks. I mean, c'mon, she's a woman too! A violent and temperamental one, but a woman notwithstanding.

Samus knew Link wasn't as buffed as Ike or Snake or Captain Falcon (or Sword moron, Stalking idiot and Falcon perv, as she called them sometimes), but she had to admit he was good looking and had...

_Hey! Concentration, Aran._, Samus scolded herself mentally. Shaking her head to disperse those thoughts. _Soon clients will be entering that door. You can't be thinking like this while working._, indeed... _Let's leave the fun to after the work._

... ok. Anyway, Link exited the bathroom, already on his hero garb (like he had anything else to wear). He then sat on the couch, since the only chair in the room was being currently occupied by Samus.

"Ok, now since we're officially going to start our new job, I have somethings I would like to make clear here.", Link looked to Samus once she spoke that, already preparing himself for any kind of exigencies she could come up with.

If there was something Link had learned about Samus since he entered in that tournament, it was that she was very proud and independent, to the point of making sure to show she didn't need anybody's help. But she also was someone he could always rely on when things got too rough. For those lucky enough to conquer her friendship, she would even be willingly to explain some of her story, but not all of it. But for those that got on her bad side... go back to the first chapter and read the tenth paragraph. Link also admired her strength and the way she dealt with things, both in battle and out of it.

"Hellooo.", Samus called, snapping her fingers near Link's face, who had a daydream look on his face. The Hero shook his head and woke from his thoughts, mumbling an "what?". "Were you listening to anything I said?"

"Of course I was.", Link said, his masculine pride getting the better of him at that moment. Samus crossed her arms and put a serious look on her face. Link's pride quickly deflated under the look his friend was giving him. "Hum... what was that again?"

Samus sighed. She sat on the chair at the front of their table and looked to him again, talking:

"I was saying that I like to get things done at once, so no goofing around in a job."

"Well, so do I.", Link said, crossing his arms behind his head.

"Second: since you gave me the spare keys to your room..."

"More like you demanded it from me.", Link whispered to himself. Samus caught that, but decided to ignore.

"I think it's only fair that I give you mine...", she said, sighing again, like that was a very hard thing for her to do.

Now Link definitely looked to her. Samus extended a mold of keys to him slowly, like she was giving away something very precious to her. The Hylian swordsman got up and went to her, taking the ring which held the keys. He tried to pull it to himself, but Samus' hand was still closed tightly on it.

The Hero pulled with more strength and Samus seemed to finally had decided to give it away and let the keys go. Link looked from the keys to her. He then pocketed it as the bounty huntress started to talk again:

"You can come see me in my room, but remember to knock first and just if it's serious."

"Don't worry.", Link said, in a friendly tone. "Did I ever give you motives to not trust me?", he asked with his so common smile on, happy to know that Samus trusted him enough to give her room's spare keys to him.

"Yeah, you didn't.", Samus said, smiling briefly too. However, her face hardened soon enough as she spoke the next sentence. "But ever, I mean, _ever_ tell anyone you have these and I'll make your life full of pain. Understood?", Link nodded at that, gulping. It was incredible how that woman could change from friendly and smiling to threatening and angry in seconds."Alright. Also, please, I know this is your room and everything, but refrain yourself from making things on the table."

"Things?", Link asked, his obliviousness kicking in. Samus got up and went to him, whispering on his ear. The swordsman blushed madly at it. "I-I would never... !"

"I don't know.", Samus said, in a sly tone. "Between a bottle of beer and another, who knows what kind of ideas you and Zelda might..."

"For the last time: I don't have anything with her! Dammit! I already told you and the others that thousands of times. What do you guys have with... ?!",, Link snapped, embarrassment gone and pure annoyance taking place.

"Ok, ok, I was just giving an example. Man, don't need to be so picky about this."

"It's because you all always seem to forget that I'm not...", Link was interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Oh, our first client.", Samus said, going to sit on "her" chair. "Come in."

The door opened, as Link grumbled at being interrupted. To the Hero's surprise Lucario, the aura Pokémon, came in. The jackal-like creature looked around, like checking if he was in the right place and closed the door behind him, taking some steps forward.

"Lucario? What are you doing here?", Link asked.

"Uh, to contract the two of you for a job?", Lucario asked back, in a sarcastic tone.

"Of course you are.", Samus said in an apparently friendly voice, seeming to try and get their client comfortable. She then looked to Link with an annoyed look. "Link, don't ask stupid questions.", she said, in a stern tone and turning to Lucario, reverting to her friendly one. "I'm sorry, I didn't have time to train him yet."

"Yeah... I can see that.", Lucario said, looking briefly to Link, who pouted and crossed his arms at being treated like a dog or something similar, but said nothing in protest. "So, you said in your pamphlet you took any kind of job as long as it doesn't involve sexual favors."

"That's right.", Samus said, crossing her legs beneath the table.

"Well... I have something I would like to get rid of..."

"And why don't you do that yourself?", Link asked again, curiosity getting the better of him once more.

"Link...", Samus called, getting serious once more. The Hero looked to her and asked "what?", "Do you want to chase away our first customer?", the warning tone in her voice made the swordsman feel like he had done something wrong. He voiced a weak "no" while looking to the ground. "Then shut up! It's not our problem if Lucario is too lazy to get rid of it by himself."

"Uh, I still here, you know?", the aura fighter said, getting the impression he just entered in the middle of a couple fight.

Link sighed and said sorry once more. To a hero chosen by the goddesses, he was quite on the leash when it came to Samus. Link suddenly sneezed, but Samus was already talking to Lucario again. The Hero looked around, wondering if someone was talking about him... oh, he knows.

"So, what do you want to get rid of?", Samus asked, now in a business-like tone.

"It's... chocolate boxes...", Lucario said, hesitating in the last two words.

"What?", Samus asked, thinking she had heard it wrong.

"Chocolate boxes.", Lucario repeated. Samus looked to him like she couldn't believe her eyes.

"On second thought, Link did make a good question.", Samus thought aloud. From his place in the couch, Link felt the little pride he still had gain some strength. "Why don't you get rid of them yourself?

"Because every time I try, I can feel their taste on my mouth! Their sweet scent...", Lucario said, first seeming very angry and revolted, but then his tone started to soften as he spoke, until it turned almost in an whimper. "It's like their begging for me to eat them."

Samus and Link exchanged looks. Great, Lucario was addicted to chocolate. And right him, who always seemed to be one of the few sane creatures in that mansion. Samus looked back to Lucario and asked how that happened. The aura Pokémon half-barked, half-shouted again:

"It was that glass-wearing brat's fault! He and his glutton of a sister, the idiot trainer that seems to be a puny incarnation of my former trainer and the squint-eyed guy who drools over girls. They shoved chocolate down my throat to get me to do their work and now I can't stop eating it anymore!"

Samus and Link exchanged glances again. The futuristic woman pointed a finger to her head and made circles with it. Link nodded to her. The two quickly resumed their positions when Lucario spoke again:

"So... are you going to help me?"

"Don't worry, we will. Just wait while I check our price board.", Samus said, reaching for something under the table.

"We have a price board?", Link asked, looking to his female partner.

"Of course we have. What kind of business would we run without one?", Samus talked back, like that was the most obvious thing in the world.

Link sighed and got up while the bounty huntress got a plastic-covered board and put it in the table, passing her fingers through the list there. The Hero observed that were many different jobs and their respective price listed. Samus had really thought things through before open that joint with him. As Link also read the list, he pronounced two items aloud that called his attention:

"'Normal rescue'... 'Princess rescue'?"

"What?", Samus asked when her male partner looked at her. "Zelda and Peach aren't the only princesses out there, you know? Who knows when another princess will get in danger and their protectors get tired of having to rescue her all the time. Better safe than sorry.", Samus then resumed her search.

_Well, it kinda makes sense._, Link thought.

"Aha!", Samus exclaimed, finally finding the item she had been searching in the price board. "'Destruction of harmful material'.", she read aloud.

"How is chocolate exactly harmful?", Link asked, yet again. He's quite clueless in this work, isn't he?

"For my image, it is harmful.", Lucario spoke. "The last time someone stole a bar of chocolate I was going to get in the supermarket, I almost ripped the person's arm off."

Link stood mute at that. Maybe that was the motive why there wasn't any food containing chocolate in the entire mansion. Samus called the attention of the two males as she announced the price of the service:

"Our normal charge for this kind of job is 35 dollars per pound. But since you're our first client, I'll give you a discount of...", the bounty huntress made some mental calculation before continue. "2%."

"Wow... I'm so lucky...", Lucario said, voice dripping sarcasm.

"Hey don't get that attitude. Our prices were based on our necessities. Do you know how many discounts and taxes Master Hand puts on our salaries here?"

"Of course I do. Any idiot would know that."

Link looked to the side, whistling to not call attention and twirling his finger with his hands clasped. Lucario accepted the fee notwithstanding and hold out his paw for Samus to shake. The Pokémon then spoke:

"Thanks. You don't know how many times I tried to get rid of those awful, sweet-tasting, marvelous... oh damn, not again!", the Pokémon swore, ruffling his head with his front paws in a clear gesture of pure frustration. "Urgh! I'm going for a walk. Call me when you ended the service. Just, please, don't let me see you taking the bars away. I don't know what I would do."

"Don't worry, we won't.", Samus said, while the so-called metallic fighter exited their room, seeming somewhat tired. She waited until the door close and turned to Link. "Ha! See? Our first job and it's easier than taking candy from a children. Literally."

"Alright, then let's get it done.", Link said, trying to put some enthusiasm in his line.

The two exited from the Hylian's room and went to Lucario's one, passing by the large corridors of the mansion decorated with vases, portraits and an occasional armor or another. Why did it have armors? To make the medieval fighters don't feel so left out by the atmosphere. Now about the portraits and who were the people in them, I don't have any clue. Must be to give the local the atmosphere of a true mansion or something.

The two friends soon arrived in the door to the Pokémon's room and discovered he had left it unlocked for them. Entering, Link and Samus saw Lucario's room wasn't very decorated, but contained some extra bookshelves with portraits of Picachu and possibly other friends of Lucario and even some merchandise of the aura Pokémon here and there. It even had one of those wooden trunks with other wooden logs sticking out of it, like the ones people in dojos of martial arts use for practice.

Upon closer inspection, the two started to find traces of chocolate bars here and there and even some discarded packaging. Samus even located some boxes covered by table cloths and some posters that Lucario obviously didn't bothered to put in the walls.

"Ok, time to start the job.", Samus said. "I'll take the bathroom and the wardrobe. You search the rest of the room.", Link nodded to her and the two started their search for Lucario's chocolate.

... I just now noted how ridiculous this work sounds. I mean, c'mon! Even Jigglypuff would be able to do this. But it's not my problem, I'm just the narrator.

In the bathroom, Samus found more boxes of chocolate in the open. She took them to near the door to Lucario's room. Searching a little more, she found packaging hidden in the shelves, a cup that hold some toothbrushes and in the shelves bellow the sink. There was even one hidden inside the shower and behind the mirror above the sink.

_Man. Lucario really has some issues._, she thought, in sympathy for her... _Oh well._ A_t least, we'll gain a good money from it._

Forget anything I said. Back in the room, Link joined the boxes they found earlier and piled them together with the ones Samus found. He also found some boxes and bars beneath, behind and over the bed, including below the mattress and under the pillows. He took the photos and merchandise out of the shelves and found bars hidden behind them.

While the green clad warrior was placing all Lucario's things back to the shelves, Samus came out of the bathroom, carrying more bars and putting them in the pile. She looked to their work and took out a rectangular device with a handle and pointed it to the pile at her front. The device emitted a 2-D beam of red light in the form of a triangle, which passed several times up and down the pile. Link got amazed at the strange device and asked Samus what was it.

"Just a hand scanner I carry around.", she answered. Her scanner then stopped and several statistics were displayed in the screen that filled most of the rectangular form of the device. "It seems we gathered around 10.5 kilograms of chocolate. Wow. I never thought someone could hide so much chocolate in his room."

"At least we're making him a favor by getting rid of these and getting paid at the same time.", Link... I can't believe Link just said that last part. "Oh man, I can't believe I just said that...", and yet again, they repeat what I say.

"Good. That's the attitude I expected from my business partner.", Samus said, giving some taps on his right shoulder.

"I must be hanging out with you too much...", Link whispered to himself. However, due to the proximity, Samus heard that.

"And how exactly is that bad?"

"I don't know. But what if someday I wake up and find that I took a liking for one-piece clothes that don't cover any part of my body?"

Link realized too late he had said that aloud. Samus's left eye twitched. A very dangerous twitch, indicating the Hero had, at the same time, embarrassed her and was two seconds away of pissing her off. Link gulped, seeing at his female friend clench her teeth and her shoulders start to slightly shake.

"I-I-I... I'm s-sorry. I didn't mean to...!", the Hylian warrior said, not achieving to remember the last time he had been so afraid of someone.

"Just... check... those... drawers...", Samus said between her teeth, very slowly, with her eyes closed and pointing to a nearby furniture.

Link complied and quickly went to the furniture to give some distance between him and Samus in the case he needed space to avoid some kind of attempt against his live. He opened the first drawer, taking a look at Samus before putting his hand inside to see if she wasn't going to jump at his throat. It was in that moment a sound of something snapping took the two out of their current state.

Samus had a confused look on her face while Link had an almost comical expression in his and his lips were quivering as he took his hand out of the drawer. Knowing she couldn't possibly had produced that sound, Samus looked to Link and found, to her great surprise, he had a mouse-trap attached to his left hand, painfully pressing his fingers while he seemed to be containing a scream of pain.

The bounty huntress immediately went to her friend and took the mouse-trap off his hand. It took all of Link' force of will to not show how much pain he was feeling at that moment. Samus got really worried at that and asked, with concern on her voice and all anger for Link's latest idiot line vanished:

"Hum, do you want to take sometime and have this treated?"

"No...", Link said, in a low, high-pitched voice. He was trying _really _hard not to scream. For some reason (*cough**cough*manlypride*cough**cough*), he didn't want for Samus to worry about him. "I'm just... going to use my other hand..."

The Hero did as he told, seeing the drawer he was searching had some rags and what looked like products to polish silverware. Link thought it was probably for Lucario's spikes, he certainly wasn't called the metallic fighter for... all thoughts ceased when a second snapping sound echoed in the room.

Samus looked to the drawer and saw some chocolate packages spread inside it, mixing with the rags and the polishing products. As Link slowly took his arm out, another mouse trap attached to his fingers came into view, this one with a paper tag saying "Lucario's Property: Don't Touch".

"Man. He does take this addiction serious.", Samus thought aloud, releasing Link's fingers from another evil trap causing pain to them.

Samus saw the lips from her partner quivering and his mouth almost parting. She knew what was about to come and prepared herself.

_3... 2.... 1._, Samus covered her ears as Link opened his mouth and let out a bloodcurdling scream of pain...

- - - - Meanwhile, at the other side of the town in a nearby weapon store - - - - -

Ganondorf was admiring the weapons exposed in the store, thinking about buying one to test back home. Wolf was there too, admiring the many laser pistols and blasters in exposition. Suddenly, the Dark Lord said:

"Hum. Today's definitely going to be a good day."

"What makes you say that?", Wolf asked.

"Oh, nothing. Just an impression that I got."

- - - - Back to the mansion - - - - -

"Ok, ok. Let the water run down like this.", Samus said, holding Link's now ungloved hands in the stream of cold water coming from the open faucet in Lucario's bathroom.

"It... hurts.", the Hylian whimpered, eyes a little teary from the intense pain he was feeling.

"Yeah, but better now than having it ache latter.", the bounty huntress said, in what sounded like a caring tone.

Link temporarily forgot the pain and looked at his companion. He never saw Samus this worried with his well being, considering she was the kind to inflict pain to others. Well, at least those that pissed her off. But thinking now, even he made her angry now and then, but she never got to the point of physically hurt him. She saved that mostly for the Dumb Trio (Snake, Ike and Falcon, in the case you haven't guessed) and to the villains of the mansion that tried their luck with her.

"I'm going to get the rest of the chocolate, ok?", Samus said. Link nodded to her, his attention returning to his paining hands.

When the bounty huntress got back to the room, the door slammed open and came no other than Captain Falcon himself. He had a worried expression on his face and looked like he had run to get there.

"Samus, are you alright?"", the racer asked, in a genuinely concerned voice. "I thought I heard a girl screaming."

"'A girl screaming'?", Samus repeated, narrowing her eyes and with a look of disbelief in them. "Falcon, you know very well I would never..."

Unfortunately, Samus got interrupted by a shout of "A girl?!", coming from Lucario's bathroom. Link appeared in the scene, seeming angry and taking his sword and shield, apparently forgetting his fingers still hurt. He then pointed to Falcon, speaking in a pissed off tone:

"Say that to my face, you... !", the Hylian swordsman suddenly stopped, his eyes widening to the size of plates as he dropped his sword and shield and grabbed one of his hands, soon letting it go when the pain was too much and doing the same with the other. "ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!! MY FINGERS!!!"

Link then bolted back to the bathroom, leaving Samus and Falcon in an awkward silence. Well, at least for Samus, cause Falcon was more confused than anything else. The bounty hunter then asked:

"Uh. What were you and Link doing here? In Lucario's room? All alone...?", Falcon's voice suddenly dropped and Samus looked to him. She could almost see the gears on his head working and coming up with ideas. Totally wrong ideas. The racer then smiled. "Ohhhh, I see."

"It's nothing what you... !", Samus started, but was interrupted.

"Oh c'mon Sam, it's quite obvious. I always knew you were the type for an 'adventure', but with Link. Man, and here we were, thinking he was with Zelda.", Samus sighed at that. Link might not know, but she also was tired of hearing people speak about his love life, or lack of one, so she decided to share the work to have to explain to explain the true nature of the relationship of the Hero and the Princess.

"Falcon. Link isn't...", again, she got interrupted, but by the tone Falcon used, it seemed like he wasn't even paying attention to her.

"Hey, that means she's free. Awesome!", the racer said, waving to Samus in a similar fashion to "show me ya moves!". "Bye Samus! See ya latter!"

Captain Falcon then bolted out of the room, either to tell the others Zelda was free, or to go and hit on the Princess himself. Samus shook her head in frustration, with her hand on her forehead. Great. Now not just Falcon got the wrong idea about her and Link, but the bounty hunter was probably thinking that the early scream was he and her doing... the word with "s".

_Great. He might even think that I'm some kind of masochist._, Samus thought.

Link finally got out of the bathroom, his hands now bandaged. He looked around and asked his friend:

"Where is Falcon? I heard he say 'awesome'. What was that about?"

"Oh... nothing. Just his usual behavior.", Samus said, shrugging and putting the best innocent smile she could on her face.

Luckily for her, Link bought that, not even noticing that she _never _smiled innocently. The bounty huntress sighed in relief when he turned, thanking whatever gods were watching her for his obliviousness.

"Anyway, I'm going to check the wardrobe.", she said. "You stay in the bed and try not to touch anything. We don't want you falling in any more of these traps."

Link nodded to her and sat on Lucario's bed. Samus then opened one of the double doors of the wardrobe and started poking the objects and scarves there with her gun, disabling some mouse-traps in the process, before retrieving the chocolate bars.

When the futuristic woman opened the other door, she arched her eyebrows in confusion and curiosity. Nestled inside an open box containing several chocolate packagings was a white and blue, Pokémon squirrel, which the name she didn't remember. The furred creature looked to her with its tiny, cute eyes.

"Hey Link. Take a look.", she called the Hylian swordsman. Link got up and walked to the wardrobe, leaning his head over his friend's shoulder and also seeing the squirrel.

"What is he doing here?", Link asked, as confused as Samus.

"Dunno. Maybe escaped from one of the Pokeballs. Remember last week, with that Groundon?"

"Ugh. Don't remind me.", Link said, cringing his teeth. He then looked to the Pokémon squirrel again, who was looking from him to Samus. "But I swear I never saw one of these around."

"Whatever.", Samus said. She then reached for the squirrel, intending to get it out of the way. However, to her and Link's big surprise, the tiny creature suddenly narrowed its eyes in an evil fashion and when Samus' hand was close enough, bit her finger. "ARGH! Get off! Get off!"

Samus pulled her hand back, the Pokémon squirrel still with its sharp teeth attached to her finger, which she shook, trying to get rid of the little animal. The Pokémon then let go of her hand, just to fall and bite her leg.

"Gaahh! Why you... ?!", Samus said, grabbing her leg, when the squirrel quickly ran through her body in blinding speed, creating little discharges of energy, which didn't affected her much due to the protection devices on her Zero Suit. Samus swore loudly, notwithstanding.

"Samus! Hold on!", Link said, trying to help his friend to get rid of the devilish Pokémon. However, the Hylian's hands were still in pain, so he couldn't move fast enough to snatch the squirrel, who seemed to insist in attack any part of the bounty huntress it could reach.

Finally, Samus caught the thing when it went to the top of her head. She then noticed her air was up, due to the static of the electric squirrel. Clenching her teeth in pure anger, she took her Paralyzer and pointed it to the face of the Pokémon, which now looked really scared. It then looked to Samus with its small, round eyes in a cute fashion. However, this is Samus we're talking about; she's virtually immune to cuteness and considering she was very pissed off at that moment, you could consider the squirrel was going to be served well-roasted.

"NOW YOU'RE DEAD, YOU DAMN FURBALL!!!", Samus yelled, charging her Paralyzer and setting it to maximum potency.

The Pokémon squirrel saw it was in extreme danger and achieved to get out of Samus' grip. However, the bounty huntress' weapon had already shot and the energetic shot hit Link dead on. The Hero got electrocuted his whole body shaking while static ran through him. When the charge finally passed, smoke was rising from him and he was paralyzed on his position, save by a few twitches.

"Why... goddesses... why do you hate me... ?", was all that Link said, before collapsing in the floor.

"That's it!", Samus said, looking from her fallen friend to the little Pokémon. "I'm going to kill you, set the remains ablaze and SELL YOUR FUR TO THE FASHION INDUSTRY!!!"

The bounty huntress started to fire several shoots of her Paralyzer at the squirrel, which ran in panic, trying to get away from the murderous woman. It was then the door to Lucario's room opened and Lucario himself came, talking while he opened it, unaware of the confusion raging inside it:

"I forgot to warn you two about...", when he opened the door completely, the Pokémon squirrel ran to the corridor in lightning speed, passing near Lucario. "What? Paty?", before he could talk further, Lucario was hit by a energy charge, which electrocuted him on the spot.

The Pokémon growled, before the charge went out, leaving him paralyzed on his spot, twitching a little. Samus gulped at seeing she had hit their client and quickly hid her gun away. When Lucario finally recovered, he shook his head and glared at Samus, half-shouting, half-barking:

"Why the hell did you shoot me?!"

"Well... you see, I was trying to hit...", Samus got interrupted (again), as Lucario saw Link lying in the floor, near his wardrobe.

"What happened to Link?"

"Hum... well...", Samus mumbled, looking to her K. friend, unable to form any coherent phrase.

"And what happened to my room?!", Lucario questioned, now noticing how badly his room had been damaged by Samus' rampage.

Part of the sheets in the bed were charred, as parts of the carpet were smoking. There were little fires in the bookshelves and in parts of Lucario's wardrobe. The merchandise and other objects the metallic fighter left in the shelves had been, either destroyed or melted. However, when Lucario landed his eyes in a corner of his room, his heart seemed to have skipped a beat.

"My... my.... my... !", he said, in a deaf exclamation. Samus looked to where the Pokémon was looking and widened her eyes, cursing mentally. "MY CHOCOLATE!!!"

In her blind fury, Samus had shot the pile of chocolate boxes and packages she and Link had made. Some boxes were still burning slightly and some of the chocolate melted, turning into a brown goo.

"It's... It's... !", Lucario mumbled, putting his paws on his head, seeming to be on the verge of an heart attack.

"Melting?", Samus offered.

The aura Pokémon's eyes went to the back of his head and he collapsed, hitting the floor with his back. Samus didn't know if she should be relieved or worried. Either way, that gave her sometime to think on how to fix that mess.

The galactic warrior heard mumbling and looked to the right, seeing Link was waking. The Hero got up and looked around. He asked what had happened and Samus answered:

"Long story. Right now, you have to help me to get rid of this.", she pointed to the pile of half-melted chocolate, which seemed to be solidifying again. Link got near it and touched the edge of the melted pile with his now better fingers and brought it to his mouth. After tasting it, Link turned to Samus and said:

"Well, it still can be eaten."

"Yeah, but you can't be expecting us to eat this much chocolate, do you?", Samus asked. Link approached his bandaged hand on his chin, thinking. He came up with an idea.

"No, but I think I know who could eat it all for us."

Samus looked to her friend in an inquisitive manner. However, before Link could say his plan, Captain Falcon appeared on Lucario's door again. He looked inside and spotted Link and Samus, who noticed he had a red imprint in the shape of a hand on his face.

"Look Samus...", he began. "I don't have anything against your and Link's tastes, but couldn't you guys do it lower. You're starting to get people down there worried."

"Link...", Samus said, using _that _tone of voice. You know. The one that said "somebody's going to feel a lot of pain". The Hylian warrior looked to her. "can you give me a moment or two?"

"Ok, but be quick. We still have to get the room in order again."

The bounty huntress nodded, going to the racer. The next screams that sounded in the mansion were Falcon's, but nobody really paid attention to those, since it was a common occurrence there...

- - - - -

"Here.", Lucario said, handing Samus the payment for the service.

"Thanks a lot.", Samus said, looking to the notes on her hand whit Link near her, his hands already healed.

After the two got rid of all the chocolate in Lucario's room and got it in order, they woke the aura Pokémon, who seemed to have recovered after he saw his room in order and no trace of any chocolate in it. Actually, he was quite surprised that Link and Samus had actually made it with all the traps he had put to stop people from stealing his (precious) candy, but said nothing about it, preferring not to remind them that he had forgot to warn about it.

"Well, if that's all, I shall take my leave.", Lucario said. Samus nodded to him and handed the money for Link to guard. She went to the door and opened it to their client. Before leaving, Lucario stopped at the portal and asked. "Just out of curiosity, how did you make to get rid of all my chocolate?"

"Work secret.", Samus said in her business tone.

Lucario looked in curiosity, but Samus hushed him to go and the metallic fighter shrugged, leaving Link's room. After the bounty huntress closed the door, she let out a sigh of relief. Going back to their table, Samus looked to Link and said:

"Well, I have to take the hat off for that idea of yours."

"I had been thinking of how to get rid of all that chocolate since we entered Lucario's room.", Link admitted, guarding their earnings in a vault Samus had bought the other day in the city.

"Really? I never thought you could be that smart. Other than in a fight, of course."

"Hey! I am smart, just so you know.", Link said, pointing his thumb to his chest.

"I know, I'm just kidding.", Samus took seat, smirking as Link went to his couch and dropped himself there, exhausted.

Their first work hadn't been all that bad in the end and Link was quite surprised that, taking out all the pain and injuries, he actually enjoyed doing it with Samus. Maybe that joint would really be a good thing in the end...

- - - - Later that night, in Master Hand's Office - - - - -

Master Hand was drumming his great finger on his table. At his front were some people he had to call after hearing a confusion coming from the dining hall who seemed to be the responsibles.

"So, let me get this straight...", the floating, white hand said. "you and Lucas...", Master Hand pointed to Ness and Lucas, who were sitting in two chairs the manager of the Smash Bros Tournament had arranged. "were fighting with Yoshi and Kirby...", the hand meant the two other Smashers that were sit in another pair of chairs, near the two PSI kids. "because you saw them eating a big pile of chocolate in their rooms. And since they were banished from all the candy stores in town, you asked them how they got it, but they refused to answer."

The entire group nodded. A sigh came from Master Hand.. The manager of the Tournament finally asked, in a stern, tired tone, to Kirby and Yoshi:

"How did you two get so many chocolate anyway? I don't remember storing any in the kitchen or in the adjacent facilities."

"Who knows?", the two gluttons answered, taking each a chocolate bar and eating it. Master Hand started to suspect they had been bribed to don't tell him anything.

"Remember kids: brush your teeth after each meal, so you can go and get them dirty all over again.", Crazy Hand randomly quoted, a very twisted quote by the way...

* * *

Note: I didn't put the name of that Pokémon squirrel because this story is mostly focused on Link and Samus, and since none of them know much of Pokémons, besides the ones that appear in the series, I didn't see the need for that.


	3. A Matter of Masculinity

Hi again everybody!

Thanks for the comments. I'm trying really hard to review all of this by myself, but I keep missing some errors. Well, I suppose these must be common errors for some writers, so don't keep freeting over them too much, ok? I know you all just speak it to help me get better.

Speaking of getting better... I don't know of anyone noticed, but there's a request on my profile for another project of mine. This one is _way _too big, so I think I have to start it as soon as I can. Don't worry, I will continue to write this fic. After all, I have ended every fic I posted until now and I don't intend to break this ritual. Anyone interested in collab with it, look at my profile to see more info about this new project.

That taken care of... enjoy a good round of laughter!

**_GIGA WARNING!!!_**

This_ IS NOT _a yaoi fic! But this chapter make some fun about situations and thoughts yaoi fans have about our favorite fighters. It's just jokes, so don't take it too seriously.

* * *

**Chapter 3**

**A Matter of Masculinity**

Samus opened Link's door, carrying something she had bought the other day for their joint in her other hand. It was morning, so he was asleep once more. The bounty huntress then dropped on their table what she had brought and approached Link's sleeping form.

Thinking in a way to wake the sleepy swordsman, the bounty huntress came up with an idea. Smiling like a child about to pull a prank, Samus inclined her mouth close to Link's pointed ear and said:

"Link, Zelda's over there. Shouldn't you go there and give her a kiss?"

Samus got away right in the moment Link sat on his bed, eyes completely open in an angry expression. The Hero yelled, still suffering the effects of post sleep:

"DAMN IT!!! STOP SHOVING ME TO HER! I DON'T EVEN FEEL ANYTHING FOR HER AND... wait.", Link then realized (once more) he had been woken and looked to his friend, who was smirking.

"I swear, you're too funny to let it pass.", Samus said, in a sly tone.

Link grumbled some incoherent phrases and got up, knowing Samus wouldn't let he sleep again. The Hero took his clothes (if you don't know which clothes, you seriously need to play all of the Zelda games again) and entered his bathroom, still grumbling in discontentment.

Samus sighed and started to install the device she had brought with her. When Link finally exited the bathroom, already dressed for the day, he saw the strange, black device and asked his futuristic companion what that was.

"This is an electronic secretary.", Samus said, motioning to the machine.

"Electro-watchasewhat?", Link mutter. His business partner sighed.

"You know what a telephone is, right?"

"Yeah. It's that thing over there.", Link said, pointing to a white phone that was in a desk near his bed.

"Ok. An electronic secretary is pretty much the same thing, but in the case we can't pick up the phone at time, the person calling will be able to leave a message.", Samus explained. "Since I put the number of your room in the pamphlets, people will be calling here, so when we return from a job, we can see if there's any messages and return the call to ask for the job."

Link's head was almost spinning with so much information, but he got most of it, mainly the part about they using the things in his room again, which made he sigh. The Hero then remembered something Samus had once said about telephones and asked her:

"Wait a minute. If this thing is like a telephone, it'll need a line, right?", Samus nodded to him, a little surprised he had really caught what she said. "You said that Master Hand is the one that controls the telephonic line of the mansion, so don't we need his permission or something?"

"Don't worry. I already took care of it."

- - - - Meanwhile, at Master Hand's office - - - - -

Master Hand was once more checking his computer screen. To be more precisely, his account on E-bay, where he had posted yet another item for selling. Lately, his items had been the most accessed in all over the site.

"I can't believe these people believed right away that this was Link's underwear.", Master Hand said... underwear?! "Well, not my fault if his fans are like that."

"You shouldn't do it, you know.", Crazy Hand said.

"And why not?"

"Because this trouser might want to get revenge on us latter. Then it'll incite a revolt, catching the attention of discontent underwear all over the world and soon they'll built Matrix, where we will be forced to wash underwear for all ETERNITY!!!"

... I feel like my IQ just dropped ten points after hearing to this.

"Ok, one: it's none of our concern as to why Samus came here, carrying it in a bag and said we could sell it in my account on E-bay in exchange for using Link's room's telephonic line. The minimum we could do is show her some gratitude by doing as she said and selling it.", Master Hand said. Wow... he's so considering.

"Oh, you're right. You're so considering, brother.", ok, that's it. I give up.

"Yeah, I know. And second: enough of sci-phi movies to you."

"Dang it! Fooled again! Cursed be you, Severo Snape!", Crazy spoke, forming a fist and pointing to the roof.

"And enough of Harry Potter too!"

"Now, that's evil...", Crazy said, stopping and floating low.

- - - - Back to Link's room - - - - -

"Alright, enough of fooling around.", Samus said, sitting in her chair behind the table. "Get in your place.", she said to Link.

"Alright.", Link said, going to a corner on his room. It was then he noticed one thing. "Uh, Samus... where should I sit? I don't think I can stay in the couch forever."

"That's true.", the bounty huntress said, putting her hand on her chin, thinking. "In that case, go to my room and take one of my chairs. But don't let anyone see you entering there.", the futuristic woman added, in an warning tone.

"Yes, sir.", Link said, making continence, in a clear mocking attitude.

"Remind me to smack you for that latter."

"Yes, sir.", the Hero salute-mocked, yet again.

Link went to his door, but the moment he reached for the doorknob, the door opened and hit the Hylian in the face. Through the portal came Marth. For those who don't know or don't remember for any reason who this guy is; he's a blue haired Prince that basically wear a blue armor, blue cape... well. Let's just say practically everything in him is blue.

"Is here the office of your joint, Blade 'n' Steel?", the Altean noble asked to Samus.

"Yes.", she said.

"If remember correctly, this is Link's room. Where's him?"

"Back bhere...", Link said, still with his face on the wooden door, which hadn't moved since it collided with the Hero's face.

Link grabbed the door and pushed it from his face, holding his nose, which was in pain, though not broken.

"Oh, sorry Link. It wasn't my intent to harm you.", Marth apologized.

"It's ob, it's ob.", Link said, his voice still nasal and his face a little grumpy as he walked to his couch.

"Why did you rush in, anyway?", Samus asked. "Isn't you nobility full of good manners, etiquette and whatnot?"

"Yes and I'm deeply sorry for that.", Marth said, in his composed, serious voice. "However, an emergency arose and I need assistance. Then I remembered you handed me and the other contestants a pamphlet divulging the opening of this joint. So, I decided to request your aid."

Link and Samus almost got lost in Marth's noble way of talk, but nodded anyway. Thinking now, everything about that guy seemed to show his nobility; the pose, the speech... heck, even the fighting stances! It kinda make it seem like he's a show off, but since I don't want to be mauled by an angry mob of Marth's fans, I'm just going to keep narrating the story.

"So, what's the job you have for us that is so urgent?", Samus asked. "Emergencies will cost extra, depending of its nature."

"What?", Marth asked. He then looked to Link.

"Don't look at me. She's the one who tells the prices around here."

"So, you're her servant?", Marth asked, raising his blue eyebrow.

"Hey! I'm not anyone's servant!", Link said, standing.

"Then how come you let her order you? I heard Lucario telling about the job he gave you in the breakfast."

"Well... it's... it's because...", nice going Mr. Hero! Now I want to see you explain that. "I... well... you see..."

"Marth.", Samus called. The Prince looked to her. "Link and I run this joint with equal rights. We just discuss sometimes like any workmates do. I'm sure whatever you heard is just a misunderstanding."

Wow! Saved by the girl! And Samus to top it! Link let a smile of relief come to his face as Marth seemed drawn back by Samus' speech. The bounty huntress then asked about the work the nobleman had for them.

"Oh, yes.", Marth said. "You see, my fiance, Sheeda, her parents are..."

"You have a fiance?!", Link and Samus exclaimed at the same time, with surprised faces.

"Yes, I do.", Marth said, like that wasn't a big deal. "Why so surprised?"

"Well, you know... it's just that... everybody thought...", Samus said, trying to find the best way to say that without angering Marth. The Altean swordsman sighed in annoyance.

"For the last time: I'm not gay.", Marth said, in a tone of controlled anger. "Saying it is the same as saying that Link here and Zelda have an amorous relationship."

Link's smile got wider as he threw himself to the floor, at his knees, and raised his arms to the roof, speaking in a relieved voice, like he was thanking some deity for a miracle:

"Finally... finally someone that listen to me in this mansion."

"Of course I listen to you.", Marth said. "You are a fellow swordsmen and as so, we must respect each other and not spread falsities about who..."

"Alright, alright. What were you talking about your girl again?", Samus interrupted, rolling her eyes at Link.

Marth returned his attention to the bounty huntress and Link glared at Samus. The green clad swordsman sat in the couch again as Marth explained his predicament. Oh no, not me too.

"Sheeda's parents are coming to visit her, since she's staying in the city to watch me in the Tournament.", Marth said.

"And how is that an emergency?", Link asked.

"They... don't know Sheeda and me are still dating and that we plan on marrying after this tournament is over."

"What do you mean with 'still dating'? Did you two break up or something?", Samus asked.

"Not really. It's just... well... remember the first time I came to this tournament?"

"Yeah, everybody thought you were a girl.", Samus said, trying to suppress a laugh. "This and you couldn't speak a word in english."

"Taking aside the language problem, once you all discovered I was a man, you still thought I... wasn't very manly. Then, words started to spread about my sexual orientation and eventually reached Sheeda's parents' ears."

"I think I know where this is going."

"They started to think I was with her just for my image as a Prince and tried to forbid her from seeing me. But I really love Sheeda. However, since I couldn't leave this world at the time these rumors were spoken, more absurd theories about me had spread and by the time I got back to home, they weren't willingly to listen to anything I said."

Link felt a little sorry for Marth. The blue haired Prince had to deal with annoying rumors about him longer than Link and they had a direct effect on his life. Samus also felt a little sorry for Marth, but didn't show it.

"So, can't you simply go and marry your fiance without her parents knowing?", Samus asked.

"Of course not! What kind of man would I be, if I were to marry a woman without her family's blessing?", Marth said, like what Samus suggested was an unthinkable. Link nodded to the Prince.

The futuristic woman sighed at that. Sometimes she forgot that things weren't that simple in Link and Marth's world. The bounty huntress then mumbled something about people from medieval words never making anything simple, which got a reaction from Link and Marth:

"Who's medieval?!", the two swordsman yelled together.

"Ok, forget it.", Samus said, already getting tired of that talk. "Anyway, what do you exactly expect we do about this situation? We can't force your fiance's parents to accept you. Well, maybe we could, if we brainwashed them..."

"No!", Marth said, shaking his hands. "I would never do that to anyone. What kind of violent people are you?"

"The kind that you're asking help to.", Samus said, narrowing her eyes.

"Oh yes... anyway, I think I have a plan to convince them that I'm not homosexual and that I truly love Sheeda."

Marth started to explain his idea to Link and Samus. By what they heard, the Prince seemed to have been planning that for a long time. When the Altean swordsman finished to explain his plan, Link was the first to speak, his eyes wide:

"Oh no! No way I'm doing it!"

"C'mon, Link. You heard Marth, without you there's no point in doing this.", Samus said.

"Then why don't you do this?", Link questioned, pointing a finger to his companion, in an almost accusatory gesture.

"Hu, I would, but in the case you haven't notice, I don't have the _requirements _to do this."

"Please, Link.", Marth said. "I know I might be asking to much of you, but, I honestly don't know what to do anymore. If I can't get Sheeda's parents' approval, I don't know what will be the future of our relationship."

Marth's tone was almost begging and it went right to Link's (soft) heart, which triggered his friendly nature. Samus knew what was passing by her partner's head just by looking at the expression on his face. She knew he would never abandon a friend in need, so she decided to take advantage of this to get to him:

"C'mon Link. Can't you see Marth's desperate? I thought you cared for your friends.", Samus said, in a "you should be ashamed" tone.

Link gritted his teeth, recognizing his companion's emotional blackmail immediately, but he couldn't help it. What she said had went right to his conscience and it was now scolding him for not accepting that job to help Marth. Sighing, he had no choice, but to agree:

"Alright, alright... I'll do it. But just because you're my friend...", Link said, looking to Marth. "And I do fight for my friends."

Meanwhile, in the game room of the mansion, Ike sneezed. After wiping his nose, he looked around, thinking:

_Strange... why do I feel like someone_ _has just stolen one of my catchphrases?_, he pondered about that for a minute, but decided to drop the subject and went back to play the Wii installed in the TV of the room.

Back to Link's room, or the office of Steel 'n' Blade Co., Marth shook Link's hand with a great smile on his face, thanking his swordsman fellow. Samus took the time to reach for the price board and searched for the price of that service. The bounty huntress then spoke:

"Hum, I don't know if I should classify this as 'Distraction' or 'Decoy'... well, let's stay with 'Distraction' then."

"And how much does it cost?", Marth asked.

"$450,00."

"What?! I'm not asking you two to fight for me in the war!"

"Oh, don't be so cheap.", Samus said, putting the price board away. "Aren't you rich? You're a Prince, for crying out loud."

"Well, I still have some possessions, but...", Marth said, with his hand under his chin, pondering the sentence. He was then interrupted by Samus.

"So there's it. It's take or leave."

"Fine... I take."

"And we'll charge extra.", Link suddenly, said, making his two friends look to him, with an almost shocked expression on their faces. "What? I think I have a right to ask for it. After all, we're putting _me _on the line here.", he poked his chest with his thumb to make emphasis.

"He's right.", Samus said. She took a calculator from the drawer in the desk and started to... calculate. "With it... it makes... $535,00."

"That's a robbery!", Marth protested again.

"That's it, or you'll get no more sympathy from me.", Link said, with a firm voice tone.

In the mansion's game room, Ike was playing poker with Mario, Snake and Wario, when he suddenly sneezed again. The three other players looked to him and the blue haired mercenary apologized, thinking:

_What the... who would dare to rob my lines like that?_

That afternoon, in the city, Link and Samus (in her Varia Suit, of course) were sitting in an ice cream shop, near the train station. Marth and Sheeda, his blue haired fiance, who was also participating in the plan, were near the doors of the station, waiting for her parents. Link honestly wished they wouldn't show up, so he could get out of there.

However, destiny seemed to have a linking for torturing the Hero, for a couple of middle-aged people came from the doors of the station and Sheeda went to hug them. Samus then handed Link a small circular device.

"This is a communicator. You put it in your ear and you'll be able to hear me. I figured you could need some help, so I'll give you some tips in the case you don't know what to do.", the bounty huntress explained to her friend.

"And where did you get these?", Link asked, putting it in his ear.

"With Snake.", Link raised an eyebrow at that and Samus quickly explained. "I didn't do anything to him, or _with_ him, except divert his attention, so I could swipe one. You can't imagine how easy it was. Legendary spy, hu!", Samus said in a mocking tone.

Link could imagine how Samus distracted Snake (probably something involving her in the Zero Suit and using a sensual tone). He shook his head to get rid of the images. He knew she would never give herself to the spy like that. However, Link couldn't help, but feel like jealously was eating him by the inside.

_Wait a minute. Why am I even jealous about it?_, Link realized. Before he could think further about it, Samus called him.

"Link. Time for you to go.", she said, pointing to Marth, who was now talking to Sheeda's parents, who didn't seem very happy to see the Prince.

"I... don't know if this is...", Link said, hesitating.

"C'mon, Link. You already accepted the job. Just look there...", the bounty huntress pointed to Marth again, who was now scratching his head as Sheeda's father was talking something to him. "Marth is trying his best to get his fiance parents to see he likes her, but you obviously don't care, do you?"

Link knew she was using emotional blackmail on him again and, damn, she was good at it. Sometimes, the Hero thought he was too nice for his own good. Knowing he would never win, Link sighed and stood.

"Ok, ok... I'm going... but I want some kind of compensation after this."

"I'll think of something nice.", Samus said, with a wink.

The way the bounty huntress said that seemed to trigger something in Link's mind, but he quickly dismissed it, thinking it probably was just an effect of the nervousness he was feeling. He then approached Marth and the other three Alteans. Link felt like he was marching towards his own execution and the executor looked a lot like a grinning Ganondorf. He could even hear that depressing, funeral music on the background.

Ok. Now I'm starting to think he must be overreacting. I mean, seriously, what could be so bad for him to get in a depressive mood. Samus' voice sounded in the communicator in Link's ear:

"Link, for the love of Zebes, act more freely. Think you're in one of those films where people run towards each other in a flowery field.", ... uh?

"... alright...", Link said, sighing.

"And speak as we planned.", the bounty huntress added.

Link put up a smile on his face. A _very _forced smile. Almost to the point of being creepy. However, as soon as he spoke, it got fixed as the words left his mouth. Words that sounded to him like his final ones. Ok, now I'm really worried about what they...

"Hi, Marthy!", Link said, in soft and almost high-pitched tone. Marth, Sheeda and her parents looked to him. The Hylian closed his eyes, for them to not show his true emotions. "Fancy meeting you here, honey.", ... oooook... just... give me a minute to recover.

...

Thanks. Meanwhile, all over the world, Yaoi fans squealed as they read this and some went out in the streets, forming some kind of parade to commemorate what they thought was a victory. And Link just felt like he plunged a sword in his pride.

"Oh, I can't believe it...", Marth said, closing his eyes and shaking his head, just like they planned. The Altean noble then looked Link in the eyes. The Hylian tried very hard to not let the smile on his face drop. "For the last time, I'm not interested, Link."

While Marth spoke that, Link saw Sheeda talking to her parents in what seemed to be japanese. The green clad swordsman couldn't tell a word of what she was saying. Samus guessed that and activated the translator module in her suit, telling to her partner what Marth's fiance was saying:

"She's telling her parents who you are, just like planned.", Samus said.

Sheeda's parents seemed to ask something in return. Link stood attentive to Samus' translation. He heard the female fighter mumble something. That didn't sound good to Link. He quickly put his hand on the communicator, asking the galactic warrior in a whisper:

"What did they say?"

"Uhm... they asked if you really aren't Marth's boyfriend."

"What?!"

That shout attracted Sheeda's parents attention, as well other people in the street. Marth had a worried expression on his face, silently telling Link to get on with the plan. The Hylian saw that and quickly corrected himself:

"I mean, why do you always have to play hard? You know how much I want you, Marth.", Link said, using that slightly high-pitched tone that seemed like a stab at his pride at each word.

"Because I told you my true love is Sheeda and I don't like men. You and the others seem to insist in not understanding that, do you?", Marth said, his voice serious.

Aside the feeling of his manly pride being stomped by Ganon, Link had to give it to Marth; the Altean Prince was a good actor. Link once heard that noble people were always good at hiding their true intentions and thoughts, so maybe, that was a natural talent.

Marth then turned to Sheeda and her parents and apologized for that in japanese, saying they should get on with their schedule. The three nodded. Seeing that was his cue again, Link braced himself, took a deep breath and spoke:

"Okay, fine, but I'm going after you. I don't give up so easily."

"Do as you wish. But I won't allow you to spoil this meeting between me, my fiance and her parents. And don't expect me to spare a look to you. I have eyes only for Sheeda.", Marth declared, in a way just a true aristocrat could.

Link followed them from behind. Samus got up, paid the bill and followed the group from very behind. She touched the side of her red helmet, speaking through the communication channel between Link and she:

"Well done Link! You know, I'm starting to suspect you have a natural talent for it."

Link looked behind and shot Samus a death glare that could easily rival with the one of the most badass video game character and Link was already a badass himself. The Hero didn't have anything against gay people, but having act like one when you wasn't was a little too much.

As they walked, however, Link saw the last person he would want to see in a situation like that (aside Ganondorf and Midna). Solid Snake was looking to a device in his right hand before look right to Link from the other side of the street. The legendary spy went to the Hero, who started to sweat cold.

Samus cursed under her breath at noticing Snake was walking to Link. She quickly hid inside the entrance of a nearby building, staying out of Snake's sight. Taking a look, she saw that the agent had already cornered Link and Marth and Sheeda had stopped once they noticed Link's situation.

"Ah, Link. Good to see you.", Snake said. "I've been following the transmition frequency of something that belong to me and might be with you.", by that time, Sheeda's parents had also stopped and looked back, seeing Link with the older fighter. "Could you give it back to me?"

Snake extended his hand. Samus cursed again. She and Link knew Snake was referring to the communicator she stole from him, but hand it now, in the front of Sheeda's parents, would ruin the entire plan. Thinking quickly, Samus came up with a solution, but that certainly wouldn't be easy. Not for Link, that is.

"Link.", she called through the communication channel. "Say this to Snake...", she quickly told him what to say. Link spared a quick look to her position, eyes the size of plates. "Trust me. He's going to get so creep out that he won't even be able to react."

Now, to creep out someone like Snake isn't a simple task, because... well, because he's SNAKE! However, Link knew that if he wanted to help Marth he would need to do it. The Hylian braced himself mentally for what was about to come and opened his mouth, his tone wavering as he spoke:

"Look, Snake, my... big, hunky sweety.", ... excuse me while I have a heart attack. "I know what you're after, but you know I can't give back... all of the wonderful times we have together."

"What?!", Snake yelled, attracting the attention of half of the nearby bystanders. To say the spy was shocked would be an understatement, his eyes were wide for what should be the first time in his life.

Link was trying really hard not to stutter, but that was proving to be the most difficult task in his whole life as Samus passed more instructions to him.

Sheeda's parents taped she and Marth in the shoulder, making the two almost jump, since they were also dumbstruck by what Link was saying. The older couple then hurried them to the restaurant that Sheeda said she would take them in their tour around the city.

"You have to accept it, honey.", Link said, feeling like his tongue had enrolled itself the moment that last word left this mouth. "I'm now after another prey, so let's not think in the past anymore. ...", Link almost widened his eyes at hearing the next instructions from Samus. He took the time that Snake was still too much shocked to whisper so just she could hear. "Oh please, don't make me say that. Please.", unfortunately, Samus said for him to hurry and speak it. Link didn't have any option, but to say. "Cha, cha, Snaky."

The Hylian warrior finally got to walk away from Snake, following Marth again. Link could feel his manly pride giving its last, painful howls as it died. He felt he would never be able to look Snake in the eyes again after this, not to speak about what kinds of rumors would spread when people in the mansion caught wind of that.

Samus sighed in relief as she saw Snake, walking away, seeming deeply disturbed. The bounty huntress then followed Link from afar again. When the group got near the restaurant Marth had recommended for Sheeda to bring her parents, Samus saw something that made she got really worried: Link's head and right shoulder were twitching slightly.

_Oh no. That's not good. That's so not good._, the bounty huntress thought.

She had seen Link twitch like that just once and what had followed was not a pretty sight. The Hero just started to do that when he was extremely over the edge, almost to the point of having a mental snap, and it was necessary a lot of stress to make Link lose his temper like that.

The group then entered the restaurant, Link was still twitching, but Marth and Sheeda seemed not to have noticed it. Samus thanked whatever gods were watching them for this part of the plan required for Link to just sit in a table and gaze at Marth.

The Altean group made their order, as Samus stayed outside the restaurant. She then noticed that all waiters that approached Link's table backed away and went to others once they saw the Hylian's face. The galactic fighter had a good idea of what should be Link's expression in that moment. She doubted Link had to face things in Hyrule that gave him so much stress or that pissed him off as much as here. If not, Zelda would surely have commented on something.

The bounty huntress heard talk in japanese through her communication channel with Link. Link's voice sounded by the channel, but his tone made Samus got more worried:

"Samus... what are they talking now?", Link's voice tone was cold and almost emotionless. A very bad omen.

"Well...", Samus' translator module came up with the translation. "They're saying to Marth that they're impressed by his attitude and that he didn't show any reaction towards you that could indicate he was... well, you know.", Sheeda's parents then added something and the translation of it made Samus get really uneasy.

"What did they say?", Link asked again, his voice still cold and void.

"Hum... I don't think it's really..."

"What. did. they. say?", Link tone turned colder, to the point of making Samus shiver. Ok, Samus shivering, now I'm worried.

"They said... that they wouldn't even want to think about... Marth and you... after the mental images they got about you and Sna...", Samus was interrupted by the sound of something breaking and static.

The bounty huntress immediately knew what had happened: Link had finally snapped and broke the communicator. She looked inside the restaurant and saw the Hero stomping his way to Marth's table.

_Oh dammit! Forget the contract, if I don't stop Link, he'll..._, however, while she was thinking that, Link had already slammed his fist in the table, between Marth and Sheeda, startling the four Alteans.

"So, you think I'm a disturbing person, don't you?", Link said, with a wicked smile on his lips. Sheeda's parents exchanged looks and quick words in japanese.

"Link, what are you... ? ", Marth asked, getting worried when he saw Link's expression.

"Well, let me say, Marth isn't that decent either. Considering this little plan that he came up with."

"Link.", Marth called again, sweating a little. Sheeda's parents knew some english, so they probably caught something of what the Hylian was saying.

"What is that now, tiara boy?!", Link said, looking to Marth, anger dripping in his voice.

Marth widened his eyes for a moment, but it was quickly replaced with an annoyed expression. He hated when people called him like that, because they generally said another thing regarding his sexual orientation right after.

"Link. I ask of you to refrain yourself, or else...", Marth said, but was interrupted, by Link.

"Or else what, Martha?", Link said, in a challenging tone. Marth got surprised again, but his anger soon became evident. "What? Just because you can't prove you're a man, I need to do it for you? You know what, I'm out of here!"

"Link, please. My parents.", Sheeda pleaded, looking to her parents, whose faces seemed a mix of shock and confusion.

"Oh and one more thing...", Link said. He then grabbed Sheeda's arm, not in a violent way at least, got her up and quickly kissed her on the lips.

The blue haired woman got so surprised she didn't have time to react. Marth had his mouth agape in a not very noble pose and Samus, who just entered, felt a sudden urge to point her arm cannon at Sheeda and shoot. The bounty huntress, however, knew it wasn't really Link's intention. The last time he snapped like that, he did quite some insane things.

Link then broke the kiss before Sheeda could react and looked to the Altean woman's parents, who also had their mouths agape. The Hero spoke:

"Just to state what my real tastes are."

"That's it!", Marth said, drawing his sword and pointing it to Link. "Apologize to Sheeda in this instant, or else I'll be forced to teach you a lesson about fooling with _my _fiance!", the blue haired noble ordered.

"Oh, really?", Link drew his sword and shield too, all the while maintaining that wicked and almost insane smile on his face and that challenging tone. "I would like to see that, pansy."

"You asked for it!", Marth said, his patience finally reaching his limit. "Prepare yourself!"

Back at the mansion, Ike sneezed yet again while he was watching TV. The Crimean mercenary looked around and soon clenched his teeth with an angry expression on his face and said:

"Ok. Someone is asking for a lesson about cultural property.", Ike grabbed Ragnell and went to the chase.

Hours latter, Link and Marth were back at Link's room (a.k.a.: Steel 'n' Blade Office), with Sheeda and Samus tending to their wounds. The two got into quite a fight in the restaurant, leaving severe damage to the local and an enormous bill, which the Prince took full responsibility for.

"I swear, you men sometimes seem like can't solve anything without a fight.", Sheeda said, tending to a nasty cut in Marth's forehead.

The Altean Prince was being tended in Link's couch, while the green clad swordsman was in the bed. The two looked to each other and back to the women nursing them and said, at the same time:

"I'm sorry."

Samus then shoved a wet rag in one of Link's bruises, inflicting pain on the Hylian. Link looked to her with a pathetic look, which asked "why are you so angry?". The galactic fighter immediately caught that and answered the unasked question:

"You just did have to kiss Marth's girl, didn't you?", there was an certain jealously in her voice, which Link barely caught.

"Sorry, it's just... I don't know what came over me. When I heard about mental images of me, Marth and Snake, I lost it. I couldn't think straight.", the Hylian looked to Sheeda and Marth. "Sorry for kissing you like that, Sheeda, and sorry for kissing your girl, Marth."

"It's alright.", Sheeda said, with a sympathetic smile . She quickly whispered to Marth. "You better learn that from him...", she then talked to Samus and Link again, who didn't hear the comment she made to her fiance, who raised an eyebrow at her. "Besides, it all worked out in the end. In a very strange way, but worked notwithstanding."

Sheeda said that, after the fight, she apologized and explained everything to her parents. Strangely enough, the two laughed at all the confusion and said they would give their blessings to Marth and her, since, according to them, any man that made such a plan to prove he was indeed interested in their daughter, made his best friend act like a flaming homosexual and then fought because said friend snapped and kissed Sheeda, certainly cared for her and deserved her hand in marriage.

"Wow... just, wow.", Samus said. Hardly believing in that. Link stood very confused, trying to understand if there was any logic, whatsoever, in that. "Well, that means you get to pay us, Marth.", Samus said.

"Don't worry, I'll. Ow!", the Altean Prince said, feeling another pang of pain on his head. Sheeda tended to him again.

"See? I told you to calm yourself.", Sheeda scolded Marth. "Now just look at the state you are."

"Yeah, Link surely beat his ass.", Samus commented with a chuckle. Sheeda turned to her at hearing that with an eyebrow raised.

"Pardon? What did you just say?"

"C'mon, just take a look.", Samus said. Pointing to Marth's laying form. "Link just totally owned him."

"Ha! Then what about his wounds?"

"Oh these? They're nothing.", Samus gave a tap on Link's wounded shoulder, making him scream in pain. The futuristic woman then spoke between her teeth in an angry tone. "Link, you weren't supposed to scream in pain when I did that."

"Wasn't I? But I _am_ in pain.", Link said, specks of tears in his eyes.

"Ha, see?! You're man is a weakling.", Sheeda said, pointing to Link with a victorious smirk on her face. "Nothing like my Marth.", she also gave a "tap" on Marth's bare chest, in a bandage there, making the blue clad noble also scream in pain. "Dammit Marth. Can't you take it without screaming?", she whispered to him, also between her teeth.

"But you hit me right in my wound.", the swordsman protested.

"Ha. Seems like Link did more damage to him then he can handle, eh?", Samus said, with another smirk on her face.

"No. Marth did.", Sheeda protested.

"Link."

"Marth."

"Link."

"Marth."

The two swordsman looked from one girl to another while they went on that exchange of words. It wasn't long before Sheeda got tired of that and spoke:

"Wanna solve it outside?!"

"Bring it on!", Samus said.

The two woman then left room, going towards the arena, they're yells of "Link" and "Marth" echoing in the corridor. Link and Marth looked to door for some seconds before looking back to each other. The swordsmen sighed, saying, at the same time:

"Women..."


	4. Runs in the Family

Another one coming right for you all, my faithful viewers! Now spread the word and together we'll dominate the wor... eh, I mean, the site!

Special thanks to Kirinketsu by beta-reading this chapter.

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**Chapter 4**

**Runs in the Family**

Link and Samus were having breakfast in the dining hall of the mansion. Surprisingly enough, nobody was looking to Link like he predicted they would, which could only mean one thing: Snake hadn't talk about what Link had said to him while he was... working for Marth.

_Well, duh! Of course he wouldn't. That would also have a direct effect on his image._ the Hero realized.

Speaking of Snake, he came up behind Link when he and Samus were sitting on their habitual table (actually Samus' table, since she preferred to sit away from the others, also to avoid being near a certain trio). When Link sat, he felt a presence looming behind him and turned in his chair to see a harsh-faced, arm-crossed Snake, which made him gulp.

"H-hi, Snake.", Link said, feeling a little nervous under the glare the spy was giving him.

"You know, that little act you pulled yesterday was quite good. For a moment, you convinced even me.", Snake said. "But when I was coming back, I remembered something."

"W-what?", Link asked, getting nervous by the minute.

Snake glanced quickly at Samus (who was without her armor on), but it was so brief it could have passed unnoticed. Link, standing right below Snake, noticed it, but decided he had more urgent worries at the moment, like keeping his organs unharmed.

"Your reaction at seeing a certain person for the first time.", Snake said, his tone almost cryptic, but Link caught what were the meaning behind the secret agent's words.

Of course, how could he forget that? Snake was right beside him in that exhibition match and was the one to call his attention to the look he had on his face. Though Link got a little embarrassed at having that pointed at his face, it made Snake chuckle. That was the first time the Hero and the legendary, badass spy had talked and had turned good pals, even friends. But nothing of that really mattered in Link's current situation.

Snake then extended his hand near Link's face. The Hero knew what he was asking for. Thankfully, Samus had made another communicator that morning in the case Snake would still insist on getting his one back. Reaching for it in his pocket, Link handed the small device to the older fighter, who muttered a gruff thanks and turned, leaving Link to sigh in relief.

"One more thing.", Snake said. Link and Samus turned to him, but the swordsman failed to see the detonator in time.

A C4 exploded under Link's chair, rocketing him through the hall while the Hylian yelled at leaving the security of earth. Link ended up landing on a big bowl of punch Kirby and Yoshi had took to their table, splashing the crimson juice everywhere.

Samus could just look as her friend decended in in the air and landed inside the bowl of the two gluttons of the mansion. Snake didn't even look to admire his deed, he simply pulled out a cigarette and lit it. He took a drag and looked to Samus without even turning, speaking:

"Talk to your _friend _the next time he comes on to me, the next thing to explode will be his back pocket.", with that, Snake gave his back to Samus and exited the hall while she went to help her friend, who had disappeared inside the punch bowl, bubbles coming from where he had landed.

The bounty huntress failed to catch the undertone Snake used he spoke the word "friend", being too worried about Link's state...

"I swear, next time I see him; I'm going to castrate that idiot.", Samus said in anger, holding a hair drier near Link's head.

After she had rescued the Hylian from his "aquatic" excursion, they went back to his room and Link took a bath to get rid of all the sticky juice. Samus, meanwhile, opened his wardrobe to get clean clothes for him and got surprised to see three tunics identical to his Hero garb. It made her wonder if he disliked those clothes as much as he claimed.

"Forget it, Samus. It was our fault after all.", Link said, trying not to get his friend to do anything that might put her in the jail for unnecessary violence.

"You know, being so nice will kill you some of these days.", Samus said, sighing as she ended drying Link's hair.

"Hu, that's what she always said...", Link chuckled, thinking aloud.

"Who?", Samus asked, curiosity peeking in.

"Ah, a friend of mine.", Samus' look intensified. Link noticed that and looked to the bounty huntress. "What?"

"The way you speak it, it sounded like _she _isn't merely a friend.", Samus said.

Link started to get a little nervous about Samus' tone, however, he was spared from having to deal with it when the door to his room opened and Ike came in. The two looked at the mercenary as he greeted them with a smile:

"Hey there guys!"

"Hi, Ike!", Link greeted back in an equally friendly manner. Samus, on the other hand, wasn't so inclined to formalities and spoke:

"If you came to hit on me, the door is right at your back. Unless you want me to throw you out, that is."

"Hey, chill out, Sam.", Ike said. However, that just made Samus shot him a death glare. Ike gulped under her glare. She hated being called by that nickname." Hum, I mean... I came 'cause I have a job for you guys."

"Oh, of course you have...", Samus said, her tone devious and dripping disbelief.

Ike decided there was only one way to convince her: he reached into his pocket and pulled out a load of notes he had brought especially for that case. The blue haired swordsman spoke, almost in a sing-song voice:

"I have money."

"I'm listening.", Samus immediately said, going and sitting in her chair. Link gazed at her. "What? He has money.", Link sighed.

"Anyway...", Ike called their attention. The two workmates looked to their client. "I need you two to escort somebody that is going to arrive this afternoon."

"And who is it?", Link asked.

"My sister, Mist."

"You have a sister?", Link and Samus asked at the same time. Ike never spoke much about his family to the other smashers.

"Yeah. A little sister.", he added.

Before both could stop it, a mental image came to their mind. A very disturbing image of an almost feminine version of Ike wearing a dress (almost being the key word here). And the worst thing was that the "image" had a beard and hair on the legs. Link and Samus shivered and shook their heads to get rid of it before they started to have nightmares while awake.

"And why can't you take care of her yourself?", Samus asked.

"Uh, Samus, didn't you say before that it wasn't any of our business why our clients asked us to do the jobs?", Link asked, remembering Samus' scolding in their first day of working together in that joint.

"Uh, well... it's just... oh c'mon! It's Ike, Link! How can we know if this isn't just some kind of trick?", Samus said, standing in the defensive.

"Why would he trick us? There's no point in he doing that.", Link spoke.

The two friends started to argue back and forth, making Ike feel like he just got in the middle of a married couple's fight. Deciding it was better to end that before Samus lost her temper with Link, Ike spoke:

"Guys! This is serious!", Samus and Link stopped arguing and looked to him. "My sister just sent me a message yesterday saying she was coming here today. I've arranged with Master Hand for her to stay in the Assist Trophies' quarters, which means I've had to pay him my pants off... anyway, I have a... match this evening and I can't stay with Mist. So I need you two to go to the station and get her and..."

"Babysit her.", Samus cut in.

"Not babysitting.", Ike said. "She's already a grown up woman."

"How old is she?", Samus asked.

"Sixteen."

"She's not old enough to be considered a woman."

"Actually Samus...", Link said, making his female partner look to him. "in my and Ike's world, when a person turns sixteen, he can already be considered an adult."

"Fine!", Samus said, in what seemed to be a rancorous tone. "Since you're on his side, then you can talk to Ike about this."

"I'm not on his side. I'm just saying how things work...", Link talked back, rushing to explain he wasn't against Samus, but his companion just "humph"ed for him. Link sighed and decided to just let her be for now. It wouldn't do any good to try and talk with her right now. "Alright... Ike, we take the job. Just..."

Link looked around for the price table Samus made and located it leaning on the table, at (on) her right. The Hylian swordsman reached for it and searched for the corresponding entry. He located it and spoke out loud:

"'Escorting'..."

"Trace, babysitting.", Samus inputted. Link ignored that and continued to talk with Ike.

"$375,00."

"What? I'm not asking you to escort Elincia!", Ike exclaimed.

"Who?", Link asked, in a confused tone.

"Forget it. Ugh, Fine.", Ike finally said. "I'll pay when I come back from my d... I mean, match and if Mist is alright.", the Crimean mercenary got up, as (and) Link followed him to the door.

"Don't worry. Did you forget me and Samus (Samus and I have) saved people's lives countless times?"

Ike laughed at his friend's remark, as did Link. The two said their byes and Link closed his door, turning to Samus, who had a thoughtful expression on her features, an expression Link knew very well: it meant she found something suspicious.

"What is it, Samus?", Link asked to the bounty huntress.

"Did you notice he was going to say something before he corrected himself?", the galactic warrior said.

"And...?"

"I don't remember of any matches being set up for today. There's something fishy about it."

"Oh, c'mon Samus. Even if he doesn't have a match, what could he possibly be doing right now?"

- - - - Meanwhile, in the entry hall of the mansion - - - - -

"So, did everything go right?", a "mysterious" female voice asked Ike as he appeared from the stairs.

"Yeah. Samus got suspicious as always, but Link achieved to convince her.", Ike answered.

"Are you sure about it? I don't want to cause any trouble for them or stay in the way of your family. Maybe we could go and meet her together.", the female figure said.

"Believe in me, you don't know her. Sometimes, Mist can be very protective over me. Better we just present you when we are stable."

"Isn't the protective sibling generally the older one?", the mysterious woman asked, with a hint of humor in her voice.

"What's that supposed to mean?", Ike asked while the woman at his front giggled...

- - - - Back at Link's room - - - - -

"I don't know. Laughing at our backs, or planning something with the rest of the Dumb Trio.", Samus said.

Link sighed again. Sometimes, Samus' deviousness could lead her to form slightly absurd theories about what people did behind her back. The Hero wondered if this was some kind of side-effect of being constantly chased by Space Pirates, or living a hard way of life as she did. Most of the time, he sympathized with her, but there were times he simply couldn't help, but roll his eyes.

This was one of these times. Link sat on the edge of his bed and mumbled:

"I swear, sometimes you're just paranoid about perverts."

"I'm not paranoid!", Samus said, getting defensive again. "And you know it's true! Do you think I don't know half of the time those guys are undressing me with their eyes? All men are like this."

Link looked to her in the eyes, using all of his self-control not to make a commentary that, with what she wore, they didn't even had to bother undressing her with their imagination. The green clad swordsman spoke:

"Even so, that doesn't mean all men are like that."

"Then tell me me, if I were to appear naked in front of you, what would you do?"

Several thoughts crossed Link's _masculine _mind at that moment and the constant factor in them earned the swordsman an embarrassed expression on his face and blush a vivid, red tone. Samus, who finally realized what she had said, blushed too, mumbling and trying to find something to say. Cool, it's blushing time! Note the sarcasm here.

In the end, the two friends stayed under a very awkward silence for several minutes, until Samus found her voice again and spoke:

"Hum... let's just... go and get Ike's sister in the station."

Link immediately nodded to her, standing at the same time as his partner and exiting his room together with her. Thought none of them said anything, the image of the situation Samus brought up was permanently burned in each one's mind...

That afternoon, Link and Samus were at the front of the train station. Ironically, Toon Link worked there. Link had seen him one day when he was waiting for the visit of a certain friend, who stayed a short time in the city, just to go back to her realm the other day. Once the Hero saw his cartoon version's locomotive's uniform, he started to think that, maybe, his tunic wasn't that bad.

The two were at the front of the station, Link holding a poster with Mist's name inscribed on it, Samus in her Varia Suit as always. Link would have thanked her for doing that, since Mist was from his world and would probably make many questions about Samus' futuristic Zero Suit, but knew she would have taken that as a confession that he had been checking her out.

After a few minutes, the people from the last train came out, in the middle of the crowd was Toon Link, talking to a brunette girl with blue eyes. Link saw that and facepalmed, holding the poster with one hand. Toon Link, sometimes, tried to prove he could be as amazing and famous as his more realistic self, just to fail spectacularly, of course.

"And then I hit Ganon's tail with a light arrow...", the mini hero said.

"Uhu... sure...", the girl said, in a very bothered voice, starting to wonder if somebody would mind if she just knocked him out. She then saw Link resuming his hold on the poster and turned to Toon Link. "Thanks for the... interesting story. Bye.", the girl said, leaving Toon Link behind.

The cartoon Hero went back to the station with a pout on his face. Yet, again, he didn't achieve to impress people, but he wouldn't give up. Tomorrow was another day and... honestly, why don't he give up? I mean, Link (the adult one) can transform into a WOLF! How can Toon beat that?

Anyway, Link and Samus were still waiting for Ike's sister. Thing was, they were still thinking she would be an _almost _feminine, smaller version of Ike. So imagine their surprise when a young, petite, brunette girl approached them and presented herself.

"Hi! I'm Mist, Ike's little sister."

Link and Samus looked at her, very surprised. The girl had a friendly attitude that reminded Link of the mercenary when he was around people he liked. Link then uttered, still very surprised:

"Hey, you don't even have a beard."

"What?", Mist asked, not understanding what Link just said.

"Uh, forget him.", Samus said, calling Mist's attention. "I'm Samus and this is Link."

"Ah, so you're the woman that chase my brother wearing almost nothing and he is the Hero from the Hyrule kingdom. Ike told me about you two in his letters", Mist pointed each one of them.

"Chase... your... brother.... wearing... nothing...?", Samus said in that slow, dangerous tone.

"Haha, I'm just kidding! Actually, he said you looked like a more violent version of our sub-commander, Titania."

Samus didn't have any idea who this Titania was, but hearing she was the sub-commander of Ike's mercenary group and that she could be a more violent version of her was enough for the bounty huntress to start glowing slightly, like she was ready to unleash a Final Smash on someone.

Link got nervous at seeing that, fearing Samus wouldn't let Ike live long enough for him to pay them and if they lost that money, Link would never hear the end of it. The Hero decided to change the subject and talked to Mist:

"By the way, your brother had a match today, so he asked us to escort you to the mansion and give you some company until he returned."

"Humph. Typical of him.", Mist said. "Well, I think I can enjoy the company then. Specially yours.", she said, eying Link. The Hero arched an eyebrow under the young woman's gaze. "I asked Ike to tell me know everything about you, but the jerk said it wouldn't be polite to write about someone 's life without his permission. But of course, there's nothing wrong with sending letters to Boyd and the others telling all about the girls in the tournament.", Mist said, crossing her arms in an angry expression.

It was incredible how the frown and the bothered expression of the girl were so alike her brother's. However, Samus had another thing in mind. From all the galactic warrior got from Mist's speech, it was obvious she was a fan of Link, though she didn't seem to be the fanatic type that would jump if spot him in the streets.

The dirty-blond warrior asked if Mist wouldn't mind eating something on the way, since he and Samus hadn't eat since they left the mansion. Ike's sister said she wouldn't and immediately clung to Link's arm. That made the swordsman scratch his head with his other hand in confusion before he leaded the way.

While the trio went to a nearby fast-food restaurant, Mist shot several questions to Link about his adventures, the people he knew and… something that made Samus' blood pressure raise fifty points, if he had any girlfriend.

"Wait. So Ike doesn't think I'm in love with Zelda?", Link asked.

"No. Why? Are you?", Mist asked.

"Of course not.", Link said.

"Oh, really?", Mist said, a suspiciously happy smile forming in her face. Link, being his oblivious self on realizing people's feelings for him, just nodded.

Samus glared daggers at Mist. Originally, she would have gladly asked Link more about himself, but that would give him the right to ask about her, so the bounty huntress and the Hero agreed to respect each other's space and secrets referent to their personal lives, so Samus never asked Link much, aside from his adventures. If regret could kill, Samus would have turned into an Ing-possessed corpse right now just to be killed again.

The two smashers and Mist sat on a table and started to eat. Link, being hungry and oblivious as he often was when eating, didn't notice the dreamy looks Mist directed to him from times to times.

Samus was starting to wonder if Ike would suspect something if Mist suddenly suffered an _accident._

Now, the bounty huntress never had many things she could call her own, so she had little experience in feeling jealous about something and she never really cared for what others had. However, she had always been sure enough of herself to tell that, right now, she was jealous (and angry, of course); jealous of how Mist was so free to show she was attracted to Link.

Normally, she wouldn't know exactly why she was feeling that jealousy for her friend, but after living with Peach and Zelda for practically two years in the mansion and being forced to come to their girls' nights, in which she was forced to hear some fluffy stuff about their love lives, romantic films and novels and whatnot, the bounty huntress had a good guess about why she was like that.

Link then finished his meal and saw that Samus had her visor turned to Mist, who had a sweet smile on her face as she gazed at him. Blushing slightly, Link decided to lighten the mood and asked Mist:

"So, how are you and Ike? I mean, do you two get along well? I know some families that can't even be together without start a fight"

"Oh, we get along well.", Mist answered, supporting her chin with her hands and smiling to Link. "Of course, sometimes he will rush into a fight without even saying anything to me, or hitting on some women of our company, which happen to be my friends...", Mist said, narrowing her eyes and her tone. "but he's a good brother after all."

"I wonder if he thinks the same, since he never told us anything about his family.", Samus inputted, in an almost dry tone, passing her armor clad finger along the glass border that contained some refrigerant she had asked.

"What? He didn't say anything about me to you?", Mist said, getting out of her 'admire Link' pose.

Samus made an affirmative noise. "That jerk! When I see him, I'm going to... !", she stopped once she saw Link was looking at her. "Uh, I mean... hehe."

Samus smiled behind her visor. Mist seemed to fit in the little, overprotective sister category, combined with the fact she was Ike's sister, making her look angry wouldn't be that difficult. Why did Samus want Mist to be angry? Have you ever seen a woman when she's very pissed off? Not a pretty scene I can tell ya. It could scare the crap out of even our Courage wielding friend, Link.

"Anyway...", Mist said, putting up her sweet smile again. "enough talking about me. Let's talk about you, like... do you like girls with long or short hair?"

Link mumbled some "uh"s and "I... I..."s, not managing to form any coherent phrase. Nobody was ever that direct in asking him about his tastes for the opposite sex. Maybe Ilia, but he always managed to avoid answering her, saying Epona was acting strange and making his childhood friend go tend to his mare in a blink of eyes.

Samus was starting to feel like her territory was being threatened again. Wow. Who would have guessed she's territorial about... ? Wait, somebody's calling me by my cell phone. Hello?

...

What do you mean I'm spoiling the plot?

...

C'mon, everybody can already guess by now that... wait. Did you just say you're not paying me? You can't do that, I'm the narrator!

...

You can because you're the author? Oh, c'mon! Everybody knows that... hello? Hello?

Great... well, just... forget what I was saying.

Back to the story, (without saying what is already obvious by now). Samus came up with an idea and spoke:

"Well, he's pretty much what you see. A guy with a terrible taste of fashion and that use a ridiculous cap."

Link turned to Samus with an angry look. Not that he cared about people commenting on his fashion taste, but Samus could always manage to bother him with her comments. Mist looked from the futuristic woman to her man of desire.

"I already told you: I don't have anything to wear besides this!", Link said. "And if my cap bothers you so much, I can simply take it off.", and Link did as he said. However, just as Samus planned, a girl passing near the fast-food restaurant noticed Link the moment he took his cap off.

"Ahhhh! IT'S LINK!", the fangirl squealed, attraction the attention of many others.

"Crap...", Link said under his breath, already standing. "I'll see you two at the mansion.", the Hero then bolted through the other door, right where a mob of fangirls had formed and started to chase him.

Samus and Mist watched the Hero disappear from sight. The young, brunette girl looked to Samus and asked, trying to break the awkward silence produced by the strange scene.

"Hum, are you... interested in Link?.", she asked, now seeming a little hesitant.

"W-what? W-why are you asking this?", Samus said... stuttering!

"Well, you and him seem get along very well. Besides, from what I heard from my brother's letters, you don't seem to get along very well with the other fighters. So much that your only friend is Link, or at least that's what Ike wrote."

_Am I really that bad in socializing?_, Samus wondered. She soon found the question was a stupid one. _Of course I am..._

"Well... I'm... not that interested in him.", Samus lied.

Don't you find it incredible how it is difficult for someone to simply say "Yes, I am. So stay away of him if you don't want a fight!", but deny it is almost as easy as breath?

"Oh, in that case, won't you mind if I make him my boyfriend?", Mist said, smiling again.

In that moment, Samus wanted nothing more than to scream "OF COURSE I WILL! STAY AWAY FROM HIM!", but couldn't find her voice, so all she could do was to look at Mist with wide eyes, but the girl couldn't see her face behind the visor, so Ike's sister thought there was nothing wrong. Samus then finally found her voice, but all she could say was:

"Y-you came here just because of that?"

"Of course. Well, that and to visit my brother, but you know what they say, why not unite the pleasant to the useful? And there's nobody back at my world that interests me. Either they're pigheads, or already have girlfriends, or simply aren't interested."

Samus could even sympathize with that part, after all, that was the dilemma many girls (and even some boys) faced in their lives. However, what was ticking her off was the fact that Mist's target was Link. The young woman then stood without Samus noticing, being too busy planning ways to make an almost fatal situation look like an accident.

"Can we go to this mansion my brother said he's staying in?", Mist asked, making Samus finally get out of her thoughts.

"Yeah... sure.", the armor clad woman said in a neutral tone.

One hour later, the two girls met Link at the gates of the mansion. The Hylian swordsman was panting hard since he had to make three turns in the same block to throw his pursuers off. When he saw the two coming, he composed himself again and spoke:

"Before we go inside, I have to ask you Mist to not get so surprised with _who _you're going to see."

"Humph. I live with people that can transform themselves into animals and beasts.", the girl said, crossing her arms like saying few things could amuse her.

"Really? Does any of them transform into reptilian-like creatures that try to slice your head off at sight.", Samus asked, in a skeptical voice.

"That would be Dragon Feral Ones.", the girl said, with a proud smile on her face.

"Do any of them wear a turtle-like, spiked shell?", Link asked.

"Uh... not that I've seen one using it before.", Mist said.

"Has anything you've seen, looked like a pink marshmallow that can shallow anything, even if it is three times its size?", Samus inquired.

"Ok... I'm pretty sure I've never seen something like that.", Mist said, with an expression that asked "are you really sane?"

"Then you've seen nothing.", Samus said, in a matter-of-fact tone, opening the mansion's gates with Link.

Mist followed the two, still a little confused with what they said.

"Ok, I take back what I said... compared to this, I've seen nothing.", Mist muttered after three minutes in the mansion.

Though the local was less chaotic than it used to be during the afternoon, many of the fighters and even some Assist Trophies were walking around the halls of the mansion. The Assist Trophies had the freedom to go to the mansion and use some of its rooms, but obviously couldn't use the battle stages or stay in the late of the night.

Mist's jaw dropped in more than in one situation. However, she found Fox, Falco and even Wolf, cute to some degree (she almost squealed "puppies" when she saw the furies), blushed at seeing Prince Marth turning into a corner, in his ever present noble demeanor, and almost hugged Pit (who she said looked like a Heron, or something like that, with the pair of most handsome eyes she'd ever seen), she'd eyed other creatures like Kirby, Yoshi, Mr. Resetti, Olimar and so on.

Link and Samus showed her some parts of the mansion and took some food so they could eat in the gardens. Link thought it wouldn't be good for Mist's mental health to see the chaos afternoon lunches usually are, but Samus couldn't care less, being too busy still plotting Mist's "mysterious" disappearance.

"Oh, so we're going to have a picnic.", the brunette said. "You know, I always found picnics very romantic."

Link blushed slightly as Samus started to fume behind her visor. Mist looked like the innocent, young girl, but she was proving to be far from shy or naive. Surely, the bounty huntress could see the resemblance between the petite brunette and her brother and that angered her all the more.

The mansion had three gardens: a back one, an internal one at its right side and other that divided it from the Assist Trophies' quarters. All had many kinds of flowers from the worlds of the Smashers and some of planets the futuristic ones visited. For you to have an idea of how vast those gardens where, the back one had a waterfall, creating a river that went to the left side of the mansion and dropped into a lake bellow a cliff.

As the trio were walking through a stone path, they saw Snake walking towards them. The special agent saw the brunette girl between them and showed a curious face. He questioned Link and Samus.

"Hey, who is this girl? Some friend of yours?"

"No, she's Ike's sister.", Link answered.

"What? Ike has a sister?", the legendary spy asked, sounding surprised. Link and Samus nodded. Snake looked back to Mist, now taking in her appearance. "Hey, you don't even have a beard."

"Huh?", Mist asked, sounding really confused.

"Never mind. Anyway, why are you two with her? Shouldn't Ike be the one taking care of his family?"

"Actually, he said he had a match and hired us to look after Mist.", Link answered.

"Really?", Snake asked, with an undertone to his voice. Samus caught that, but Link just nodded. "Oh well, good luck on the... babysitting."

Snake walked away. Link and Samus looked to Mist, but saw she had disappeared from the place she had been standing a few seconds ago. Before the two could look around, they heard a cry of pain, which sounded a lot like Snake. The two friends turned toward the direction the spy had taken and saw him sprawled across the ground and an angry Mist walking from him while dusting her hands.

"Humph. Babysitting. I'm not a little girl anymore. I don't need someone to babysit me.", Mist mumbled, passing by Link and Samus, who just showed surprised looks. It seemed Ike's strength ran in the family if Mist was able to knock out someone like Snake.

Skipping the little "incident", the group finally arrived at a good spot under the shadow of a tree. Samus noticed that was the spot where she and Link used to spend their free afternoons, speaking about the idiots they had put up with and thinking in new ways to own their respective villains.

Mist found the spot good and immediately went to sit under the base of the three, patting a spot at her side, signalizing Link to sit. Meanwhile, Samus was using all of her self-control not to lunge at Mist, because not only had Link brought the young girl to their spot, but she was sitting in _Samus' _place. Before Link could sit besides Mist (mostly because that would be his place), Samus hurried and got there first, sitting right when Link was lowering himself, practically throwing the swordsman on the ground.

"Hey!", Mist protested. "Link was going to sit here!"

"It's okay Mist.", Link assured the brunette girl, going to sit beside Samus.

After counting to ten, the bounty huntress decided to try and cool down, otherwise she would be the one showing her ugly side to Link in front of Mist. The futuristic woman pressed the button at the back of her left hand and her armor disappeared in a flash, leaving her in her Zero Suit.

Mist, who had been watching Samus, became surprised at the show of lights the armor of the female warrior gave off. Ike had wrote to her saying some people in the Tournament came from worlds with very advanced technology. However, when she saw that Samus had changed clothes, she blushed at least three tones of red, seeing the new suit of the galactic warrior. Samus noticed that and looked at Mist with a stone look, asking why she looked so embarrassed. The brunette answered:

"I really thought Ike was joking about the 'Zero Suit' thing, but... uau... I can't believe you people from the future actually use something like that."

Link heard that too and looked at Samus, seeing a vein pulsing in her forehead as the adult woman gave Mist a look that could freeze anyone on the spot. However, Mist was too occupied, gazing at Samus' revealing outfit to notice that. Sensing the danger in the air, the swordsman started to sweat as he thought of something to say.

"So... what do you think of the mansion so far, Mist?", the Hero asked. "Remember you're going to sleep in the Assist Trophies' quarters, so it won't be as crowded as here is."

"Oh, it's fine.", Mist said, recovering from her blush at seeing Samus'... attributes. "Actually I think this place is just the type that befits my brother."

"Oh really? How so?", Link asked. Samus seemed to have cooled off meanwhile.

"Full of people that prefer to think with their muscles, stomachs or any other thing they use in battle besides the brain. But of course you're not like that Link."

The Hero gave a chuckle, scratching the back of his head, not noticing that Samus seemed to be ready to catch fire. So she was the type that preferred to think using her muscles? The bounty huntress' hands clenched themselves into fists and started to shake, as she tried, with all of her strength, not to murder Mist on the spot.

_Calm down Aran. Remember: Ike's going to pay you if Mist is alright._, the bounty huntress thought to herself. Until Mist started to ask Link about his tastes for girls again. _But I wonder if she has to be conscious?_

"So, Link... do you have a girlfriend?", Mist asked. Link almost chocked at the glass of refrigerant he was drinking. The Hero coughed and let out a "What?". "I asked if you have a girlfriend. You know, somebody special to you."

Link felt his cheeks reddening as he was asked such a direct question for the second time. Samus got divided between being angry at Mist's constant questions and curious as to what Link would answer. Surely, the Hero wasn't dating Zelda, but that didn't exactly mean he wasn't dating someone else, or dated.

"Well... I'm not with anyone right now to speak the truth...", Link said, looking everywhere, less to the two girls at his side. Mist moved closer to him, almost hanging over Samus, who watched her friend with more interest than normal. "But... I did have a girlfriend... sometime, back in Hyrule..."

"And who was it?", Samus and Mist asked at the same time, the former completely forgetting her antipathy towards Mist.

"You don't know her.", Link said, finally looking to the two. "Anyway, we broke up sometime after I came here and we agreed to move on.", the Hero spoke in a tone that showed he had already accepted the fact.

"Oh. So that means you're free now.", Mist spoke, leaning in more and, this time, Samus did noticed the brunette was over her.

"Yeah... you could say so."

"In that case, would you..."

_That's it. To hell with the contract!_, Samus thought, as she felt something inside of her finally snapping.

The older woman pushed Mist back with her hand, stopping the young girl from finishing her sentence, and turning her body completely toward Mist, with a very angry look on her face.

"Now, you stop right there.", the bounty huntress said, in a tone of cold anger.

"What?", Mist asked, a little surprised by Samus' sudden act.

"I said to shut up!"

"But... you...", Mist mumbled, still under effect of the shock.

Link looked from one female to the other like a lost and scared puppy. Samus was pissed off. This alone wasn't a good thing. And by her look, she was pissed off with Mist. The Hero thought how he could prevent a murder from happening there, but couldn't come up with anything. He was left with trying to get Samus to calm down.

Mist, seeing Link's attempts to calm his angry friend down, soon put two and two together. She then narrowed her eyes, her face showing a neutral expression as she got up. Samus did the same, standing taller than the young girl, much taller.

"Oh, I see. So you do mind.", Mist said, giving emphasis to the word "mind". Link stopped trying to calm (uselessly) Samus down when caught that sentence. He wondered what Mist was talking about.

"Yeah, I do! Happy now?", Samus said.

"Sorry, but you should have said that from the beginning. But by the looks of it, you would never admit it anyway.", Mist said, making her point.

"You wanna fight, girl?", the bounty huntress' tone got dangerous.

"Oh, I do. I don't give up so easy, you know.", Mist said, with a devious smile on her face.

"Hu. You certainly have a death wish, don't you?"

Then, before Link could do anything, something dangerous happened. Something more dangerous than an atomic bomb. More dangerous than Ganondorf and Giga Bowser united. Heck, it's even more dangerous than if you crossed two Falcon Punches! A catfight.

Samus and Mist lunged at each other and attacked with their bare hands, throwing punches, kicks and even head butts. Both were very strong and Link could do nothing, but observe his _good_ friend and Ike's sister trying to take a piece out of each other. For the first time in... well, I think his entire life, Link was completely helpless and unable to do anything.

That is, until a very angry Master and Crazy Hand came. The screams of the two girls seemed to have reached the window of their office in the third floor of the mansion.

"What is the meaning of this confusion?", Master Hand demanded.

"Yeah! I was watching House! How do you dare to interrupt the best series ever made?", Crazy spoke. The two hands then saw a hopeless Link and the two girls fighting like mortal enemies.

Master Hand immediately caught what was happening. Of course, he wasn't stupid. He could very well see how Samus behaved differently around Link. But he never said anything because it was none of his business. Plus, he knew it would end giving him a headache and would have to spend money on remedy for said headache. If there was something Master Hand hated, was having to buy medicine. It was because of it that all the remedies, bottles and pills in the mansion's infirmary were all bought by the Smashers, or brought from their worlds.

"BOOTFIIIIGHT!", Crazy Hand shouted, attracting Link's attention to the two hands, as the fight between the girls went on. It seemed the two were completely unaware of their surroundings, like often happened when girls were in a catfight.

"I believe the term is catfight, brother.", Master said.

"Yes, I know. But did you hear what I said?", Crazy spoke, using a inquiring, suspicious tone in his line.

"Forget about phonetics!", Link said, coming near the two, floating hands.

"Wow! I didn't know you knew dirty words, Link.", Crazy spoke.

"What?", Link spoke with a disbelieving expression. He heard Samus and Mist gasp and growl as one hit the other once more. "Forget it. You have to do something! Those two are going to kill each other!"

"And how exactly is that my problem?", Master Hand asked in a bothered tone. If he had an ear, he would be cleaning it right now.

"Can we go back? I'm probably missing another of House's sarcastic comments.", Crazy said.

"Yeah, let's go.", Master Hand said.

The two hands then turned and started to float back to their office. Link couldn't believe he would be left there to watch his friend and the sister of his other friend murder each other. It was then he came up with an idea. Using the most neutral tone he could at moment, Link spoke, loud enough for Master Hand catch it:

"Ok, fine. But I don't know if I'm going to be able to separate them by myself. I wonder if Samus' fans will come to watch the tournament if they hear that she got killed inside the mansion."

Master Hand froze in his position in the air. He stopped and considered that. Deciding it would be less pricey to buy headache pills than paying a funeral and losing audience, the giant, disembodied member called his brother and shot to the two girls. With their massive fingers, they achieved to grab and separate Samus and Mist without much effort.

"Ugh! Come back here! I'm not done with you!", Samus spoke. She had some scratches on her face and some parts of her clothe had cuts on it.

"Gah! I haven't even started, you witch!", an equally, wounded and with ripped clothes Mist said.

"That's it! You're dead, wench!", the bounty huntress said, struggling against her captor, as Mist did.

"BOTH OF YOU! SHUT UP!", Master Hand yelled in a thundering voice. Making the eardrums of the girls hurt so much that they actually stopped. Even Link had to cover his ears and he was still felt like the insides of his head were shaking.

Mist and Samus finally seemed to calm down, not feeling very keen on having their ears permanently damaged by Master Hand's commanding tone. Link sighed at seeing the two had finally stopped and asked for Master Hand and Crazy Hand to put them down.

The two hands did so and Link immediately got between Samus and Mist, before they could think on restarting their fight. The Hero then spoke:

"I honestly don't know what has gotten into you two, but you can't fight like this. You're not even enemies.", the girls looked to each other briefly, before "humph"ing and looking to the side. Link sighed at their behavior. At least they weren't harming each other. "Can someone explain to me what just happened?"

"Ask your _friend _there.", Mist said, still looking to the side, a little less angry than before.

Link looked to Samus, with that same question written on his features. The bounty huntress didn't even look at him and simply said:

"I'm too angry to talk right now."

Link sighed, knowing he wouldn't be able to extract anything from her in that state. He then looked to Master Hand, hoping that maybe the powerful being could have shed some light on that entire situation.

"What?", Master asked, clearly not paying attention to the banter between Samus and Mist anymore.

More out desperation than any other thing, Link looked to _Crazy _Hand. All he got from the not-exactly sane being was:

"Who would like some cheeese?"

"Is anyone going to tell _anything?_!", silence hung in the air. After five seconds, you could even hear the crickets of grasshoppers in the background. "That's it. I give up."

"By the way, who is she?", Master Hand asked, meaning Mist, before turning to Samus. "I thought you were intelligent enough not to let people that want to kill you inside the mansion, Samus."

"Don't blame me for this! That brat is Ike's sister!", the bounty huntress said.

"Who's the brat here, you buffed, temperamental woman?", Mist shot back. Before Samus could voice a "What did you say?", Link finally got fed up and shouted:

"Both of you, stop insulting each other, or I'M GOING TO TRIFORCE SLASH YOUR ASSES!", the two female got so surprised at Link's outburst that they immediately ceased any further argument. "Good.", the Hero said, now calmer.

"Ok...", Master Hand said, also getting a little startled by Link's sudden display of his violent side. "Anyway, why are you two with her? Ike asked me to give one of the vacant rooms in the Assist Trophies' quarters for her. I thought he would be showing her around."

"He said he had a match today, then hired us to escort her here and show her around.", Link spoke.

"What are you talking about? Ike doesn't have any matches today.", Master said. At that moment, the three non-spiritual beings looked to the manifestation of the creative spirit, yelling a big "WHAT?". "Yes. In fact, he's not going to have one until next week."

"But.. then... what is he... ?", Samus mumbled, the shock making her unable to form coherent phrases. This is, until the full weight of everything that was said hit her and she realized one fact: she and Link had to take care of a girl that tried to compete with her just for Ike to ditch his duty for with his family.

Samus' entire body started to shake. Link knew very well that reaction and told Mist to protect her ears if she didn't want togo deaf. Even the hands scooted back to their office. Link started a mental countdown:

_3... 2... 1..._, he closed his eyes as it came...

"SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!", Colonel's voice sounded as Snake was blasted into the skies of the Shadow Moses Island stage. Luckily enough, for the ones that were participating in that training match, this scream muffled another, which had a similar, if not higher, intensity...

* * *

Ok. Ike's officially screwed, Samus already realized she is attracted to Link (remember: love is a foreing word in her vocabulary and which she never associated to herself, so people like that tend to hold until the last moment to admit they have fallen in love) and Crazy watches House. Oh and I just had a discussion with the narrator. Why isn't me who's narrating the story? Because narrators FTW! (at least the good ones)

Stay tuned to see what's going to happen to our favorite mercenary, cause this obviously doesn't end here.


	5. About Nobility and Blackmail

Another chapter here people! Thanks to my beta-reader **Kirinketsu!** You deserve a big cookie man!

* * *

**Chapter 5**

**About Nobility and Blackmail**

Samus was sitting cross-legged at the table of Steel 'n' Blade Co, with Link sitting on the chair, talking with a person on the phone electronic secretary the bounty huntress had bought on their second day of work. Link hung the phone as he ended to take note of the person's request and turned to his companion with a smile on his face:

"Samus, you were right. This electronic secretary is truly a wonder.", the Hero tapped the device. "When I woke up , I saw we had two calls and I phoned those two people and they had good jobs for us. With this one we've just received, it makes a total of three.", Link said in a proud tone. Proud of what? Of his incredible mathematic skills? Note the sarcasm.

Samus didn't answer, in fact she had been quiet since yesterday's incident with Ike's sister. She had a cold and almost indifferent expression on her face. Link saw that and tried to call her.

"Samus, are you listening to me? I said we have more jobs, which means more money.", the green clad swordsman spoke. He didn't even make an effort to hide the new trait he was acquiring thanks to his constant exposition to Samus.

Still, the futuristic woman didn't move a muscle, other than the ones of her legs and foot, which she was tapping against the table. Link decided to make another attempt, knowing what was probably bothering her:

"Look, if it's about what happened yesterday, it's already passed, Samus.", still no answer. Link felt like he would have more success speaking to a stone Pokémon.

The door to their office (do I need to say Link's room?) opened and Samus looked up for the first time. Her face finally showed other emotion than indifference; annoyance, bordering on pure anger. Ike entered with his friendly smile on, but there was something about it that told Link he had woke exceptionally happy that morning.

"Hey there, people!", the mercenary said a little too happy from what Link remembered was his custom behavior.

"Uh, hi Ike. You... seem happy today.", Link said. Samus was too busy at the moment to say anything, glaring at Ike like Ganondorf did to someone he was about to Warlock Punch.

"In fact, I am. Anyway, I came here to pay you guys up. I heard you have some trouble with my sister. Did something happen?", Ike asked, assuming now a more worried tone.

"Oh, nothing.", Link said, giving a quick glance to Samus and gulping at her expression. He turned his look back to Ike. "So, we looked for you in the diner, but it seemed you didn't come back."

"Well, actually I slept in the city. You know how it is when you go out and things get a lot more interesting than you thought they would be.", the mercenary said, with a slightly suggestive smile on his face and raising his eyebrow up and down several times.

"Go out? I thought you said you had a match."

"... oh, yeah! That's what I meant! When you fight a match. Hehe.", Ike said, quickly correcting himself.

Link could only narrow his eyes at the attempt of his blue haired friend to hide what he and Samus had already discovered. He looked to the bounty huntress again and saw she now had a murderous gleam on her eyes. The Hero decided it was better Ike pay now before Samus decided she didn't want the mercenary alive anymore.

"Anyway, could you please pass me the money?", Link asked.

"Ok, but what's up with Samus? She's been staring at me since I entered.", Ike said. Now looking a little nervous at Samus' glare, but decided to relief the mood with a joke. "Finally fell for my good looks, eh, Samus?"

Link could almost hear the woman at his side growl in anger. In that moment, he decided to get up and take the payment himself. Ike gave the money to him and was ready to exit the Hero's room when he felt a hand closing on his shoulder, like a handcuff would close on someone's wrist. Ike looked back and saw Samus with a clearly angry expression in her face.

Link slowly went back to the table. He really didn't want Ike to suffer what was coming to him, but what could he do? The mercenary had just lied to them and caused the whole trouble between Mist and Samus. Not directly, but you know what I mean.

"Ike. Let's talk outside. Now.", Samus said in a low, dangerous tone, sounding almost demonic.

Ike could swear he was feeling a little wet in his pants when she spoke. But denying her now would certainly cause him to die young, or something worse. The Crimean Hero nodded and Samus lead him outside, closing the door. Link took two ear plugs and put them while he counted the money.

It was said, in that day, you could hear the most painful "OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH!" Ike ever let out from across the city. That and the mercenary wasn't able to sit or walk straight for a whole week.

The next day, Samus entered Link's room as she usually did in the morning. Her mood was considerably better this day. As she entered the office of their joint, she was met with a very uncommon scene: Link wasn't in the bed. To speak the truth, he wasn't anywhere in sight.

_Did I enter in the wrong room? _Samus wondered. She then saw their table. _No, I think Link was the one that slept in another place._

Approaching the table with the tag informing the name of their joint, Samus saw there was a note on it. She took it and started to read:

"_Samus,_

_I have a match today, so I had to woke up earlier (I only got to sleep _ten hours_!) to do some training. I haven't trained much since we started working together and everything, but I'm not blaming you. _

_Anyway, my match is against Ganon(jerk)dorf, Snake and Bowser. It's going to happen in the afternoon and I'm sure you know how though these guys are. So, that means I'll stay out for the entire day. I know I can trust that you'll be well on your own. After all, you're very strong and independent._

_Your good friend,_

_Link"_

Samus ended readying and sighed. She didn't know he held her that high in regard. Sure, she was strong and always made sure to show she didn't need anyone. But there were a few things she knew she couldn't do alone. One of them, in particular, was the reason she felt a slight sting in her chest when she read the word "friend".

Dropping that aside, the bounty huntress started to concentrate on the real meaning of the letter. Looking around she then realized she would be alone... for an entire day... and she was in Link's room... a grin made itself present in Samus' face.

"Now's my chance to know a little more about my good friend and business partner. And what better way to do it than looking at his things?", Samus mused.

The bounty huntress decided to start by taking a look at his cultural side, which meant she went to his bookshelf and took a look at his books. She never saw what the titles were about and never asked him. As she passed her finger over the edge of the reading material she spoke the titles aloud:

"'Star Wars'... 'Back to the Future'... 'Lost in Space'... wow, who would have guessed Link was a such a big fan of Sci-fi?", more like he's _someone_'s fan, Samus. But I can't speak anymore, or I won't get paid, so...

Deciding to look around a little more, the bounty huntress went to the chest in which Link guarded all of his gadgets. She kneeled in its front and opened. When her eyes befell Link's weapons, Samus felt like she was looking to the origins of her own weapons. There she foud the Hero's second Clawshot, the Iron Boots, the Gale Boomerang and bags with different kinds of bombs.

_Uhgh! I wonder how he carried all of this? _Samus thought as she took out the Ball and Chain and deposited it on the ground. _I'm pretty sure they didn't discover how to reorganize atoms in Hyrule. _Near the end of the chest, Samus found something different from the rest of the equipment. _Hello. What do we have here?_

The galactic warrior took out what seemed to be a photo album. She never thought photographic cameras existed in Hyrule. Samus stood, with the album in her hands. Now she was in quite a predicament. She could open the album and take a look at how Link acted back in Hyrule with his friends and everybody else. On the other hand, this was something very personal for the Hero and she would be invading his privacy by...

_Whatever. It's not like I'm going to use it to humiliate him or something. I just have to put it back before he return. _Samus thought, shrugging in the beginning and going to sit in the table to see the album. And that, my friends, is the bounty huntress we all know and love: passing over her friend's privacy without pity or mercy. Hum, this kinda sounds like the verse of a pirate song...

Anyway, Samus sat and opened the volume in her hands. The first photos showed a dirty-blond child with a pony at his side. He looked with curiosity to the man holding the camera, with a finger over his chin just like the little child he was.

_Oh, look at him. He was so cute... wait a minute. Did I just thought he was cute? _Samus realized with a start. _Ugh! I must be hanging around Peach too much..._

Deciding to just drop it, the galactic warrior continued looking at the album. Turning its pages, she saw a young Link playing with a blond girl, talking with a man who was wielding a sword and starting his work in a ranch.

As she continued to flip through the pages, the bounty huntress also observed as Link grew, built his own house, learned how to wield a sword and... worked on the ranch. In a page, she saw the would-be Hero talking to a brunette kid holding a big stick on his hands.

_Hum. Who would have guessed he's good with children _Samus thought. However, in the next photo, the kid was sprawled in the floor, apparently unconscious and with a red, horizontal mark on his face, as Link tried to reanimate him. _Ok... maybe he's not._

Flipping to another page, Samus saw a shirtless Link holding a wooden sword. The scenery looked like the one of a summer day, so the dirty-blond, young man had probably taken off his shirt due to the hot weather. He was with an expression that suggested he wasn't expecting to be photographed, though he was standing like he had been relaxing.

Putting her hand over her chin, Samus looked around the room and to the door, nobody seemed to be coming. Grinning and chuckling, Samus took out her hand scanner and scanned the image of the photo, quickly guarding the device, still with a grin on her face.

She continued to flip through the album until she found photos in which Link was now wearing his green tunic. There seemed to be a certain space of time between one photo and another and she couldn't guess who was taking the photos, since it seemed the camera had even took some from a panoramic view.

Quickly flipping to the end of the album, the bounty huntress saw a particular photo that called her attention. Link was there, smiling to the camera with a _very _tall, blue-skinned woman at his side who looked a little like the Twili creatures Link fought in other photos or healed when he was in a place that Samus guessed was the fabled Twilight Realm. The woman had an attractive smile to her face and Samus noticed that she seemed to be topless, but the galactic warrior couldn't really tell since there were parts of her skin that had the same black color as her clothes.

Looking from the woman to the Link in the photo and then to herself, Samus noticed somethings. First, compared to Link, that woman was an Amazon. She could be even taller than Samus. Second, though the bounty huntress couldn't tell with much precision, since she didn't know if the camera twisted something in the photo, the fiery red haired woman's... measures, let's say, seemed to be almost the same as Samus'.

The bounty huntress got so entranced by the exotic look of Link's companion in the photo that she didn't notice the door opening and somebody entering. I could say it's just a person and create some suspense, but I didn't get paid because of my previous slip in the plot, so I'm just going to cut to the chase and say it's Zelda.

The Princess saw Samus looking at an album with an unreadable expression on her face. Approaching without make any noise, Zelda saw the album was probably Link's and caught sight of the photo the female fighter was looking to.

"That's Midna.", Zelda said. Samus almost jumped at hearing the princess speak so close to her.

"Don't do that again, Zelda! And don't you knock before you enter people's room? What happened to your noble manners?", the bounty huntress asked.

"Sorry. I was in a rush to get here without being noticed. And, if I'm not mistaken, this is Link's room, isn't it?"

"Yeah, but he isn't here. So if you've came to throw your charm at him, you lost your time.", Samus said with a playful smirk on her features.

"Oh, I noticed that the moment I saw you looking through his album.", the Princess sharply replied.

"Ok... you got me. But what did you say before?"

"The name of the woman in the photo. She's Midna and she is... was Link's girlfriend."

"THIS IS LINK'S GIRLFRIEND?", Samus exclaimed much louder than she intended, making the Hylian noblewoman almost cringe at the loud volume, but she nodded notwithstanding.

_Wow! Taking aside the fact I'm probably competing against her, I have to admit; Link's taste improved tremendously. This woman looks like she's those one-of-a-kind, battle empresses. _Samus thought.

"I see you're valuing the competition.", Zelda inputted in a know-it-all tone, the one she used when she wanted to tease her friends.

"How do you... ?", Samus started, but was interrupted by Zelda, when she raised her right hand, the mark of the Triforce of Wisdom shining.

"It's not necessary to have special powers to see the obvious, Samus."

"Thanks, Princess 'I know everything' Zelda.", Samus replied dryly. "And what if I am attracted to him? I think I have the right to find someone hot, don't I?", she crossed her arms, standing tall.

"Of course you have. But I have to say it's quite amusing to hear it coming from someone who said her life doesn't have any space for love and..."

"Hey, hey, hey! I said I think he's hot, not that I'm in love with Link.", Zelda sighed at that, it seemed Samus had a long way to go before she even thought on admitting that. "Besides, you know me: I like a good challenge.", the galactic warrior said, meaning Midna. "But, why are you here again?"

"I have a job for you.", Zelda said, reverting her tone to her serious, composed one. "I need you to retrieve a photographic material a certain person is using to force me to bow to his wishes, something I cannot stand."

"Translating, someone is blackmailing you.", Samus resumed.

Like Marth, Zelda also had the habit to "noblefy" her speech, thought hers sometimes was slightly less formal than Marth, maybe due to the fact she saw Link from times to times. According to what the Hero had said, he and Zelda didn't see each other in a daily basis and when they did, it often was to discuss something about Hyrule's reconstruction and state. Knowing now that Link had _other _things to do, Samus could understand why the Hero wouldn't spend so much time with Zelda.

Zelda sighed again, nodding to her companion. The princesses hardly mangaged to hide anything from Samus. The futuristic woman was very astute and had the ability to not let herself be distracted by Peach's sugarcoated, high-pitched talk and Zelda's noble speeches.

"How did you get yourself into it, if I may ask you?", Samus inquired.

"I... did something that... I often don't do and... he caught me...", Zelda said, blushing and hesitating in her talk.

Now Samus got interested. Zelda rarely blushed, _if_ she ever made it before. The futuristic woman decided to press a little more to see what the well-behaved Princess might have done that gave someone blackmail material against her.

"Something like what?", Samus asked in a very subtle tone. Zelda folded her hands in her waist and looked to the ground. "Hum... by your expression I would say it was... oh, my.", What have she thought? I think that's pretty obvious, isn't it?

"No. Wait. It's nothing like that! I was just... !", Zelda hurried to say.

"Why are you like this? It's not like drinking beyond your limits a capital sin.", Samus said.

Getting drunk? And here we were thinking... hum. Correction: here _you _were thinking. ... What? I'm the narrator, I can put the blame on other people.

"Oh... yes, yes. Drinking.", Zelda said, with a fake giggle and trying to correct herself.

"So you did _it_, didn't you?", Samus said in a devilish tone. Zelda showed a surprised expression at being caught in such a physiological trick. Wow. Sneaky, isn't she? "You're not the only one good at reading others, Princess. For people that lead the style of life I have, this ability is a 'must'."

Zelda said nothing, but her face was now a scarlet tone. Samus' smirk turned into a wide grin as she observed the color of the Princess' cheeks get brighter. The bounty huntress then spoke:

"Don't worry. I'm not going to scold you about losing your virginity before marriage and all that medieval, noble crap. Actually, I want to congratulate you, Princess.", Zelda looked to Samus with a confused expression, not understanding how her deeds were motive for praise. "This proves that you're up to adapt to the culture of the future."

Zelda didn't know if she should say something or laugh. She chose to stay with a neutral expression on her face and concentrate on the work she was hiring Samus for.

"Putting aside my actions, can you retrieve this material for me?", Zelda asked.

"Of course. Just wait a minute.", Samus said, reaching for the (overtaxed) price board. "Hum... here. 'Blackmail Dismount', $425,00.", the bounty huntress waited to hear the typical "that's a robbery!", but nothing came. She looked to Zelda with an arched eyebrow. "Aren't you going to complain about the price?"

"No. I know how you and Link are in need for money with all the taxes Master Hand puts on our contracts. And considering who you'll have to face to get the material, I think it's even cheap for the service. Would you accept a raise of $100,00 on the actual price?"

Samus could almost cry at hearing that. Almost. That was the kind of client she had wanted to meet: comprehensive and open-handed. The bounty huntress looked to Zelda with a soft and friendly look while she spoke:

"Did I already tell you how much I love you Zelda? ... like a friend, that is.", she quickly added. "Unless you..."

"I'm not like that, this I can assure you of.", Zelda spoke.

"Ok. Then what kind of blackmail it is and who has it?"

- / - / - / -

_On second thought, maybe I should have charged Zelda a little more. _Samus thought as she made her way to the room of the Smasher that had registered Zelda's... trickery.

Of all the villains and perverts in the mansion, she had to go to the room of nastiest, most disgusting and, why not to say, smelly. If you haven't guessed who it is by now, here comes another tip: the guy wasn't attractive in the least and was possibly one of the fattest fighters in the entire competition.

Yes, that's right. Samus was going to _Wario_'s room!

Now, the bounty huntress had been to many places some would consider nasty and disgusting to certain points, but she was sure that, compared to Wario's room, they would look like a flowery field. Samus approached the door and took the mold of keys she had lent with Master Hand.

Yeah... lent...

- - - - Flashback - - - - -

"So, you're saying I can sell this dress to fans on E-bay in exchange for the key to Wario's room?", Master Hand said, as he held one of Zelda's dresses that Samus had asked to the Princess for.

The bounty huntress knew the Princess should have a wardrobe full of those and, considering whose room she was going to venture into, it was the least the Princess could do for her.

"Yep.", Samus answered.

"Deal!", Master Hand said, putting the dress in his table and handing Samus a mold with a single key.

"Oh, can I have it?", Crazy asked to his brother as soon as he saw the dress. "Pleeeeeeaaaaaaaassssee?"

Samus and Master glared at the manifestation of the destructive spirit. Crazy wanting woman's clothes. That was new, even for him.

"Uh. Sure... why not?", Master spoke, too shocked to say otherwise.

"Yay! Another item to my collection!", the left, giant hand said.

"You have a collection?", Samus asked.

"Okey-donkei!

Together with the other items I bought on the internet from a guy named 'MasterMoney', I have finally completed my Hyrule set!", Crazy said, wriggling his fingers madly.

"Wait a minute! That's my E-bay account! You've been buying items from me the entire time?", Master Hand yelled. "Dammit! I lost money to my OWN BROTHER!"

"Isn't it my money?", Crazy asked.

"OF COURSE NOT! IT BELONGS TO BOTH OF US!"

Samus chose that moment to slip away while Master continued to ranther about how he ended up giving the goods he had "received" to his brother for free.

- - - - End Flashback - - - - -

Back to the actual plot. Samus slowly put the key in the keyhole and turned, holding her breath. To say she was surprised when she opened the door would be an understatement.

A shine was coming from Wario's room, forcing Samus to cover her eyes. If vanity was a place, the bounty huntress had just discovered it. Most of the furniture was either made of gold or had details made of the metal. On the wooden detail at Wario's bed was a great "W" incrusted in gold. There were even portraits in the walls, which were actually copies of masterpieces with Wario's head on the body of the people depicted in them (try imagining his head in Monalisa's body, or in Napoleon's portrait. Yeah, I know...). A statue that looked like a copy of David from Michelangelo with Wario's head on it stood in the center of the room, in a stand made of gold and blue mahogany.

Taking aside Wario's ENOURMOUS ego, Samus had to admit: his room was impeccable. She wondered if Mario's rival actually listened to Peach and Zelda's lecture about the hard work of cleaning the mess the mansion was.

The bounty huntress remembered why she was there in the first place and closed the door behind her. Wondering where Wario would hide the photographic film with the photos he had taken from Zelda, Samus started to search the room; looking behind the portraits, around the statue, below the bed, the matt and around the shelves and the tables leaning in the walls.

Seeing she had searched everywhere and didn't find any signal of the film, Samus then turned to the bathroom. She went to its door and turned the doorknob. When she opened it a breath of air was blown in her face (think of a dragon breathing), making her hair stand to its end with the... fragrance it carried. Samus slammed the door almost immediately, blocking it with her body like it would reopen on its own.

_HOLY HELL! HAS HIS BATROOM EVER SEEN SOMETHING NAMED DETERGENT?_ Samus mentally screamed. Trying to recover from almost passing out with the smell. She fixed her hair, calmer now. _I think it's just like they say: if you want to know a man, look at the state of his bathroom and his underwear drawer. But if his bathroom is like THIS... ! Ugh! I don't even want to think on it. At least, Link's bathroom's always organized and clean._

Trying to forget about the problem in Wario's bathroom (or Oblivion's Lavatory, as she just named it), Samus decided a photographic film would never survive in an environment like that. So the question remained: where Wario had hidden it.

_Probably he's carrying it with him. Ugh! How will I take it without he notice? Better yet, how am I going to do it without having to actually touch him?_

If there was one man Samus could say she would be absolutely disgusted to be in a room with, even more than Riddley himself, it was Wario. The reasons? Play the game this fic portrays. End of subject. The guy even tried to come on to her one time. The bounty huntress would have beaten him to a bloody pulp, but she was so disgusted to touch him when he spontaneously farted right besides her that she decided to simply get the hell away from him.

While she mused about it, the door to Wario's room opened. Samus' face paled. She looked for an hideout, but the only thing close to it was Wario's bed. She decided to take her chances and dived under it. Fortunately, the fat Smasher had entered with his back first. From her place, Samus saw that he was checking the corridor. He finally closed the door and, to her horror, locked it.

"Hehehe...", Wario chuckled as he took something from his pocket. Samus saw it was the film she was looking for. "That princess thinks she can make a fool out of me, the great Wario, by saying she needs more time to think. Huh, but she can't deceive me. If she's not going to polish my statues and clean my room, I'm going to post these on the internet, then I, the great Wario, want to see somebody call her Princess ever again."

Wario laughed his oh-so-evil laugh. Samus couldn't help, but feel pity for Zelda. No wonder the Hylian Princess looked for her. If she ever, just caught a fragment of the smell from Wario's bathroom, all Hyrule would be mourning over the loss of their beloved Princess. Samus could hear Wario end his laugh and yawn.

"I'm going to do that...", another yawn. "right after a well deserved nap...", he went to his bed and propped himself up, immediately drifting to sleep.

Now, Samus was in quite a predicament here. The objective was right above her and she didn't want to get anywhere near it, due to the fact it was in the hands of someone with the hygienic sense of a Space Pirate. She wondered how Link was doing...

- - - - Meanwhile, in the Pokémon Stadium 2 level - - - - -

"DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! HA HAHAHAHA!", Link laughed manically, punctuating each syllable with a blow in the chain that composed his Triforce Slash Final Smash and guess who is inside the two, glowing Trifoce symbols? ... if you thought Ganondorf, congratulations! You just gained a cookie and proved you have the basic knowledge in the field of game plots.

"NOW. TAKE. THIS. FINAL...", Link yelled, attacking between each word he spoke, stopping at the final and grasping the Master Sword tightly with his two hands, preparing the last blow. "STRIKE! YYYAAAAAAAAHHHHH!", Ganondorf flew through the stage, turning into a star in the nocturne skies. Link landed with a content grin on his face. "And that's another point to me, Ganondork!"

The Hero then turned to the other constants, who had being fighting between themselves, but stopped once they heard Link's almost psychotic laugh. They knew he was fierce, but that was just over beastly. Link saw the surprised expressions on their faces and asked, with an innocent, confused expression:

"What?"

"…And I thought Samus had anger issues.", Bowser commented.

"Same here.", Snake spoke.

"What are you two talking about?", Link asked. In that moment, Ganondorf had returned to the stage.

"Next round shorty. And this time I'm going to crush you like the insect you are.", the Dark Lord said, beating his right knuckle in his open hand, darkness emanating from it.

"Bring it on, hog face!", Link shouted, reverting to his fierce(/psycho) mood and lunging at Ganondorf. Snake and Bowser just sighed and went back to the match...

- - - - - Back to Wario's Room - - - - -

Samus had half of her body out of Wario's bed and was stretching her hand to get the photographic film the Smasher had in his hand. She was almost reaching it when Wario suddenly farted in his sleep. Samus retracted her hand to cover her nose and scooted back to bellow the bed, mentally cursing:

_Goddammit! This guy farts even when he's sleeping! _Samus never thought she would someday meet a creature she would dislike more than a Space Pirate, but Wario was quickly climbing her list.

Giving some time for the smell to subdue, Samus went back to her attempts to take the film, this time getting her whole body out from under the bed. She slowly reached for the objective of her mission again and almost got her hand on it.

Then, destiny decided to play a trick on her again (because it just loved her that way). Wario turned with half-open eyes and saw Samus. The second biggest, money grubbing of the mansion woke completely as Samus retracted her hand, eyes widening. Now she thought she was definitely screwed.

"What the... Samus? What are you doing in my room?", the "chubby" fighter asked.

"Hum... I... I... um...", Samus muttered, trying to come up with a good excuse.

"Oh, I got it.", Wario said with an expression of comprehension dawning on his face. Samus bit her lower lip. "Of course, you finally realized my true magnificence and came to bask yourself in all the manly glory that is Wario."

Samus' mouth hang mild-open, with an expression of disbelief written in all over her face. She would have beaten Wario, but for that she would have to touch him to do this and that was a "no go". Trying to focus on another thing than Wario's monstrous ego, she saw he had left the photographic film in his bed. If she could just take it without him noticing...

"Well, here I am, baby.", Wario continued to talk. Samus was now trying really hard not to beat him. "And since it's just the two of us here, how about I congratulate your efforts with a kiss? After all, that's the prize you've been after, isn't it?"

_OK, now he's being delusional... _Samus thought.

Wario then flexed his lips and put them in position to (blegh!) kiss Samus, leaning closer to her as she leaned behind, trying to get away from him. If those garlic-devouring, lips touched her, no matter how many times she took a bath, the smell would never go away.

Quickly thinking, the bounty huntress saw there was only one solution. She grabbed the edges of Wario's cap and pulled them down, covering the eyes of the Smasher, and quickly took her hands back, shaking them to get rid of any unknown bacteria that might have stick to them. Wario was now looking around, seeming a little confused, but his ego soon kicked in.

"Oh, want to play blind date, uh? Well, I like games too, so I'll let you have your way this time.", Wario said.

Samus didn't even bother to pay attention to that. Snatching the film from Wario's bed, she looked for an escape route. Door? Would take too much to open. Open window at the end of Wario's room? They were in the third floor of the mansion.

Thinking, Samus decided to pick the choice that any sane person in a situation like this would: she made a run for the window and jumped, disappearing from sight. Wario finally got tired of waiting and called for Samus. Receiving no answer, he took off his cap, uncovering his eyes.

The Smasher looked around and saw no signal of Samus. He pouted, saying,

"Oh... once again, love has denied itself to Wario..."

- / - / - / -

That night, Zelda was sitting at Link's bed, looking at the album. Oh no, not her too. I guess curiosity towards Link's life isn't limited to social classes. She was seeing it from the end to the beginning and when she stopped at the photo of a sword wielding, shirtless Link, she also looked around and, seeing nobody, quickly took it and created a copy using her magic. She put the copy in the album, taking the original with her, all the while with a smile on her face. I wonder if any woman is capable of resisting a picture like this.

She continued to look through the album and let out soft sighs at seeing the photos of Link as a children. It was then the door opened and Samus entered. The bounty huntress had several twigs and leaves in her disarrayed hair and some bruises in her face. Her Zero Suit had some dirt on it too.

Zelda arched an eyebrow at that, like asking what happened.

Samus closed the door behind her, wordlessly. By her silence, the Hylian Princess could guess things hadn't gone according to plan. Samus muttered:

"I'm going to need at least three baths after this...", she then dropped to her chair behind the table of her and Link's joint. "But, at least, I got it.", she showed her hand with the film secure on it.

"Oh, thank you very much Samus.", Zelda said. "Now, give it to me, so I can destroy this foul source of..."

"I don't think so, Princess.", Samus said with a malicious smile on her face as she took the film out of Zelda's reach, who just looked to her with a surprised expression. "You see, after all the trouble, all the _smelly_ trouble, I went through to get it, I decided I deserve to see what you are trying so hard to hide."

She got up, apparently having recovered all of her vitality, and went to the computer she set up in a desk near the wall. Zelda saw that and asked,

"Since when did Link get a computer?"

"I bought it yesterday.", Samus answered as she turned it on.

"It seems your business is flourishing accordingly."

"Thanks. But you won't get out of this one by complimenting me.", Samus said, still sporting that malicious smile in her face. She took a cylindrical device she had brought from her room and connected it to the computer. "Now I put the film inside it and...", a window opened in the screen. "aha! Time for you to suffer a little, Princess.", she said, turning to Zelda.

"Why are you being so vengeful towards me? Aren't we friends?"

"Yes, we are. But Link is also my friend and if I had passed by what I passed because of him, you can be sure I would be thinking of a way to give him a piece of my mind."

Zelda sighed. It really didn't matter which kind of people she befriended with, Samus would always be Samus. The photos were then all scanned and passed to the computer. Already in the first photo, Samus looked to the date it was taken and was slightly surprised by it.

"So that was the 'match' Ike had the day he hired us to care of that brat of his sister.", Samus said, looking to Zelda. The photo showed Ike and her in a restaurant in the city. The noblewoman blushed at that.

"I swear, if I knew it would have ended up like that, I wouldn't have go out with him that day.", Zelda said.

"Don't worry. I don't blame you for that.", Samus said. Zelda smiled at that. "But that doesn't mean I'm not looking the rest of these photos.", Zelda had a sad expression at this.

Samus then looked through the other photos and saw things in Zelda and Ike's date were getting a little... interesting. There was one where they were drinking something, which didn't seem to be soda or refrigerant.

"What did you order?", the bounty huntress asked, pointing to the magnified photo.

"Wine.", Zelda answered, in a weak voice.

"And I suppose you and Ike aren't used to drinking it, are you?"

Zelda nodded. Samus knew Ike would never buy something like wine, he hated anything that could make him look like a "whiny" noble. But Zelda, being the open-handed person she was, certainly would want for her boyfriend to prove different, good things.

The things in the next photos started to get a little hotter, as clearly drunken Zelda and Ike stood and kissed each other, thought she couldn't say to what level, but seemed like both were very enthusiastic in the action. The next photos showed them paying the bill and going to a nearby hotel. That explained why Ike hadn't come back to the mansion during the night.

The next photos were taken through the crack of a door and their contents, if described, would make the rating of this fic raise to M. So, let's just say Zelda was beet red by now as Samus put a hand on her chin, covering her mouth with part of her fingers while snickering.

"Hehe. Say. Haha. Where did you learn, hehehe, to be this... bold, Princess? Hahaha.", the bounty huntress asked, turning to Zelda.

"I... talked to Midna...", she admited, while hiding her face with her hands. "Can I please destroy the film now?"

"Ok, I already saw what I wanted... and what I didn't want too. Hahaha!", Samus said, taking the film out of the cilindric device and handing it to Zelda. "But say, was it really Link's girlfriend who told you this?", Samus pointed to the computer screen, where the window with Zelda and Ike's photos were still at the show.

"Let's say she likes to speak about _everything_. When I asked how her and Link's relationship was, I was also presented with a speech about what men like and don't like in the matter of... well, you know. I tried to get her to stop, but she said that it would be good if I listened because it could be useful in the future."

"Seems like it was, uh?", Samus said, smirking and raising an eyebrow several times. Zelda was practically crimson now.

While Princess tried to concentrate on other thing than Samus' comments on her sexual life, she burnt the film, sighing in relief. The door then opened and Link entered. He seemed to be sweating a lot as he closed the door behind, but had a content smile on his face as he saw the two females at his room. He looked to Samus and spoke,

"So, seems like you had some job while I was at the match.", the bounty huntress nodded to him. It was then Link noticed the computer she had bought for their joint was on. "Hey, what are you doing in it?" the Hero asked, approaching the monitor, curious as to what they were doing with the device.

It was then the Hylian swordsman saw the photos in the window Samus forgot to close. Link looked from the galactic warrior to the Princess of Hyrule and back to the computer. He then got an expression of someone that was ready to scold a little child.

"So, you said I better not look for porn in that interint thing, but there's nothing wrong with you seeing it, huh? And even do that Zelda's front.", he then looked to the noble spellcaster. "I'm sorry Princess if my friend here... did... wait. Is that you and Ike?", Link asked, recognizing the two people at the photos.

The only answer he got from Zelda was a blush and she avoinding eye contact. Samus, however, told Link about the job she got from the Princess and the "activity" the royal had with Ike. Link just scratched his head. So that was what Ike was doing the day he asked he and Samus to take care of Mist.

"Well, that explains a few things.", Link said.

"You really don't care, do you?", Samus asked, in a taunting tone. Link sighed, recognizing the provocation.

"No, I don't. Zelda is a grown up woman. If she wants to... do that with Ike, it's none of our business."

"Since my presence here isn't required anymore, excuse me.", the Hylian Princess said, bowing to Link and Samus and thanking the bounty huntress for the job again.

As Zelda went to the door and opened it, Samus decided to have fun with the Princess one last time.

"You should tell that to Peach, you know? She would just love to hear how your love life is active."

That was probably the first time Link had seen Zelda blush so much, but here she did again. The other bearer of the Golden Power closed the door behind her with some strength, darting through the corridor to her room. Samus was laughing at her seat while she turned the computer off. The bounty huntress then noticed Link glaring at her.

"What? Peach and Zelda always nagged at me because I don't have a boyfriend. Why can't I have a little fun with her because she's too timid to admit she got herself a man? In more ways than one."

Link shook his head. It was better stay out of Samus' personal vendettas.

* * *

NOTE (06/3): For all my readers, sorry for the doubled chapter thing. I honestly didn't check it. Now it's fixed.


	6. Canon Problems

Once again, thanks for Kirinketsu for putting the "-a"s to make Mario's accent.

Another warning: I didn't plan on inserting "OC's" based on real people/writers, so any codenames that are equal your nicknames, or the ones of people you know, are a mere conciencidence.

Or is it? ...

**

* * *

**

Chapter 6

**Canon Problems**

Link and Samus entered their office after having lunch in the city, since they had work there. Samus deactivated her armor as she sighed, going to sit on the chair behind their table.

"Honestly, I'm starting to think you still have a bit of animal left in you.", the bounty huntress said to her partner.

"Why is that?"

"Because when we went to get rid of that wild wolf that snuck into that house in the town, I had to make sure the mutt didn't scratch my entire armor while all you did was look him in the eyes for a bit and then the thing just turned and left."

"Well... I guess I just have a way with animals.", Link spoke, scratching his head.

"Whatever. Not like it's a problem anyway.", Samus shrugged her shoulders.

Minutes of silence passed as Link decided to sit in his couch again. They still had to buy a chair for him to sit, or snatch one from the dinning hall in the mansion. Samus decided to take a chance and asked a question that had been plaguing her mind since she got to know about Midna.

"So, you said back there that you and your girlfriend broke, didn't you?", the galactic warrior asked. Link looked to her with a confused look. Samus sighed. "Have you already forgotten you said that when Ike's, bratty sister asked you?

"No. I just don't understand why you're bringing this up now.", the Hero replied.

"Just felt like talking about something.", Samus said, disguising her curiosity. "Are you going to answer or not?"

"Ok, ok. Yeah. Me and Midna broke up."

"Why?"

"Well... have you ever had that sensation in which you wake one morning and realize something is not working because of the distance or how your enthusiasm about it diminished?", Link asked.

"No.", Samus answered in a frank tone.

"Ok, then... how about when you suddenly realize you can't go on anymore, have you ever felt that?"

"No.", the bounty huntress answered in her frank tone again.

"Alright, forget it. We just broke up and that's it."

Link sighed. It seemed either Samus never fell in love or just had a different strategy to deal with it. The bounty huntress then decided to speak about something she hadn't brought up in years:

"But I do know what it is to be so desperate for affection that scramble for it the first chance that comes in your way, even if you know in the end it'll just result in a break up."

Link perked his ears at hearing that and looked to Samus. From way she spoke, it seemed she was going to tell him something that she had kept locked up for too long. Well people, it's time for a little sad story of the dark past of our favorite bounty huntress. Grab you tissues, cause you're going to need it. That is, if you are the emotional type.

"Wanna talk about it?", Link asked... oh please, if she brought it up, it's obvious she wants to talk about it.

"He was my first. I won't say it was a passionate relationship like it probably was between you and Midna. It was more like we were just looking for a little comfort. But he always put his duty above all and disapproved some... let's say, enthusiastic actions of my part. Mainly when it came to Space Pirates."

"Like what?"

"Like jumping at each one you see just to get the satisfaction of blowing his head up with your pistol and needing to be saved by your comrades when the numbers are too great.", Link understood that a little. It was almost the same way he felt when he got the chance to pay back the monsters that kidnapped his friends. "He didn't like Space Pirates too, but after some missions, he gave me an ultimatum, saying if I wanted to work in his unit, I should make something about my obsession with 'exploding every pirate I saw'.

"Conclusion, work subjects mixed in the middle of the relationship and the rest you can guess."

Link could just show a surprised expression at hearing all of that. Samus had told him she worked on the police that fought against the Space Pirates in her galaxy, but dropped out after sometime to become a freelancer bounty hunter. Aside that he and the other Smashers knew little to nothing about her past.

"I'm sorry for making you bring up such a sad subject.", Link said.

"It's alright.", Samus spoke, waving her hand like the subject didn't mean that much to her. "Like I said, I knew that would eventually happen. People like me aren't ones to have a happy ending in the final."

"But you should have.", Link said with a determined tone in his voice.

"You're a great woman, you have the right to be happy. If I could, I would make it happen myself."

... Link, you just don't know that is exactly what Samus is hoping for. The bounty huntress looked to him in a surprised way, almost saying "you don't know how right you are". Deciding that this was the chance she just needed, the bounty huntress stood and moved closer to Link, who had stood too once he spoke his determined line.

"Are you serious, or are you just playing with me?", Samus asked with an eyebrow raised.

"I am serious. Why would I lie to you about this?", Link said, not noticing Samus was approaching more.

"No kidding?", the galactic warrior asked again, approaching more.

"No kidding.", Link repeated, suddenly noticing she was very close and sat again.

"You sure?", Samus didn't end her phrase, for in that moment, she had sat on) Link's couch, almost brushing him.

"Samus, why are asking so many questions and... why are you almost on top of me?"

"I'm asking to make sure you're not going to regret it.", her tone was now seductive as she passed her fingers under his chin, making him blush wildly and blood rush to... certain parts of his body. Needless to say, the green clad swordsman was sweating like crazy. Samus was so close he could feel her breath over his face.

"R-r-regret what... ?"

Samus' lips were almost upon Link's and she could almost taste her victory, literally. However, destiny decided to deny her that "little" pleasure, so, at that moment, Peach and Bowser barged into Link's room. The blonde Princess was about to say something when she noticed the position Link and Samus were in.

The two friends froze and looked to the ones that entered. A heavy silence hung upon the scene: Samus with her body over Link, who had his arms almost touching her back and his mouth mild open in a mix of surprise and waiting. After what seemed some minutes, Bowser was the first to break the silence with a whistle, saying:

"Well, I suppose it was meant to happen. After all, to understand a violent, short-tempered, anti-social person, we would need someone equally violent and a little psycho."

"Hum...", Peach let out."Maybe we should come back in another hour."

_Damn right you should! _Samus thought. However, she just grumbled and got up.

Link literally fell from the couch when his (*cough**cough* gorgeous *cough**cough*) friend stood. Strangely enough, he felt like a kid that had just be denied his candy.

"Forget it...", Samus said throwing herself in her chair with an extremely gruff expression. "Why are you and Bowser here anyway? Don't tell me you came to ask us to save you from him."

Link finally recovered and got up, analyzing the scene. Peach _and _Bowser were in his room and, apparently, he wasn't in the middle of a kidnapping, otherwise Mario would be on his toes. So what could possibly be going on here?

"We came here to ask for a protection service from you two.", Peach said in her high-pitched tone, seeming to have already recovered from the rather awkward scene she just witnessed.

Link and Samus immediately looked to Bowser. The Koopa King noticed it and rushed to say:

"Not from me, you idiots!"

"Maybe you two should start by explaining why you are here together, cause I'm confused.", Link said. I wonder how many times he got confused in this story.

"It all started yesterday.", Peach said. "Bowser came to me and...", Link and Samus shot looks to the dragon-turtle (or whatever he is). "Not because he wanted to kidnap me.", the princess hurried to say. "Anyway, he then asked me if I wanted to go out in the city and take a stroll on the shops there."

"Wow!", Samus exclaimed. The galactic warrior looked to the Koopa."Finally got some guts to do it, heh?"

Now it was the turn of Peach to look confused, together with Link. Bowser started to sweat at having Samus speaking that out loud. He faked a smile to the two, clueless Smashers in the room and quickly reach the table of Steel 'n' Blade Co, leaning over it and whispering to Samus:

"Shut up. It's nothing of it. I'm just inviting her to take a walk around town."

"Alright, do as you wish.", Samus answered in good sound.

Link and Peach were still confused as Bowser let smoke come out of his nostrils and walked away of the bounty huntress. Deciding that thinking about what just happened wouldn't help, Link asked Peach:

"So, did you accept his invite?"

"Yes.", Peach said with a smile.

Link and Samus looked to her with wide eyes. They then looked to Bowser and back to the Mushroom Princess, wondering what exactly caused her to accept the invite of the oversized Koopa. Bowser noticed that and sighed, shaking his head as he spoke:

"Honestly, you two are as paranoid as Mario is. I can't get three meters near Peach without him appearing and glaring at me."

"Well, he has a reason to be like that, considering your story and everything.", Link spoke.

"Touche."

"Then you two are going out and Bowser doesn't want to kidnap you.", Samus repeated, just to be sure. I think they already left it clear that he doesn't to kidnap her, Samus. "Then why do you need our protection? Isn't Bowser strong enough to do it by himself?", she taunted.

"Of course I am!", the dragon-... let's just keep saying he's a dragon since... well, he breathes fire and roar, so... anyway, Bowser half-shouted, half-roared. "But... the guys we need protection from are far from the kind you can get rid simply beating them up."

Samus and Link got attentive at that. They could just wonder who would exactly be these guys Bowser was talking about. The Koopa King was generally the one to solve everything in a way very similar to Samus': if someone pissed him off, he would stomp, roast and beat the daylights out of the guy, not necessarily in that order.

"We're talking about the Canon Brigade.", Peach spoke.

"Canon-what?", Link asked.

"Oh, I heard about them.", Samus said. "It's a group of completely crazy and fanatic fans who think we shouldn't have interaction with anyone besides our 'official pairing'.", the bounty huntress made quote marks at that.

"Official? You mean..."

"Like you and Zelda, or Peach and Mario and so on."

"Yeah, these guys are totally nuts.", Bowser said. "If they as much as caught a rumor that you're going out with someone who's not your 'official pairing' they'll come up with a way of spoiling it and make your life a living hell."

"That's...", Link started, but Peach completed the phrase for him.

"Yeah, I know. It's because of them that Luigi has a mortal fear of people dressed for Halloween.", Link and Samus had eyebrows raised at that. Peach then explained. "Remember when we were at that party hall for the public opening of the tournament? Well, members of the Brigade were there and saw me and Luigi talking and they decided he was a 'menace to my relationship with Mario'. So they dressed like monsters, put on Boo masks and scared Luigi away from the building."

Taking aside the fact that Luigi could be a rather comic when scared, Link and Samus felt sorry for the Italian plumber. The green clad swordsman then spoke:

"This is horrible."

"Yeah. You can just imagine what they would do to Peach or me if they saw us walking alone in town. From what I've heard, they also got a new leader. They say a word of this guy can make an entire crowd go wild.", Bowser spoke.

"What kind of sick person would take the leadership of a brigade for that purpose?"

- - - - In the mansion's garage, out of everybody's sight or hearing - - - - -

"Remember my people: we are... !", a voice shouted from a stand to a whole crowd of people.

"THE CANON BRIGADE!", the crowd shouted in answer.

"And we're not going to... ?"

"ALLOW THEM TO GO OUT!"

"Because... ?"

"HE ISN'T MARIO, HER OFFICIAL PAIRING!"

"Now go my minions! Spread the word and together we shall conquer all of Cleveland!"

Nobody replied at that, instead they just looked between themselves, murmuring. Seeing he had spoke the wrong speech, the leader of the Brigade corrected himself:

"Huh, I mean: together, we shall make them realize this GREAT TRUTH!"

"YEAH!"

"NOW GO!"

The members of the brigade then left the garage by a secret door, shouting war cries and preparing to put their plans into work. How nobody noticed their shouts and didn't see a _whole _crowd walking to the street from the garage is a complete mystery to me.

- - - - Meanwhile, in Master Hand's office - - - - -

"Where's Crazy? He always disappears at this hour?", Master Hand mused... no comments here... "And I still have to think in a way to recover the money I lost. Hum... maybe I could sell Link and Samus' contracts to one of those reality shows.

"They sure would make a lot of success." ... still no comments here...

- - - - Back to Link's room - - - - -

"So, are you going to help us or not?", Peach asked.

"Of course we are. Right Samus?", Link asked to his partner.

"Yeah.", the bounty huntress nodded. Link smiled to her. "As soon as I get the price for the service.", Link let his smile and shoulders drop at it. "Let's see... It's practically 'Guarding the royalty', since you and Bowser are Princess and King."

"Of course I am King.", Bowser replied.

"In that case, it's $120,00 per hour."

"What the...? Are you crazy?"

"Hey, be happy cause I didn't charge extra. After all, we are dealing with a bunch of crazy people."

Bowser seemed ready to roar in protest, but Peach put a hand on his shoulder, making the Koopa King look to her. After looking between the bounty huntress and the Mushroom Princess, the dragon finally let out a sight and said:

"Ok, fine... I'll pay... but you better do your service well."

"Don't worry, we're not used to failing.", Samus guaranteed him with a smile.

"Huh... I just wanted to see how it would be if you were in my shoes."

"Well, we may never know, since, after all, I do not have an 'official pairing' and even if I did, he already died a long time ago.", Samus said with a grim smile on her face.

Bowser grumbled a little more as Peach thanked them and said one of them would need to stay in the mansion and keep Mario occupied so he wouldn't see Boswer and her going out together. Of course, they meant "going out" in the meaning of exiting the mansion, but, by his face, Bowser seemed to be hoping Peach was meaning other thing.

"In that case I'll stay.", Link volunteered. Samus glared at him. "Hey, don't look at me like that. Don't you think Mario will suspect something if you suddenly decided to go and have a talk with him."

"Y' know, he's right.", Bowser said.

"Ok... then I'll be the escort.", the bounty huntress spoke.

"Good. In that case, we're going to be prepared in thirty minutes. Be ready to start by then.", Peach said, as she exited Steel 'n' Blade's office to go and dress herself for the walk in the city, which meant put another pink dress _identical _to the one she's wearing.

"Good luck with the date, Bowser.", Samus inputted with a playful smile on her face.

"It's not a... ! Oh, forget it.", Bowser grumbled, leaving the room too.

When the two royals left the local, Link turned to Samus with a confused look. Understanding what her partner was about to ask, the bounty huntress said:

"I think it's very obvious what's going on, isn't it?"

"What do you mean?", Link asked, still with that confused look.

"Didn't you ever wonder why Bowser always kidnap Peach, yet he doesn't harm her in the slightest?"

"I thought it was because he needed her unharmed, so he could control her people better."

"You know, forget it. You're just completely clueless.", Samus said, getting up and going to prepare herself. She then mentally added:

_You couldn't even realize what I wanted back there._

- / - / - / -

As Link distracted Mario, Peach and Bowser successfully managed to exit the mansion and go to the city. Samus followed them from far behind to not interrupt their "date" (Bowser: It's not a date! Dammit!). She was surveying the area with her visor for any suspect readings.

As the futuristic woman was playing the silent bodyguard, at the other side of the street, in a fire staircase in an alley, two members of the Brigade were preparing to ruin Bowser and Peach's d... I mean, stroll.

"Ok now, here's the plan, NewMushship.", a brunette member said to... well, apparently, they use codenames, but... NewMushship? Seriously. "I'm going to shot this dart full with Final Smash Essence on the fat, dragon-turtle right there.", the Brigade's member said, bringing out a tranquilizer gun. How did these guys get a tranquilizer gun? "Then he'll automatically go Giga Bowser and Peach will have to get away of him."

"Oh, that's smart, StarRed.", NewMuship, a guy with black hair and green eyes, spoke. Wow... StarRed...

"Yeah I know.", Star Red spoke, pointing the riffle to Bowser.

"Not in my watch." Samus whispered. She was just at the entrance of the alley, hearing everything the two had said.

The bounty huntress then took a look at the platform were the guys were and the distant it was from Peach and Bowser. If she could throw something she could block the dart. It was then Olimar came walking near Samus, coming from the other side of the street. The captain of the spaceship of Pikmin greeted her with his hand. An idea immediately came to Samus.

_Well, I'm sure nobody's going to mind it. _The bounty huntress thought.

She then picked Olimar up by the back of his uniform and waited for RedStar aim his riffle at Bowser. Olimar tried to protest, but since he couldn't make any coherent sound, nobody really paid attention to it. Samus then threw the little man at the moment RedStar shot the dart.

Just as the futuristic woman predicted, the shot bounced off Olimar's helmet, not damaging it in the least, bounced off a "Stop" sign on the other side of the street and off a bumper a nearby worker was carrying to a truck. Samus and the two members of the Canon Brigade accompanied the wandering projectile with their eyes.

Then, it ended (up) hitting Ganondorf, who happened to be passing by the street, talking with Wolf about physiological torture to use on people he didn't like (a.k.a.: practically everybody), in some really random act of the destiny. The Dark lord immediately entered in Brawl Trance as he started to sniff the air.

"What's up?", Wolf asked, a little surprised at seeing his companion villain suddenly ready to use a Final Smash.

"I smell... a plot... for the sake of maintaining couples united!", Ganondorf said.

Ganondorf then looked in the direction of NewMushship and RedStar. Wolf decided that was a good hour to put some distance between him and the Dark Lord as Samus too got out of the Gerudo's path. Ganondorf then turned to the members of the Canon Brigade and transformed into Ganon ready to charge at them.

"Oh-" RedStar mumbled.

"Crap." NewMushship completed.

Result: Ganon destroyed the entire alley, and the two (weirdos) were launched into the heavens. Luckily, there was nobody at the buildings when Ganondorf destroyed part of them.

"Looks like the Cannon Brigade is blasting off again!", Redstar and NewMushship said in a really crappy reference.

"Yes!" Samus said in an impersonation of one of Falcon's lines.

After spoil the first members of the Brigade's plans, Samus followed Bowser and Peach, who surprisingly didn't notice Ganondorf destroy part of one of the city's blocks. They then arrived in a shopping center.

Samus never liked shopping malls and always avoided them whenever she could. For her, they were too crowded, too loud and, mainly, full of desperate salesmen and saleswomen who would attack the first potential client on sight like a predator upon a flesh piece of meat. Ok, maybe she just don't like people that sell things...

Anyway, the bounty huntress continued to follow the two royals into a clothing store. Grumbling again, Samus decided to stay in a corner of the store. She never liked going to clothing stores, because, for one; because of the salesmen/women factor. Second; some women around always kept staring at her when she was using her Zero Suit (remember, this is one of the only clothes she has), some with surprise, some with envy. You can certainly guess why. Hey, this a rhyme!

From her spot, the galactic warrior heard some other members of the Canon Brigade nearby:

"It seems RedStar failed. Now's our time to get the glory, IceTriforce.", a blonde girl said to another, red haired one. "Did you bring what I asked you for?"

"Here is it.", IceTriforce said, taking from her bag what looked like some kind of plastic, reinforced bag with some kind of substance inside.

Samus activated her scanner and picked traces of several different substances mixed together inside the plastic bag. She immediately identified what the girls had in hand: a stink bomb.

"Great. Once we throw this stink bomb on Peach, her dress will get so smelly she's going to go back to the mansion in a flash. She's going to think twice before going out with Bowser again.", the blond girl said.

"Then let's do it, Silla7!", IceTriforce said. The creativity of their names simply astonish me...

_Man, these guys are serious. _Samus thought.

The bounty huntress quickly devised a counter-attack plan. Coming up with a solution she looked for the right surface and took out her hand scanner. Quickly searching through the files and data stored, she found the one she just needed.

_No woman in her right mind would be able to resist this. _The bounty huntress thought, grinning.

Peach was throwing several dresses over Bowser, who had already a pile on his arms, almost obstructing his vision. She didn't notice the two girls of Canon Brigade. As IceTriforce was ready to throw the stinky bomb at the pink princess, the two girls heard someone shout:

"Oh, look! They've got a poster of Link!"

Letting curiosity take over, the girls looked and saw, at the glass of the store, a "poster" of Link without his shirt, with a sword in hand and looking to the camera with a look of surprise on his face that fit his features just well.

The two girls had their eyes narrowed and grins plastered in their faces, even starting to droll at the vision. IceTriforce had completely forgot the stinky bomb on her hand and let it fell aside, right on several winter blouses. They just got out of their dream state when a foul stench invaded their nostrils. IceTriforce and Silla7 then saw the blouses and let out an "oh-ho..."

"Hey you!", one of the saleswomen of the store called, stomping over to the two girl's, an extremely angry expression on her face. "You're going to pay for that! Do you hear me?"

"B-but... w-we got distracted by that...", Silla7 tried to explain, but when she turned, Link's "poster" had disappeared.

"No excuses! Come with me!", the saleswoman said.

The two members of the Brigade accompanied the woman to the cashier, with downcast expressions. Samus was laughing behind her visor. With that we have: Samus - 2 X Canon Brigade - 0.

After Peach had tried _each _dress she gave for Bowser to carry, she bought most of them and went out of the store. Samus, who had sat in a nearby chair, waiting for the Mushroom Princess to finish her shopping and almost falling sleep as the long minutes passed by, stood and followed them.

As Bowser was trying to convince Peach for them to stop and eat something, two other members of the Canon Brigade were coming from the food plaza, one of them carrying a cup of cappuccino. The two saw the couple of royals coming and the one carrying the cappuccino said, in a quick and electric speech:

"Oh, we're going to do this. When he comes, I trip Bowser and he falls on the fountain, wetting Peach's dresses, she goes home, angry with him and they don't go out anymore. Yeah, that's good, good, good! Hehehehe.", the caffeine affected member of the brigade said.

The other member took the cup of his companion, spying on it and seeing it was empty. The other guy didn't even seem to notice, in fact, he was quite busy entertaining himself making little jumps. The not so hyper member of the Canon brigade asked:

"How many cups of this did you have, MetroMarine?"

"Oh, just 5, 6, 7. You know, SonicRinger." MetroMarine spoke in his quick, caffeine powered way of talk.

"Ok..." SonicRinger then spoke in a whisper to himself. "I can't believe I enlisted to end up sticking with this weirdo."

Samus, who was walking behind Peach and Bowser, noticed the caffeine affected MetroMarine and found his attitude a little strange. Keeping her eyes open, she soon saw she wasn't wrong when he put his feet in front of Bowser's feet, who was too busy talking with Peach, tripping the oversized Koopa and making him launch the bags containing Peach's dress in the air, in the direction of the food plaza's fountain.

Springing into action, the bounty huntress put use to her acrobatic abilities and quickly ran forward, used the fallen Bowser as a stepping stone (forcing him to the ground again) and snatched all bags in the air, with her free arm and her Grappling Beam. She spun in the air, in a Screw Attack fashion, and landed at the tip of the fountain's sculpture, successfully avoiding getting the bags wet.

"Oh, thank you so much Samus!" Peach said, approaching the futuristic woman with Bowser on her tow.

"It was nothing." the bounty huntress said, jumping out of the fountain and handing the bags to Peach and Bowser.

"Huff... show off.", was the Koopa King's way of saying "thanks".

As the couple went to the food plaza, SonicRinger and MetroMarine approached Samus, the latter with an angry expression on his face. Contrary to any common sense, he called Samus:

"Hey you! How do you dare to stay in the way of the Canon Brigade? I'm going to..." he suddenly stopped when he seemed to recognize who he was talking to. "Hey. You're Samus Aran, aren't you?"

"Yeah. What so?", the bounty huntress asked, turning to the duo.

"I'm your greatest fan!" MetroMarine started, using the typical "I'm your #1 fan!" tone and a big grin on his face. "Can I take a photo with you in your Zero Suit?" he asked, raising his eyebrows several times.

Samus' eyes started to twitch behind her visor. Even though he couldn't see her face, SonicRinger could feel the murderous vibe starting to built up around the huntress. He then poked his companion several times in the shoulder, calling:

"Hum... MetroMarine..."

"What?", MetroMarine asked, turning to his partner.

However, in that exact moment, Samus grabbed MetroMarine by the collar of his shirt and SonicRinger with her Grappling Beam. She gave them a beating and threw them into the fountain at the entrance of the food plaza. "Humph"ing, the futuristic woman left the pair and entered the plaza.

SonicRinger achieved to grab the border of the fountain and get the upper part of his body out of the water, spilling a small jet of water. He then put his shoulder over the edge, with a bothered expression on his face, saying:

"That's the last time I do something because my friends are doing it too."

For the rest of the day, Samus had to face other groups of the Canon Brigade bent on ruining Peach and Bowser's day. She stopped "accidents", like the typical flower-vase-falling-on-someone's-head, or storm drains open, either by shooting the things or throwing the members of the Brigade that caused it to fill the holes.

After seeing who was spoiling their plans, the Brigade tried a frontal attack, just to be snatched by Samus' Grappling Beam and launched into fountains/trash cans/mail boxes or simply beaten senseless when they recognized her and asked for a "photo with their favorite celebrity to show to all of their friends" (asking for her to be in her Zero Suit, of course). Some members even tried to take Samus out. Bad move.

After seeing there was no way for them to stop her and why she was called the toughest bounty huntress in all over the galaxy, some Brigade members even tried another tactic:

"Don't worry, I've got a plan!", here it comes people. "I'm going to write here some situation which will take her out of our way so we can spoil Peach and Bowser's date." the dark haired member of the Brigade, named ArwingMaster said, taking out a notebook and starting to write on it frantically.

Samus (with a pile of unconscious bodies of Brigade's members around her) saw there was still someone (possibly another perverted fan of hers. She didn't care anymore at that time, she just wanted to beat them all) she hadn't beat and walked to ArwingMaster.

"Now take this!" the dark haired author said, putting his open notebook at her front for her to see. Samus had to take a step back for the guy had almost hit her with the notebook.

10 seconds passed...

30 seconds...

1 minute...

You could even see one of those tumble weeds that appears on western movies rolling in the background...

Samus finally decided she had enough of waiting and grabbed ArwingMaster by his collar, bringing him close to her visor. Needless to say, the guy was sweating like crazy as he stuttered a lot, facing what he knew was certain doom.

"B-b-b-bu... but... but... the author powers..." the frightened Brigade follower said.

"Please..." Samus spoke, rolling her eyes behind her visor." Don't tell me you believe in that ruse. Everybody knows this story of 'author powers' is just something created by people that achieved to pay Master Hand enough to convince him to use his powers to create special effects in a way it would look like they have some kind of supernatural ability, so they can give themselves more credit than actually admitting all they did was to pay us to take part on their story."

Hum... you weren't supposed to let out the secret Samus. Oh well, whatever. What do I care? I am the narrator, I'm getting paid anyway.

"Dammit. I knew there was something wrong when I tried to make Link and Zelda take part in my romantic story, but couldn't force them to." Oh-oh. Bad move, my friend. Bad move. Just because of that little confession, Samus gave that guy a special beating. To make things short, he ended up with spirals in his eyes, birds flying around his head and his notebook on his head, not to count some concussions and broken bones.

With most of the members KO'ed, the Canon Brigade finally saw their attempts were useless against the one-army woman. Well, I mean, duh! Of course they didn't stand a chance. Samus can eliminate troops and troops of Space Pirates, giant aliens and ultimate Metroids and without even getting her hair messed up. Or maybe it's because of the suit, but you got my point.

As the sun was setting and Peach and Bowser ended their stroll around a park, since she wanted to see the lake there and the animals that ran free on the local, the group went back to the mansion. Samus managed to stay out of their way as she fought the Brigade, which meant the "date" had been a success.

As they were coming near the street of the mansion, Peach commented to Bowser:

"Thanks for the lovely afternoon. It was really fun."

"Well, it... it was nothing." Bowser said, scratching his head and blushing a little. Three cookies for who guess why!

"No, I really enjoyed it.", Peach continued, with a sweet smile on her face.

Getting tired of all of that sugar-coated talk, Samus decided it was a good for... :

"Ok Bowser, pay up."

"Huh?" the Koopa King exclaimed, seeming to still distracted by Peach's voice.

"It's four hours, according to my suit's chronometer. So pay up.", Samus insisted in her direct and serious tone.

"Alright, alright. Dammit.", Bowser mumbled, producing some money. I wonder where he kept it.

"Oh, don't be so grumpy Bowser." Peach said, still in her sweet tone. "Samus put so much effort in making sure everything went right. You should thank her."

"Ok, ok..." the Koopa King sighed while Samus was counting her money. "Than..."

"So there-a you are!" a voice carrying an Italian accent sounded.

Bowser, Peach and Samus turned to see Mario at the gates of the mansion, Link right behind him, with an apologetic expression on his face that clearly said "Sorry, I tried". The Italian plumber seemed angry to say the least.

"Oh, c'mon. Give me a break. I'm doing nothing wrong!" Bowser said, shaking his head with his claw over his forehead and almost roaring at the last sentence.

"I also thought-a those people that were-a in the front of the mansion shouting you had-a taken Peach to the city for another one-a of your plans were lyng. But it-a seems you're always up to no-a good, huh?", Mario said, putting himself in position for battle.

"Mario. It's not what you..." Peach tried to explain, but was cut off by Mario, who seemed to not have listened her at all.

"Don't-a worry, Princess. I'll-a rescue you from the clutches of this-a villain.", Mario said, trying to sound heroic and with a friendly smile to Peach. Link scratched his head, trying to think in something to say to stop the fight that would occur.

"Oh please. It seems like someone eat some rotten mushrooms this morning if you're not even able to see what's right under your mustache." Bowser spoke in a taunting tone.

"Uh, Bowser. You're not going to improve the situation by speaking like this.", Samus said, but she was ignored.

"At-a least I don't pass my time planning on how to-a kidnap people.", Mario answered back.

"Ok, I give up." Samus said quickly walking to Link.

"Oh. Then what do you do? Because I'm sure it's not exercises." Bowser replied.

"Are you-a calling me fat?", Mario asked in an angry tone.

"Link, let's get out of here. I've got our money." Samus said, showing him the notes.

"But what about them?" Link pointed to Mario and Bowser, who started to fight (again).

"The job was to make sure Peach and Bowser wouldn't be disturbed while in their walk around town. Going back to the mansion is another story." the bounty huntress spoke in a business-like tone.

Before Link could protest or speak something more, Samus dragged him to the mansion by his arm, leaving Bowser and Mario to fight between themselves while Peach tried to calm them down, without success...

* * *

- - - - - Meanwhile, near a residential house. - - - - -

- Soldier: Underworld King, you're being arrested by exposing the secret of the Author's League.

Oh crap. I knew they would come for me after reading that.

Well, anyway... I did that in protest to people who use this story of "author powers" to make the participation and humiliation the characters suffer in their story a littel more "plausible", or simply to try and give their fics more a little more credit. I mean, seriously guys! Can't you think of something better? Master Hand and Crazy are already enough, we don't need another being with absolute powers to rivalize them. There's thousands of refenceres to beings like this in comics and even cartoons.

What's the problem in saying you simply payed/bribed/blackmailed the characters? It's more logical and put you at the same level as them. Making you sound like you're better than them so you can force them to do anything kinda makes the fic bad. That's my oppinion.

With that said, better I go before they catch me.

See you all when I get to a safe location! (flee the scene. Shoots and screams can be heard from the background)


	7. A MultiJob with Extra Brawl

If you want to know who's my beta-reader, read in the notes at the begging of the other chapters.

Well, now that I finally achieved to avoid being flamed (literally) by the Authors' League, here's other chapter with a thing I'm sure you all have been waiting for (though it won't come exactly in a normal way. But when does things go normal on Brawl?).

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 7**

**A Multi-job with Extra Brawl**

"So you have a match today." Link repeated what Samus had just told him.

She had come to his room that morning and (once again) woken him up. This time, by pulling the covers from his bed. Samus told him that they were going to have breakfast down in the dining hall, since she had to prepare herself for the match that would start right after lunch.

"I trust you can handle things on your own, right?" the bounty huntress asked.

"Please. How old do you think I am?" Link replied.

"To be honest, I don't have any idea, and I don't really care. And who knows, you could get stuck with a job that involves half of the mansion and not be able to take the pressure."

"And what are the chances of that happening?"

Considering the purpose of this fic, I would say very high and... hold still. It's my cell phone again. Hello?

Oh... you again...

Ok, ok. I'm going to stop spoiling the plot.

...

Lowering my salary again if I don't stop doing this? But if you do that, I'll only have enough to buy food. I do have my necessities too, you know? Narrators also have feelings and... ! Hello? Hello? ... why does nobody cares about how the narrator feels?

... oh, well. Going back to the story.

Link and Samus arrived at the dining hall. As soon as they separated to get to the large, rectangular tables that contained different deserts and foods, Link was approached by Ike, Snake, Bowser, Captain Falcon and Zelda.

"Yo, Link!" Ike called. "Bowser here told you and Samus had a 'moment' between yourselves."

"Moment?" Link repeated. As you can see, our Hero isn't exactly versed in slangs and terms about... you know.

"Like, the 'moment' Zelda and Ike had in that hotel." Snake pointed out, biting the bun he had in his right hand.

"Exactly. And... wait a minute. How did you know?" Ike questioned turning to Snake and blushing. It seemed the Crimean mercenary had yet to tell any of them about his special night with Zelda.

"I have my means." was all that Snake said.

"We wanted to congratulate you, pal." Captain Falcon said, passing one arm around Link's shoulders in a friendly manner, while the Hylian was still holding his plate with his two hands and now started to blush and avoided looking to the troupe. "Who knew you would be the one to tame the beast? No offense, Bowser." Falcon added, looking to the Koopa.

"None taken." Bowser replied.

"I have to say I was surprised when I heard your and Samus' relationship was already that advanced." Zelda spoke.

Link shot the Princess a look that said "not you too". He wanted to say to them that it was not what they were thinking, but their constant cheering and congratulations weren't giving him any chance. He just prayed that Samus wasn't nearby and...

"What are you all harassing him for?" speaking of the devil...

Link froze in his place and slowly turned to look at Samus. Falcon still had his left arm around his "best buddy's" shoulders and a grin plastered on his face. He and the others also looked at Samus and Link prayed, to all the goddesses he could remember that existed in the different worlds, they would not open their mouths and say they thought he and Samus had...

"Just congratulating the lucky guy here." Bowser spoke. Link shot him a (badass) death glare.

"For what? You know what, I don't care. Link, let's go. You still have to return and open Steel 'n' Blade." Samus said.

Link (gladly) walked away of Falcon and left the group behind. However, while he was still at hearing range, the Hero caught Snake saying:

"I can see who wears the pants in this relationship." laughs followed the spy's line.

Not being able to hold himself and being moved by his manly pride, Link turned to them and shouted:

"SHE'S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!"

The noise in the dining hall stopped. Even the gluttons Kirby and Yoshi stopped attacking all food within their range when heard the altered voice of the normally calm Hylian. Zelda had her right eyebrow raised while the rest of the group that had been picking on Link just looked at him, seeming a little startled by his sudden outburst.

The Hero then realized everybody was looking to him and looked down in embarrassment. Why couldn't he control himself and simply ignore that? Why? Simple my friend: no man wants to be made fun of by the fact his girlfriend in the one that dominates the relationship, even if it's true or he has no relationship.

"Who's not your girlfriend?" Samus asked, looking at Link with a look that asked if he had got crazy.

"Uh... hum... well..." the Hero stuttered, unable to find a good excuse. He decided to change the subject. "Oh look. They have cookies there."

Link said, going to another table where there was, indeed, a plate full of cookies.

Samus looked at the green clad swordsman in a devious way, thinking he was hiding something from her... as if he couldn't be any more obvious.

- / - / - / -

Link made the way back to his room alone and entered. He approached the table and sat in the chair behind it. It kinda made him feel out of place, being so used to have Samus behind that chair or just around to chat and taunt him from time to time.

Before the Hero could delve deeper into thoughts about his (gorgeous) friend, the door opened and all Link could see was a blue blur entering.

"Hi Sonic." The green clad swordsman greeted, already being used to that. I mean, who else could move faster than sound itself and was blue? Not counting Flacon's race car, of course.

"Link, good to see you, pal. I have an emergency here." Sonic said. His tone was one of urgency. "You see, somebody stole my sneakers."

Link inclined over the table to look at the hedgehog's feet. He then pointed out:

"Hum, did you think about looking on your feet?" the Hero asked, wondering if Samus would have charged Sonic just by making she lose her time with that.

"I'm not talking about these." Sonic said, pointing to the shoes he was wearing. "I'm talking about my first pair, the ones I used in my first game. They are worth a lot, sentimentally I mean." the hedgehog's tone turned sad. It seemed those sneakers were really important to him. "You sure know what I'm talking about, since your series is as old as mine."

"Actually, I'm not…" however, before Link could explain, he was interrupted (again and once more), by a voice coming from the open door of his room/Steel 'n' Blade's office.

"So this is Steel 'n' Blade Co? Hu, I was expecting something… bigger." Link and Sonic looked to the door and to their surprise Shadow, Sonic's darker version and rival, was stepping inside the room. "Well, at least the crew seems capable." the black hedgehog said, looking at Link.

"You!" Sonic shouted, pointing to his rival.

"Well, well, what do we have here? Did you goody-doers decided to have a conference or something?" Shadow spoke.

Link could only look from one hedgehog to another. Sometimes, he swore Shadow could give Samus a run for her money in the field of taunts and sarcasm. Sonic put himself in position to fight Shadow and that started to get the Hylian worried. Great, his first day alone in work and he was already letting a fight take place the joint's office.

"Go on laughing while you can, you thief." Sonic said.

"Thief? And what did, might I ask, I steal from you? If it was your fans, they certainly were few for I was not able to even notice." Shadow replied. Uuuhhh. Low blow, guy.

"You stole my first sneakers, you hedgehog look-alike!"

"And what would I want with a pair of dirty sneakers? Probably it was you who stole my hover skates."

Just then Link noticed Shadow was using normal shoes, instead of the strange, advanced shoes he wore the entire time. The Hero tried to calm to two rivals down, but none of them were listening to him.

"Ha, like I need a fancy pair of skates. They would probably lag me if I tried to use them." Sonic taunted.

"Care to say that again in my face, you pathetic excuse for a hedgehog?" Shadow talked back.

"Now, stop you two!" Link shouted, finally being able to momentarily take the attention of the two hedgehogs from insulting the guts of each other. "Can't you see that both of you got something stolen and it wasn't either of you?"

Silence hung in the room and Link let out a sigh in relief. He didn't like shouting to people, but that seemed to be the only way to get someone to pay attention to you in that mansion. Organizing his train of thought, Link was about to ask them about the case, when someone else barged into his room. To his bigger surprise it was Ness.

"Link, you have to help me! Someone stole my Yoyo!" the physic boy said in a frantic way.

"Wait a minute." Shadow piped in. "I got here first. You wait in the line, twerp."

"Actually I got here first. Ha, in your face!" Sonic said, pointing at Shadow.

"Point at me like that again and I'm going to break your finger." the black hedgehog threatened.

Predictably, Sonic did it and a new round of insults and taunts started. Link put his shoulders on the table, holding his head with an expression of frustration over his features. This was so not going well.

Ness then jumped several times in the front of the table, calling attention to his presence again and asking if Link was going to help him. The Hylian finally got fed up with all the confusion in his room and shouted again:

"Let's organize this or I'm not going to help anybody!" the room went silent after that, everybody looking at the normally calm, dirty-blond Hero. "Good. Now, Ness, you do know this joint doesn't help people for free, right?"

"Yeah, but I heard it was because Samus was always charging everybody with high prices. Can't you do it for free? C'mon. You were always such a nice guy." Ness said, putting up the classic, puppy look.

"Well, I would like to, but Samus will get mad at me if I had done some job while she's not here and don't show her the color of the money." Link spoke, justifying himself.

"Seems to me she keeps him in a short leash." Shadow commented to Sonic, but loud enough for Link to hear.

The blue hedgehog agreed with his rival for once.

Link decided to ignore that and asked when their things were stolen. They answered they had woken that morning and found their belongings weren't in the place they normally leave them. The swordsman searched below the table for the price board and looked for the entry for that kind of service.

He found an item labeled "Crime Solving" with several sub-items. Finally locating the one that said "Theft", the Hylian said the price aloud:

"$80,00 per hour."

"'PER HOUR'?" Sonic, Shadow and Ness shouted. The PSI fighter protested. "This is crazy! I don't even own that much!"

"Hum… in that case, I think I can charge you this price, regardless of how many hours it takes." Link said to Ness, also an attempt to redeem himself and show he didn't follow Samus' every order.

Ness smiled and was about to thank Link when the door to the office opened again and Lucas came in. The blond ran to Link's table, seeming as frantic as the other protagonist of their game series. He shouted:

"Mr. Link, somebody stole my pet! I need your help!"

_What the hell? Is being stolen some kind of contagious disease now? _Link thought with an expression of disbelief on his face.

"But, what would somebody want with that snake of yours?" the Hero asked. He didn't understand much about animal traffic, but it seemed pretty pointless for somebody to steal Lucas' snake, which he could guess wasn't worth much.

"I don't know, but I can't find him anywhere…" Lucas was about to say more when somebody else barged into Link's room. This time it was Marth, followed closely by Sheeda. If Ness and Lucas seemed frightened, it was nothing compared to the desperation on the Altean Prince's features.

"This is disastrous! A deed of the purest form of evil… !" he was interrupted by Link, who was starting to get dizzy with so many people in his room at once. The last thing he needed was to have to deal with Marth's noble talk.

"Let me guess: Somebody stole something from you this morning."

"Not just something! They took away Falchion! The blade of my ancestors, which had been in my family for generations! Anri is probably having convulsions inside his grave this very moment." Marth dropped to the couch while Sheeda tried to calm him down, giving taps on his shoulder.

Link could sympathize and feel some of Marth's pain. If someone took the Master Sword from him, he would be as devastated as the blue haired Prince (but would concentrate more in finding the thief so he could inflict the guy with as much pain as possible).

"Can someone explain to me how a dead guy can have convulsions?" Shadow asked in a sarcastic tone, probably in an attempt to lighten the mood, or simply because he liked to piss people off. Whatever was the intention, Marth didn't take it kindly.

"How dare you? I should punish you right now for making fun of the most noble of my ancestors." the blue haired swordsman said, standing up.

"With what? Those girly muscles of yours?" Shadow taunted, snickering to the fact Marth was weaponless.

Faster than anyone could see (even for Sonic), Sheeda grabbed Shadow by his neck and slammed him against the wall, pulling out a lance and pointing it to the neck of the dark hedgehog, who looked very surprised to say the least.

"Say that to my Marth again and I'll shove this lance up a place you didn't even knew you had." Sheeda said in a very threatening, cold tone with a look of cold anger to match.

"Wow! Some girlfriend you got there, heh Marth?" Sonic said with a grin, nudging the Altean Prince, who was scratching the back of his head at another demonstration of how protective Sheeda was towards him.

"Ok… uhh… can you all just… I don't know. Avoid murdering people inside my room?" Link asked almost in a pleading tone.

Sheeda casted a quick glance at him before dropping Shadow unceremoniously to the ground, mumbling something like "catch you outside". Link sighed in relief.

_At least, it can't get worse than it already is…_

_-_ / - / - / -

"Me and my big mouth…" Link muttered.

In the mere space of one hour, more people came requesting Steel 'n' Blade's crime solving service. It was practically half of the mansion, together with some Assist Trophies. From what Link could get, everybody lost one belonging that morning. Now they were all in the dining hall of the mansion, trying to come up with a solution amidst the noise that was there.

Marth, Sheeda and Sonic volunteered to help the Hylian, since it seemed this job was giant and the more help he had, the faster he could recover their respective stolen items. The four were sitting at a table, taking the job requests while Steel `n` Blade`s clients were all gathered in the middle of the dining hall in a great, open space they had organized.

"Ok. From what we've got until now; Fox and Falco had their pistols stolen. Zelda, her crown. Ike, his favorite scarf. Mario, his hat. Lyn, her sword. Barbara, her guitar. And so on." Sonic resumed.

"Could it have been someone from inside?" Link wondered aloud.

However, the green clad swordsman soon regretted saying that, because, when Zelda heard it, she stomped over to Ganondorf and demanded loud enough for half of the hall to hear:

"Give me back my crown, you perverse demon-thief!"

"And what makes you think I stole your crown when someone stole my favorite jewels?" the Dark Lord asked, though he didn't make any attempt for his tone to sound less threatening and intimidating then it normally was.

"Ha! And I bet they were stolen. Now don't change the subject." Zelda commented, soon reverting back to her angry tone and trying to stand as tall as Ganondorf was, giving him a nasty look all the while.

"Get off, before I crush that pretty, little face of yours, Princess." Ganondorf said, cracking his knuckles with a sadistic smile on his face at the possibility of getting rid of one of his most hated enemies.

"Hey! Don't you dare to talk to her like that!" Ike said, coming in Zelda's defense, seeming as angry as the Hylian Princess.

"Oh, what is that? Got yourself a new knight, Princess? You know, I heard that, for the right price, he can do _anything _for _anyone_. I would open my eyes if I were you when around this sell sword." Ganondorf said in a malicious way and sporting an evil smile.

"You… ! You're DEAD!" Ike shouted, drawing Ragnell and charging to Ganondorf, with Zelda for support.

That was all it took to hell broke loose. Soon, people were shouting and fighting against their enemies, those they didn't like, or who they simply suspected could be the thief. Link, Sheeda, Marth and Sonic just stood looking at the big, fighting arena the dining hall had turned into. They certainly couldn't stop something this big without Master Hand.

"I say we quietly leave and go to their rooms look for clues." Sheeda suggested. The other three males nodded and they all scurried away of the hall.

After leave the chaos, Sonic closed the doors to the dining hall and barricaded them. Link called the hedgehog, asking what he was doing. Sonic just turned to him with his usual carefree grin and spoke:

"This way they won't cause more damage to the mansion and we'll have everybody in the same place for when we find out who the thief is."

"That's a good plan." Marth said impressed how the hedgehog had thought things through.

"Anyway, let's just go to their rooms and search for clues." Link said.

Taking different directions, the four started to search the rooms of the Smashers in the places they said they guarded their stolen belongings. Link was analyzing Ike's drawer, but couldn't find out of normal (except several photos of females with varied hair colors. But, he was in Ike's room, so…). He decided to try and move the furniture to search for clues underneath it. However, all that Link found was a discarded chocolate packaging. The Hylian took it and looked at it attentively, he didn't remember Ike saying anything about liking chocolate.

After more unsuccessful search in the room of the Crimean mercenary, the dirty-blond swordsman tried to go to the other rooms, but all he found that could slightly be classified as out of place was more discarded chocolate packaging. Sighing in defeat, Link returned to the door that gave entry to the dinning hall. As he predicted, Sonic was already there, having investigated all rooms of the Assist Trophies quarters. Marth and Sheeda arrived shortly after. When Link asked his friends if they had found anything, the three shook their heads in disappointment.

"All I found of uncommon in Zelda's room was a discarded chocolate packaging." Marth said.

"And you would think being a Princess she would keep her room impeccable." Sheeda commented. "I found chocolate in the other rooms I investigated too."

"Same here." Sonic spoke, showing them a pile of chocolate packaging he collected in the Assist Trophies' rooms. "Has eating chocolate become a fashion around here and nobody told me?" the blue hedgehog asked.

"No." Link said, pondering about what they just said. Unless Lucario was the thief, those chocolate bars didn't mean much.

It was then the group heard the sound of something heavy beating against the barricaded door. The four looked to each other and nodded, removing the blockage Sonic put on the door and opened.

The view wasn't pretty in the least. The dining hall had been completely destroyed by the giant brawl and Link saw parts of the decoration of the hall scattered everywhere and what had beaten against the door was a Sandbag. How the hell did a Sandbag get in the middle of that fight? They entered and tried to calm down people, but nobody listened to them. It would be as useful as you say for Ganondorf not to kill somebody that pissed him off.

"This isn't good…" Link mumbled. He ducked when the head of a R.O.B. 64 passed flying over him and saw Falco being thrown against the ground just to get up and go back to the fight.

The Hero knew the only way to calm down those people would be saying he had found the thief, but he didn't have enough time for that and he couldn't think clearly about the case with his clients trying to rip each other's head off.

"Considering most of the situations here either end up in a beating or in confusion, I wouldn't be so surprised." Marth commented when the four reunited again.

It was then Link heard a "What the hell is happening here?" coming from the door. He looked and, to his relief, saw it was Samus, who had came back from her match. Captain Falcon and Mr. Game and Watch were with her, the first saying:

"Hey, they're having a food fight! Cool!" the head of a R.O.B. passed flying over his head.

"More like a robot fight." Samus commented. A beep came from Game and Watch, who was agreeing with her or… well, probably agreeing with her. I don't know. Who understands what that 2D guy talks?

"Awesome! Hey people, let me in!" Falcon said, running to join the fray.

Samus sighed, shaking her head. She heard someone calling her name in a tone of pure relief and before she could to turn, Link threw his arms around her and hugged the bounty huntress for his dear life.

"Thank goodness you're here!" he said in a quick tone. "I tried. I really tried! But this job is just too big to me and I can't think straight while trying to calm this mob down." Link said in a rather pathetic tone while he was still hugging Samus, who was a little shocked, both by the Hero hugging her like that to start with, while she's on her Zero Suit notwithstanding, and by what he said. "Please, help me! I'll do anything later, but help me!" Link's tone was almost begging.

Mr. Game and Watch "beeped" something, but Samus said for him to shut up, casting a quick, cold glance to the 2D character. Did she really understand what he just said, or was she just guessing? Anyway, Marth, Sheeda and Sonic approached the two workmates. Samus looked at the crowd from which she could hear some painful cries as shouts of "Falcon PAWNCH!" echoed, and back to Link. To everybody's surprise, what she said wasn't a taunt or something about she knowing he couldn't handle himself without her:

"You a got a job from all these people while I was away? Wow, that's what I call a good deal, Link. I'm proud of you." she said, trying to smile to reassure her friend, but he was still with that desperate expression when he looked to her.

"Yeah, but I can't get them to stop from killing each other. You have to help me!" he pressed his head against her chest (not in a perverted manner, you sick people. The guy is desperate, remember?).

Samus tried to contort him by tapping his head, but the situation felt a little awkward for her. I mean, who ever would go to her for contort? When the bounty huntress looked at the other three Smashers in her front of her, she saw they seemed to be snickering at the scene. Casting (ineffective) death glances to the three, the bounty huntress concentrated on taking control of the situation and asked what exactly was that giant, multi-job about.

Link seemed to recover and let go of his female friend, explaining the thefts around the mansion and how they tried to find clues about the thieves in the crime scenes, but all they encountered was just some chocolate packaging.

"Chocolate you said?" Samus mused.

"You don't think it was Lucario, do you?" Link asked the galactic warrior in a whisper.

"No, but there is a person that I know to who we gave loads and loads of chocolate and could 'steal' a great amount of objects without any problem. We now just need to get the attention of those people before they kill each other and we lose money." she said, pointing to the Smashers in the middle of the brawl in the dining hall, though her tone was one of indifference.

Like always, she doesn't care if a bunch of strange beings murder each other, but losing money is unacceptable. I think it comes with killing things for a living.

"But how are we going to do it? I don't think simply screaming will get their attention." Link pointed out.

"We certainly would need _something_ to attract their attention." Marth said.

It was then Samus got an idea. She asked Link to come with her. The green clad swordsman didn't understand, but followed Samus notwithstanding. She instructed him to get up on a table, together with her.

Marth, Sheeda and Sonic just looked to the two, wondering what was the plan of the bounty huntress to stop the all-out brawl in the dining hall. Samus then shouted for everybody to hear:

"Hey, people! Check this out!" some actually stopped and they soon where rewarded with a scene they never thought to witness.

Before Link could even think of what Samus was planning, she grabbed his shoulders and kissed him in the lips, with a certain enthusiasm, might I add. Two minutes later, all Smashers and Assist Trophies had stopped, some with their jaws open, others just seeming dumbfounded of what they were seeing.

Link went on autopilot as he kissed back, but no other part of his body responded.

When Samus finally let go of the Hero, Link was frozen on his place, eyes still wide open and his mouth was slightly open.

"Good. Now that I have your attention…" Samus spoke to the crowd at her front, but was interrupted by the sound of something falling with a heavy thud on the floor. She looked to the side and realized it was Link. He was still with that same shocked expression on his face and his body was as stiff as a stone.

Sonic went to check on his friend, Marth and Sheeda right behind. From the crowd, came Fox's voice, asking if he was alright. Sonic answered:

"He's fine. Just… fainted."

The anime fighters had big drops running behind their heads, as the more realistic Smashers either facepalmed or sighed. Samus decided to let it drop and concentrated on another matter.

"Ok then. As I was saying; I think I solved the mystery of the theft of your things. They weren't really stolen." many people raised their eyebrows at hearing that while others just looked confused. "Now, can someone bring Kirby and Yoshi here?"

- / - / - / -

"Alright Kirby, it's thin and made of metal." Samus said to the pink puffball. Kirby closed his mouth and seemed to be passing his tongue around it to find the corresponding item. He soon did and spat it out.

"Finally, my pistol! Thanks a bunch, Samus! Here's the money." Fox said, handing the bounty huntress $80,00.

After having called Kirby and brought some eggs of suspicious sizes from Yoshi's room, the Smashers observed as Samus instructed Kirby to spit back all objects he had inhaled.

Turned out, before everybody went to sleep and as they confirmed, Kirby and Yoshi visited the Smashers and Assist Trophies who had something stolen from their rooms and, while talking or even looking around their room for something to eat, the two gluttons had some chocolate with them and when they were going to eat it, they inhaled/used long, sticky tongue to do so and accidentally swallowed nearby objects.

Most decided to forgive Kirby and Yoshi. After all, it wasn't really their intention to steal their things. Few were in favor of roasting/stomping/struggling the two (namely: Dedede, Ganondorf and Wolf), but nobody paid attention to them.

Samus also decided that, since there were so many clients and Link was still unconscious, she would charge them just the price of one hour of detective work. So, people formed a line in front of a table where Kirby was standing with a pile of eggs behind him and paid Samus right after getting their belongings back.

"Thanks a lot Samus. You solved some really, big trouble here." Sonic said, with his first pair of sneakers between his arms.

"Indeed. Thanks to you and Link, my ancestors can rest in peace once more." Marth said, hugging Falchion (with its sheath) like it was a small child.

"It was nothing." the galactic warrior said. "Now, you should go back to your rooms and get some rest, cause I'm sure we're going to hear one big lecture tomorrow morning when Master Hand comes and discovers what happened to the dining hall." Marth and Sonic agreed with her and left the hall, Sheeda in arms with her fiancé.

One hour later, the last Smasher got his item from one of Yoshi's eggs (remember: he sometimes puts out eggs after eating something). Samus counted the profit of the day with a smile on her face. However, she started to feel like she had forgotten something. It was then the futuristic woman heard a groan from near the table she was sat in and saw Link had woken.

"What happened?" the Hero groggily asked.

"Already woke sleeping beauty?" Samus asked with a snicker on her face. She would never tell him, but she enjoyed the kiss. A lot. "You fainted."

"Really? I can't remember anything." Link said, massaging his hurt head since he had hit it when he fell.

_It seems the shock erased his memory. Oh, well… _Samus thought now with a playful smile on her face. _I think I'll just toy with him a little more._

"Someone hit you in the head with a R.O.B.'s head, but I managed to get everybody to stop fighting." Samus said.

"Really? How?" Link asked.

"Nothing of too much; just shot someone with my Zero Beam." the bounty huntress lied, faking a bothered expression. "But forget about it. Look how much money we earned today." she said, showing the notes to the Hero.

Link whistled at seeing so much money on his friend's hand. While he did so, Samus was pondering what to do next, because she definitely was looking forward to steal another kiss from Link…


	8. Cupid Got Crazy or Something like It

Finally got to post another chapter.

Ready for more LinkXSamus goodness? Then this is your chapter, folks!

WARNING! : This chapter contains Yaoi and Crack pairings jokes. So if you get easily impressed, or suffered from "pairing trauma" due to readying some harmful fics that presented this concept, you can even read, but I'm not going to pay your therapist afterwards. Oh and remember: this _IS NOT _a Yaoi/Crack fic! Not that I have anything against them, they're just not my style.

**

* * *

Chapter 8**

**Cupid got Crazy… or Something like This**

Link could swear there were more people glancing at him now than ever. He wondered if it was about that "scene" Peach and Bowser had seen between him and Samus. However, for the girls to giggle every time they saw him and the males snicker and high five him there had to be something more.

The Hero tried to ask Samus, but each time he asked questions about it, she changed the subject or pointed to something she found interesting. He was honestly getting tired of not getting any answers. Then, when he and Samus sat on their usual table during lunch, the Hero got up and stood right besides her, not intending to give the bounty huntress any breach to escape.

"Ok Samus. Answer my question: do you know why everybody has been snickering/giggling/high fiving me each time they see me, or even talking in groups when they see us together?"

If it was any other person, Samus would have blasted him into oblivion for invading her personal space, but since it was Link, she didn't feel any violent tendencies. It was a good thing she was also using her Varia Suit, so Link couldn't see her eyes wander to his lips and other parts of his body.

"I really don't know what you are talking about Link." she said, not managing to contain the smile that made itself present on her lips and trying to hold back a laugh. Again, she was glad she was using her helmet, so the Hero couldn't see her facial expressions.

Link looked to her with a semi narrowed eye and a raised eyebrow on the other. He could be really sharp and smart when he wanted to. Samus saw her lies weren't working, so she tried to think on another way to evade Link's questions. Why? Because she found it funny to have him wondering why everybody was like that with him and have no clue about it.

The galactic warrior finally found a good distraction and right in time, for Link was about to question her again when she spoke:

"Hey. Isn't Ganondorf making fun of you right there with those caricatures referring to your height?"

Now, Samus' secret to tell a good lie is to full it with details, so the guy will spend more time trying to understand what she said, rather than trying to find some truth in it. In Link's case, the combination of the words "Ganondorf", "making fun of" and "height" were enough to make him sprung into action at once, drawing his sword and shouting "WHERE?".

The Hero located the Dark Lord in a corner, taunting Luigi and Fox into trying to take the last piece of steak behind him. The two, of course, were calculating their chances to get past the bulky wardrobe that was Ganondorf.

"Now you're dead!" Link shouted, going after the Gerudo thief, who looked to his direction once he heard the war cry and was surprised to see Link attacking him at that time of the day (generally the dirty-blond swordsman waited until after lunch).

Fox and Luigi took the chance, thanking Link and getting their prized steak, scurrying away of the battle. Samus sighed and took off her helmet, eating her meal.

Meanwhile, Link went to the ground with a punch from Ganondorf, obeying the laws of "Hero wins against the villain when he fights for a noble cause, otherwise, it's his call alone". Ganondorf grumbled:

"Honestly, he's getting more paranoid as time passes. I can't even taunt somebody or eat my lunch in peace.

"Now you know how I feel." Bowser spoke, passing near the demon thief.

- / - / - / -

It was another day as Samus entered/barged Link's room to open Steel 'n' Blade. Like always, the Hylian warrior was sleeping comfortably in his bed and the bounty huntress was in her Zero Suit. Samus was thinking of how she would wake him up today when she heard Link mumbling in his sleep:

"Hum… uhm… Samus…" by the time she heard her name, the bounty huntress was already sitting in Link's bed. "I… you…"

_He's dreaming with me? But what is it about? _Samus wondered, barely being able to contain her enthusiasm. Good thing there was nobody around, else she would have to kill some people to stop them from spreading they had seen her excited like a schoolgirl.

"Can you… ?" Link mumbled in his sleep again.

_Yes? _Samus thought to herself again.

"Do you… ?"

_Yes?_

"Can you pass me some… peanut butter for the waffles… ?"

Silence. Heavy silence.

If Samus had been designed anime style, this would be the cue for her to fall to the floor, with her feet hanging in the air. But since this wasn't the case, the corner of her mouth started to twitch. Here she was, getting her hopes up, when Link was actually dreaming about breakfast.

_How much can a guy be oblivious? _Samus thought in frustration. And you call yourself Link's friend, yet don't know something as basic about him as this.

The futuristic woman was almost starting to consider waking him in a cruel method when Link turned on his sleep, his head now facing her. Samus' eyes then wandered to the dirty blond swordsman's lips. She felt a strong urge to kiss those lips again.

Lately, Samus had caught herself fantasizing about Link and her kissing again. It took all of her will power and mental training to not let those images evolve to… something that would rise the rating of this fic in a blink of an eye. Sufficient to say: she was becoming kinda obsessed with finding a way to get another kiss from Link, but was afraid to ask it directly to him. Why she was afraid?

Well, for starters, Samus is _very _aware of her looks and of what people think of her based on her appearance (namely, Dumb Trio). But, she also knew that someone like Link tends to think that a woman like her would never look at a guy like him and that, combined to his oblivious nature, generally resulted in, when she takes action and show her affection and desire for him, him turning unable to react, in a fashion much similar to witnessing a shocking experience.

… If you read until here and didn't understand a word of what I just said in the last paragraph, let me short it to you: Samus was afraid he would faint again, which was very likely to happen. So, what was the solution to her dilemma? Read and you'll see…

_He looks very cute… I have to stop using that word. _Samus thought. She decided to rephrase that. _He looks very handsome when he's sleeping. … Yeah, that sounded more like me. Anyway… _Samus then started to incline closer to Link's face, who was still sleeping, completely unaware of his female friend's intentions. _This is too good to just let it pass._

The galactic warrior approached her face more to Link's. She could almost feel his breath...

- / - / - / -

"Strange…" Link said. He was now awake and sitting in a chair at Samus' side (she finally decided to buy one). "I woke today feeling like there was a party going on in my mouth. Or like somebody just kissed me with tongue and everything. Do you ever wake with that sensation, Samus?"

"It's all in your head Link." the bounty huntress said, reading a magazine like nothing had happened and shrugging like that was nothing. _And in your lips. Hehe. I'm definitely doing it again. _she added mentally. Yup, she likes to play with her boy.

It was then a knock sounded in their door. Interesting, if you consider that most people simply _barge_ in. So who would be well behaved enough (besides the princesses) to knock on Steel 'n' Blade Co's door?

"Come in, Pit." Link and Samus said at the same time. The angel then entered, seeming a little surprised.

"How did you know it was me?" Pit asked.

"Because you're practically the only guy here, besides the princesses, that would bother to knock our door." Samus said. What did I just say) huh? "But what did you come here for?"

"Oh, yes. I have a job for you two." Pit said, with a boyish, innocent smile on his face, which was typical for him.

"Of what kind?" Link asked, trying to sound business-like, though he clearly had no idea of how to do that, so he just sounded like his friendly self.

"Well… how do I explain this?" Pit thought aloud, scratching the back of his head and looking to the sides. "I need you two to make some people break up."

Silence once more. It was so silent you could even hear Crazy Hand if you honed your hearing:

"LERROOOOOOYYYY! JEEEEKKIIIINNNSSSS!"

"Are you watching those videos in YouTube again, brother?" Master Hand questioned.

…

Don't ask.

Anyway, going back to the actual scene.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't you angels in favor of love, happiness and all that fluffy crap?" Samus asked.

"Well, yes… but the thing is… hum. Do you know my cousin, the cupid?" Pit said.

"You mean that angel from mythology who make couples fall in love?" Link asked.

"Yeah. He comes to visit me here, from time to time. And our bows have the same design."

"Let me guess: you took his bow by mistake and went on a happy-shooting spree and now there's people who shouldn't be in love with each other hanging around the mansion." Samus said. Wow, she's really sharp.

"Pretty much, yes. But I don't shoot them for pleasure. I'm not Ganondorf or any other villain." Pit defended himself.

"So what happened?" Link asked.

"I was training and… hit them with my arrows." Pit said, head downcast. Pit had the tendency to have a really bad aim when he was embarrassed or was nervous.

"Exactly who did you hit?" Samus asked.

It was then the door to Link's room opened. Indeed, Pit and the royalties are the only ones who bother themselves to knock. Because, why knock when you can simply barge in. At the door, to their surprise (and Pit's apparent fear), was Red, the Pokémon Trainer.

"Ah, there you are Pit. Why are you running from me?" the Pokémon Trainer asked in a strangely soft tone which didn't fit him in the slightest.

" Hum, well… considering I hit you with an arrow during training!" Pit said a little louder than usual, obviously for Link and Samus to hear.

"Oh, but I don't care. I know it wasn't you're intention." Red said, still in that (disturbing) soft tone.

"Yeah, but the effect could be dissolved if you were hit again!" Pit said, slightly tilting his head in Samus and Link's direction as he backed away from the advancing Pokémon Trainer. He took that time to deposit a bow, very similar to his Palutena's Bow, on the table of the two heroes' joint.

"I think Pit wants us to hit Red with this bow." Link suggested.

"You think?" Samus said, raising her eyebrow to her friend. The two then saw Red holding Pit by his shoulders with a loving look on his eyes. You know what mean, right? Yaoi Alert! "Uhh. This is getting interesting."

"Can somebody help me here?" Pit said between his teeth as Red drew closer to him.

"Let's help him Samus." Link said.

"Can't you wait until I get a photo of them kissing each other?" the bounty huntress… asked...

"You're… enjoying this?" Link questioned, looking to his companion with a serious and devious look.

"It's not what you're thinking. It's just that you don't have the opportunity to get blackmail material as valuable as this every day, you know." Oh. Now that's sounds perfectly reasonable. At least for Samus.

Link sighed and took the bow, deciding to do it by himself. He got up and circled the table, standing behind Red, who was now with his face very close to Pit's, who looked absolutely frightened.

_Now, how do I use it? _Link wondered, analyzing the bow, seeing that there was no string or arrows.

"So… how about you and me…" Red proposed. Pit looked like he wanted to take flight and never get anywhere near the Pokémon Trainer again. "go on a Pokémon journey alone?"

Ok, this is getting way to awkward, so let's just cut to the chase and speed things up. Link finally figured he probably should use the bow in the same way Pit used his, so he pulled the space where the string should be and an arrow materialized. He shot the arrow and it hit Red.

For a moment, the Pokémon Trainer looked like he felt the hit, but then his expression immediately changed to one of confusion.

"Huh? What happened? What am I doing here?" Red asked, seeming to have returned to normal. He then saw he had Pit in his arms. "Pit? Why am I holding you like this by your shoulders?"

"Oh, it's nothing." Samus said, placing her legs in the table like she had been relaxing while watching a good film. "You were just about to kiss Pit and proposed him to go on a journey with you in a very lovely tone."

"I… what… ? … journey…" Red repeated, seeming now very disturbed, looking to Samus. He then looked to Pit and finally let go of the angel, who fell to the ground, still seeming very frightened. Red finally said, in a tone that suggested he was shocked to his very core. "Excuse me, while I… go and ask Charizard to beat me with his rock until I fall unconscious..."

The Pokémon Trainer then walked out of Link's room, with a look of deep disturbance on his face. Link felt bad for the two boys, but Samus didn't seem to care too much and Pit was now recovering, grabbing the desk to get on his feet again.

"See what I mean?" Pit asked as Link went back to his chair. "I need you two to go and undo this quick. I would do it myself, but I have a match now and… I fear things might get… nasty, while I'm out."

"Like, someone try and force themselves on unaware people?" Link suggested.

"Yeah."

"In that case, let me see here." Samus said, going for her (overcharged) price board.

Link looked at it too. There was nothing there that referred to a job like that. The closest he could think of that was one item that read "Undoing Other's Messes" and some sub-items, which seemed to indicate the gravity of the mess.

"'Undoing Other's Messes'…" told ya. "And, by the looks of what Red just tried to do with you, it's a 'grave mess' one. $615.00."

…

Samus… you just redefined the word "overcharged".

"What? But… but…" Pit stuttered, unable to talk due to the high value that he had just been charged.

"Samus. I think now you've overdone it." Link said. Yeah. State your opinion for once Link.

"Let's consider then. Pit, you said yourself that you should fix this mess. Since you're an angel and everything." Samus said.

"Yeah, but that's only because I have a…" Pit tried to defend himself, but was interrupted by the galactic warrior.

"You just caught your cousin's bow by mistake and didn't even bother to check if it was your bow." Samus spoke again, her tone sharp.

"I know. But…" Pit now had his head down, like he was being scolded, but again was interrupted.

"And Red didn't seem to even notice we were here when he came for you. If these arrows are this potent, then we might have to deal with people that wouldn't even bother making sex in public."

"Argh! Don't say that!" Pit said, jumping at the word. Strange. According to the rating of this fic, you can say the work "sex". As long as you don't get in details about it, that is.

"What? Sex?" Samus asked, seeming a little confused when the angel jumped again, with a shocked look on his face.

"I'll pay anything. Just stop saying it!" Pit said almost in a begging tone.

"What's so wrong with saying 'sex'?" Link questioned. Wow, Link.

Pit covered his ears and rushed out of the room, like he was escaping from hell itself. Link and Samus could hear him saying something in a very fast tone like:

"Great Palutena forgive me for these mental images! It's their fault I can't stop thinking of you like… argh!"

The two powerful fighters spent sometime in silence, trying to process what they had just witnessed. Obviously, somebody had explained to Pit what sex meant and now his young mind associated it with the only female he knew. If Peach or Zelda caught wind of that, heads were gonna roll.

"I suppose Pit isn't as innocent as he used to be anymore." Link suggested.

"Considering he lives with us, it's a wonder he still has any innocence at all." Samus replied.

- / - / - / -

Link and Samus went out of their room, Link carrying Cupid's Bow, ready to chase after the people who had been shot "accidentally" by Pit. How they were going to do that without knowing who were the people shot? Well, the two were used to having to figure things out by they're own.

"So, where do we start?" Link asked.

Samus was about to answer, but was spared when they heard a familiar "UUUUooooohhhh!" and the sounds of beating. The two looked to a living room there was nearby and heard somebody saying:

"The next time you do something like this again, I'll sever a part of your anatomy that I'm pretty sure is important for your person." noble talk… If you don't guess who it is, you seriously need to read this fic from the first chapter again. Marth entered the corridor, with an angry expression on his face. He then saw Link and Samus. "Can you believe Falcon came to me and said, in a tone that he apparently consider romantic, that he wanted to take me with him in his car on his next race?"

"Humph"ing, Marth walked away. Link and Samus looked between themselves. Seems like they found another victim of Pit's careless shoots.

After making Falcon return to normal (Link had to beat him senseless while Samus wasn't looking, because as soon as the racer returned to his normal self, he was about to ask to the Hero if he was going to take Samus to _somewhere_), the green clad swordsman and the bounty huntress searched in the mansion for other people that appeared to be under effect of Cupid's Arrows. They decided the living room was a good start.

The two found people walking around and honed their hearing for anything strange, sitting in the couch near the TV. Link and Samus could hear many people showing affection for different things, however, all of it was just their normal passions/obsessions:

"Oh, garlic. I promise I'll never let those brutes near you ever again." Wario with a clove of garlic on his hands as he ate it. Nothing of strange here.

"Hi, Daisy. Do you have anything to do tomorrow?" Luigi on his cell phone with Daisy.

"Time to wash my beauty." Wolf going to the garage of the mansion, where they guarded the Smasher's vehicles. He was probably referring to his Wolfen or his Landmaster.

"Did I already tell you green is my favorite color?" Peach talking to Yoshi… wait a minute. Peach and Yoshi?

Link and Samus looked to their right and saw Peach, passing a bowl of food to Yoshi. The two were sitting in a table. The mushroom Princess was probably following that old tactic "the path to a man's heart passes by his stomach". In Yoshi's case, it was dead right. The green dinosaur was letting leftovers of food fall in the floor, dirtying it entirely, but Peach didn't seem to care as she was too busy being all sweet and lovely to the green dinosaur. Yoshi didn't seem to care about anything Peach was saying as long as she gave him more food

The two workers of Steel 'n' Blade looked between themselves with a raised eyebrow. Like things weren't already insane enough in that mansion. Good thing they were putting an end this madness.

Link readied the bow and shot an arrow. When it hit Peach, the effect was the same as with Red; first she appeared to have felt the hit, then she had a confused expression on her face and soon was back to normal, which means, she saw the dirt in the floor and that Yoshi was eating, without pay any heed to manners at the table. Needless to say, Link, Samus and everybody that had been paying attention to Peach's strange behavior got out of the room when saw she was back to normal and about to shout:

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? I JUST FINISHED CLEANING THE FLOOR!" Yoshi spent the rest of the day cleaning each corner of the mansion as a punishment, Peach watching him closely with her golf club in hand.

Our favorite couple (Link and Samus, not those strange couples you're seeing around in this chapter) passed the rest of the day undoing the effects of Cupid's Bow's misuse by Pit, breaking what they could classify as the strangest couples they ever saw. They made Kirby return to normal and stop bothering Snake by comparing him with tasty food (the spy looked like he was ready to blast the pink marshmallow, but was being held at bay by the sole creepiness of the fact that _Kirby_ was interested in him). That probably was the way of the little vacuum say he was interested in someone. And separated Falco and (ready your minds) Ganondorf (you can stop having seizures now). When the Dark Lord was back to his evil self and realized he was holding Falco, he sent the guy flying to the other side of the terrains of the mansion with a Warlock Punch. Why? Because he would never admit that it was his fault, so he did what any villain of his caliber would do in this situation: put the blame on other person and beat said person senseless.

After checking all rooms in the mansion, Link and Samus moved to the gardens. According to their calculations, there were a few people left to check. When they were outside a blue blur passed by them and returned. The two saw a very startled Sonic.

"Just a warning guys: don't get anywhere close Ike." the tone of the blue hedgehog was a scared out one.

"Why?" Samus asked, already guessing who they would have to fix now.

"The guy's crazy! He came to me and started to compliment me for the smoothness of my fur, the sharpness of my spikes and said he wanted to feel it closely." Sonic said. Link shuddered at the thought. Good think Zelda was on Pit's match, otherwise she would either be devastated by the fact Ike was interested in an anthropomorphic hedgehog over her, or traumatized for the rest of her life and it wasn't easy to traumatize someone as composed and wise as Zelda.

"Oh, Sonic!" Ike called from the direction of the garden.

"Oh no. Gotta go guys!" Sonic said, looking really scared for the first time since Link and Samus had met him. "I generally like to challenge someone to try and catch, but this is just plain creepy."

And so the fastest thing alive was off, not to be seen for the rest of the day. Ike reached Link and Samus, he hadn't seen Sonic talking to them, so he asked the two:

"Hey, have you two seen Sonic? I needed to talk to him." Ike said.

"Yeah… we saw him..." Samus said, feeling extremely disturbed in consider the idea of Ike and Sonic together. "I think he went to the gates." she pointed to a false wrong direction. Ike thanked her and ran to try and catch up his new love interest. Heh. He trying to catch Sonic. Yeah, good luck with that. "Hit him already. I feel like half of my brain cells died today from sheer shock."

Link nodded to his friend and readied the bow, shooting an arrow on Ike and ending that extremely strange (and why not say disturbing?) work. As Ike recovered, Link and Samus saw Pit flying to their direction. Does anybody see the irony here? I mean, right when the hero completes his task the guy that hired him, who generally could have done said task by himself, appear almost instantly at his side.

"Hi you two. Seems like you're done." Pit said with his usual cheerful smile.

"We did. But I have to say; I saw more strange couples today than I have in my entire life. To speak the truth, I don't think I ever had a formed concept of 'strange couple' until today." Link said, handing the angel the Cupid's Bow.

"Same here. You should pay more attention next time your cousin comes to visit you." Samus said.

"I know and I'm sorry. Man, I can't believe I committed a mistake like this." Pit said in a frustrated tone. He then reached in his toga and gave Samus the fee for the service.

" Maybe your head was somewhere else?" Samus said in what sounded like a taunt.

After all the awkwardness and madness of that day, the galactic warrior felt like she needed to vent some of the stress on someone and the angel was kinda the only target available at the moment, since the others would probably need therapy after going through that kind of experience.

"Somewhere? What do you mean?" Pit asked. He was never good with double–meaning sentences. Comes with being an angel.

"Nothing. She meant nothing." Link hurried to say, with a fake smile on his face, eyes closed and shaking his hands in a negative motion. He had sensed what his female friend was trying to do and didn't want for Pit to get traumatized like he often get when people spoke swear words or… talked about _those _things in front of him.

"Link, honestly, you're far too nice with people, you know." Samus said, shaking her head. "They can come and ask whatever they want and you'll do it without even a complaint."

"Hey! I'm not like that!" Link said.

"Really? Then if Pit asked you to help him conquer the heart of his boss, Palutena, would you say no?"

"H-hey! I-I wouldn't ask him to do something like that." Pit said, immediately getting all flustered at the possibility.

"Sure you wouldn't." Samus said rolling her eyes.

"Y-you don't talk about goddess Palutena like that!" Pit readied the bow and shot an arrow, seeming a little desperate to prove Samus wrong. However, the bounty huntress sidestepped the shoot.

"Ha! You missed." Samus said.

She thought Pit would try and shoot her again, but instead the angel had a worried look on his face, looking past her. She wondered what was with that expression and also looked behind. Her cocky demeanor fell and Samus widened her eyes at what she was seeing.

Apparently, Pit had used the Cupid's Bow by accident again and hit Link. Like a result from the effect of the arrow, the green clad swordsman was now chasing Zelda around the fields and the Princess of Hyrule was trying to avoid him.

"Link, for the last time; I'm not interested in you and you're not interested in me. I thought we made that clear to each other." Zelda said, running from the love spelled Hylian.

"But I changed my mind now. Please come here Zelda, so I can show you how much I love you." Link said with a dumb smile on his face and a lovely tone as he ran after Zelda.

Ike was nearby, jaw dropped. It seemed Zelda was coming to him before Link assaulted her. The mercenary soon recovered and had an angry expression on his face as he stomped over to Link. Samus couldn't take her eyes off the scene.

"Well, I don't think that'll be much of a problem, since everybody talked about Link and Zelda being together when I got here." Pit said.

Samus slowly turned to look at the angel, in a very dangerous manner. When Pit noticed her gaze and looked to the futuristic woman, he could swear Samus was fuming and had a demonic gleam in her eyes.

"Uh… Samus… ?" Pit asked, feeling fear like he had never felt before. "… sorry?" he tried. Wrong answer, angel boy.

The bounty huntress didn't say anything, instead she lunged for the angel, who soon let out a scream of pain.

- - - - - Minutes latter, in Skyworld - - - - -

Palutena was watching the mortal plane through her cauldron when she heard the sound of someone screaming as he fell. She looked back in time to see Pit landing with a heavy thud on the temple's stone floor. Her captain looked like he had fought against Medusa again, but barely came out alive, if angels are even alive to begin with.

The green haired goddess sighed as she went to Pit and caught the weapon that was stabbed on his back. She recognized the bow and immediately knew everything that happened.

"You took your cousin's bow again and used it by mistake, didn't you?" Palutena asked her captain.

"Ouch…" was Pit's answer. It seemed he was half-conscious, because he said. "This must be my punishment… for having such undignified thoughts about my goddess…"

Palutena just sighed again, now shaking her head. She was starting to wonder if it had been a good idea to send Pit to that tournament…

- - - - - Latter that night, back in the Mansion - - - - -

"Ow!" Link said, as Samus was tending to his wounds, yet again. "I never figured Ike would be so territorial." the Hero said.

"Considering the expression of idiot-in-love you had in your face, I'm surprised he didn't break your arms." Samus said.

"I guess it's better I stay away of Zelda for a few days." Link suggested, holding a bag of ice on his aching head.

"Make it weeks and maybe, after explain this confusion, Ike will forgive you."

While beating the day lights out of Pit, Samus shot Link and undid the effects of Cupid's Bow, but Link was already being beaten by Ike when he was brought back to his senses. Zelda realized what happened and was probably trying to think in a way to explain it to the hotheaded mercenary right now, but Samus doubted she would have the chance to do that today.

"Can you explain to me why you went after Zelda, of all the people? Weren't you the one that always bragged you didn't feel that way towards her." Samus asked out of curiosity and with a little of jealous in her tone.

"I was looking at her when Pit hit me with that arrow. I guess it makes you fall in love with the first person you see. But why did you say 'out of all people'?" Link asked, raising his eyebrow in curiosity. Did he detect jealously in her voice? … Didn't I just say she was?

"Uh, nothing. Just…"

Samus was now facing a moral dilemma here. Should she tell him she had the hots for him? Should she say she wouldn't mind if she was his object of affection? Should she just skip all of that and just kiss him outright, so she wouldn't have to be choosing the words and look like a shy schoolgirl unable to voice her feelings?

She considered saying she wouldn't mind if he would fall in love with her; oh, c'mon! That was the kind of thing that could easily sound like an "I'm in love with you, please love me back" speech. She had a reputation to keep and, for the Chozo's sake, wouldn't end up sounding like a lovesick little girl.

Kiss him and let the action speak for itself… tempting. However, there was the fact Link could be really dense when it came to guess what other people felt for him. So the only choice left was for her to say she found him hot. Not that she loved him! That she wouldn't just say out loud. Reputation factor, remember. And maybe, after it, she would kiss him.

"Samus, why are you smiling?" Link asked in a suspicious tone once he saw the grin in Samus' face. It was kinda strange seeing she smile like that, but attractive at the same time, he had to admit.

"Just thinking about how to tell you something." Samus said.

"What?" Link asked, now curious and taking the thoughts so his friend being attractive out of his head as his density started to work. Well, not for too long.

"It's just that this job made me think and I've decided maybe you should know, since you wouldn't be able to guess without a sign or a script in your face." the galactic warrior added. Yup. Not even when she's about to confess she likes someone she loses her wits. And that's what makes Samus, Samus.

"What does that mean?" Link asked, now narrowing his eyes at the taunt. Couldn't she give it a rest even when telling him something important?

"I mean that you weren't able to tell I like you."

Samus said that a little faster than she intended, after all she wasn't made of steel, thought her armor was. Or, so I think… Well, going back to the point, Link had his eyes wide to the size of plates and his mouth open when she said that, thinking he hadn't heard it right.

"Come again?" the Hylian warrior asked.

"I said I like you. Did Ike hit you in the ears too?"

Man, she simple can't let go of the sarcasm, huh?

Link took some time to register the information in the right space of his brain, almost classifying it as taunt, fairy tale ending, or food name… wait a minute. Food name? Sounds like something Crazy Hand would think.

Anyway, Link just finally understood the implications of what her friend said when she was already leaning over him. Looks like she isn't the kind to lose time, eh?

"Samus… w-why are you over me?" Link asked. Clueless to the end, I guess.

"Didn't I just say I like you?" she said, actually stopping and breathing deeply. She thought. _Can he be any slower?_

"Yeah." Link answered.

"Didn't I make it clear the 'like' I was talking about wasn't the kind you say to someone you just want to befriend with?"

"Now that you mention it…"

"Don't you like me back?"

She almost stuttered when asking that, knowing she was getting in a dangerous terrain, both for her reputation and threatening to end that relationship before it even began. She just hoped that, in the case he would reject her, her heart wouldn't shatter like it did so long ago when…

"Well… I-I think so. I mean… you're a beautiful woman… strong and… and you're nice. At least to people who don't try to hit on you, or piss you off. But I think you're nice deep inside." Link said, looking to the side, a little embarrassed by saying that.

Ok. Screw the internal monologue she was having. Samus knew that, in the case of guys like Link, calling her beautiful and saying she was nice even when she did everything to keep up a strong, intimidating facade in front of others, meant she had taken a spot on his heart.

_Seems like hearing to Peach and Zelda babbling about romances and their analyses of the characters in it paid off, after all_. the bounty huntress thought with a smile on her face, which she quickly made seductive.

"Then why aren't you kissing me already?" Samus asked, now getting so close to Link that the Hero could feel her breath.

"I…I… I… maybe I'm… just not too good with…" Link tried to explain himself, thinking she was really questioning him about something. His mind was working under extreme stress. However, Samus didn't want explanations.

"I said; why aren't you kissing me already?" Samus said in a clear command, but actually achieving to make it sound soft and sensual. How she managed that? I have no idea.

Link saw that as the cue for him to shut up and just kiss the girl and he did so (finally!). Samus could literally jump for joy as she felt hers and Link's lips caressing each other and felt him corresponding to her kiss in an even better way from when she stole a kiss from him the first time.

Now this would be a good, romantic way to end the chapter… However! Destiny (or maybe the author of this fic) decided to play with her again and in that moment the door to Link's room opened and Zelda and Ike entered, the latter being dragged by his arm by the former.

"Ike, I can assure Link will give you a satisfactory explanation to all of this. You two are friends." Zelda said, entering with her back in the room.

"Alright, alright…" Ike said, with his eyes rolled up, not even focusing on what was on his front. "But I'll do it just because you insisted Zelda." Ike said, closing his eyes as he now addressed to the room, thinking Link would hear him. "Link. Zelda said you had a good explanation for… what… happened…" Ike's voice started to die as he saw the scene happening in front of him. Zelda also looked and blushed in one instant.

Samus finally noticed presences in the room and looked up to see she had been (yet again) interrupted by the arrival of Ike and Zelda. Link took sometime time to get back to earth and also looked to where Samus was looking, turning speechless when saw his true friends had caught him on the act. Not _that_ act, you perverts!

Insert awkward silence here…

Ike looked from Samus to Link and back to Samus, completely forgetting what he was going to say. Instead he just scratched the back of his head and said the first thing that went to his head:

"Hum… wasn't Link injured?"

Like the retardate effect you see in animes and cartoons alike, the Hero finally felt the pain of having Samus over his wounded body and let out a scream of pain. Samus got up from him at the same instant, apologizing. Zelda went to help Link as the bounty huntress walked back to let the Princess have more space to treat him.

"Hum... sorry for… appearing like this…" Ike said to Samus, still with an embarrassed expression on his face.

"It's… alright…" Samus said, using all her willpower not to twitch and keep her tone under control. However, what she was really thinking was:

_Urge… to kill… the mercenary… rising…_


	9. What is that Old Ganon up to?

Like you people should have noticed by now, when Samus go out in the city, she's using her Varia Suit and when in the mansion, she's mostly using her Zero Suit. Just to make that clear that way I don't have to add notes or keep writing it every now and then.

* * *

**Chapter 9**

**What's that Old Ganon Up to Again?**

_Unbelievable… _Samus thought as she and Link were having breakfast in the dining hall. _I tell him I'm attracted to him and he acts like always, like we're still just friends. Or maybe… _Samus then looked to Link. _Maybe he's just acting like this because we're around other people. Yeah, that would make sense. He was always the shy type when it comes to things like this._

"Hey, Samus." Link called, making the bounty huntress get out of her reflections. "Can you pass me the strawberry jelly?"

"Oh. Yeah, of course." the galactic warrior spoke, taking the referred condiment and passing to Link.

When the Hero reached for it, his hand touched Samus' and she felt like her body froze, with the can of jelly in her grip. Link tried to take it out of her hand and after several pulls he finally made it and thanked her again, not minding the expression his "friend" had on her face at feeling his touch.

_Damn it! Control yourself Aran, or else you're going to start looking like a shy girl who has never been touched by a guy before! _well, by a guy like Link, I suppose she wasn't…

Anyway, the two continued their meal, that is, until an argument started at the other side of the hall. Wolf was talking on his cell phone, seeming very pissed off:

"What do you mean my inscription of the magazine 'Mortal Weapons Today' has signed off? I paid for it, you know?"

"I'm sorry, but our system had a crash recently and most of our client's data was lost. So, unfortunately, you will have to pay for the subscription again." an extremely bothered, feminine voice sounded at the other end of the line.

I know what you're thinking and the answer is: yeah, these guys that answer your angry calls about signature of something have no life at all. Wolf cursed the woman on the other end of the line, taking his cell phone and throwing it out of anger.

By some random coincidence of the destiny (or simply because the author decided to write so), the errant cell phone hit Link square on his head with such force his face ended up on his plate, where he was putting the strawberry jelly over his sandwich.

When the Hero got his head up, his face was now drawn by the contents of the sandwich and the jelly, much like what happens to cartoon characters in the same situation our Hylian warrior is in now. The few people that saw that laughed at Link's misfortune.

Samus, to say the least, was pissed. Nobody made Link pass by a humiliating situation like that (except her, of course). She took her paralyzer and got up, angry and ready to blast someone's head off.

"Alright, who decided it would be funny to make a joke of us?" Samus shouted to the crowd, which went silent at the same instant. Everybody pointed to Wolf, who looked around, confused at seeing everybody was pointing to him. When he looked forward again, he saw Samus at mid-flight, plasma whip unleashed, angry glare on her face and ready to inflict him much pain. The anthropomorphic wolf cowered over that vision, thinking:

_Oh… crap._

- / - / - / -

"You didn't have to do that to Wolf, Samus. He didn't intend to hit me on purpose." Link said as they entered in his room.

"Yeah, but he hit you, anyway." Samus said, going to sit in her chair behind their table. She noticed Link was still looking at her. "What? Can't a girl defend the guy she's interested in?"

"I-it's not that! I-it's just…" Link tried to say, blushing when Samus said that. "Y-you don't need to do it. I can very well defend myself and I'm not saying it for sexist reasons, ok?"

"I wasn't thinking that. I know you."

"Well… ok then…" Link sighed, going to sit in his own chair. "Good thing you're not the jealous type." he commented.

"Why?" Samus asked, putting her crossed feet up the table and crossing her arms behind her head.

"Considering the tendency you have to hurt people that piss you off, you could very well end up killing every female that looks at me."

"And who said I wouldn't?" Samus asked. Link looked to her, scared. Samus laughed at his reaction. "I'm just kidding, you dork. If that were to happen, I would just show you that I can be much more interesting than any other girl."

Samus put her hand on Link's cheek for emphasis, caressing it and making the green clad swordsman blush until his entire face got the color of a tomato. He was glad Samus thought like that, but he still wouldn't get used to a woman show him her feelings in that upfront manner.

"Speaking about it; what's up with you acting like nothing happened?" Samus asked, returning to her previous position. "You know that by now Ike and Zelda certainly have spread that they saw us kissing for real."

"Yeah, but I thought that since you don't like that kind of attention, I should just act how I normally do to not get people talking or making comments about us."

"Wow. You really thought all of that through?"

"Of course I did. What do you think I am? An idiot?" you know, there are many people begging to disagree at this point Link.

"Not really…" Samus said, looking everywhere less to Link's eyes. Told you.

Before the swordsman could speak any further, the door to their joint's office banged open with violence, breaking off of its engines. Link and Samus' heads turned to the door and saw Ganondorf entering the portal. The Dark Lord had his typical, I'm-so-badass-and-evil smile.

"Well, well, if it isn't the newest couple of fools of this tournament. I would compliment you for finally deciding to take a change for once, but then I remembered I hate you." Ganondorf said, looking to Link.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" Link demanded, jumping up the table and drawing his sword.

"Link. Can you get down off the table? I just polished it yesterday." Samus said, not seeming to be bothered by Link's nemesis presence in the room.

"Oh. Sorry." Link said, getting down the table.

"So, the wolf was finally put on the leash. I'll have to ask you to tell me how you did that later, Samus." Ganondorf commented, smirking.

"Why you… I'm not on a leash!" Link said, standing in a battle stance again.

Samus decided that wasn't a good opportunity to tease Link about that. After all, they were facing Ganondorf, one of the toughest, merciless fighters in the entire tournament. But the bounty huntress knew Ganondorf wouldn't come to their office looking for a fight. He knew that she and Link would be able to stop him without much difficulty should he try to do anything.

"As much as I would like to continue pointing out how pathetic you are, my time is short, so I'll go right to the point. I have a job for you two." Ganondorf said.

"You? Have a job for us?" Samus asked, raising her eyebrow with a devious expression on her face. Ganondorf was the last person she expected to be their client.

"Ha! I bet it's just another one of your schemes. I'm not falling for…" Link said, but was interrupted once Samus called him and made signal for them to reunite.

She asked for Ganondorf to wait. The demon thief crossed his arms in an impatient manner as Samus stood and leaned near Link, who did the same, turning their backs to Ganondorf. Turning their backs to a villain… you either have to be pretty sure of your abilities, or simply an idiot to do that. But we're talking about Link and Samus, two videogame heroes, logic and common sense were never very useful in their lives.

"What if he really has a job for us? We can't refuse money when it comes our way, you know." Samus said.

Of course. It doesn't matter if that money was actually stolen from helpless citizens, or beings, or Assist Trophies who Ganondorf decided to bully just for fun. Wait a minute. What am I talking about? Even I would accept his money, since we, narrators, don't have really high salaries (thanks to a certain author that insists on saying I'm spoiling the plot).

"But Samus, it's _Ganondorf_. What if this is actually a plan to lure us into some trap, so he can kidnap Zelda again and rule Hyrule?" Link asked. That's a valid point.

"Link. In case you've forgotten, Zelda has Ike now. I'm pretty sure he would defend her if she was in danger." Samus said. Well, that too is a valid point.

"Well… then what if he's just going to kill us?" I wonder who's going to win this argument.

"Please… he's been trying to kill you for almost an eternity Link and never succeeded. And just look at me. I'm not called the toughest bounty huntress in all over the galaxy for nothing."

"Yeah… but…"

"No 'but's. We're going to hear what this job is about and then we decide if we take it or not."

"I'm not too sure this is a…"

"Look Link, you agree with this and tonight, I might do something special to you."

"Special? What do you mean?" the Hylian asked, looking curious. Samus then leaned closer to his ear and whispered in it. Link's face went a scarlet tone in a matter of milliseconds. "Hum… uh… I… this…" if you didn't guess what her "offer" was by now, you seriously need a life.

"What do you say?" Samus asked, now in a seductive tone and passing her hand under Link's chin.

"A-al-right…" Link said, almost getting in a trance under the bounty huntress' touch.

"Good." Samus then took her hand from Link's chin and the Hero fell forward due to the sensation of his legs turning into jelly.

And that, my friends, is the special power all women have and no man is capable of resisting (as if women didn't have enough power over us already). But, c'mon, you have to give Link some credit. Even being as oblivious as he is, he simply wouldn't be able to say "no" to Samus.

"I don't have the entire day, you know?" Ganondorf grumbled.

"Ok. What job is it?" Samus asked, taking her seat while Link took his, his blush diminishing as he remembered they were now being hired by Ganon to do some job for him.

"I need you two to retrieve a package that has arrived for me in the mail agency."

"And what kind of package is it?" Link asked, making clear his suspicions about his arch-nemesis.

"The NOYB type."

"'NOYB'?" the green clad swordsman repeated.

"None Of Your Business." Ganondorf stated in a harsh voice tone.

"Really? Then how do we know it's not something that will explode in our hands as soon as we touch it?" Link asked, slightly getting up from his chair.

"Link, calm down." Samus said, putting her hand in her partner's shoulder and making him sit again. "But it is really suspicious. Why can't you go and fetch it yourself?"

Normally, Samus couldn't care less about her client's motives or laziness, but it was Ganondorf they were talking about. She knew guys like him and knew they wouldn't let a chance to eliminate their enemies pass.

"Me? Go in a mail agency? Please, what kind of villain do you think I am to do something a minion would do?" Ganondorf said, like that was the most absurd idea ever.

"Yeah. You have a point there." Samus said. She never saw Riddley going to the grocery store to buy the supper. He generally sent one of the lower Space Pirates (which she soon made him the favor to blast to oblivion and take his money and supper for herself, if it was edible to humans, that is).

"But I don't care about this!" Link shouted, standing again and inclining over the table, closer to Ganon's face. "In my opinion, that's just another of your plans!"

"Oh. Do you really think so?" Ganondorf asked in an unimpressed tone.

"Yes."

"You really think that?" the ruthless warrior asked again.

"Yeah."

"Do you subscribe to that?" this is getting strangely repetitive…

"Completely!"

"Then sign here." Ganondorf said, taking out a piece of parchment and putting it in Link's front together with a writing feather in another hand.

_Wait a minute! What the… ? _Samus thought at seeing the contract. She was about to stop Link, but…

"Gladly!" Link took the feather and signed the contract without even reading it.

"LINK!" Samus exclaimed to her (dumb) friend.

"What?" Link asked, looking to her. Five seconds passed, something clicked on him and he looked back to the contract. "Oh-ho…"

"Thanks for your contribution, O Dumb One Chosen by the Goddesses." Ganondorf said with a big, malicious grin on his face. "From now until the end of this job, you and your girlfriend are my underlings. Which means; I don't have to pay anything to you. Hahahaha!"

Samus cast a sharp look to Link, who looked down, embarrassed like never before by falling for such cheap trick. He could hear she whisper to him:

"Forget about the 'special' thing, tonight. You're going to sleep in the floor for all that I care." she then noticed something interesting in that particular scheme and asked to Ganondorf. "If you planned this from the beginning, why didn't you make a contract that, I don't know, stated we own our lives to you or something?"

"Very simple slave, because this idea was already used by many other villains and, if I did a contract like that, you two would try and take it away from me to destroy it, maybe even send your merry bunch of friends to do it, which would certainly result in something backfiring against me, due to the magical principles involved in producing such document. So I'm not taking my chances."

"What did you call me?" Samus asked, hearing only the part where Ganondorf called her "slave", a vein starting to throb on her forehead. "Say that again and I'll… !"

"Read the third paragraph, please." Ganondorf said, not affected at all by the futuristic woman's wrath and putting a copy of the contract in front of her face. Samus took it and read aloud:

"'The first party is allowed to call the second party by any degrading, servant terms it finds fitting'. Crap…"

Ganondorf took the copy back and rolled it, guarding the document inside his armor. Link was still with his head downcast while the Dark Lord continued:

"Now that we made ourselves clear, time for you two, underlings, go. Here are the papers which will allow you to get my package." the demon thief then deposited some papers on the table before turn and walk to the destroyed door. "Ah and don't even think about opening it, or else you'll be breaking the contract's clauses."

"And what happens if we do?" Samus asked.

"I gain automatic ownership over this joint and all profit that you earn will pass to my possession." with that, Ganondorf left the room, leaving behind a fuming Link once he recovered.

"That damn bastard, son of a… !" Link said, almost violating the rating of this fic, but was interrupted by Samus.

"There's no use in cursing him now, Link. Thanks to you, that is." she added, narrowing her eyes.

"Sorry…"

"Whatever. Let's just get over with it, before we beak some other clause in the contract and lose our business." the bounty huntress sighed in annoyance, also going to leave the room. "And as an extra punishment, you'll clean my entire room for one week and fix this door. Understood?" the futuristic woman said, pointing to the smashed door of Link's room

"Yes ma'am…" Link said, head downcast again as he followed Samus, looking like a lost puppy. You all would be surprised how easy it is to force someone with a feeling of guilt to do anything.

- / - / - / -

The travel to the mail agency on _the_ _other side of the town _went without anything worth of narrating, except that Link was still sulking for falling into Ganondorf's trick, or maybe because Samus wasn't going to do the "special thing" she promised.

Really, for somebody who hates the guy's guts, he should have been smart enough not to sign anything in Ganon's hand. Samus didn't talk to Link during the entire trip, but her anger dropped considerably during the walk, but not enough for her to let that big mistake on her partner's part go unpunished.

The two then entered the agency and went to the balcony. Like always when she went out in public, Samus was wearing her Varia Suit and Link his hat, which magically/mysteriously turned him unnoticeable in the middle of the crowd.

"Hello. We came here to collect a package." Samus said, her voice sounding robotic as she spoke through the suit's voice system, presenting the letter from Ganondorf to the clerk and a note that the Dark Lord wrote.

"Oh. So you're his servants?" the man in the counter asked.

"Servants?" Link repeated, taking the letter from the man's hands. Link then read it. "'These losers are my servants, who came to retrieve my package. Before handing it to them, make sure to call them by this therm. Ganondorf.' What a… !" the rest of Link's talk got censored, for rating purposes. He's swearing a lot lately, isn't he?

"But you have to admit: the guy knows how to plan these things." Samus commented, noticing the cleverness behind the entire thing.

"Are you on his side!" Link questioned in a tone of somebody who was feeling betrayed.

"No. I'm just pointing out the obvious. And don't use that tone on me again, or I might decide you need a good dose of pain to remind you who got us in this situation in the first place."

Link got his head downcast again at the mention of that. The two then received the package, which was small, a little bigger than a can of beer. Samus wondered what was inside, but knew they couldn't open until they handed it to Ganondorf.

She looked to Link again and saw he was still looking miserable. Samus felt a pang on her heart by seeing her friend/guy she had the hots for like that and sighed, deciding to start a conversation with him to lighten the mood:

"So, what do you think there's inside it?" the bounty huntress asked, holding the small package up.

"Dunno. Maybe some kind of jewel or a powerful artifact which Ganondorf could use to try and wipe out me and Zelda." Link suggested, seeming to recover a little at seeing Samus wasn't talking to him with an angry tone or thinking about punishments for him. "Maybe we should take a look, just in case it's something dangerous."

"And lose our joint to mister 'strangling people is the answer for any question'? No thanks."

"But what if it _is _dangerous? Somebody might be observing us right now, thinking we are really working for Ganondorf and will hand this package to him."

"Link. What are the chances of that happening?" If Samus could see the two men wearing long coats and hats, which were casting shadows over their eyes and hair, that were following Link and her since they exited the mail agency, she certainly wouldn't have asked that question.

A lesson for you, kids: when in a humor fanfic or even in a cartoon, expect that anything, even if it is completely absurd, will happen, because it will.

Anyway, Link's belly started to grumble and he and Samus decided to stop in a nearby ice cream shop. The two figures that were following them entered the establishment too, sitting in a table a little far from them. Link asked for an ice cream, as Samus asked for a strawberry one.

As the Hero was eating his ice cream, his instincts started to tell him that somebody incredibly suspicious was watching and following them possibly since the mail agency. Wow. That's some instincts you have there, Link. Must be part of the whole wolf thing. The green clad swordsman gave a discreet look to the table where the two guys in long coats were sitting and saw one of them looking to his direction.

Quickly returning his eyes to his ice cream, Link started to whisper to Samus, who had took her helmet off to eat her ice cream:

"Samus… those guys behind you…" the bounty huntress raised her eyebrows to Link in questioning. "They've been following us since the mail agency." seeing she was still looking to at him with a raised eyebrow, Link whispered a little louder. "I'm not paranoid. See for yourself."

Sighing, Samus decided to give him some credit and took her helmet, making it look like she was going to put it, however, she gave a brief pause to look at the reflection in the green visor and saw that there were indeed two shady-looking guys behind them.

"Damn. You're right." Samus whispered, the volume of her speaker low enough for just Link to hear and inclining near him.

One of the strangers took a cell phone and dialed a number, starting to talk with someone on the other end of the line. Link whispered to Samus once he saw that:

"One of them took out a cell phone."

"Wait a minute, I'm going to synchronize the signal frequency, so I can hear what he's talking." Samus said, pressing a button at the side of her helmet.

The systems of her suit identified the signal of the cell phone and reproduced it in her communication system. Samus then heard what the shady-looking guy was talking:

"… we've found them. We're sitting in a table near them."

"Good." a masculine voice at the other end of the line spoke. "You know what to do."

"Yes." the stranger then closed the cell phone.

"Crap." Samus cursed, turning her attention to Link. "They really are after us."

"See? I told you getting this package to Ganondorf was a bad idea. What are we going to do?" Link replied.

"Let's calmly get up and go to the door like we haven't noticed them. After that, we run."

Link nodded to the bounty huntress' plan and the two got up from the table, leaving some money to pay for their ice creams and going to the shop's door. After they were on the street, Samus shouted "NOW!" and the two broke in a run. The two guys following them saw that and also got up, going after the heroes.

Chase sequence music on.

Link and Samus entered in narrow alleys, hid behind trash cans and benches just for the strangers to temporally lose them, but found the two shortly after and began the chase again. The problem was, Link and Samus were no Sonic or Captain Falcon. So outrun the two strangers wasn't exactly easy for them, not when you have a heavy, high-tech armor and an entire inventory of gadgets weighting you down.

Eventually, the two even tried to enter some shops and stores to lose their chasers, but, like in most chase sequences, the guys always found them again after passing by them. Link and Samus entered in another building, this one being a dance club. Why was a dance club open in the middle of the day when most of them generally open at night? I have no idea. But nobody complains when destiny put convenient things in their way, do they?

Looking around and seeing the people dancing and kissing at the corners, Samus got an idea.

"Link, come here!" she said, trying to make her voice heard above the music.

Link nodded and let himself be dragged by the futuristic woman by his arm. Samus then deactivated her Varia Suit, changing to her Zero Suit, and took off Link's cap, who didn't complain much.

"So, what was your… ?" he didn't get to end his question for Samus placed her lips upon his and started kissing him.

The pursuers of the blondes entered the dancing club at the moment Link's body went on auto-pilot and kissing Samus back. They seemed confused for a moment and one of them asked to the other:

"Why is a dance club open in the middle of the day?"

"Dunno. Things work in a strange way when you get videogame characters involved."

"Well, then let's go. I don't see anyone who fits Link and Samus' description, except those two blondes there kissing each other with a lot of enthusiasm." the other guy said, pointing to Link and Samus.

"Oh, c'mon. What are the chances of Link and Samus ending up together? You're reading too many fanfics."

If they only knew…

Anyway, the two exited the dance club, going back to the city. Samus then stopped kissing Link and looked to see their pursuers went out. She said:

"Good. They're gone." Link had a dizzy look on his eyes, his mouth mild open and his legs felt like jelly. "Oh, and before I forget…" suddenly, his legs didn't feel like jelly anymore, because he felt the stomp Samus gave on his foot. Link jumped on his place, holding his foot with an expression of pain on his face, his eyes almost watering when he stopped. "Don't think I did that for pleasure. It was out of necessity. I'm still angry with you."

The Hero put his foot on the ground again and followed Samus out of the dance club. It seemed that having a relationship with someone had no effect on Samus' personality. Link and Samus (activating her Varia Suit again) went out of the club and took the path to the mansion again, where they could finally hand that package to Ganondorf and end that "dangerous" job.

"Stop right there!" or maybe not…

Samus and Link turned to see one of the strangers that have been pursuing them coming. They were about to run in the opposite direction, but the other guy also showed up at their front. In that moment, the semaphore of the street also opened and a heavy traffic of cars started to pass at their side. In other words, the two heroes were cornered.

"Finally we caught you." one of the strangers said, with a smile on his face. Link and Samus were back to back, observing their chasers and trying to think on a way to get out of that situation. "We have some questions for you."

"Oh no, these guys must be agents of the government. They're going to hold us for interrogation." Samus said. And she said Link was paranoid one.

"What are we going to do?" Link asked his friend.

"Now…" the stranger that spoke before said, putting his hand inside his coat.

"He has a gun!" Link pointed out, seeming scared.

How come "Link" and "scared" are in the same sentence? Well, if you were cornered by the government's agents, wouldn't you be?

"To the hell with it! I'm not going to let them shoot my guy." Samus said, making Link let out an "huh?".

The guy who was "drawing" the gun seemed confused at Samus' statement, but didn't have time to think about that, because Samus used her Grapple Beam to snatch him and pull him to her. The bounty huntress then proceeded to beat the day lights out of the stranger.

Seeing that, Link did the same with the other at his front, taking his Clawshot and dragging the other guy to him, also beating the other pursuer, not even bothering to pay attention to his shouts of "What… ? Wait!", or "We weren't going to… !", or even "MY SPLEEEEN!"

In the end the two government agents were piled one over the other, with several bumps, concussions and one black eye on each other. Link and Samus broke in a run after beating the guys, fearing that they would call reinforcements. It would be interesting see they do that while _being unconscious_!

- / - / - / -

In the mansion, Ganondorf was reunited with the other villains in the living room near the entrance of the mansion, bragging to them about how he tricked Link in singing that contract, so they would do that job for free to him.

"Man, that Link is a genuine duck." King Dedede spoke, using one of his "unique" slangs. Kings… go figure. "Maybe I'll con him into giving all of his money for copies of that idiot hat he wears, or even a new hat. A pink one with a 'Marth + Link' in it!" all villains laughed at the joke.

Ever since they discovered an interesting site where people posted fan-based stories of several different TV shows, cartoons, animes and games, they've been reading some in which they were the main characters, just to see how their fans made them beat the heroes, or even change the roles.

Then, in one boring afternoon, after not finding anyone to torment, Ganondorf decided to enter in the section about the Smash Bros. Tournament and he had a great surprise at seeing many of the most strange pairing he could have ever imagined (he had to admit, being a murderous monster was nothing compared to the level of insanity of the authors there). But what really called his attention was the pairings of Link with many different men in the tournament.

Ever since then, the main topic of the villains jokes were their respective heroes paired with someone other than their current loved one (namely, other man. Preferentially, one that they knew, should their enemy listen, would get him extremely disturbed).

"Hum. Maybe I should make one of these contracts with Mario, so I could simply ditch all the work of having to kidnap Peach by myself and send him instead." Bowser thought aloud.

"Then you could poison her against Mario and you two would marry, be happy together and blah, blah, blah." Wolf said, reclining back on his armchair in a tired manner, rolling his eyes and making motions with his hand.

"H-hey! I wasn't… !" Bowser was about to say, but Dedede interrupted him.

"Honestly, I don't even know why we let you walk with us. You roar, give ugly looks and all, but in the end is nothing more like an oversized, please-love-me turtle."

"Oh. And I'm sure a big, fat penguin, dressed like a king is very intimidating." Bowser talked back.

"Say what?" Dedede replied, reading his hammer.

"Shut up, you two! You're giving me a headache." Ganondorf said.

It was then the door to the mansion opened with force and Link and Samus entered running, the latter closing the door with the same force as he opened, almost making it break. The two then located the Dark Lord talking with his villain companions. The four looked to the couple, who seemed very pissed off.

"Oh. You two are back. And sooner than I expected." Ganondorf said with a smirk on his face. "Maybe I should have included another chore on the contract..." he mused, putting his hand under his chin.

The two said nothing, just approached the demon thief and Samus tossed Ganondorf's package to him, never letting the pissed off look drop. The other villains seemed a little wary of the two workers of Steel 'n' Blade, but Ganondorf wasn't worried in the least, not even when Link lashed out at him:

"I swear: if we end up in jail because of this… !"

"When we come out, we'll turn your life into a world of pain!" Samus completed, taking her weapon out for emphasis.

"My, my, you two are even completing each other's phrases now." Ganondorf mused, not even moved by the threat from the two heroes.

In that moment, Wolf decided to take the opportunity to be the jerk he frequently was and started to sniff the air. Bowser, already predicting the joke that was about to come, asked what was up with his comrade.

"Do you smell that?" Wolf asked.

"What?" Ganondorf asked, looking to the other Smashers and ignoring Link and Samus.

"It seems that love is in the air."

The villains laughed soundly again. Link and Samus blushed for a moment, the Hylian warrior redder than the bounty huntress, who recovered quickly. Dedede then spoke:

"Are you sure it's not more like animal attraction? After all, wolf-boy there was once a member of your family." of course, they all knew about the latest adventures of their nemesis and each other.

"Hahahaha! Wait. What?" Wolf exclaimed.

And another quarrel started. Link and Samus decided they had enough of hearing the villains making fun of them, so the bounty huntress shouted:

"Don't think you can ignore us!" Ganondorf turned to her, getting tired of seeing Dedede and Wolf arguing. "The job ended together with the contract, so we're free from you, but don't think we're going to let you off after all the trouble you caused to us."

"What? Just because I sent you two to a mail agency? You heroes are getting so prideful these days…" the Dark Lord faked a sigh.

"It's not just that!" Link said. "Because of your little package we were pursued by agents of the government."

All talking/arguing/taunting stopped when Link said that. The villains looked to the green clad swordsman and the bounty huntress with their eyebrows arched. Bowser let out an "what?". Samus then spoke, pointing to Ganondorf:

"Two strange guys came after us because of your package. We had to beat them to escape."

"Ok, first of all; point your finger to me again and I'll break it." Ganondorf said, gritting his teeth. "Second, I don't see what the government would want with this."

Ganondorf opened the package while speaking and at the final of his phrase he put something up in Samus' front: a miniature doll of himself. Link, Samus, Bowser, Wolf and Dedede looked to the item Ganondorf had in his hands like they couldn't believe their eyes.

"A doll?" Bowser asked.

"No, not a doll. It's an action figure." Ganondorf replied. "A sample of my new line of merchandise. They sent me a letter saying it was ready for my validation." Ganondorf then pressed a button at the back of his "action figure" and it spoke.

"Bow down to your new lord… or die!"

"That's so cool!"

If the characters around had been designed anime style (maybe it was Dedede's case) they would have sweat drops falling behind their heads now. Link then spoke:

"It sounded like a doll to me."

"It's because you are a fool, who doesn't understand..." Ganondorf replied, but was interrupted by Dedede.

"Sorry, Ganon pal, but I have to agree with Link there. It does look like a doll."

"It. is. an. action. figure." the Dark Lord replied, starting to sound irritated. "As soon as they turn into the next great hit in the stores, I'll gain millions and eventually launch more merchandise. So, I'll gather enough money to buy Hyrule from Zelda!" Ganondorf pressed the speak button on his _doll _and it let out yet another phrase:

"My enemies shall drown in darkness!"

Deciding to break the silence that made itself present again, Samus asked Link:

"Can he really buy Hyrule?"

"I don't know." the Hero said, shrugging.

"So, you're going to conquer the world… with dolls." Wolf spoke in a tone of someone who tried to understand where the sense was in any of that situation.

"ACTION FIGURE! Didn't you hear anything I said?" Ganondorf shouted.

"And he was talking about us." Bowser whispered to Dedede, who nodded to the Koopa King.

"Don't compare me to you. My dolls are of a superior level to any of your pathetic creations."

"Hah! You admitted they are dolls!" Bowser said, pointing to Ganondorf.

Three seconds of heavy silence by the part of the former Gerudo King. He then cursed:

"DAMMIT!" he then decided to do what any villain did when being mocked by others: beat the crap out (in his case strangle) of all offenders. Obviously, Bowser and the others knew that and got up, running from the enraged Ganondorf.

"Oh no, Ganon_doll_ is coming after us! Run for your lives!" Wolf taunted, taking out more laughter from Dedede and Bowser, who kept running.

The shouts of "IT'S AN ACTION FIGURE, YOU IDIOTS!" died away as Ganondorf went after the three other Smashers. Good thing for them the Dark Lord was so slow. Link and Samus stood there, slowly processing all information. Finally, the dirty-blond swordsman spoke:

"If that package was just a doll from Ganondorf… why did those guys were after us?"

It was then Master Hand appeared in a corner. Locating the two Smashers, the big, floating, white hand went to them, speaking:

"There are you two. I meant to speak with you, but you've left before I could."

"What's is that, then?" Samus asked, putting her hand on her hip.

"The editor of the official Nintendo magazine phoned me this morning. He sent two of his main columnists to make an interview with you two for the main article of the magazine. Did you meet them in the city by any chance?"

Link and Samus looked to each other with wide eyes. Master Hand "looked" from one to the other, waiting for the answer. The two partners then looked to the manager of the tournament and spoke at the same time, in a suspiciously hurried tone:

"No. We didn't see them."

Incredibly enough, Master Hand believed in them, after all those two were his most prized Smashers. They wouldn't lie about something like that. The hand then turned and left. Samus looked to Link, saying:

"Let's never talk about this, ok?" the Hero nodded to her.

At the following week, the signers of the magazine NGamer received a note from the edition saying the number of that mouth would be missing from the bookstores due to his two, main columnists suffering a "work accident" which incapacitated them for undetermined time…


	10. Exes and Actuals

- - - Meanwhile, in a nearby house - - -

Reader A: Hey look. another chapter of Steel 'n' Blade Co. was posted. Man this one is big.

Reader B: Really? What does the word counter says about it?

Reader A: It's OVER 9000!

Reader B: WHAT? Nine thousand? Are you sure?

Reader A: Not really. Actually it is around thirteen thousand words long.

Reader B: ...

Reader A: What?

- - - Back to the actual note - - -

Well, yeah, people, I think I overdid myself int his one, but that is just because of a special thing there is int eh middle of the chapter and because it is important to the future plot (mainly because of the character that appear here).

Anyway, hope you all enjoy it, because I'm sure some people have been waiting for it!

Also, I don't know why, but I haven't got any answer from my beta-reader and I already have another chapter just waiting revision, so forgive me for any grammar mistakes here. I reviewed this thing to try and make sure the most basic mistakes were covered. Oh and since it was him who completed Mario's lines whit the "-a"s to make the impression of the accent, this will be missing in these chapters.

* * *

**Chapter 10**

**Exes and Actuals**

Link was feeling like someone was intensively watching him. But who could it be? Ganondorf? Probably. Bowser? Hum… maybe. Mario. He wasn't the kind of person to analyze his opponents with that frequency, this was more Snake's style.

The Hero was in the line for breakfast, when he got that sensation again and, by what his senses told him, his stalker was right behind him. The Hero turned to look; there was nobody behind him except by Marth and Samus. Wait. Could Marth be the one who had been stalking him?

Wait a minute. What the hell? How can he be as blind as to not see the lustful look Samus was giving him? Ugh, I need a drink after narrating this one…

…

Ok, now I'm good. Back to the story.

"Marth, can I ask you a question?" Link asked Marth. That's it. This guy's definitely going to my "idiot characters" list.

"Certainly. What is it?" Marth answered in his noble manner and with a friendly smile on his face.

"Why have you been watching me for the past two days?"

Marth's smile dropped as he let out an "huh?", not understanding why Link was asking something like that. Luckily for the Hero, Snake, Falco, Ike and Zelda were in front of him in the line. They heard the talk and decided it was better to step in before Link spoke something that could earn him a Falchion embedded on his side.

"Link..." Snake called the Hylian warrior, who turned and looked to him. "how about you look past Marth?"

The green clad swordsman had a confused expression on his face, but did it nevertheless. He looked and tried to see if there was someone behind Samus, but they were at the end of the line and everybody else had already served themselves.

"I don't see anyone besides Samus." Link bluntly said, turning to Snake. Good thing he was careful enough to lower his voice tone.

Snake simply couldn't hold the urge and facepalmed. Falco rolled his eyes and decided to give the hint to Link, since it seemed the dirty-blond swordsman was just too oblivious to notice the looks Samus was giving to him:

"It's because it's her, you dupe." the anthropomorphic bird said. "In case you haven't noticed, she's got 'the expression'."

"'The expression'?" Link repeated, confused.

"Yeah. 'The expression'." Ike confirmed.

"Oh, right." Link said. Three seconds passed until he realized something very important. "Hum… what's this expression you're talking about?"

Ike fell anime-style, before getting up immediately after, grumbling and with his hand on his face, wondering how someone could be so dumb. Deciding that would take a long time to explain, the mercenary said for Link to come to their table for them to talk.

Link watched the four Smashers serve themselves and go for their table, wondering if he really should go after them. The Hero then looked to Samus again, who quickly looked to the side. He could _now_ tell she had been staring at him. Sighing, Link decided to end with that charade and after serving himself he said to Samus he would go and talk a little with Snake, Ike and the others. The bounty huntress shrugged and let him be.

The dirty blond swordsman approached his other friends' table and sat. He then asked what they had been talking about Samus having an "expression". Snake was the one to explain that, since Link was sitting besides him:

"It's an expression women give to certain men when they want to…" Snake then leaned and whispered in Link's ear. The Hylian warrior almost jumped out of his chair, his face beet red.

"A-are you sure?" Link asked.

"Believe in me, I know about these things."

"Yeah, it's the same thing with all females, no matter what galaxy or system they come from." Falco said. "I got tired of seeing Crystal giving that look to Fox and… heh, let's say I also got it quite sometimes when I went out to get some girls." the pilot of Star Fox's team said, closing his eyes and putting his wing under his beak, in a pose of self-admiration.

"That was before they ditched you, wasn't it?" Ike asked with a smirk on his face.

"Yeah, it… Hey!" Falco said.

"And what should I do?" Link asked his other, non-arguing friends.

"How did you deal with situations like this when you were with Midna?" Zelda inquired her friend.

"Well… I kinda… didn't really do anything about it…I more like let it happen." the Hylian swordsman said, scratching behind his head in embarrassment.

"In another words, you were her dog-boy." Snake said, while eating a waffle. Link shot a glare to him. "Hey, I'm not saying it's bad. I mean, if I was in your place, I would enjoy it too, but I also would take the initiative sometimes."

Ike and Falco stopped quarrelling and looked to Snake once the spy said that. The blue, anthropomorphic bird smirked and taunted:

"Oh. So the badass spy Snake wouldn't mind if someone put a leash on him? Better I go and check if Fox and Wolf didn't turn best buddies."

"If you saw her, I'm sure you would get my point. Right Link?" Snake asked to the Hylian, who just avoided his gaze, not very willingly to go into details about his relationship with the other Princess. In that case, very intimate details.

"Wait a minute. You saw Midna?" Zelda asked, arching her eyebrow.

"Well, not personally. But I've seen some photos of her true form."

"How come you know about stuff like this?" Ike asked the older man.

"I have my means."

"Someday, I'll discover what these 'means' of yours are." Ike swore. Needless to say, the Crimean Hero never found out about Snake's vast collection of game magazines.

Deciding to leave the others to speak between themselves, Link moved to his table, on the way passing by Mario and Luigi who were arguing with Kirby, who "accidentally" ate their breakfast. The Hylian warrior sat on his table, thinking about everything that was said to him and what it implied.

Someone then tapped Link on his shoulder and the Hero looked to the side immediately, startled. Samus had a worried look on her face at seeing the scared expression on her boyfriend's face. The galactic warrior asked:

"Are you alright? You look like someone said something to you that got you worried." man, she's sharp.

"Uhhh… it's nothing. Nothing really. Hehe…" Link said, giving a nervous laugh at that. "I wasn't thinking about you and me in some kind of kinky situation. Not, really."

"Ok…" Samus said, looking to the side at seeing Link's nervous smile. He was starting to worry her.

- / - / - / -

Samus and Link were back to their joint's office. The weird behavior of the Hero continued. Samus knew something was up with Link, because… well, he got paranoid sometimes, but it generally was when Ganondorf was involved. This was just plain weird.

When the two sat down, Link was looking everywhere less Samus, his eyes darting like he was the suspect of a grave crime caught red handed. The bounty huntress decided to discover what was wrong with him and called his name. This time, Link jumped from his chair, mumbling a "w-what?".

"Hey, relax. I was just going to ask what was wrong. You've been weird ever since you went to talk with Snake, Ike, Falco and Zelda. What did they say to you?" Samus asked.

"Nothing! Nothing." Link said, his tone wavering.

"Really?" Samus asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Yeah." Link said.

The futuristic woman then shrugged and started to organize some papers she had caught from the mail. Link inwardly sighed. It was then he started to notice how he had been acting and scolded himself mentally:

_Oh, c'mon! Calm yourself down Link_. _You're behaving like a five years old with a guilt complex. _Now _that _would be interesting to see. _And it's not like it will be your first time. Midna said I wasn't so bad. _Ok… I don't think we needed to know that.

Anyway, as Link was calming himself down the phone rang, startling the Hylian warrior again. It will probably take some time for him to get used to the idea Samus wants him… in _bed_! … sorry, couldn't resist. Samus looked up from the papers and bills she was organizing while Link calmed down again and picked up the phone.

"Hello?" a voice called from the other side of the line, a voice Link knew very well.

"H-hello?" Link called back, hoping his suspects were ungrounded.

"Link, is that you?" the person on the line spoke, confirming Link's fears and reminding him luck had never been one of his main attributes.

"Y-yeah, i-it is." Link said, gulping. He could feel Samus looking to him with a curious expression on her face.

"Well, as much as I would love to know how you've been… including about a _certain_ _person_ Zelda told me you've got, I know this is your joint's line, so I'll cut to the chase." the person said. "I'm calling you for a job."

"And w-what it would be?" Link asked, tugging at the collar of his shirt. Samus' look turned devious as she saw that.

"I'm coming to the city and I need an escort. You know about the guys that call themselves the Canon Brigade, right?"

"Yeah. We had to deal with them not too long ago."

"Well, it seems I'm on the top of their list, for motives you and me know _very _well. So, I need some protection."

"Wait a minute. Can't you protect yourself? After all, you're…" Link inquired.

That definitely made Samus shot a devious look to Link. The Hero had stopped with that habit of questioning why their clients hired them for jobs that they could do themselves, but now he was apparently doing it again and, together with the tone he was using while talking on the phone, was certainly suspicious enough for her to guess the Hylian warrior was trying to hide something.

"What, and lose the chance to see you again and get to know your new girlfriend? No way. You two are coming to pick me up… or would you rather I tell her some embarrassing stories about you?" by the tone, Link could guess his client was smirking at the other end of the line. An evil smirk at that.

"You wouldn't dare to…" Link tried to protest, but he knew that person would.

"Oh, you know that I would." told you.

"Ok, ok. We're going…" the Hero sighed.

"See you then, wolf-boy."

Link hung the phone and turned to Samus. The intensity of her look seemed enough to burn a hole in his face. The Hero gulped and looked to the side, like he was trying to find an excuse or an exit.

"Who was it?" Samus asked with her eyebrow rose.

"Uh… a client." Link said, however, the pause on his line was enough to make the galactic warrior's suspicions rise.

"Oh really? And what was the job?"

"We have to escort him."

"Him, or _her_?" Samus asked.

Link swallowed at that, his throat drier than the Gerudo Desert. If there was a word to describe this moment, it would be: busted. The Hero mumbled some incoherent phrases, until Samus held her hand high and he stopped talking. She stood and activated her Varia Suit for them to go to the city.

"Let's go and see this 'friend' of yours." she said in a sharp tone as she walked to the door.

Link got up and followed Samus, praying for the Goddesses that, should he pass on due to some 'work accident', he would have a nice, safe place in heaven…

- / - / - / -

Like always, the train station was the place where Link and Samus should wait for their client. As the two were looking around the crowd that exited from the latest train, they saw Toon Link there, with his machinist uniform on. Link tried to act like he wasn't there for his cartoon self don't notice his presence.

Toon had the habit of narrating his achievements of the day to his realistic self in details. Lots of details. Link frequently had to remind himself that Toon Link was still a child and children use to chatter. A lot. Plus, should he do something to upset him, not only Master Hand would scold him for incapacitating a Smasher (because when Toon got yelled by his realistic self, he generally burst into tears and went to his room, locking himself there for an entire day, crying that Link hated him because he wasn't as popular as him), but he also would have to hear a "pleasant" lecture from Zelda and Peach saying he should be more comprehensive with children.

When Toon passed by them, Link sighed in relief and looked around, searching for their client. It was then Samus decided to ask:

"So, can you tell me who our client is, so I can see if she has arrived?"

"What makes you so sure it's a she?" Link asked, still trying to disguise that fact that Samus was absolutely right.

"One: you're sweating." Samus pointed, passing her armored finger on Link's forehead and showing the sweatdrops on it. If the situation was other, the green clad swordsman would have relaxed and enjoyed her touch, even if she was using that armor. "Two: you were stuttering like crazy in the phone. Three: you looked ready to jump out of the window when I asked you about her. Is that enough, or should I go on and write a list?"

"No… you got me there." Link said, hanging his head down.

"So, are you going to tell me if she's here or not?" Samus inquired again.

"No need to yell. I'm already here." a voice answered from seemingly nowhere. Link and Samus looked around, searching for its source. "Over here." the voice called again.

Samus then located its source and looked to her shadow. To her surprise, it seemed to twist and something started to come out of it. The bounty huntress acted on reflex and pointed her arm cannon to the being that was materializing. It was then she noticed the feminine curves and the robe, not to mention the golden jewelry.

The figure then finished materializing itself, standing as tall as Samus and almost towering over Link. She looked to Samus with her yellow and red eyes and flashed a smirk at her, noticing the arm cannon.

"So, is that how you planned on greeting me? Man, and here I thought we could begin with the right feet."

Samus didn't answer, instead she took off her helmet, revealing her face. She looked at the figure in front of her square in the eyes, like she was trying to read her. Link looked from one to the other in a frantic way. The bounty huntress then spoke in an emotionless tone:

"Midna, I assume."

The Twilight Princess smiled at Samus, a rather malicious smile at that.

"And you're Samus, right? I've been dyeing to meet you." oh-ho. Those who played Twilight Princess (I guess that's the case of everybody reading this) know what comes next when Midna says that.

Midna flashed an evil/psycho smile at Samus, showing slightly pointed canines, her beautiful face getting a little twisted.

"Same here." Samus said, her look turning colder.

A crowd already started to gather around the two, like how happens in school when you have a fight. Some seemed eager, others were even making bets on who would win. There were even two guys selling hotdogs and refrigerant. Link was still on his position, sweating like crazy, thinking how he could prevent a massacre at the exit of the train station.

Samus and Midna approached each other. The crowd held their breath, some inclined near, with excited looks on their faces, others holding their money. Link was ready to eat his hat with all that suspense. Then, without any warning, Midna and Samus smiled to each other and held their hands.

"It's good to finally get to meet you." Samus said, her tone sounding friendly.

"Same here." Midna said.

… that's it? No hair pulling? No clawing in the face? No catfight? Man, I just lost twenty bucks betting on Midna!

…

Uh, I mean… once the crowd sighed and "oohhhh"ed in disappointment, everybody dispersed, leaving Samus and Midna alone with a mouth agape Link, who seemed to be in shock. The two beautiful females then noticed the Hylian warrior's face.

"What's with the surprised face, wolf-boy?" Midna asked.

"I… but you… and her…" Link mumbled, pointing from Midna to Samus.

Samus and Midna looked one to the other and laughed at Link's confused expression. The Hylian warrior seemed to recover as he realized an important fact:

"You two already know each other?"

"Not exactly." Samus answered. "Sometime after I've found out who your previous girlfriend was, I asked Zelda if she was still keeping contact with Midna. It seemed she was also curious to get to know me."

"I've asked Zelda to tell me everything she knew about Samus." Midna completed. "We never talked directly, but Zelda acted as a mediator between us. I must say, me and blondie here have somethings in common."

"Like what?" Link asked.

"Hey there beauty." a nearby voice called. The three turned to see a random man. "How about you ditch shorty there and go for a real man?"

"Shorty…? " Link said, raising his eyebrow, a sharp look on his face.

"Yeah. I doubt a guy like you could satisfy a sexy lady like this one." the guy said, meaning Midna, since Samus put her helmet back.

"Excuse me for a moment." Midna said, going to the man, who obviously thought he had won with his bravado e macho manners.

"So, how about you and…" the man never achieved to end his phrase for Midna grabbed his collar and dragged him closer.

What followed was a show of magically enchanted punches, kicks and many painful shouts, including one (in which Link shuddered) of a man being hit in a place where he shouldn't be hit. Midna then dusted her hands, leaving the man in a bloody mess as she approached Link and Samus again, the former seeming mild impressed by the display, thinking she could have done better.

"Ok, I got what you meant." Link said. He had forgotten about Midna's temper.

"To be honest, I considered doing the same thing to you." the Twilight Princess said to Link. "That is, should you have replaced me by some ditzy, blue-eyed, blond chick, or a frilly Princess, who doesn't lift a finger with fear she might broke a nail."

Link backed away one step. Samus smiled at Midna's commentary. The female Twili then looked around and saw there were people looking at them, probably because of the beating she inflicted on the guy that tried to hit on her, or because of her exotic looks. Anyway, she shrugged and said:

"So, how about you two get me a tour around the town? I'm famished."

"Then I'll show you a place where they sell some delicious pretzels." Samus said.

The two women started to walk, chattering like old friends. Link could just look at them, with his mouth agape. Well, I guess many people would get shocked if they saw the ex and actual girlfriend of a guy that never met each other before talk like they were childhood friends.

"Hey, are you coming or not, Linky?" Samus asked, smirking at Link.

"Oh, I liked that one. Can I use it?" Midna asked.

"Of course… if you're willingly to pay for the copyright." the two women laughed again and kept walking. Link sighed and followed them, wondering if the fact that Samus and Midna were getting along was really a good thing.

Meanwhile, in the tables of the ice cream shop near the train station, a group of people was plotting. A familiar group. That is, if you read chapter 6. A dark haired teenager with a notebook sitting in front of him stood up and talked to a brunette young man, who was with a binocular, spying on Link, Samus and Midna:

"So, are they on the move?"

"If by that you mean they're going to the city, then yes, ArwingMaster." SonicRinger said, sighing.

"Excellent!" ArwingMaster said, posing like a calculative villain. Seems like somebody's been playing too much RPG. "Now people, here's the plan."

"Oh, god…" the blond Silla7 spoke, rolling her eyes.

"Not another one of your plans…" the red head IceTriforce said.

"Oh, c'mon. When did my plans ever fail?" ArwingMaster asked, making another pose, putting his closed fist on his chest, closing his eyes and hanging his head up, like a very successful mastermind. Indeed, playing too much RPGs.

"Counting with the whole Peach-Bowser fiasco, or the one in which you tried to force Link and Zelda to come together again?" SonicRinger asked, looking to the self-proclaimed leader of their unit.

And then there was silence. A tumbleweed passed near their table as the other four members of that unit looked to ArwingMaster, who was frozen on his pose. The member of the Canon Brigade then grumbled to SonicRinger:

"Go back spying on them, will ya?"

"Aye, aye, boss…" SonicRinger replied in a bothered tone.

"I like ArwingMaster's plans!" MetroMarine said. Like you can guess he had a cup on his hands.

"Thanks MetroMarine." the "leader" of that unit of the Canon Brigade said.

"Mainly if it gets us some peanut butter jelly time. Oh yeah!"

"Uhhh… thanks, I think." ArwingMaster said, looking to the side while speaking that.

IceTriforce took the cup from MetroMarine's hands and looked at its bottom, seeing it was empty.

"You're on caffeine again, aren't you?" IceTriforce asked.

"What makes you say that?" Metro Marine asked.

"For one; you're jumping on your seat like a five years old, two; you have this idiotic grin in your face, and three; you just randomly brought up peanut butter."

"How about we take some ice cream together, honey?" MetroMarine asked the girl, raising his eyebrows several times in a suggestive manner and inclining near her.

"Get away from me, you caffeinated creep!"

"Shouldn't you be watching over your partner, SonicRinger?" Silla7 asked the brunette member of their unit.

"And do you think he would listen to me?" SonicRinger talked back. He looked to his (weird) partner and saw him now mumbling the first verses of "Skatman". The brunette boy then whispered to himself. "Don't worry, just hang on a little bit longer, SonicRinger. Just two days to go and I can deliver my resign letter to the heads of the Brigade."

SonicRinger risked taking another look and saw MetroMarine was gone from his place. Looking where IceTriforce and Silla7 were looking, he saw his partner had gone inside the store and was shouting to the counter:

"Where's the coffee flavor? I have to GET TO THE CHOOPAAA soon!"

Just one thought was crossing SonicRinger's mind as at that moment:

_Will to live… dangerously decreasing…_

You might be wondering how someone can act like this under the effect of some cups of coffee, right? Well, let me answer this with another question: have you ever seen Crazy Hand under the effect of caffeine. Yeah, I know, it's not a pretty thought.

Speaking of which, we hadn't seen the guy for sometime. Let's see how he and his brother are doing.

- - - - - Commercial pause! Enter the short: Master and Crazy Hand's Family Time! - - - - -

Master Hand was on his office, humming to himself:

"Mone, mone… Money! I love this music." Master Hand said, while he flipped through some notes on his table. He and Iwata would probably be good buddies, in a financial way I mean.

"Hey brother!" Crazy Hand enters. The sound of the audience clapping is heard. "I got a duck!" sound of the audience laughing.

"A what?" Master Hand asks, taking his attention off his daily money counting and looking to his brother. Pardon the logical fail in this sentence.

"A duck!" Crazy then lifted the "duck", but what he was holding was actually an arm-crossed Dedede with a grumpy look on his face. More laughter from the audience.

"Uhm... it's a penguin, brother."

"But aren't they related?" Crazy asked. More laughter.

"Not exactly."

"Can you put me down now, pal? I have more important things to do." Dedede said, looking to Crazy Hand.

"Ok then." Crazy Hand spoke, throwing Dedede… out by the window.

"NOT LIKE THIIIiiss…." Dedede screamed. The camera kept focused on the window and the sound of a female scream and something falling echoed. "Uh… h-hi Zelda. How are you… ?"

"YOU DISPICABLE… !" came Zelda's furious answer, the rest of her line being censored.

"Wait! I swear it wasn't my intention to land on your…" what he would said next was muffled by the sound of Zelda's magically charged attacks hitting a… chubby, target. "OW! OUCH! NO PLEASE, NOT IN THE…. ARRRGGGHH! OH GOD, OH GOD! AAAHHHH!"

The camera took its focus out of the window and turned back to Master and Crazy Hand. It was then the twitching, left hand spoke:

"Hey, brother! I got an idea!" more laughter from the audience. What's with them laughing at everything Crazy say? He's not that funny.

"You? Got an idea? … better I go and check if Link and Ganondorf didn't turn best pals while I wasn't looking."

"But that's an idea that will give us money because it uses Link and Samus."

"Ah. My favorite phrase. Okay, I'm listening." more laughter. What kind of audience is this?

… wait a minute.

…

Ha, I knew it! A sound machine. Oh well, not like it's my problem.

"I thought of selling Link and Samus' posters with the two appearing at each other's side." Crazy Hand said.

"But we already sell those."

"Not of this kind! Booyah!" Crazy Hand then snapped his fingers and curtain of smoke rose besides him. After it dispersed a sheet appeared, showing a poster of…

"Link and Samus in swimsuits?" Master Hand mused.

"Yep, for boys and girls, males and females, wolves and vixens, dogs and cats, and even your parrot!"

"Thinking about it, it does sound like a good idea. Of course, Samus would slaughter us the moment she discovers, but we'll be stinkin' rich by the time she finds out!" Master Hand said in an excited tone at the perspective of monetary profit. Laughter from the "audience" again. "Good work brother! You know, sometimes I could kiss you."

"Oh, brother..." Crazy said, floating closer to his brother, but stopped when Master Hand made a sign for him to stop.

"I said I _could._ But since I have no mouth…"

"Oh, yeah… damn those designers. I shall have my revenge. Do you hear me? I will get my revenge!"

A jingle starts to play as a picture showing Master and Crazy Hand fills the screen:

_Master and Crazy Hand_

_Master and Crazy Hand_

_Master and Cra-azy Hand_

_Fa-amily Time!_

Master Hand then rips through the picture and points to the camera, saying:

_Your money is worth this rhyme!_

…

…

Wait a minute! They have their own jingle now. WHAT THE… ?

- - - - - Going back to the actual story - - - - -

SonicRinger turned to IceTriforce and asked:

"Please, kill me right now and I'll give you anything you want."

"Yeah, right… and how exactly will I gain something from you when you're dead?" IceTriforce inquired, looking at her nails. Wow, this girl is good.

He looked again to MetroMarine and saw him assaulting a cone of ice cream he had in his hand, getting it all over his face and making half of the costumers in the store look at him. SonicRinger turned to IceTriforce again.

"Just get me out of here and I'll do anything you want!" the desperate member of the Brigade spoke.

"Anything you say…" IceTriforce spoke, with her hand under her chin and eying him from top to bottom, noticing the brunette teenager had brushed his hair in a spiked style. She got "the expression" on her face as she eyed him.

"Okay you all, time for babbling is over, we have work to do." ArwingMaster said. "SonicRinger, go fetch your partner." mumbling something about how he hated his life, SonicRinger did so, dragging MetroMarine back by the collar of his shirt. And that is what happens when you do something just because all of your friends are doing: you end up stuck with a hyper weirdo. "Alright. Now this is what we're gonna do…" ArwingMaster then opened his new notebook…

Meanwhile, Samus, Midna and Link were in other shop, talking. Well, actually, Midna was telling some stories about Link and Samus was laughing her head off.

"… and can you believe he wigged his tail after I gave him the cookie? Honestly, he was such a big puppy." Midna told the futuristic woman, who was with her helmet back, though you could hear she laughing.

Link was grumbling on his seat, deciding he would rather to see Samus and Midna trying to rip each other's head off than the Twilight Princess talking about his "puppy tendencies" when he was in wolf form. It was already bad enough when she told that to Zelda. At least the Hylian Princess had the décor to keep her face serious and hold back the laugh.

Samus looked to Link after stop laughing and said to her boyfriend:

"I would love to see how you were like a wolf."

"Actually, I've still got the spell." Midna spoke, making the two blondes turn to her. "So, what do you think about we…"

"Oh no, no way! That's enough for me!" Link said, jumping from his seat. "Can't you two act like normal ex and actual and try to murder each other or something?"

Midna and Samus looked to each other, their eyebrows raised in confusion. They then looked back to Link, letting out an "oh" of comprehension. The bounty huntress spoke first:

"Sorry Link. I think we got carried away with this thing of trying to get along and everything." Samus… apologized? I better sit, because I feel like the room is spinning.

"I'm sorry too. I guess I was just so anxious to get to know who was making you happy now that I didn't notice I was being a real pest to you." Midna too! Can someone get me an ice pack? Please.

Link started to feel guilty by the apologetic tone and Samus and Midna's sad expression. The green clad swordsman then spoke on his own apologetic tone:

"No, I'm sorry. I got so surprised to see you two were getting along, when I expected the exact opposite. I guess I was just nervous about you meeting each other." Link said, sitting down again.

"Hey, it's alright." Midna spoke.

"Yeah. No need to blame yourself for that." Samus completed.

The two tall women then said they needed to go to the bathroom and left the table. Link nodded to them and said he would make their order and would not mind what they were talking about as long as they were getting along. On the way, Midna and Samus quickly looked back and, seeing Link wasn't looking, giggled while making their way to bathroom.

"Girl, you pulled out the 'guilty look' very well." Midna said to Samus. "Where did you learn it?"

"Watching the female recruits in my unit. And you?" the galactic warrior answered.

"My servants in the palace. And can you believe he actually thought we would fight each other?"

"Ah, he tends to believe that our lives are as normal as other people's. It seems he still doesn't get that logic is a concept that doesn't apply to us."

"Poor, naïve Link." Midna said, feigning pity and putting her right hand over her chest in a mild-dramatic pose.

The two then went to bathroom to… do whatever women do when they're there, while Link was eating his food, blissfully unaware that he was being spoken behind his back.

After the threesome ended their meal and left the shop, they took the main street of the town, however, someone lifted a "STOP" sign before them. The three looked to a suspiciously short guard, who spoke:

"Halt! There's a reform on the streets up ahead. You will have to take a detour." the guard said, pointing to a street that led to a shady, not-very-welcoming part of the city. You know, like those quarters near your house that screams "you're going to be robbed three times before you can get out of here".

Link, Samus and Midna looked to the place and back to the guard. They then looked forward and saw there were indeed people working up ahead. Looking more attentively to the guard for a moment (who lowered his head, in a way his cap would cover his eyes), the three shrugged and took the direction of the hostile neighborhood.

The "guard" sighed in relief, taking off his cap and revealing himself as SonicRinger. IceTriforce approached him and spoke to her companion:

"Good work."

"Yeah. For one moment, I thought they would find out." he answered. The brunette then looked behind, to the workers on the street, before looking back to the red head. "Don't you find it incredibly convenient that there was really a work going on?"

"I know, but who's complaining?" IceTriforce shrugged, dismissing the matter.

Back to Link, Samus and Midna, the three were walking through the street, passing by ruined constructions, drunken walking in the streets with bottles of beer hanging in their hands and a guy running with a suitcase on his arms, being persecuted by men in black tuxedos.

"You know, I've never been to this part of the city before." Samus commented.

"Me neither. We should watch out." Link said.

"Oh, c'mon Link. Look at us." Midna said. "We must be the tougher guys around here. Nobody in their mind would mess with us."

"What about the Canon Brigade?"

"I said: nobody in their _right mind_. Those guys aren't exactly people you can be reasonable with."

The three continued walking. Passed some time, they noticed people were eying them; some with creepy looks, others in a vile way and there was even a guy sharpening a kitchen knife in the steps of a building's entrance while looking to them. Samus whispered to Midna:

"This place sure seems hostile. Do you have any weapons with you?"

"Huh. My weapons are right here." the Twilight Princess lifted her hand, closing her knuckle and making a black and red aura glow around it. "Link can tell you about… Link?" Midna was about to ask the swordsman, but when she looked to her side, he was gone.

"Strange. Where is he?" Samus questioned.

Actually, Link was currently pursuing IceTriforce and Silla7, who had stolen his cap using a fishing rod. The dirty-blond Hylian was shouting for them to give his hat back, but the two were too busy running and laughing.

"This is so going to E-bay for a high price." Silla7 spoke.

"Can't we keep it?" IceTriforce asked with an edge of hope in her voice.

"Yeah, that would do too."

"Give me my hat back here!" Link shouted to the duo.

Midna and Samus gave up looking for him. He could take care of himself, so there was no need to worry. As the two continued walking, Midna decided to take that chance and ask Samus how her relationship with Link was:

"So, say Samus, have you already had a _night of fun _with Link?"…well, now we know what Zelda was talking about. "I know he's pretty oblivious to these things, so you might need to give him a little push in case you want… Samus?" the Twili looked to the side, just to see the bounty huntress was also gone. "Oh great. She too. What's going on here?"

Well, if you consider the fact that Samus, like Link, had left for an adjacent street in pursue of MetroMarine, who was holding a very revealing photo of her in a bikini and saying he would share it with all of his friends on Facebook, I would say something very fishy is going on

"GIVE ME THAT, YOU-" Samus yelled, having the rest of her line censured by the fic's rating.

"Now what do I do?" Midna wondered aloud.

A guy wearing a long coat, with his hands hidden in its pockets, approached Midna. He suddenly turned to the Twilight Princess and pulled out a gun, yelling:

"This is a theft! Pass everything you have!" the guy said.

Midna looked to him and then to herself. For those that didn't remember Midna's real appearance, here comes a reminder, for the others, you may call this a spoiler: Midna was, like always, wearing her long, black cloak that covered part of her head and fell along her shoulders and back. Her front was, completely open and the only piece of clothing she was using was a black thong with white details on it, though the black stains on her skin made it seems like she was using something more.

The Twilight Princess looked to the thief again, like asking if he could be more specific, since she didn't really have any place to hide any belongings (not counting her carrier magic, but the guy didn't need to know that now, did he?).

"I'm talking about the crown." the thief said, pointing to her golden, head ornament.

"Oh. This?" she asked, pointing to the item.

"Yeah, that. Are you going to pass it already?" the man said in a rather rude tone.

Normally, Midna would have blasted anyone who used that tone with her (not counting her friends, of course. They she would only torture), but she decided the situation was, at the minimum, amusing. I mean, she obviously could beat the guy without any problem. However, the female Twili decided to play along. After all, she wasn't there to cause havoc in the natural laws of that world.

"Alright, alright. Sheesh, here's the damn thing." Midna said, taking out her golden, head ornament.

"Ok, now get out of my city." the guy said.

"I'm sorry, but I thought urban space was public." the sarcastic princess replied.

"Oh, shut up, wench."

… !

He didn't just call Midna what I think he called, did he?

"What did you call me?" if this guy values his life, he won't…

"What? Are you deaf woman? Get out of my neck of woods, you b*censored*." ok, forget what I said. He's dead.

"Can you repeat that last part?" Midna asked, her robe starting to flap and her hands glowing with a dark and red aura.

Before the guy could repeat, shadows came out of the ground and grabbed the weapon on his hand, snatching it from his grip and smashing it to bits. More shadows then involved him and pulled him to Midna, who had an angry expression on her face, her hand crackling with magic.

"Say it again to my face, smart guy!" the Twilight Princess spoke, her teeth gritted and deciding to just screw the natural laws of that world.

"… sorry… ?" the guy suggested, cowering and desiring nothing more than to shrunk until he disappeared.

"Too late!"

Sounds of someone being electrocuted, magic spells hitting their target and screams of "MY RIBS!" echoed in the quarter. Link and Samus, after recovering/destroying the items they were after, looked up and decided to follow the source of the sound.

The couple then found Midna dusting her hands, but there was nobody around. They asked her if there was someone around screaming, but the Twilight Princess just answered:

"Screaming? Really? I didn't see anything like that."

Link and Samus had the slight suspicion she did know something, but decided to drop it. After all, what could she have done?

Meanwhile, in a nearby alley, IceTriforce and Silla7 had reunited with SonicRinger and ArwingMaster. The head of their little unit said:

"Good work people. Now, the guy I hired to scare Midna away should be done by now."

"But what if she kicks his ass?" Silla7 asked.

"Ha, hahahahaha! That was a good one Silla!"

The blond girl could just eye the dark haired member of the Brigade. It was then someone punched ArwingMaster at the back of his head, making he kiss the floor. The group saw it was the thief they had hired, with several injuries, rips on his coat and a black eye. He then threw the money which ArwingMaster had paid to him on said teenager, yelling:

"Here's your damn money! No amount is worth the beating she gave to me! … ouch, my head." the guy then walked away, leaving ArwingMaster in the floor.

The rest of the group watched the guy go, before turning to their companion, who slowly looked up, his face covered in the mud of the alley.

"Ok… plan B, then." ArwingMaster said, getting up. The others sighed, knowing that wouldn't end well.

Link, Samus and Midna continued to walk, trying to find their way through that part of the town. Eventually, Midna grew tired of that and said she would teleport to the top of the buildings to see where the mansion of the Super Smash Brothers was. Link and Samus nodded to her and the Twilight Princess quickly transformed into several, sand-like particles, which flew to the roof of one of the ruined buildings.

The female Twili materialized there and looked around. She located the terrains of the mansion soon enough and teleported down again. Link and Samus waited for their friend and asked her where the mansion was.

"It's up ahead that street." Midna said, pointing to a street to her right.

"Alright, then let's go. This place certainly isn't a good spot to hang around." Samus said, eying the people that were still with their tabs on them. Some backed away slightly at seeing they had been spotted and went to hide.

The group continued to walk and were about to pass near a building where, up on its rooftop, was the Canon Brigade. SonicRinger, MetroMarine and IceTriforce were holding a rope which in its turn was holding a big piano, which, should it fall, would hit someone in the street down below.

"Ok people. They're almost here." ArwingMaster said, eying the street below and locating Midna.

"Can someone tell me… why a girl like me… has to do this kind of work…" IceTriforce asked, huffing and puffing while trying to hold the great piano with her partners.

"Because I have the duty of supervise your work and this duty is as tiring as any arm work." ArwingMaster explained, posing like a genuine strategist; holding his notebook under his arm and pacing around with his eyes closed. "So stop complaining and do as I command you."

"Seems like someone has gone on a power trip." Silla7 whispered to her companions, who nodded to her.

"Ha! There she is! Let it fall!"

The three gladly did it and watched as the big piano fell to the street bellow. Man, these guys are kind of hardcore, aren't they?

Anyway, Midna noticed a shadow looming over her and looked up. She just had time to let her mouth open slightly before the piano crashed where she was. Link and Samus, who were a little behind her, letting the Twilight Princess lead the way, had their eyes wide at seeing the female Twili being smashed by the musical instrument.

"MIDNA!" Link called, going to the rubble and starting to take the pieces of the piano out of the way.

Samus approached the green clad swordsman and held his shoulder, making him look to her. She shook her helmet and Link hung his head down. As this scene was going on, thousands of Zelda fans all around the world were screaming:

"OMG! They killed Midna! YOU BASTARDS!"

It was then something started to come out of the remnants of the piano. Link looked up as he saw golden dots coming from under the wreckage of the piano and merge together. Samus also looked up and the two saw Midna reappearing.

"Phew. That was a close one." she said. The female Twili looked to her friends and asked, with a playful smirk upon seeing their expression. "What's with the long faces? You didn't actually think I would be killed by something like a falling piano, did you? Please. I'm not a cartoon character, you know."

Link and Samus smiled at her. Meanwhile, all over the country, the Midna Fan club members were taking pitchforks, shoves and riffles, like they were preparing to lynch someone. Speaking of which, the members of the Canon Brigade on the top of the building were looking at the scene below them. ArwingMaster had an incredulous expression on his face.

"I can't believe it! She survived!" the head of the group said.

"I wasn't going to ask, but circumstances presenting…" SonicRinger said, giving a slight pause. "what's with you? A piano? Please. No serious, videogame character would fall to something like that."

"Actually, I didn't count on her teleporting out of it…" ArwingMaster admitted.

"You didn't count?" IceTriforce asked in disbelief. "How come you don't know her powers? Didn't you play Twilight Princess?"

"Well… actually…"

The whole group went silent at that (less MetroMarine, who was talking with some birds about how he hated Britney Spears). They then threw ugly looks to ArwingMaster, who started to sweat. He mumbled something before speak, recovering his pose:

"Fear not, my friends. Because I have a Plan C!" he announced.

"Why do I have the impression it's going to blow up on our faces?" IceTriforce commented to the others.

- / - / - / -

The two heroes and the Princess finally arrived at the exit of the not-so-welcoming quarter. Link sighed at seeing they would finally go back to the mansion.

Go out of a dangerous zone into a war one, I don't see the difference between them.

"Where are you staying by the way, Midna?" Samus asked her newest friend.

"I've rented a room in a hotel nearby, but don't worry…" she said, casting a brief look to Link, smiling a suggestive smile. "I don't plan on appearing much often, since I'm sure you two have lots of _private _activities to do."

Link understood the tone which she used in "private" and looked away, blushing beet red. Samus, however, approached Midna and whispered to her:

"As if. It's really hard for me and Link to get some time alone in that mansion, not to talk about advancing our relationship with the way he is oblivious."

"Oh, don't worry. He might be really shy on that matter, but all you need to do is…"

What Samus needed to do, she never discovered because in that moment the sound of a siren echoed in the street, coming from above. The three looked up and their eyes widened in surprise as they saw something descending.

"What-" Link mumbled.

"The-" Midna said.

"Hell?" Samus completed.

An airship was descending in front of them, blocking the way to the mansion. It resembled a normal, pirate ship, with cannons on its side and everything. The only thing that made it look bizarre was the face of Bowser on its front and the propellers on its top.

In a wooden stand was ArwingMaster, laughing as the airship descended. He was even wearing a white cape to make himself look more imposing. It would have worked if it wasn't by the fact he was the member of a brigade full of weird and insane people. The siren then stopped as he pointed to Link and the girls, saying:

"So, how do you like my model of Bowser Junior's Airship from Super Mario Galaxy, huh?"

"Wait a minute. You guys built this?" Samus asked, pointing to the ship.

"More like they stole the idea." Link said. "I saw Mario's game and this ship is identical to the one Bowser's son used."

"Whatever." ArwingMaster said. "The point is you all are going down."

"Seems like someone is on a power trip." Midna spoke to her friends, who nodded. She turned to ArwingMaster. "Seriously, don't you have a life?"

"S-shut up! This is my master plan and it'll work, or I'm not called ArwingMaster!"

"And what's your new name then?"

ArwingMaster froze at that. From inside the airship, in the room that controlled the weapons and other devices in the ship, the other members of the Canon Brigade heard Midna's comeback and spoke between themselves, smirking:

"Owned."

"Shut up you all and go back to work!" ArwingMaster called from above.

"Aye, aye, great dictator."

"So, you think you're so smart, huh Miss Midna?"

"It's Princess Midna for you." Midna said, pointing to him and snapping her finger after that. IceTriforce and Silla7 giggled at that. Wow, Midna is really owning that guy. I almost feel pity for him. Almost.

"Whatever!" ArwingMaster yelled, already losing his temper. "When I get rid of you, those guys in the Brigade will finally pay me the respect I deserve and stop calling me a nerdy schemer."

Samus, Link and Midna looked between themselves, thinking that, for once, they had to agree with the Brigade. Samus pointed to him and spoke:

"You know, you seriously need to get laid."

"Ah. Guess not all guys can be like you, Link." Midna said, throwing her arms around Link's shoulders, lifting her leg a little and inclining her head closer to his. Though the Hero blushed, he managed to say.

"Well, I-I guess so… but that doesn't mean other guys can't get girls. I think it's a matter of not being creepy, or pose like someone you obviously could never be."

Though the Hero hadn't said that with the intent of dealing a blow on ArwingMaster's pride, it had that effect. Samus saw Midna holding Link and decided to do it too, passing her arm around her boyfriend's shoulders. She wasn't trying to fight Midna, but trying to say she could be as good as her.

Meanwhile, ArwingMaster was stuttering. SonicRinger put his head out in the deck and made a comment to the "strategist" of their team:

"You know, if I were you, I would stop speaking before they verbally whoop your ass even more."

"FINE!" ArwingMaster screamed, attracting everybody's attention again. "ENOUGH OF THIS! Now get a taste of the heat beam I installed on this beauty myself!"

The airship turned its head to the Link and two women clinging to him and the mouth on Bowser's head opened, a red shine coming from within it. Link knew what that meant and shouted for them to scatter.

Midna and Samus jumped to the right, hiding behind a conveniently placed, big trash container, while Link hid behind another convenient trash container on the left. The heat ray hit the spot the trio had been seconds ago and burned a hole in the concrete.

From their shielded point, Midna and Samus where recovering their breath. The Twilight Princess then stood, her hand glowing with magical power as she said:

"If it is war these guys want, then it's war they'll get."

She stepped out of her hiding spot and summoned the shadows around her. They gathered in front of the Twilight Princess and started to form a pool of swirling darkness in the ground. Midna then murmured an incantation in her people's language and a huge beam of darkness shot from the shadow pool at her feet. However, when it collided with the airship, it "slid" on its hull, leaving no trace of damage.

Midna let out a "what?" before deciding to try again. She used the same poll of shadows she had summoned and made it float out of the ground and stay hovering in front of her in the form of a sphere. The Twilight Princess then chanted another incantation and pointed to the airship with two fingers. Several dark arrows, each one the size of a lance, shot from the sphere. However, they all bounced harmlessly on the hull.

"Hahaha! Nice try, Twilight Princess. But I've polished the hull with a special wax that renders it imperviousness against spells." ArwingMaster said.

"He? Please…" Silla7 said from the control room. "We're the ones who had to endure pain on our backs for a week after polishing this thing."

"Details, details." ArwingMaster said, shrugging. "Anyway..." the ship then turned its cannons to Midna. "FIRE!"

Cannon balls flew to Midna, who enchanted her reflexes and jumped to the side, going to Link's hiding point. She covered herself after the cannon balls hit the concrete and chunks of it flew hitting her cloak. Link's ex-girlfriend then spoke, looking to the street:

"I guess this means me attacking that thing is out of question."

"In that case, let my try this." Link said, after reading some bomb arrows.

The Hero stepped out from behind the trash container and fired the bomb arrows. ArwingMaster just laughed as the airship did some evasive maneuvers. Link tried to shot it again, but to no avail.

"Well, well. How about this, Mister Hero?" ArwingMaster bloated as a huge cannon appeared from behind the airship and started to fire consecutive shots.

Link gasped as he ran and hid behind the trash container were Samus was. They heard the sound of explosions as more concrete flew in the air. Link turned to his actual girlfriend and spoke:

"Ok, my arrows are out of question."

"Which means missiles too. But let's see what he thinks of this." Samus said, charging her arm cannon.

The bounty huntress jumped from behind the trash container, rolling on the ground and pointed to the airship, unleashing a charged shot of her arm cannon. However, when the shot hit the hull, the energy was dissipated. Samus seemed troubled by that, even though you couldn't see her face.

"Ha, nice one, but as you can see, this ship is mostly made of wood, which means electric attacks are useless." ArwingMaster said. "Now, I think it's time for me to get revenge on you, Samus Aran."

"What for?" Samus asked, though more out of impulse than anything. If she gained a coin each time someone tried to get revenge on her…

"You beat the snot out of me!"

Silence hung for a moment. Samus asked again:

"Can you be more specific? I've beaten so many of you that I can't remember the face of each one."

"You fooled my author powers." ArwingMaster said.

"What?" Midna exclaimed, appearing from her hiding spot and going to Samus' side. "Did you really believe in that ruse? Man, how old are you? Twelve?"

"S-shut up! Taste bullet bills!"

The cannons of the airship then fired a barrage of strange torpedoes with eyes and arms. Taking aside the… strange design of those projectiles, Samus and Link knew those things could hurt a lot. The Hylian swordsman grabbed Midna's hand and the three ran, with the bullet bills right on their back.

They jumped some trash cans, throwing them in the way of the bullet bills and making some explode, grabbed light posts and made close turns to throw the projectiles out of curse and hid in a narrow alley as more shoots came from the airship.

"Great, now what?" Midna asked. "We cannot get to the mansion with that thing blocking our way."

"If at least we knew how to destroy it…" Samus mumbled.

"Hey! I've got an idea." Link said suddenly. There was a moment of silence. Midna and Samus looked to each other.

"Now we're screwed." the Twilight Princess said to Samus.

"Haha, very funny Midna." Link said, using sarcasm against his ex-girlfriend. He turned to his actual one. "Samus, do you have a phone in your suit?"

"Yeah, I have a communication channel imbued on it, but why do… ?" she was interrupted by the green clad swordsman before complete her question.

"Then call the mansion's number and speak with Mario."

Samus got what was Link's idea and did so. She heard more explosions and ArwingMaster calling as he cackled like a maniac. The bounty huntress hoped she could get to talk with Mario before they were blasted by that guy.

- - - - - Meanwhile, in the mansion - - - - -

"Ha! How did you like that, huh?" Bowser said to Mario.

"Ahhh! You… you're gonna pay for that!" Mario answered.

"It's not my fault that you suck. So, stop crying already." the Koopa King said, laughing after he spoke that.

"Mario, Bowser, please, let's calm down." Peach said, trying to keep the two away of each other's throat.

"Yes. Honestly, can't you stop fighting even while playing Mario Party?" Luigi asked.

Indeed, the four residents of Mushroom Kingdom were in front of the TV, Wii Remotes in hand and playing some Mario Party (which number? Who knows. There are so many). The Princess spoke up again:

"Really, can't you two give it a break even when we're playing this? Mario Party is supposed to promote fun between friends, not fighting. Super Smash Bros. already exists for that purpose."

"It's not my fault Bowser can't play a game without cheating." Mario protested, crossing his arms and pouting, Wii Remote still hand.

"Oh, really? And how exactly can you cheat in Mario Party? Last I checked, the items are meant to be used." Bowser said with a feral grin on his features at seeing his rival so frustrated at his poor luck.

"Guys, please…" Luigi said, getting tired of hearing his brother's squabbles with Bowser. They couldn't reunite to do anything together without Bowser and Mario picking up a fight with each other.

It was then the phone of the game room rang. The four looked to the table where the phone was. Mario, Bowser and Peach then looked to Luigi, who looked back to them. Catching the meaning behind their looks, the green clad plumber sighed and stood.

"Alright, alright… I'm going to answer." Luigi went to the phone, mumbling something about everybody treating him like their secretary or a butler. Mario's brother then picked up the phone. "Hello?"

"Luigi, can you pass Mario?" a familiar, feminine voice replied on the other end of the line, followed by what sounded like an explosion.

"Samus? Wait. How did you guess it was me?" Luigi inquired.

"One: your accent, two: if Mario had answered, he would have said 'It's me, Mario', instead of 'hello?'."

One second of silence passed. Luigi then answered:

"Good point."

"Now, can you call him already?" Samus asked now in an impatient tone as another explosion sounded.

Luigi covered the bottom of the phone and looked to the couch where his brother and their friends were playing Mario Party. Unsurprisingly, Bowser and Mario were now fighting each other physically, involved in a cloud of dust as Peach tried to separate the two.

"He's… a little busy at the moment." Luigi said, choosing the words carefully.

"Can't you just go and fetch him? It's urgent!" Samus hurried the other plumber. More explosions sounded in the background.

Luigi heard the sound of a frying pan hitting something. Looking again, he saw Bowser and Mario in the floor, large lumps on their heads and Peach breathing deeply, an angry expression on her face, shoulders rising and falling and frying pan in hand. It seemed the Mushroom Princess finally had enough of watching the Koopa King and the red plumber fighting over everything.

Looking more attentively, Luigi saw the two were Ko'ed by the wrath of the Princess. He would have found the situation a little comical and take some time to enjoy the tranquility and silence, but Samus yelled at the phone. Seems like his dream would have to wait a little longer.

"Nope." Luigi answered. "But what is it? Maybe I can help you."

"Just if you have played Super Mario Galaxy." Samus said.

"Hey, I was in it." Luigi said, sounding proud of himself.

"… were you?" Samus asked in a tone of confusion. She saw the first two, 3D adventures of Mario and never saw Luigi in any of them.

"Yes. Ever since I've got my own game, I've finally got some… uh, I mean, my number of fans increased. So Nintendo decided to make me appear in my brother's next game. They even gave to me an entire section of it where I was playable. I like to call it: Super Luigi Galaxy!" Luigi proclaimed proudly.

Silence again. This one lasted minutes. Samus was trying to process all that information (including the fact that Luigi actually _has _fans). The bounty huntress then spoke in a tone of mild sarcasm:

"Sometimes, Nintendo really achieves to amaze me with their creativity." she decided to drop the subject and go right to the point of her call. "Ok then, did you face Bowser Jr. in his airship?" she received an "of course" from Luigi, who was still sounding proud of himself. Apparently, the guy was so happy of tell about his achievements that he didn't catch the sarcasm in Samus' sentence. "How did you defeat it?"

"It's actually very easy. All you have to do is to throw a Koopa Shell on it." Luigi said.

"Ok then. Thanks."

"It was nothing." Luigi then hung the phone and looked back, Mario and Bowser were still unconscious and Peach decided to go get something to eat. "Ah, sweet, sweet silence."

- - - - - Back to the battle fi… I mean, city - - - - -

"He said we just have to throw a Koopa shell in it." Samus spoke to her friends, closing the communication with Luigi.

"A Koopa Shell?" Link repeated. "And how exactly are we going to find one here in the middle of the…"

The Hero stopped when he noticed Midna patting his shoulder and looked to her. She pointed to the other side of the alley, which gave view to another street. Walking there, to Link and Samus' surprise, was a red Koopa.

"No way…" the Hero said.

"Really, nothing more impresses me nowadays." Samus commented.

It was then the group heard an explosion behind them, which made they turn. They then saw the airship there, Bowser's face pointing to them and the heat beam inside it charging.

"Found you!" ArwingMaster proclaimed.

The heat beam was unleashed and Link and Samus could just look with their eyes wide while it came to them. In that moment, Midna stood in front of them and quickly conjured a magical barrier, blocking the attack. The Twilight Princess turned to Link and said:

"What are you waiting for? Go and get the shell from that turtle! Me and Samus are going to hold this thing back." Midna gritted her teeth as a barrage of cannon balls impacted with her barrier.

Nodding to the tall woman, Link turned and left Samus and her to distract the Canon Brigade. The bounty huntress climbed on a nearby fire exit stair and started to fire missiles on the airship to give Midna some time to recover.

While the two female warriors fought for their lives, Link approached the Koopa and called for it. The turtle turned to him and asked in a rather formal way:

"Yes, how may I be of service?"

"Could you please borrow me your shell for a minute or two?" Link asked, putting on his most friendly expression and tone as he asked.

"Certainly not! It's cold out here and without my shell I would be in my underwear." the Koopa answered.

"Look, pal. My friends are being attacked by an airship which we can only destroy with a Koopa Shell, so if you don't…" Link asked again, still trying to be nice, though his heart was beating faster as he thought on how Midna and Samus were there fending for themselves.

"An airship in the middle of the town? This is an absurd tale, fellow. You can't possibly expect me to believe it."

"Look…" Link said, his smile now turning forced as the corner of his mouth twitched at seeing that Koopa wasn't very willingly to cooperate with him. "I. need. your. shell. Got that?"

"How do you dare to talk to me like that? Do you know who I am?" the Koopa said in an indignant tone. "I am Clark T. Troopian the II, the most respected…" what else he was, we will never know for in that moment Link finally lost his patient and took out his Clawshot, grabbing the Koopa and proceeding to beat it out of its shell. "What the… ? He-hey! What do you think you are… ? Ow! OUCH! No, don't do it… AAHHH!" Clark T. Troopian was then kicked into the ground, just in his underwear. He had a lump on his head as he spoke. "You will… receive word… from my lawyers…"

The Koopa then fainted. Link, of course, paid no attention to his words and simply picked up the red shell and ran back to the alley where he had left Samus and Midna. When he arrived, the two women were panting and had some dirt on them. Midna's barrier seemed to have broken.

"Any final words?" ArwingMaster asked with triumph in his voice.

"Hey, you villain wannabe!" Link called, making the member of the Canon Brigade let out and "uh?" and look to him. "Catch this!"

The Hero then threw the red shell, which flew in the air defying at least a dozen of physics' laws, since it would be aerodynamically impossible for shells to fly like that. But who cares? This is Smash Brothers.

Anyway, the shell then hit the hull of the airship and broke through it, exiting on the other side and leaving two holes in the it, making the vessel shake and smoke start to come out of it as all kind of alarms went on.

"Aw dammit! I knew I should have bought that upgrade which eliminated the weakness against Koopa Shells!" ArwingMaster scolded himself.

"You know…" IceTriforce started, the others getting out of the control deck, from where was coming most of the smoke. "sometimes I ask myself why we have never achieved a victory lately. Then I look at you and I remember why."

The entire airship then exploded, the members of the Canon Brigade were launched out of it and landed on the ground or even in piles of trash around the alley. Link, Samus and Midna took the chance and made a run for it, passing by the stunned teenagers and finally going back to the mansion.

ArwingMaster supported himself on his arms as he tried to get up from the ground. He mumbled in pain and then noticed several pairs of feet in front of him. Looking up, he saw it was Bowser Jr., Rosalina from Mario Galaxy and other guys in black tuxedos that were holding briefcases. Lawyers.

"Uh… h-hi." ArwingMaster said with a nervous smile. The others started to get up too and saw the crowd of lawyers and the two videogame characters looking at the dark haired teenager with not very friendly expressions.

Rosalina and Bowser Jr. snapped their fingers and two lawyers stepped forward, handing two papers for ArwingMaster, who looked at them with an incredulous expression, asking what those were. Bowser Jr. was the first to speak:

"This is an intimation. I'm suing for you using my trademark airship model and modifying it without my permission."

"And this is for you using a Grand Star to power said illegal model, when they are property of my observatory." Rosalina spoke.

The other members of the Canon Brigade looked to where Rosalina pointed and saw a Grand Star in the place where the airship had exploded. They looked back to ArwingMaster and asked in unison:

"You stole a Grand Star?"

"Hey, it was the only thing that could power it. What did you want?" ArwingMaster defended himself. He then backed away when Rosalina and Bowser Jr. pointed to his face, almost touching his nose.

"We will see you in the tribunal!" the two said at the same time.

The videogame characters then turned and with an "humph", walked away with their lawyers. ArwingMaster stood in his place, looking at the intimations he had received. He looked back to the members of his unit and saw them glaring daggers at him, with their eyes narrowed. The dark haired teenager then spoke:

"Well… at least it can't get worse now, can it?"

"Ahem." someone cleared his throat. ArwingMaster turned once more to the other side of the alley and swallowed dry.

Don't you find it funny that when you think things can't get worse, they _do _worsen? Well, that's one of those situations. In front of ArwingMaster was a mob looking at him angrily. The young man at the head was holding a baseball bat and patting it on his other hand. Some of them wore shirts that said "Midna's Fan club".

"Oh crap…" ArwingMaster said. He jumped back and assumed a commanding pose, pointing forward as he proclaimed. "Everybody! Defensive positions!" there was no answer. ArwingMaster looked behind, only to find his "comrades" were missing. He looked around and saw them now in the middle of the mob, wearing Midna's Fan club's shirts. "What? Guys?" the black haired "official" of the Canon Brigade said, with a comical expression of disbelieve in his face.

"Nothing personal, but you know what they say-" SonicRinger started.

"If you can't beat them-" Silla7 spoke.

"Join 'em." IceTriforce completed.

ArwingMaster let his arms hang on his sides, not believing his unit had deserted. He then looked more to the side and saw MetroMarine among them.

"Not you too, MetroMarine… How did they convince you to join?"

"Midna's poster!" the now not-so-caffeinated-but-still-hyper ex-member of the Canon Brigade said, snickering at what he achieved to get his hands on as he showed the poster with Midna's true form on it.

"Get him!" the young man at the front of the mob screamed.

Screaming like a little girl, ArwingMaster hightailed out of there. After being chased by half of the town, he achieved to lose the mob, just to receive an "invitation for a talk" from the heads of the Brigade in the next day…

- / - / - / -

Link, Midna and Samus were finally at the gates of the mansion when the sun was setting. They were all tired from everything that happened that day. But first, Samus had something she wanted to talk with Midna:

"Time to talk about the payment." what else did you think it could be?

"Oh, do we have to?" Midna asked in a soft tone, like she was trying to charm herself out of that situation.

"Look, nothing personal, but you technically hired us to guard you, and we don't run this joint for free." Samus said.

"Alright, alright. How much was it?"

"Let me see…" Samus tapped the side of her helmet, reading some information on the visor. "It was four hours of guarding you… so it's… $480,00."

There was a silence following that announcement. For the first time since she arrived, Midna actually looked nervous as she asked:

"Sorry. How much was it again?"

"$480,00." Samus repeated.

More silence. That was definitely getting awkward. Midna then asked:

"Can't you give me a discount?" Samus shook her head. Midna then sighed as she said. "Fine… do you take rupees?"

"You mean those crystals? Sorry, only cash."

"And how do you expect me to have that?" Midna questioned. "I just arrived. I didn't even have visited a bank yet."

"Not my problem." Samus said.

Feeling that the friendship Midna and Samus had just built could fall apart at any moment now, Link decided to step in and spoke:

"Wait. I'll pay for Midna."

The two, tall women looked to Link. Samus then spoke:

"Link, you work for me. I can't take your money?" oh, now she doesn't accept money. Guess boyfriend fits in the category "exceptions", eh Samus?

"Just take it from my salary."

"Uh… you do know we don't really have salaries, do you? We just share the profit of the day."

"Well, there has to be some way I can pay for Midna. C'mon. I don't want to see you arguing about something so little. I heard about girls that tried to kill each other for smaller things than this." Link insisted.

Samus thought on what he said. It was then Midna got an idea. She called Samus and the bounty huntress approached her. The Twilight Princess then whispered something to the futuristic woman that Link couldn't hear.

"Tempting. Really tempting. But it won't work." Samus said.

"Why?" Midna asked.

"Well, you see…" Samus whispered something back to Midna and the Twilight Princess let out an "oh" of disappointment.

Link arched his eyebrow at that. What did Midna suggest Samus to take from him as payment? There was a theory that his mind quickly produced, but he shook his head, dismissing it. Midna wouldn't sell him out that way, would she? He concentrated on hearing what the two women were talking now:

"Then how about… ?" Midna whispered other thing to Samus.

"Oh. Now that's good." Samus spoke, grinning behind her visor. Now I'm starting to get scared.

"So, let's go for it?"

"You bet."

The two then turned to Link, who suppressed the urge to gulp, reminding himself that those two would never do something to him. Samus and Midna liked him, though the latter and he had broken up, but they were still being friends, so…

"Oh, Liiink." Midna said, stretching her hand forward and opening it, a black object floating in her palm.

Link reconsidered: yes, they definitely would do something to him…

- / - / - / -

"Have anyone seen Link this morning?" Zelda asked to Meta Knight, Marth, Ike and Lucario.

"No, I haven't heard of or seen him since yesterday." the aura Pokémon said.

"I wonder what must be transpiring for him to don't appear around the mansion for such a long amount of time." Marth mused.

"Probably hanging around with Samus. I bet those two must be having some crazy nights." Ike suggested with a smirk.

"Are speaking it based on your own nights, or simply in your desires?" Meta Knight inquired. He was always one of the sharpest Smashers.

"It's none of your…"

"Actually, his desires. He tried to convince me, but I won't go that far. At least, not before married." Zelda said.

"Zelda…" Ike grumbled.

"I'm sensing his aura… and Samus' too. They're entering now." Lucario announced.

"Really, where?" Ike asked, looking to the entrance of the dining hall.

Meta Knight jumped in a table to get a better look. However, what he saw confused him, since Lucario clearly said he had sensed Link approaching.

"Where is him? I can see Samus, but there's nobody with her besides that wolf."

"Wolf?" Zelda asked, pushing Ike aside and looking. "Oh my…" she mumbled in a surprised tone that carried disbelieve.

"Now, come here Link." Samus said, grinning from ear to ear as she called for the grayish wolf with a white mark on his forehead, very familiar blue-sapphire eyes and an ear piece in the right ear.

Everybody stopped eating when they saw the bounty huntress speaking the name of the wolf. Even Kirby and Yoshi stopped eating, the latter leaving his silverware fell from his hands while his mouth hung mild-open.

The wolf seemed to grumble at seeing the attention he was calling. He could even hear Peach squealing when she saw him, speaking something that sounded like "Doesn't he look like a big puppy?"

Samus then served her plate and the two walked back to the table. He tried to get to his seat, but the futuristic woman spoke, like she was educating a legitimate dog:

"Ah-ah-ah. You know you can't sit in the table."

He growled as he got out and sat at her side, shooting looks at her. Samus acted like she hadn't notice, eating her food. Meta Knight looked to the other direction, trying to not pay mind to the scene, just like Snake.

Link could already hear some people holding their laugh, but he was too busy glaring at Samus. The bounty huntress finally turned her head to him, acting like she had noticed his look just now. She then spoke:

"Oh, don't look at me like this, Link. I promise that if you behave yourself, I'll do something very nice to you, ok?" she then scratched him behind his ear.

_Must… resist… instincts… must… resist… _Link thought to himself as he tried very hard not to give in to his animal instincts. However, he could never think straight when Samus touched him as a human, so what chances did he have as a wolf? _Oh man, this is soooo good._

Then, to everybody's amusement, Link closed his eyes, let his tongue out and wagged his tail while Samus scratched his ear. Now everybody was trying really _hard _not to laugh. Some let a snicker escape. Zelda was struggling not to squeal like Peach, because in truth, Link did look like a big puppy now and she found it very cute. What do you want? She's a girl too.

"Ohh, you're so cute. Here." Samus threw a piece of waffle to Link, who caught it in the air and eat it with a happy expression on his canine face.

It was then his instincts died down and he was back to his senses. He looked to the piece of waffle in his mouth, his wagging tail and everybody that was either, snickering, holding their laugh, or, in the villains cause, cackling aloud. The only ones who seemed to actually be trying to keep quiet for the sake of the Hero's dignity were Meta Knight, Snake and Zelda, who was looking to him with an expression he never saw on her face before.

Wolf Link growled for the rest of the breakfast, planning how he would get revenge on all of his "friends", not wanting to wait until the spell wore off.

_I wonder what their faces would look like when they go to sleep this night and find their sheets and pillows had been "mysteriously" ripped apart. Oh yeah…_


	11. Snake, Snake, SNAAAAAAKE!

Hey kids (yeah, i can call some of you kids because I am an adult), it's time for another chapter!

Since it took so long from the update of chapter nine, I wrote this other. Anyway, here it is! And with more Wolf Link time for those that were waiting for it, yay!

... ok, let's stop with the happy demeanor now, it's really out of character for me.

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* * *

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C**h****apter 11**

**Snake, Snake, SNAAAAAAKE!**

Another day at the office of Steel 'n' Blade Co, with Samus checking their mail and Link insulting and threatening the computer, which seemed to refuse to show him what he wanted in to see in the internet (it's not porn. Bunch of perverts).

"C'mon, you damn thing. Show me the page already!" the Hero screamed to the screen of the computer, which seemed to have taken a dislike for him, because a window with the message "Error" appeared right after Link said that. "ARGH! I swear, even Ganondorf would be more cooperative than this thing! If I bribed him, of course." Link added.

"Shouting to the computer won't make it work faster Link." Samus said from the table.

"Well, excuuuse me for coming from a world that doesn't have this kind of technology."

"You're forgiven."

Link narrowed his eyes at the comeback. No wonder Samus and Midna turned out such good friends, the two have a repertoire of witty remarks and sarcastic comebacks so vast it could probably fill the entire space in the Assist Trophies quarters.

Do you think he's exaggerating? Then play Twilight Princess and count each time Midna make a sarcastic comment or make fun of some situation, including the parts where you call her, and see if I'm wrong.

Link then went back to his duel with the computer. Samus eyed him while he mumbled what sounded like promises of a very painful death for the reluctant device. She was still thinking of how convincing him to move their relationship to the next level. Of course, if it was any other guy, it would be easy; just put a skimpy outfit and let things run their course.

But since it was Link she was dealing with, she would need something different. It was strange that, after having dated a woman like Midna, he was still keeping with that naïve and oblivious personality. She supposed Link would always be Link, no matter what.

As the bounty huntress schemed how she would get her man to... satisfy her, her suit's communication system beeped, signalizing someone was trying to communicate with her. Samus activated her Varia Suit and pressed the side of her helmet, opening the communication channel. It wasn't that many people that knew her suit's communication frequency, so she was never bothered by telemarketing.

"Hello. Are you Samus Aran?" the voice of a middle aged man sounded.

"Yes. Who is it?" Samus asked, not having recognized the voice.

"I'm Colonel Roy Campbell."

"Aren't you Snake's boss?" Samus asked. "How did you get my number?"

"Snake gave it to me." the Colonel answered simply.

Samus made a mental note to beat Snake senseless the next time she saw him for giving her number to someone and _after it _discover how he got her suit's number in the first place. She asked the Colonel:

"And what exactly do you want with me?"

"I want to hire you and your joint, Steel 'n' Blade Co, for a job of great importance." Colonel Campbell answered.

"How do you know about that?" Samus asked in a devious tone.

"Otakon told me."

"And who told him?"

"Snake."

"Figures." Samus spoke, rolling her eyes. And the guy was supposed to be a spy. Didn't they need to know how to guard secrets and stuff? "Look, I don't want to sound rude, but I don't want Snake pestering me for taking his job. It's already hard to deal with him in a cordial basis."

"Actually, the job I'm talking about is to find Snake." Samus stopped speaking and let out an "uh?". "We've lost contact with him since yesterday. According to Master Hand, he was called by the industry that makes our games to be their representative in a convention that was about to happen in this town together with other representatives from the third-party industries that are associated to Nintendo.

"From what we could discover, it seems the convention was open to public and a great number of Metal Gear fans came."

"What so? Don't tell me Snake can't deal with a group of fans."

"The vast majority is composed of fangirls." Colonel said, cryptically.

Samus dropped the cocky tone of her voice after that. If there was something she had learned from observing the boys in the previous competitions (mainly Link) was that fangirls were a cunning bunch, almost a fair match to the villains.

"Alright. But are you sure he's still alive?" Samus inquired, secretively hoping that Snake had been captured by them. At least, that way, she wouldn't have to deal with the legendary spy's smartass attitude.

"Oh, I'm sure he's fine. After all, he's Snake." Samus cursed under her breath. She had forgotten that factor. "He probably found a place to hide, but considering how the fangirls had the convention center surrounded, wasn't able to get out yet."

"What about the other representatives? Weren't they able to help?"

"Apparently, they got out before anyone else." Colonel said in a disapproving tone. "However, I'm worried how long Snake can stay in hiding. He underwent a special survival course against fangirls before coming to the Smash Brothers tournament, but I'm not sure how effective it can be against a number that great."

"Alright, alright. Then we'll rescue him. Just wait a little…" Samus fetched her price board and looked for the item "Normal rescue". She found it and announced the price. "$700,00." which again gives a whole new meaning to the word "overcharged".

There was silence on the line for quite some minutes. The Colonel was obviously trying to digest the price. Link sighed from his position, having turned to look to Samus once he heard her speaking with someone through her suit's communication channel. The Hero started to wonder if she liked torturing people with those prices.

"You're kidding, right?" the Colonel finally asked.

"Unfortunately not, I am not kidding." Samus said. Oh, the irony in this quote.

"But that is…"

"Look, we're talking about saving someone… a smartass, creepy stalker to be more specific, but an human life is an human life, I suppose."

"Ugh, alright. I'll meet you at the entrance of the convention center with your payment once you bring Snake back, safe and unharmed." Snake's boss spoke.

"Hum, does this 'safe and unharmed' includes injuries that I may have inflicted upon him?" Samus asked.

"Yes."

Samus cursed under her breath. Oh well, she would just have to beat Snake after receiving her payment should he do something funny. She bid farewell to the Colonel and closed the communication channel.

"Who was that?" Link asked his partner once she was done.

"It was Snake's boss. He wants us to rescue Snake from a convention center, which was dominated by rabid fangirls who will probably torture him once he's found."

There was more silence. You know, all these silence scenes that follows someone's lines are really starting to get old. Link finally spoke, asking:

"You're kidding, right?"

"Why does everybody keep asking me this?" Samus mused.

- / - / - / -

It was already night as the two partners reached the convention center in the city. From the streets, they could already see the mob of fans blocking the doors, which by its turn was blocked by some securities, who seemed to be trying to maintain order, though it was clearly useless with the whole shouting and hands waving in the air.

Samus thought they were probably trying not to let anyone else enter for the chaos inside the convention center get worse. This also brought her a question; how were they going to enter? Link was thinking just the same as his female partner while looking around. The green clad swordsman soon located an open window at the right side of the building, in an alley. He called Samus and pointed to it.

"Yeah, that would work." the bounty huntress thought aloud.

The two quickly passed the street, which wasn't really necessary for them to do so fast since the fanboys and girls were all crowded around the doors trying to get a chance to enter or see their videogame idols inside.

Samus and Link got under the window and used Grapple Beam and Clawshot to climb to the window. Deciding it would be good for them first to see in what state the convention center was, the two workers of Steel 'n' Blade crouched on the edge of the window, holding on its frame as they looked.

They soon came to understand why Snake hadn't made any contact. The fangirls had literally dominated the center. There were groups being sent to patrol the corridors and search for Snake, or any other unfortunate videogame character who didn't achieved to get out in time. Their main group was in the room which the window Link and Samus were currently perched gave view to; the conference hall, which contained several seats and a stage on its end.

"Well, I have to admit, when they want, they do know how to cause a big trouble." Samus commented, counting the number of fangirls around the hall. There were even some leaving the curtains behind the stage.

"Well, if they are still looking around, that means they didn't find Snake yet." Link said.

"Yeah…" Samus said in a not very enthusiastic voice. Deep down, she wouldn't mind if Snake was found. She holds him so high in consideration, doesn't she?

The bounty huntress decided to forget that and concentrate on their job. She tried to make contact with Snake, but her suit's sensors notified there was something blocking the signal. Looking inside the hall again, Samus noticed most of the fangirls were holding cell phones, either using them as walkie-talkies or simply talking with their friends about something the futuristic woman could care less.

"Great, too much interference. We're going to have to search for him the old way." Samus said.

"But how are we going to do that? With all these fangirls, we would be caught before finding Snake." Link said.

"Unless we can, somehow, distract them…" Samus thought aloud. She then had an idea and turned her visor to Link, who couldn't see her face, but could feel his female partner looking to him with an interested glare.

- / - / - / -

"Who are we waiting for again?" Link asked as he and Samus were at the street in front of the convention center.

Samus had made a call and talked to someone to come to where they were. Link could only guess the bounty huntress was going to recruit some help. However, his question remained: who Samus had called that could possibly help them to pass an army of Metal Gear fangirls.

His answer soon arrived as a blue vehicle parked near them; a blue, floating, futuristic vehicle. The glass then opened and revealed… :

"C'MON!" yeah, you guessed right; Captain Falcon.

"You called Captain Falcon?" Link asked, looking from the F-Zero pilot to Samus, who was shaking her helmet at another display of Falcon's poses.

"Of course not. I doubt half of the people inside there actually played F-Zero to know him." the bounty huntress said.

"Do you always have to pierce my heart like that each time we meet, Samus?" Falcon said, in a mild dramatic tone.

"Yeah, I have. Now where is she?"

"I'm here." a feminine voice called and a figure exited from the passenger seat of the Blue Falcon, walking into view.

"Zelda?" Link exclaimed, surprised. "You called Zelda, Samus?" the Hylian warrior asked, turning to the bounty huntress.

"I did, since I couldn't find Midna." Samus answered.

"She said she was called to an important meeting of some short and couldn't reschedule it." Zelda explained her friends. "I wonder what it was …" the spell caster Princess mused, with her hand under her chin.

- - - - - Meanwhile, in the Assist Trophies' quarters - - - - -

"And this is one was taken during our journey." Midna said, showing her own album of photos of Link and her in their journey to all the female Smashers and Assist Trophies.

Like you can obviously guess, they were having a girl's night. The girls squealed and "oohhhh"ed at seeing Wolf Link in the same pose he was when Samus had petted him during breakfast the other day. The Midna in the photo was even handing him a cookie while the wolf seemed very content.

"He's so cute when a wolf." Ann said.

"Yes. Not like Mario, but cute anyway." Peach said. The Mushroom Princess was the one that invited Midna to their little party.

"Or like Sonic." Amy, the pink hedgehog said. She was in the town to watch Sonic fighting in the tournament. Luckily for the blue hedgehog, Amy didn't have access to the mansion or any other adjacent facilities except the Assist Trophies' quarters and the stadium when the matches were held.

"Oh really?" Midna asked, grinning. "And what do you think about this?"

The Twilight Princess flipped a page on her album and showed it to the other girls. There were screams and Barbara and Daisy (who was on the Assist Trophies' quarters because she served as substitute for Peach when the blond Princess couldn't fight) fainted. Does this effect give you a hint? No? Then let me clarify it for you, pal: Midna showed that famous photo of Link without his shirt and shooting a surprised look to the camera while training with his sword.

Yes, Midna also made a copy of that photo and guarded it for herself. Did you think she wouldn't if she ever got the chance? Lyn and Mist recovered, sighing. The green haired swordswoman spoke:

"Why do all the handsome guys like Link we have back in our world are all already taken and all that is left are the idiots and pig heads?"

"You too? I thought you would have boyfriend back in your country." Mist spoke. "I mean, you're the main character in our game of our series, sure you must have many options."

Little did those two know that the author knew almost nothing of Lyn's game and therefore didn't know of any males that could be paired with her.

"If that's case, I can sell for all of you copies of this photo. Who wants it?" Midna offered. Naturally, all girls immediately have their money on their hands, shouting "ME! ME! ME!"

- - - - - Back to the convention center - - - - -

"Why do I suddenly feel like Midna is using something related to me again?" Link mused.

"Can you stop talking to yourself and come over here?" Samus demanded.

The green clad swordsman shrugged and approached the women. Falcon was still there, leaning against this beloved race car. Link approached when Samus had finished explaining her plan to Zelda. The Hylian Princess replied:

"Well, I haven't mastered the spell yet, but I think for what you are proposing it could last long enough."

"What are you two talking about?" Link asked. Zelda and Samus turned to him. The Hero had the impression that Samus was grinning behind her helmet. "Uhhh… is there something in my face?" Link dumbly asked.

"Now, if you could, Zelda." Samus spoke.

Before Link could further question, Zelda brought out a very familiar, black relic and murmured an enchantment. The Hero instantly felt his entire body changing. When he realized it, he found himself in his wolf form again.

Link narrowed his eyes to his "friends". Samus was trying very hard not to laugh and Zelda put a hand in the front of her chin, disguising the smile she had. Captain Falcon, however, couldn't hold and let out a roar of laughter at seeing Link's face. The now wolf Hero growled to the women in front of him, speaking in… whatever language the animals speak:

_That was low. You could have at least warned me!_

However, Samus didn't have a translator of canine language in her suit, so neither of them paid attention to what Link said. Samus asked Zelda if she had brought the other things she requested. The Hylian Princess nodded and went to Falcon's car, who was even crying while laughing and pointing at Link.

When Zelda came back, she had a CD-player in her hands. Wolf Link raised his dog eyebrow at that and looked to Samus with a confused expression on his face. The bounty huntress explained:

"This is part of the distraction. Now stay still for me to attach this to you, please." Samus then bound the CD-player to the middle of Link's body, which made the wolf a little nervous. "Ok. Now…" Samus also attached something to the transformed swordsman's ear piece. When she spoke again, he could hear her like she was whispering to his ear. "Ok then. Zelda, put him inside."

"Are you sure about this plan, Samus? I mean, I wouldn't want to put Link in any kind of danger."

"Oh, don't worry. He can manage himself." Samus assured her friend.

_Wait. What are you… ? _before Link could ask (though it was quite useless, since nobody could understand him) he felt himself being teleported to inside the convention center by Zelda's Farore Wind.

The fangirls then noticed the wolf that suddenly appeared in the stage of the conference hall that he and Samus had spied earlier. Link looked around with a clueless expression on his face. Some girls squealed at seeing that, saying:

"Oh look. It's a puppy!"

"Actually, it's a wolf." another girl said.

"Well, but it looks cute."

Link grumbled. He would never understand that. In Hyrule, people would jump and ran for their lives, screaming bloody murdered at the mere sight of his wolf form, but here, the girls found him cute. What was the issue with those people?

The transformed Hero heard Samus spoke through the communicator in his ear piece:

"Link, I'm going to turn on the CD-player. You distract them with it and I'll search for Snake."

The music "Who let the dogs out?" started to play. All girls looked even more attentively to him now, calling the attention of the others. Soon, the sacred beast had an entire. He was very thankful for his fur on this form, so the girls wouldn't notice he was sweating. His canine face also made it impossible for them to see how embarrassed he was.

Meanwhile, Samus had entered through the window she and Link had spied through earlier and stopped at seeing the wolf frozen on his spot, eyes darting from one point of the crowd to the other, who seemed to be waiting eagerly to see what he would do. The bounty huntress sighed in exasperation and spoke through the communication channel with Link:

"For the love of God, Link, do something? Howl in synchrony with the music, bark or even chase after your tail, but keep them distracted!"

Link growled again, but decided to howl notwithstanding. In that moment, he was very thankful for his musical ability, for he was able to howl and bark together with the music. The fangirls smiled wider at seeing him doing that and sat in the seats to enjoy the show. The ones who had been patrolling the corridors came when they heard the music and once they saw the wolf on the stage they spoke to each other:

"Oh look. It's a singing wolf!"

"Wow. You don't see that every day."

"It's so cute. Let's ditch this boring chase and watch it, not minding the fact that he appeared here under suspicious circumstances."

Samus was hiding in a corner, nobody bothering to look anywhere that wasn't to the singing wolf in the stage. She had to give herself thumbs up. This was the perfect distraction. Link wouldn't even have to worry about being harassed by the fangirls, he was fast enough in his wolf form to escape before they could notice what had happened.

The bounty huntress entered in the corridors of the convention center and started to search for Snake, avoiding the entrance where the other fans and the (useless) security were. She started to think where she would hid if she was Snake. The most logical choice would be the storage room. After some searching, Samus found the door to it and entered.

The room was immense, with many creates, lifts and theater materials. It would take some time for the bounty huntress to search through all of it, but she needed to be fast or…it was then Samus noticed a cardboard box near the door. A very familiar, cardboard box.

_No. way. I can't believe it. _Samus thought.

The futuristic woman went to the box and lifted it. As she expected, Snake was curled under it. An exclamation mark appeared over the head of the legendary spy when he saw he had been exposed. Snake jumped and got ready to fight, but when he saw it was just Samus, he dropped his stance.

"Oh, hey Samus. What are doing here?" Snake asked.

"Your boss phoned me and asked to rescue you, since you didn't return from this convention."

"Well, the security here wasn't that great, so I kinda expected something like this to happen."

Samus looked again to the discarded cardboard box and back to Snake. She then asked, in an unbelieving tone:

"And you avoided the fangirls all this time… using your cardboard box?"

"I know. It's the ultimate disguise, don't you think?" Snake asked with a prideful tone on his voice, putting a hand under his chin.

Samus wanted so much to discuss with him about his concept of "ultimate disguise", however, she didn't have how to do it, since Snake had proven it worked. The bounty huntress decided to blame it on the stupidity of people.

Sighing, the beautiful woman deactivated her Varia Suit and stood just in her Zero Suit. Snake raised his eyebrow at the gesture. Samus decided she had to cut him off, before the older man got any funny ideas:

"Keep dreaming, but that's not going to happen anytime soon. I'm only doing it because the best way to get us out of here is through the ventilation duct."

"Oh, wasn't thinking specifically about that. Link would probably get mad at me if he heard about it and I would really regret if I had to kill the little guy to defend myself." Snake said.

"You? Kill him? Ha! As if. Link would hand your ass to yourself in a silver plate any day." Samus said.

"You think so? Let me say you're wrong, Samus."

"Let's leave this discussion for another day then. This isn't the place to talk about it." Samus then located a duct over a lift. "Let's get out of here first. I don't how long Link can continue to distract the fangirls."

Snake's eyes widened at hearing that. Did Samus really send Link to his doom on the hands of those rabid fangirls? He thought she would be more considerate with the guy, since it was clear she liked and wanted him (in more ways than one). He then noticed Samus had already removed the protection grid of the duct and was entering it. Deciding he would question Samus' sanity latter, Snake followed her.

The two sneaky figures crawled in the ventilation system, searching for an exit. By Snake's calculations, they were now passing above the conference hall. It was then he heard music and what sounded like barks and howls. The main character of Metal Gear got a confused look on his face.

The two passed besides an opening in the duct that gave view to the conference hall. Snake took a look at the stage and, to his surprise, he saw a very familiar wolf "singing" together with a music that seemed to be coming from a CD-player attached to his midsection. So that was Samus' distraction.

"Well, I have to admit, that was very clever." Snake commented, still looking to the convention room.

"And you expected anything less from us?" Samus asked with a smirk on her face. "Now stop lagging behind and let's go."

In the conference hall, Link was "dancing" his third music. He was quite surprised Samus had so many musics about dogs on her CD-thing. If he could keep this up, she surely would find Snake in no time and then she could give him the order to get out. In his wolf form that would be quite easy, since he could run faster than any human…

It was then the Hero felt his entire body shifting and suddenly he was standing, back to his human form. The fangirls got extremely surprised by that and started to talk between themselves.

_What the..?_ Link exclaimed mentally, looking over his normal body. He then remembered: Zelda hadn't mastered the transformation spell yet, so hers hadn't the same potency as Midna's.

"Hey, isn't that the other guy who competes with Snake in the Tournament?" one fangirl asked. "What's his name again?"

"What the… ? Are you stupid?" another fangirl asked. "That's Link, from the Zelda series. Even people who own X-Box and Playstation know him."

"Oh yeah. Strange, how come I never paid attention to him before?"

_Why do I suddenly feel so neglected? _Link wondered.

I would say it's because you do care when people don't know anything about your deeds, Link. It certainly would upset anyone if you had to travel an entire kingdom, enter godforsaken dungeons to face circus-ugly monsters, and finally face a bulky wardrobe that could stomp you like an ant just for nobody to pay attention to your efforts. The Hylian warrior decided to drop that and saw the fangirls were still discussing between themselves, still too stunned by the sudden surprise.

_Maybe, if I slowly back away, they won't notice I'm leaving._

That certainly would have worked if it wasn't by Samus' CD-player, which was now attached to the green clad swordsman's belt, starting to play its next music. Link froze and his face started to get pale once he heard the tune:

_"I'm too sexy for my shirt_

_… too sexy for my shirt"_

Link looked to the CD-player like it was some kind of curse from hell placed upon him, thinking:

_WHAT THE HELL? How did a music like this get into Samus' CD? _I think the answer is quite obvious, but let's concentrate on Link's misery for now.

In his nervousness, Link forgot how to operate the CD-player or how to take it off his belt. Blame his medieval raising that. The fangirls then identified the music and looked to Link, who was with his hands around the CD-player, trying to take it off and pulling his pants together with it. The fangirls thought what any normal girl would think upon witnessing a scene like that:

"He's going to do a strip-tease for us!"

"Uuuuuuhhh!" all fangirls exclaimed. Link then looked to them as they spoke next. "Off! Off! Off! Off! Off!"

Link's face was now a waterfall, as some fangirls even started to get impatient and were approaching the stage…

- / - / - / -

Samus and Snake exited the ventilation duct and were at alley at the side of the convention center. Captain Falcon and Zelda were there talking with an old man in a military uniform. There was a fancy limousine parked near the Blue Falcon, probably belonging to the man.

The three videogame characters turned upon seeing Snake and Samus coming. The legendary spy regarded the older man:

"Hello Colonel."

"Ah, Snake. Good to see you're back in one piece." Colonel Roy Campbell spoke.

"Well, I have to admit: that was my most dangerous mission so far, but I'm alive as you can see."

Samus sighed dusting her Zero Suit. Why ventilation ducts always had to be full of dust and dirt. She would need to send her suit to wash latter. Zelda approached her friend and asked if she was alright, Samus nodded, saying that was nothing. The Colonel then approached the bounty huntress as Snake went to talk with Captain Falcon while pulling out a cigarette and litting it.

"I thank you for rescuing Snake . You surely did bring him back without any problem like promised. Here." the Colonel handed Samus a briefcase. The futuristic woman opened it and saw there were some notes held together by elastic string inside it. "That's the payment for the service. I think you'll find the exact value inside it."

"Glad to do business with you." Samus said with a smile on her face as she closed the briefcase and guarded it under her arm.

"Hey, what about my buddy Link?" Captain Falcon asked when he noticed there was someone missing. "Shouldn't you call him back, Samus?"

"Oh, yeah. Thanks for reminding me." Samus said, in a considerably good mood after receiving her payment.

The bounty huntress then activated the remote communicator she had on her ear instead of the one in her Varia Suit. The first thing she heard when the communication channel was open was verses of the music "I'm too sexy for my shirt". She raised her eyebrow. She had burned that music on her music CD after she got that photo of Link shirtless.

The bounty huntress then called for him, and the next thing she heard was the sound of girls giggling and shouting "Off! Off! Off!". That was starting to worry her. Zelda and the others looked to Samus upon seeing the expression on her face.

"Link?" Samus called again. All she heard in return was the characteristic scream of her companion; his human scream. Her expression changed to one of desperation.

Captain Falcon and Snake looked between themselves before running to the entrance of the conference center, Falcon Punching/Kicking or exploding everybody out of their way, including the security. As the fans dispersed in fear of the two powerful Smashers, Samus screamed on her communicator as another scream of the Hero and feminine laugh sounded:

"Link? Link? LIIIIIIIIIINNNK!"


	12. Day Off

For those that were expecting a chapter with some romance, here it is!

But we all know this is isn't a normal romance fic, right? This is a fic with romance Smash Bros. Style!

Anyway, I'm now without my beta-reder, which means the grammar ghost is back (audience screams in horror). Yeah, I know. So, if someone could kindly step in and volunteer to get my story reviewed for grammar and spelling mistakes, I would really be glad.

**

* * *

Chapter 12**

**Day Off**

Link woke up with a strange headache after having a strange dream, where he was slaughtering monsters while his friends passed by him and he said "hi" to them with his friendly expression on, right before returning to gut alive the creatures that plagued Hyrule. Now, he had dreams of violence before, but never one like that.

_Must have eaten something rotten yesterday. _Link thought as he sat and shook his head, trying to disperse the buzzing on his head and pain he was feeling.

The Hero looked to his side and saw in the digital clock it was 10:30 a.m. Link raised his eyebrow at that. It was passed ten and Samus hadn't come to wake him up for another day of job. That was definitely strange. He brought his hand to his head again, just thinking brought him pain. What the hell did he do last night? He couldn't even remember.

It was then the green clad swordsman noticed something strange. Since when did he have a digital clock? Or when did his room have been reverse and cleaned? He couldn't even see the table of their joint. Or better yet: why was he just in his underwear?

It was then Link slid his hand to the side and felt something at his side on the bed; something that felt much like human skin. He looked to the side and saw a lump in the bed, covered by the blanket and with blond strands sticking out.

_Oh please goddesses, don't let it be what I'm thinking it is. _Link thought as he reached for the blanket to uncover the "mysterious lump".

It seemed that the Hylian warrior wasn't in good terms with the goddesses, because when he pulled the covers down, his fears confirmed; Samus was sleeping at his side. With quite a content smile on her face, might I add.

Link yelped, jumped to the side and fell from the bed, awakening Samus, who calmly stretched her arms up. Samus was also just in her underwear. Yeah, apparently she uses it. Link blushed until the tone of his face matched the color of Mario's cap.

Samus then noticed Link on the floor, with a look of pure fear on his face. The bounty huntress greeted in the most casual manner:

"Hey Link."

"I SWEAR I DID NOTHING!" Link got up, shouting. Samus just looked to him with a look of confusion. "I-I JUST WOKE UP HERE AND… !"

"Hey, hey, chill out. Why are so scared? Weren't you supposed to be the Mr. Courage Triforce or something like that?"

"A-aren't you angry with me?' Link asked, thinking he was missing something there.

"Why should I?" Samus asked like there was no point in what Link was saying.

The Hero then felt like nothing more made any sense. Here he was, just in his boxers, in the room of the toughest woman in all over the galaxy, who would kill somebody should he even point out details in her bodily figure. However, Link was surprisingly still alive, breathing and with no part of his body injured in the slightest. It was then he realized there was just one rational explanation for what happened:

"Did… did we… did _it_ last night?"

Samus looked to him and soon had a seductive smile on her face. Link had an almost shocked expression on his face, thinking:

_But… when I… ? … it's… who… 7+2… clouds… forest green? _apparently, his mind was a confusion right now as he tried to process the information.

"Not exactly, though I really would have liked if we had continued." Samus added, keeping that seductive tone and smile which made Link's face get so red people might think he was a lighthouse with red light. "We cuddled more than anything." Samus said. Link detected some disappointment in her voice.

Trying to think on another thing, Link saw his clothes were scattered around the room. That made he remind of his mornings with Midna. It was then he located a bottle in a nearby table. A very familiar bottle.

The Hero approached it while Samus got up. He picked up the bottle and saw it was empty. There were two glasses in the table too. He then read the name of the drink and saw it was named "Twilight Delusion". Link narrowed his eyes at that.

_Midna. i_t was the conclusion the Hero came to as he turned to Samus and inquired, pointing to the bottle:

"Samus, did we drink this last night?"

"Yes." she said simply. "And I have to say; three glasses and you were already all over me like a hungry wolf." she said in a tone of someone that found the memory very amusing.

"And who gave you this?" Link asked, trying hard not to blush at Samus' remark. He remembered a certain someone commenting on him having a similar behavior in the past.

"Oh. Midna gave me. She said it would help to 'warm up our relationship'."

"And I suppose it did warm up." Link said more to himself in a statement, not a question. If you consider the fact you woke up in Samus' room, just in your underwear and with hangover, I would say it did warm up.

"Yeah, but you fainted before we could get to the good part. She said it could have this effect, since it is very strong for people that aren't used to drink."

Link sighed again. Now Midna was helping Samus to get him to her bed. What kind of ex-girlfriend does something like that? Weren't they supposed to do the exact opposite? What was this? Some kind of story somebody was writing for other people's entertainment?

Well…

Anyway, Link started picking up his discarded clothes around the room and was ready to go back to his own room until he noticed Samus was leaning against the door, arms crossed and a sly expression in her face. The futuristic woman then asked, eying him with what seemed to be hungry eyes, making the Hylian warrior very uneasy:

"And where do you think you're going?"

"Back to my room?"

"No, you're not."

"No?" Link asked in a rather dumb manner as Samus approached him.

The Hero's eyes wandered to the galactic warrior's well built body and… here he looked to the side, blushing once more for what seemed to be the tenth time just this morning. Samus then grabbed his clothes and threw them to the side, putting a finger on his chest, which wasn't so difficult since she was taller than him.

"You're staying here, with me." she said with a grin on her face that made Link start to sweat.

"But… but…" the Hero tried to say, but his mind was unable to concentrate in any though with Samus this close to him and with what she was wearing (or not).

"C'mon. There's nothing to worry about. I just want to have some fun with you."

"L-like what?" Link asked

"And you still ask. Are you that oblivious or what?" I would say he just isn't able to think straight at the moment, Samus.

Before Link could reply, Samus silenced him with a breathtaking kiss, making the two fall in the floor. However, someone knocked on her door, interrupting her plans. Growling in anger, Samus turned to look to Link and saw he was practically paralyzed, just breathing deeply.

_Good. He won't be able to escape like this. _Samus thought, smiling. She then got up and went to the door, snatching her Paralyzer in the way. _I swear, if it is the Dumb Trio or any of the villains, Master Hand will need to find replacements._

The bounty huntress opened the door just a bit, so the person outside wouldn't notice her lack of clothing. I don't see the point, considering her Zero Suit isn't something that hid her… attributes very well either. Through the crack she saw it was Ness.

She considered scare the little boy away or just give him a cold treatment for interrupting her fun. But she remembered she would hear it latter from either Peach or Zelda. Grumbling again, Samus poked her head to the corridor, asking what was it to the PSI boy.

"I came here to bring you your clothes, Samus." Ness said, with his cheerful expression on and handing her the Zero Suit she had sent to wash the other day.

"Thanks." she said, taking the suit. "Now can you go and play somewhere else? I'm doing something very important."

"Like what?" Ness asked.

_Oh great. He's curious today. Can't a woman have some innocent fun without interruption around here?_

Someone care to explain me which part of what she's doing can be considered innocent?

Nobody? Figures. After all, who cares for the narrator? You know, I should just ditch this and let you all wondering what is happening by yourselves. But I also need money to buy food, so…

Right when Samus was going to speak, Pit passed near her door and heard her talk with Ness. Turning to the bounty huntress and the dark haired boy, the angel approached as Samus spoke:

"Something only for adults."

"Like what?" Pit and Ness asked at the same time.

She looked from one to the other. Was today the "Interrupt Samus' Fun Day"? Now she had not just a little kid, but also an angel to give explanations for. And she had to watch her tone around them or she would have a discussion with Peach, Zelda and possibly Palutena latter, which would certainly give her a headache.

An idea came to her and Samus smiled. Oh-ho, what is she thinking now? The bounty huntress then spoke to the two innocent boys:

"The same thing Pit wants to do with his boss." correction, one innocent boy and a not-so-innocent angel, because when Samus said that, Pit blushed as mental images came to his head immediately after.

"Y-y-you c-can't prove a-anything!" Pit protested.

If Samus were Phoenix Writhe, she would probably shout "OBJECTION!" now. But since that would result in copyrights issues, the galactic warrior just said, in a tone that rivaled Midna's sly one:

"Oh really? Then why are you getting so red and is stuttering?"

Ness then looked to Pit with a confused look, probably wondering what Samus meant with that and why was Pit looking like he was caught doing something wrong. The PSI fighter then asked, letting the typical, child curiosity pick up again:

"Yeah, why are you looking so nervous, Pit?"

The angel started to sweat, looking from a grinning Samus to the dark haired boy and feeling like he was under interrogatory. Pit then did the only think he could and ran away, shouting prayers of forgiveness for Palutena by picturing her with… something that I can't describe here due to the rating censor.

Ness ran after Pit, wanting to know what the angel had thought that could make him act like he had done something nasty. I think a better word would be "naughty". Anyway, Samus chuckled and closed the door of her room, locking it so nobody would interrupt her. It had already been difficult enough to get Link to come to her room alone yesterday.

Samus turned and saw him sitting in her bed, looking around her room, but not in a "isn't there a way to escape this prison?" way. It was more like a "oh, so this is where she put her weapons when she's not using them" way.

"Wow. Already giving in? That sure was fast." Samus mused. She expected for him to try and escape.

"Well, considering your window is locked and the one in your bathroom is too small for me to fit." Link said. Samus then looked to him with a raised eyebrow. The Hero then realized what he had said and lowered his head in embarrassment. "Sorry. I guess I'm just too nervous."

"Just because of that, I won't let you have breakfast." guess Link really is her prisoner, huh?

"Oh, c'mon. I'm hungry." Link protested. Truth to be told he was quite hungry.

"Oh… really?" Samus asked, with a naughty grin coming to her face.

Link's expression of protest dropped immediately after seeing the smile on Samus' face. He suddenly felt like he said something that sounded double meaning in that situation.

"Can't we just talk about it?" Link suggested as Samus approached him in a way that made he blush once more.

"Shut up and kiss me, will you." Samus said, sitting besides Link and placing her lips upon his, silencing any further protests from the Hylian warrior. Honestly, I don't even know _why_ he would want to protest.

- / - / - / -

Lunch time had come. The swordsmen of the mansion, plus Zelda, Peach and Mario where sitting in a single table. Marth then spoke up, stopping to eat:

"Did anyone sight Link? He was supposed to spar with me this morning."

"No. Haven't seen him the entire day." Mario said.

"Me neither." Peach spoke.

"Same here." Ike said.

"Hum. So none of you have seen him…" Meta Knight thought aloud.

"I think it's him and Samus entering now." Zelda pointed to the door.

The group turned and saw it were indeed Link and Samus. It was then something about the two of them called the attention of the group of heroes and anti-hero:

"Are they having a bad hair day?" Peach pointed out.

"Well, Link's hair does seem messier than the usual." Zelda said.

"Not talk about Samus'." Ike spoke.

"Maybe they couldn't sleep this night." Mario suggested.

"I wonder what would keep them awake." Marth wondered.

As the group discussed their theories, Mate Knight rolled his eyes behind his mask, thinking:

_And I come from an E rated game, yet I can clearly see what happened between those two. Honestly, there are days they are just too blind to notice these things._

Meanwhile, Link and Samus were serving themselves. The green clad swordsman still couldn't believe that they just did… it. But he had to admit he liked that. Well, you'd to be very dumb not to like doing _it_. I mean, and it was with Samus for crying out loud!

The two then sat on their usual table in silence… for five seconds.

"So, what are your plans for today?" Samus asked her boyfriend.

"What do you mean?"

"We agreed to have a day off. Don't you remember?"

Link mumbled an "uuuuhhh", trying to remember when they had talked about it. All he could remember about last night was that he entered Samus' room, she offered him a glass and the rest was pretty hazy.

"Well, since it seems you don't have anything planned, I'll think of some activities for us." Samus said. Link eyed her. The bounty huntress then added. "It's not just _that_, I swear. But in case you want…"

"I wasn't thinking about it!" Link quickly justified himself. "I just thought that it is kinda strange for you to volunteer to do something with someone without thinking in gains."

"Don't get me wrong, I do expect to gain something. But don't you think that if I really did gain something out of it, wouldn't it actually be a consequence of us being together doing some kind of activity, which resulted in me gaining something from you?"

"I suppose you're right. But even so that … wait. Now I got confused. What were we talking about again?"

To speak the truth, I have no idea either. In any case, let's focus on something more interesting that was happening in a table near Link and Samus' one. Like Ness and Lucas who were trying to get the last of cheese sauce in a cup to put in their spaghetti and were at this moment holding the cup at the same time and trying to pry it off the other's hand. How the sauce didn't fall while they were doing it? Well, have you noticed how most of the time phisics' laws don't have any real meaning in the life of videogame characters?

"Give me that! You ate all of my pancakes yesterday, Ness." Lucas complained.

"No way! You ate the last cookie in the jar the other day." Ness said.

"C'mon. Can't you two share it?" Toon Link suggested, not wanting to see his friends fighting.

Ness and Lucas stopped for a moment and considered it, looking to each other. Ten seconds later, they were back at their little game of tug-o-war. Toon Link sighed and thought how he could stop his friends from fighting each other. He then decided to ask for advice from the most mature person he knew.

The young swordsman jumped out of his table and ran to Link's table, who was now talking with Samus about what they could do today. That is, until Toon Link interrupted them:

"Samus! Samus! I need your help! Ness and Lucas are fighting over the last of cheese sauce."

…

Can someone explain to me why Toon Link is asking help for Samus?

"And why exactly are you asking for my help?" Samus asked, repeating what I just said _once more_! "Link is right here, you know?" she said, pointing to the Hero, who was trying his best not to be noticed, but grumbled once his girlfriend pointed him out.

"I thought about it, but Zelda said girls are better in solving thinks in a rational way, or something like that."

"Oh, and what am I? Some kind of violent swordsman who jumps on people trying to slice their throats open?" Link questioned, narrowing his eyes.

"Hey, blondie." Ganondorf called from his table, at some distance. "How was your morning? Did you have trouble finding your way back to your bathroom? I heard the probabilities of someone with your hair color getting lost in his own house are quite high. Hahahaha!" Ganondorf laughed, with the other villains in his table.

"I'M GOING TO SLICE YOUR THROAT OPEN!" Link shouted, drawing his sword and charging at Ganondorf.

Samus and Toon Link just stared at the more realistic Hero starting yet another battle with his arch-nemesis. The bounty huntress sighed and turned to Toon, deciding to ignore Link's sudden violent tendencies.

"Anyway, why don't you ask for Zelda then?" Samus suggested.

"I would, but she already finished her food and left. Please, Samus. Help me." Toon Link asked again, now making use of the ultimate tactic children make use of to get someone to do something for them: the puppy eyes! Thunders flash in the background.

"You know that doesn't work on me, do you?" Samus reminded him, with her eyes narrowed.

Dropping the puppy eyes, Toon Link recurred to the second most effective tactic that children had to convince reluctant adults to do what they wanted: annoy the crap out of them! Insert "dun dun duuuuuun" sound here.

"Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please…" Toon Link said several times.

"ARGH! Okay! Just stop asking!" Samus yelled, getting up.

"Thanks a lot, Sam." Toon Link said, with a smile.

Samus grumbled all the way to Lucas and Ness. She hated it when people called her by nicknames like that. The bounty huntress then arrived at the boy's table and stood near Ness and Lucas with her arms crossed.

The two psychic boys noticed a shadow looming over them and turned to see Samus, with a stern look on her face that made the two gulp. It was of general knowledge Samus didn't have much patience with children. Not that she didn't like them, she just didn't like having to take care of them. The idea of motherhood in her life was replaced long ago by plans on how she could make the lives of the Space Pirates a living hell.

"Ok. What's up here?" Samus asked, looking from Ness to Lucas.

"H-he wants the l-last of sauce, but I-I got it first." Lucas timidly said, intimidated by Samus' presence. The blond boy was never the most courageous of the Smashers.

"That's a lie! I got it first." Ness said, looking from Lucas to Samus.

"No, it was me." Lucas shot back, now looking to Ness and seeming to forget Samus was still there, looking to them with a cold stare.

"Me!" Ness insisted.

The two boys started to discuss while they pulled the cup again. The bounty huntress' patience ended five seconds after the fight restarted. She then took the bottle from the two boys and threw it in the air. What? I wasn't joking when I said she didn't have much patience to deal with children.

"There! If you don't know how to share, then none of you get it. Happy now?" Samus said.

While the galactic warrior scolded to the PSI boys, the cup of cheese sauce flew through the hall and, tracing its flight curse, one could already guess it would end up falling in Dedede's plate, who was busy at the moment watching Ganondorf and Link struggle against each other.

The penguin king then felt sauce splat on him as he got up, seeing his robe stained and his steak ruined as he proclaimed:

"What the… ? Whose idea this was? Don't you know I'm allergic to cheese? Who dares to ruin the meal of the king?" Dedede demanded in an angry tone. He then looked to a nearby table, where Kirby was sitting. The star warrior looked back to the "chubby" king with a look of cute confusion. "You!" Dedede said, pointing to Kirby. "You're gonna pay for that you pink, piece of marshmallow!"

Dedede then took one of wolf's slice of lasagna and threw it at Kirby, ignoring the protests of the space mercenary. Now, if Dedede had stopped to think at his actions, he would know that throwing food at Kirby was completely useless, since the pink marshmallow would most likely eat it and have a contempt smile on its face as he did it.

However, the thing is: Dedede had a very poor aim, so instead of hitting Kirby (or being swallowed by him) the slice of lasagna ended up hitting Mr. Game & Watch, who beeped angrily and threw one of his 2D pancakes.

"FOOOOD FIIIGHT!" Crazy Hand screamed from his and his brother's table at the very end of the dining hall, in isolated position. However, it soon wouldn't matter, for all of the Smashers started to throw food at each other.

Master Hand just observed all of his prized fighters throwing food at each other, dirtying the entire hall in a matter of seconds. Some even started to throw silverware and the tables and chairs, ignoring the basic rules of food fight. The giant, floating, white hand then mumbled to himself:

"C'mon, what's the problem in building a dining hall? You're already building a mansion for crying out loud!" he stopped and sighed. "Honestly, Myamoto probably never had to deal with all of them together…"

- / - / - / -

Amongst the terrains at the back of the mansion there was a pool area. There you had two pools: one of middle dept for the children and one of Olympic size for the adult Smashers. However, there were days none of them used it, since either they were too busy with their matches or just out of paranoia. For example: what if there were paparazzi peeping them from the trees, just waiting to get a good photo of the Smashers in swimsuits? Or rather, what if the villains suddenly realized a pool would be the ideal place to simulate an "accident" that would incapacitate their respective nemesis?

However, this was one of those days when the Smashers were a bit less paranoid about people trying to invade the little privacy they still had in the mansion. As a result, there were some people around the terrains of the pool. The place was surrounded by tall stone walls and it had a back entrance door which the Assist Trophies used to access the pool area when they wanted to relax too (though they also suffered of the same paranoia when they considered going to the pool).

Olimar was floating in the surface of the water using a trouser in his tiny body and still with his helmet. He was peacefully relaxing when he suddenly sensed a shadow looming over him, followed by a shout of:

"GOROH BOMB!"

The other F-Zero racer known as Samurai Goroh hit the water, throwing Olimar out of the pool and into the concrete floor around it. As the little captain sat up, with stars dancing around his head, Samurai Goroh emerged from the water, proclaiming:

"Ah! See that? That's why Goroh has the best aquatic bomb ever, Falcon!"

Captain Falcon was at the border of the pool, arms crossed and looking at Samurai Goroh. It seemed that Falcon didn't take his helmet off even when he went to the pool. The F-Zero champion had a look of disdain in his face as he looked at another attempt of his rival to surpass him. He was using a… just a minute, please…

…

Hello. Hum… do I really have to narrate this?

…

I have if I want to get paid… why are you so cruel with me?

…

What do you mean I'm oppressing your creativity? … hello? Hello?

Great. Well, then… Falcon was using a speedo. There. Now excuse while I go tend to my bleeding eyes.

"Hah! Please. Like you could ever compare to the pure awesomeness that Captain Falcon is." Captain Falcon said, talking of himself in the third person. Very modest, isn't him? "Just watch!" Falcon then walked to the other border of the pool.

Meanwhile, under the shadow cast by the trees planted outside the stone walls, sitting in two sunbathing chairs, were Link and Samus. Surprisingly enough, the two were wearing garments other than their regular green outfit/Zero Suit. Samus had a blue bikini, which seemed to be a swimsuit version of her Zero suit, since it had the same design and the symbol in the chest was just the same. Link was using a green trouser. Do you all of you see the patterns here?

The two were relaxing, just like the other Smashers around, though Samus was also interested in looking at Link's figure and having he notice her figure too. Honestly, I hardly see how that would be any different from when she is wearing her Zero Suit. I mean, that suit did cover her skin, but didn't make any effort in hiding her curves.

The bounty huntress saw Falcon preparing to jump and decided to have some fun. She then turned to Link, who had his arms crossed behind his head while he was lying in the sunbathing chair. Samus then called him and the Hero looked to her. The galactic warrior pulled out her Paralyzer with a smile and… wait a minute. Where was she hiding that thing?

On second thought, I don't think I want to know this information, so let's just get on with the plot.

"Just watch, Link." Samus said, making aim while Captain Falcon prepared to jump.

When the F-Zero racer jumped, she shot, hitting him dead on and making him shake in mid air like some kind of cartoon character when it is electrocuted. Captain Falcon got out of his position to dive and hit the water like a sack of potatoes, slowly sinking. Goroh was laughing his head off at that, pointing while his rival resurfaced, spitting a jet of water from his mouth.

"Samus, I don't think that was funny." Link said, like always, trying to be the voice of decency in those cases.

"Oh c'mon. How come you don't find Falcon hitting the water with his face funny?" Samus asked after controlling her laughter.

"Just that… don't you think it's kind of cruel?"

Silence followed that phrase. You could hear Fox and Wolf fighting in the other wing of the mansion over some insult one said to the other.

"No." Samus bluntly said.

Link sighed. He should have known better than to try and change Samus' violent behavior towards the other men of the mansion. The Hero then looked to the pool of the children. Ness, Toon Link, Popo and Nana were there. Link smiled at seeing the peaceful scenery. It would even be good to have a picnic amidst such peace.

His thoughts were cut short when they heard an explosion behind them, just past the stone wall and what seemed to be someone screaming. Samus and Link turned to see a guy flying through the air and fall with a shout of "MY BACK!".

Snake then dropped from the tree above them, falling besides Link's chair and standing like that was the most normal thing in the world (which for him it obviously was). He then lit a cigarette and saw Link and Samus' expression while they looked to him.

"Oh, hello you two. Decided to have some swimsuit fun? Heh, makes me remind that time in the Bahamas. Good times, good things." Snake mused to himself, putting his hand under his chin.

"Snake. What the hell was that just now?" Samus asked, meaning the explosion behind the fence and deciding to ignore Snake's remark.

"Just a paparazzi stepping in one of my mines, nothing really serious."

"Mines? You've put mines around here?" Link exclaimed.

"Just on the outside. And before you yell at me again, it was Master Hand's orders. It seems he got tired of hearing you all complaining about guys taking shots of you while you're here."

"But what if someone innocent steps on them?"

Silence again. Snake then put out his cigarette and spoke:

"Look, Link. I already said that to Master and what he answered was 'this mansion lives a war in the inside each passing day. Surely some mines won't kill you if you all managed to still alive until now'."

"Honestly Link, what so if some guys might get some grave injuries for the sake of us getting rid of people who would do things that won't harm us physically, but just expose how chaotic our lives inside here is and make us reflect that just maybe we could try and get along with each other better."

"Well…" Link said, scratching his head.

"I'll take it as an 'I don't mind'. Now if you excuse me, I have to say to Master Hand we caught another one." with that, Snake walked out waving a bye for them.

Link and Samus watched the spy go and went back to relaxing like nothing had ever happened, not minding the painful moans that came from the other side of the wall. Samus then supported her head on her hand, as she leaned on her shoulder and turned to Link. The Hero noticed that and turned to her, asking what was it.

"You know, you're really handsome wearing this." Samus said, smirking at him. Link blushed wildly and looked to the other side.

"Y-you're joking, right?" the Hylian warrior asked.

"Why? Is that so hard for you to believe people would find you sexy?"

"A-and what about m-me is exactly sexy?" Link asked, still looking to the other side.

"Let's see…" the Hero heard Samus making noises that seemed like she was flipping through papers. He heard she speak in a tone of someone who read something aloud. "You're so gallant with the way you ride across the field. What wouldn't I give to be there with you… A quiet type which is good looking is all a girl like me ever wanted… I droll every time I see you shirtless in your game. You're so sexy, Link…You're wolf form is so cute… blah, blah, blah… hum, seems this one was written by a boy from some 'Link Yaoi Fan club'."

Link turned to Samus with his eyebrow arched. To his surprise, she had a pile of letters near the table they put between their chairs. The bounty huntress was looking through them and reading some phrases that she obviously found interesting.

"Wait a minute. Is that my mail?" Link asked, now recovering from the blush.

"Yeah, it is. I took the liberty of taking it for you."

"And also spare me the work of reading it, I see." Link pointed, narrowing his eyes.

"That too. Am I not such a reliable person?" Samus asked with one of her typical smirks, which seemed to dare Link to say otherwise.

The Hero sighed and returned to his laying position. Well, not that he really cared about Samus messing with his mail. Most of it he either slashed to pieces or burned anyway, since his mail was always full of fangirls' letters and shampoo advertisements.

"Is that so hard for you to complement me that you have to use other people's words?" Link asked without looking to Samus, mildly disappointed the compliments haven't come from her.

"It's just that I am a woman of action, rather than one of talk. If it was for me to describe what I find so handsome in you, I would do this…" Samus then jumped in Link's chair and started kissing him like a hungry lioness, muffling his protests (why would he even want to protest, again?) and making the two of them fall as she passed her hands by his body.

Yep. That would be Samus for you. She doesn't lose time finding words, she goes there and gets the job done. No questions asked, no chitchat, no phone to the friends to talk what that alien said that his friend talked that her cousin mentioned that-you got my point so let's stop by here.

From the poll, Falcon was looking at Link and Samus doing what in his mind was classified as "swimming make out session", since they were using swimsuits. He then heard someone comment at his side:

"Lucky bastard."

Falcon turned and saw it was Falco, floating above the water as he looked at the two blondes. Falcon then asked:

"Hey, didn't Master Hand prohibit you from coming here after what happened last time?"

"Oh c'mon, it wasn't my fault. I already said I was changing my feathers."

"Whatever. Just don't start to have them dropping in the water. We had to clean it, you know."

Falco sighed and let the subject drop. It was then the two saw someone entering in the pool area, coming from the mansion. When they saw who it was, they couldn't believe their eyes. The person approached Link and Samus and saw Samus over Link, kissing hungrily his lips as the Hylian swordsman seemed to be kissing her back and passing her hands on his arms and well built chest. The person then cleared her throat and spoke:

"Don't you think it would be better for you to do it in one of your rooms?"

"And who are you to interr…" Samus said, stopping her voracious attack on Link's lips and turning angrily to whoever dared to interrupt her just to stop mid-sentence with a surprised expression on her face. "Zelda?"

Now you probably are thinking: what's of so special that Samus would get that surprised? Well, you see, she wasn't surprised by seeing Zelda, specifically, but rather what Zelda was wearing. The Hylian princess was wearing a bikini of almost the same fashion as Samus', but a bit larger not to show more skin than it already showed.

Link also recovered and his eyes were the size of plates once he saw what Zelda was wearing. Seconds of silence passed, until Falco whistled from the pool, making the trio turn to the anthropomorphic bird.

"Hey Zelda, where've been hiding it this entire time?" Falco asked.

"Hiding what?" the clueless princess asked. She was as oblivious as Link when it came to anecdotes about her figure.

"This body of…"

What Falco was going to say about her body, we will never know, because in that moment, materializing from seemingly nowhere, Ike appeared at the pool and hit Falco's head with the blunt side of Ragnell, making the eyes of the avian pilot of Star Fox go behind his skull and he sunk. Ike had an angry look at his face as he looked to the mass of bubbles that were forming where Falco had sunk.

"You'll get no sympathy from me. Pervert." Ike then shot a look to Falcon, who got a scared expression on his face.

"I didn't say anything. I swear!" Falcon said.

"You better not. Otherwise…" Ike held Ragnell in the vertical with his two hands, pointing the sword to the skies in a threatening motion, not minding the fact he was holding it inside a pool.

From the other side of the pool, Link and Samus watched all of that with wide eyes. Zelda just sighed at another demonstration of Ike's protectiveness over her. The shock finally wore off in Samus and the bounty huntress said:

"Wow. You've got quite a territorial guy, Zelda."

"He's actually just worried about preserving my dignity as royalty." Zelda defended Ike.

"Uhu… and I'm sure it's completely normal for a Princess to walk inside a pool full of men wearing a bikini like that." Samus said, pointing to Zelda's swimsuit.

"Uh… actually… Ike was the one who…" Zelda said… blushing! Oh my god! Zelda's blushing again! Red alert everybody!

"And what was Ike thinking when he bought you this?" Link asked, getting up together with Samus as he shot a look of a mother that asked her daughter where she had been until late in the night. Or simply the one of an older brother.

"Probably the same thing that me when I bought this specially for you." Samus said, putting her hand on her chest, meaning the bikini she was wearing.

"Well… hum… t-this is completely different!" Link said, trying not to get caught in Samus' charm again.

"Oh, c'mon Link. Stop being so brotherly over Zelda. If she wants to be sexy for her boyfriend, she has all right to do so." as Samus spoke that, Zelda blushed three different shades of red.

"But Princesses don't have to be sexy." Link argued.

"Oh, is that so?" a new voice spoke, coming from Link's left, though the Hero hadn't noticed that yet.

"Yeah. And…" Link stopped, now noticing the new voice. He turned his head slowly to the side and almost jumped at seeing Midna there.

This time, The Twilight Princess was using something that covered good part of her skin: a black swimsuit that melded perfectly with the black stains along her body. But since Link had already had much time to admire her when he was her boyfriend, he was more concentrated on the raised eyebrow, the crossed arms and the serious expression in the female Twili's face.

"H-hi Midna…" Link said weakly. "I-I was… I was just… It's just that Z-Zelda…"

"When did you get here?" Samus asked, trying to stop her boyfriend from inciting the wrath of her newest friend.

"Just now. Together with the Assist Trophies." Midna said, pointing to the back door from which were coming some Assist Trophies. Some were already in the pools.

Mist was in the adult pool, with her bother at her side arguing that she should go to the children pool. It seemed Mist was winning so far, since she made an angry face that made Ike sigh in what seemed defeat. The girl then saw Link and called, waving her hand:

"Hi Link!"

The Hylian swordsman cringed at the sight of the young woman. Zelda and Midna turned to her too. Samus narrowed her eyes, Paralyzer in hand and charging. Midna and Zelda turned to look at Link and the Twilight Princess said with a sharp tone in her voice:

"So, princesses can't be sexy, but you can seduce little girls, heh mister Hero?"

"That's… that's not…" Link tried to explain, but could only speak nonsense at the moment.

"Let's go Zelda." Midna said, passing her long arm around Zelda's tiny figure and making her turn. "Let's leave mister I'm-so-sexist behind." she also gave her back to Link and added, just to Zelda. "What about you introduce me to your boyfriend? I heard you and him had quite the make out section."

"Midna…" Zelda sighed, going away with her friend.

Link stood on his place, looking to the two of them with a devastated look. Great, now Midna and Zelda think he is sexist. Why did he even bother trying to keep the dignity of people when that concept was almost completely extinct in the mansion? He looked to Samus, who had one hand on her hips as she just looked at him with an expressionless look.

"What?" Link asked

"When will you accept that Zelda doesn't need your protection anymore?" Samus said, putting her free hand in her forehead and shaking it.

"But…"

"Link, give up. She has Ike now. Concentrate on doing something more productive with your life. There's more than this 'hero who saves the day and the princess' thing."

"Sorry. Guess I'm just too used with it and now it's hard for me to accept it's over and…" Link said, apologizing, but Samus interrupted him.

"Ok, ok, stop apologizing. You're making me feel like I just destroyed part of your life."

"Oh, sorry."

Samus stood quiet for some time. If there was something she thought that could ruin her day, was Link on a guilt trip, because, just like the Hero had the ability to cheer someone when the person was down or insecure, he could also get someone down when he was like that. Samus shook her head again and said:

"You know what? Let's forget about it and swim a little."

Link now smiled to her as the two walked to the pool and entered, enjoying the water naturally warmed by the sun. Finally something that they could enjoy together like a normal couple for once and that didn't have anything that could lead them to some kind of kinky situation that could latter develop into…

"Say Link, did you ever thought how long a person can hold his breath underwater… while kissing?"

So much for Link's hopes…

"What?" Link asked.

"It's just that I'm curious."

"Samus, drop the act. You just want to kiss me again, don't you?" Link asked.

"Well, if that's what you want, then…" Samus said, with a seductive smirk in her lips.

"But I never said I wanted any of it. Don't you think what we did this morning was already enough? You made me to do it three times!"

All activity in the pool ceased once they heard Link screaming that. The Hero froze in his position, looking around once he sensed everybody was looking at him. There was a shout of "lucky bastard!" from an unidentified person, who probably disguised his voice because, should Samus identify him, he would be dead in the next five seconds. Link's face got beet red and he wished he could shrink until disappear from existence.

Samus facepalmed to hide the frustrated and embarrassed expression in her features. Ok, she wasn't the most discreet person in the world in showing to Link he made her feel desire for the first time since she could remember, but at least she didn't scream about their "private activities" for the world to hear.

"You know Link, I know I'm not the most discreet person in the world when I want to show you that you make me feel desire for the first time since I can remember, but at least I don't scream about our 'private activities' for the world to hear." Samus said, speaking the last part of her sentence a little louder and gritting her teeth and, of course, repeating everything I just said. I should just drop this job…

"I don't understand." Pit, who had arrived after the Assist Trophies, using just the trouser he used beneath his toga (a vision that Pit's fangirls all over the world would die for). Interesting. I never thought they could actually be used as a swimsuit.

Huh, I mean, Pit said:

"What did Link mean with 'did it three times'?" Pit asked.

Few people would have to courage to destroy the last shred of innocent that Pit still had and that was attached to Link's image the angel had (detail: conveniently, Pit never watched Link's matches against Ganondorf, because Palutena called her captain for a talk each time there was one and the talk, mysteriously, lasted the entire time of the match).

But for the angel's bad luck, Shadow was one of these people. The black hedgehog leaned to the angel's ear and whispered to him what Link's sentence meant. The effect was immediate. Pit's look of cute confusion turned into one of pure horror as he put his hands on his ears and ran away of the pool area, screaming like he was being tortured:

"My ears! MY EARS ARE BLEEDING! Forgive me, great Palutena!"

On his way to flee the local, Pit passed by Ganondorf, who had been walking nearby, reading the letter about the last sales of his new brand of doll… uh, action figures and heard Link shouting about what he and Samus had done that morning. The Dark Lord couldn't care less about what those two did in their private time, but it would certainly be amusing to see Link embarrassing himself in public.

It was then he saw Pit running for his dear life, which distracted everybody from Link and made them look to Pit, some feeling pity for the angels, others mute due to the awkwardness of the situation. Ganondorf then said to himself as he saw Pit slamming the back door of the mansion as he entered to go and hide in his room:

"Another child whose innocence is completely destroyed by the harsh reality we all live in. Damn. Why do I never have my camera around at times like this?"

Well, that's Ganondorf for you. Let's go back to the pool.

After the initial shock, people started to go back to their business in the pool. Link had sunk until just his nose was out of the water, doing everything in his power not to call attention to himself again, hoping he could get out before anybody noticed.

Samus just stood with her back against the border of the pool, eying Link from times to times. Her anger was subsiding now, but she decided to just resume their activities on the pool to swimming, so Link wouldn't open his big mouth again.

However, before the bounty huntress could call her boyfriend for a little swimming around the olympic-sized pool, Bowser had exited the mansion and was going for the pool area, with Peach on his tow, trying to talk him back from his idea:

"I really don't think that would work, Bowser. Why don't we go back to the mansion and play some game?"

"Oh c'mon, Peach. Now you're going to say what I can and can't do? I said I want to go to the pool and that's what I'm going to do." Bowser answered.

"Yeah… but… don't you think that… you might not be suited for that?" Peach said, trying not to refer to the fact that Bowser should weigh at least a hundred kilograms with that shell of his.

"What do you mean with that?" Bowser asked, thankfully not understanding what Peach meant.

"Uh… nothing too important, just that…"

"Hey, look! Falcon and Goroh are in a competition to see who has the best bomb. I'm in guys!" Bowser called, ignoring Peach and entering the pool area. Peach stood at the gate, with her hand on her forehead and shaking it, knowing that wouldn't end well.

Samus heard Bowser shouting and look behind, seeing the big Koopa stomping fast at their direction. Certainly Bowser couldn't be thinking on…

"BANZAAIIII!"

_Sometimes, I really hate my life… _Samus thought as she saw a shadow passing above her and going for the center of the pool.

All people in the pool stopped what they were doing at seeing the Koopa King jumping, describing an arc in the air and descending at the center of the pool. All of them immediately swam to the borders like they were being chased by a ferocious shark. Link too saw that and his eyes widened as he tried to get out of the pool. The only unfortunate soul that was still at the middle of the pool was Olimar. The tiny captain just had time to widen his eyes at seeing the big, green mass descending from the skies.

Bowser then hit the water, sending Olimar to the tree that shadowed the sunbathing chairs. However, the water wasn't able to slow down the… huge Koopa, so Bowser didn't stop until he hit the bottom of the pool, cracking it. A whirlpool was formed as the water started to escape by the cracks on the bottom, dragging those that didn't achieve to hold the borders of the pool in time.

When all of the water was completely drained, there were several Smashers and Assist Trophies lying down on the bottom of the pool. Link and Samus got up, shaking their heads and trying to get the water out of their ears. In the shock of seeing what Bowser had did, they didn't achieved to grab the border in time and got dragged into the whirlpool, almost drowning in the process.

Bowser sat and looked around. He then noticed the angry stares that people were shooting at him and scratched the back of his head in embarrassment. Out of the pool came the voice of Samurai Goroh:

"Falcon, I have to admit: you and I lose to this spiked guy's bomb."

"Yeah, no kidding. You rock, Bowser!" Captain Falcon said, high-fiving Mario's nemesis, who didn't know if he should be happy by sowing he had superior abilities or worried with the murderous glares that some Smashers inside the dry pool were throwing at him now.

"Is it always like this here?" Midna asked from up above the border of the pool to Zelda.

"No. Sometimes we have some trouble."

- / - / - / -

The afternoon went on as Link and Samus spent the rest of the day under the tree in the mansion's terrain they generally sat. This time, Link had his head in Samus' lap, who was caressing his dirty-blond locks, admiring his peaceful and serene expression.

After the episode on the pool, the bounty huntress decided to stop with her double-meaning anecdotes and stay with Link in that way… and that bored her to no end.

_Seriously, no action at all. Just stay in the same position doing the same thing for hours. How do other couples stand this monotony?_ Samus thought with herself. However, she could see Link was enjoying that, so she decided to put up a content expression and stay that way. After all, she already had her way with him several times. What was the harm of letting he have his way for once?

"Wow. I can't believe Link actually tamed her." a nearby Assist Trophy said. A soon to be dead Assist Trophy. "Who would have guessed he could actually do that."

"Yeah, no kidding man." Dedede's voice sounded. Samus then recognized the first voice as being Isaac. "The way it was, it looked like she was making him her pet. Seems he just likes to make her believe she's in control."

The two laughed and Samus felt a vein throbbing on her forehead. Great, now she was domesticated and Link was her pet. Deciding it was time for some lecturing (translation: lesson in violence), Samus put up the sweetest of the expressions as she spoke to Link:

"I'm thirsty. What about you go and get us something to drink?"

"Ok." Link said. He got up and went to the mansion.

Once the Hylian warrior was out of hearing range, Samus snickered almost like a maniac while she took out her Paralyzer and switched it to whip mode. She turned and saw Dedede and Isaac where still there, laughing at her expense.

Now, I'm certainly you all have been wondering for a while what Samus thinks while she's pummeling/beating the snot out/pwning/kicking asses. Let's take a look at her mind for the time being:

_Go on laughing while you can, but you soon will see what means to make fun of me. Just like those Space Pirates that called me a "men in a woman's body". Oh, I hate those idiots so much. Just because I don't act feminine that doesn't mean I'm not a woman, does it? I also have to pass by what we, of the feminine sex, have to endure at each mouth. _

_Oh well, no use in trying to explain those idiots about my lack of feminine manners being due to my focus on getting revenge on those who killed my parents. Not to talk about my incredible luck in having everybody close to me killed, most of the time by the same benefactors that so kindly turned my childhood into painful memories. Do any of them ever stop to think that they might be the next to die just because they're close to me?_

_… _

_You know what? Screw all of this philosophical talk! It's ass kicking time!_

Well, you have to admit, if she voiced these thoughts, people would understand why she act the way that she do when around strange people and why she doesn't concentrate on befriending anyone like most would do. But if she _did_ spoke this aloud, she would have been known as the first heroine and drama queen in the story of the games and Samus would rather be mauled by three Meta Ridleys and two Giga Bowsers before that ever happened. The universe didn't need any more blue-eyed, blond girls with an obscure past or the perspective of a tragic future.

As Link was coming back with two glasses of orange juice, Samus was already back from mauling Dedede and Isaac, leaving them in a pile (with Dedede on the top) and smiling sweetly to her boyfriend.

The rest of the afternoon passed in a non-violent way, giving the two blondes some time to talk about their perspectives for their joint and what they would do once the tournament was finished. As they got up and walked, with the sun slowly setting behind them, Link spoke:

"I suppose I would go back to Hyrule. After all I…"

"Link." Samus cut him, before he could even begin. "You're not Zelda's bodyguard anymore and she doesn't need you all time to protect her. End of story."

"But, what should I do then? This hero gig is everything I have and know how to do well."

"Nobody said you don't need to stop being the Hero chosen by whatsoever. I mean, did you ever think about seeing more than Hyrule? Like travelling to other worlds?"

Link stopped and pondered about that. The idea of exploring and visiting new lands sounded good to him. He always had wondered how Peach's kingdom was. From what the Mushroom Princess told him it looked almost like Hyrule, but with touches of technology here and there. Also, he would like to see how different Fox's and Samus' worlds were from his and what was of so special in their advanced technology.

"All you need is to travel with someone who knows how to transform your knack for heroic actions into something that can earn you money." Samus continued.

"Hey, that's an excellent idea Samus." Link said, sounding cheerful at the perspective. Samus flashed a smile at him. "But, where would we find someone like that?" Samus' smile dropped and she almost lost her equilibrium while walking. "Uh? Are you alright Samus? You almost fell there."

"Are you that stupid? I'm talking about me, you blockhead!" Samus shouted to Link. The Hero felt incredible dumb by not realizing what Samus had been tipping to him yet again. "Urgh, I swear, maybe I should just stop trying to give you hints and just speak out loud I want you to come with me."

"Y-y-you really want that?" Link asked. "B-but what about your personal space and…"

"Link… we woke up the same bed this morning and went back to it right after. I think personal space isn't exactly something I can keep with you around anymore."

Thinking by that angle, Link had to agree with her, after blushing at thinking on their "agitated" morning, obviously. He then thought on Samus' offer. That meant they could keep running their joint and be together. The Hero smiled at that.

"I suppose this smile on your face would mean a 'yes'." Samus said, pointing to Link's face.

"Do you even need to ask?" Link talked back, still smiling.

"So how about we seal this deal with a kiss?"

For the first time, Link agreed on Samus' advance and passed his strong arms around the back of the tall woman while she passed hers around his neck. Link inclined his head up a little as Samus approached her lips to his, smiling in anticipation. It would have been the start of a good, old-school, passionate kiss… if it wasn't by the sound of something exploding on a window in the second floor.

Link and Samus stopped their motions once they felt a foul smell invading their nostrils. A horribly familiar, foul smell. The two got apart and put their hand on their noses as they looked up in time to her the shout of a very angered Koopa King:

"WARIOOOO!"

"And that was a message of the great Wario for you! Loser." came Wario's reply from some place within the mansion.

I think the only question here would be: how come Bowser is still conscious after a stinky bomb made of Wario's… natural fragrance exploded inside his room? That would certainly be a good topic for discussion, but Link and Samus couldn't care less as they walked further, passing the mansion's front door and getting near the other side of the building.

The two took deep breathes to get some pure air purify their lungs. After wiping their eyes and making sure Wario's stinky bomb didn't have any effect on their clothes, the two tried to remember what they had been doing before. Guess a smell like that would make anyone have a temporary case of amnesia.

"Where were we?" Samus asked.

"You were about to kiss me with a very beautiful smile on your lips." Link answered in a tone of someone that spoke about an everyday occurrence.

"Oh yeah."

The two then resumed their previous pose, with Link passing his arms around Samus' back and the beautiful bounty huntress leaning in to make contact between their lips. They were almost there when Link heard a woman's voice speak something in a foreign language. The Hero stopped again and leaned his head back a little, much to Samus' displeasure.

"Did you say something Samus?" Link asked.

"No. Now can we get this done? I don't like leaving something unfinished."

Link shrugged and the two approached their faces once more, just for Link to hear that again. The Hero stopped once more and he could fell Samus' arms trembled a little in irritation.

"There it is again."

Link's curiosity often tended to distract him from other things very easily (like kissing his hot girlfriend) once he was faced with something he didn't know very well, so Samus decided to look around the source of the noise and maybe eliminate it. When the voice sounded again, she recognized it; it was Marth speaking in Japanese.

Looking to the path that lead to the Assist Trophies' building, the two blondes saw Marth coming with Sheeda, who was holding one of his arms, with a sweet smile on her face. She replied something Link couldn't understand in Japanese.

Samus grumbled and Marth noticed his two friends standing near the entrance of the mansion. He approached with Sheeda still clinging to his arm. The blue haired Princess seemed as contempt as Samus at having their stroll interrupted by Marth's etiquette, which demanded him to always greet his friends.

"Greetings, Link and Samus. Lovely afternoon, isn't it?" Marth asked cordially with a smile.

"Yeah. I would say so." Link spoke, replying in his usual friendly tone.

"And it seems we both had the same idea to take our loved ones to a walk. Isn't that a pleasant coincidence?"

Before Link could reply and go on with the friendly chat, Samus interrupted him, already getting very irritated by the fact she had been trying to get a kiss from the green clad swordsman since five minutes ago and still hasn't got it.

"Yeah, yeah. All is good and well. Yada, yada. Now can you two get lost?"

Link was about to protest on Samus' behavior, but Sheeda was faster than him:

"Hey, don't talk to my Marth like that."

"I talk with him the way I want. And in case you didn't notice, me and Link where in the middle of something before you two appeared with all of your Japanese talk."

"As if I care about what you and he do." Sheeda replied in a sharp tone. "I also wanted to take Marth to someplace, so I could do the same thing to him."

"W-what?" Marth exclaimed, his face quickly reddening. He knew his fiancé wasn't much like the typical princesses, but he never thought she would be the kind to plan something that Samus would think on. "Y-you said we were just going for an s-stroll."

"Well, actually that was my initial intention, but I had been thinking about it as we…" she then noticed Link and Samus were listening to her; the Hylian warrior looking to the side and trying not to ignore what he considered was a particular topic and Samus with an eyebrow raised. "Hum… let's discuss it in other place, ok Marth?" Sheeda suggested, walking to Marth and grabbing his arm, dragging him away of the two blondes.

"O-ok… but… are you really going to… ?" Marth couldn't end that phrase. He often lost his composure and speech around Sheeda when she showed just how much she wanted him.

"My, my. Are you as eager as I am, Marth?" Sheeda asked with a seductive snicker that easily rivaled Samus' one.

"I-I didn't mean… I-I just… that's…"

"Just shut up and come with me."

As the two got away, Link and Samus could just stare at their backs. Seemed it have turned into a fashion women be the ones who lead the relationship… as if that already didn't happen. I mean, did you guys ever notice that women are the ones who take the initiative sometimes nowadays? Not that I would complain about it. That is, if my girlfriend actually did it.

But we don't even talk anymore. You don't even answer my calls. We don't see each other anymore. Now you just want to walk with your "friends". Well, you know what? We're breaking up and I'm going out that other friend you had since I'm sure you're doing the same!

…

Uh… sorry.

Anyway, back to the story:

"Hum… where we again?" Link asked.

Samus then got out of her reflections on how it seemed she had started a new fashion in the mansion and shook her head, passing her arms around Link's neck and leaning in again. And again she was interrupted:

"Link, Link! Hey, what are you two doing?" Samus dug her nails in the back of Link's tunic, feeling her blood boil like Bowser's after having another of his plans thwarted by Mario.

Link turned and saw it was Toon Link. The Hero got out of his embrace with Samus and turned to his cartoon self. He was also getting very irritated, but knew he had to watch it around his other incarnation, otherwise he and Samus would hear it from Peach and Zelda latter.

"Nothing Toon." Link said between his teeth.

"Oh, in that case, I wanted to tell about the people I achieved to impress today." Toon Link replied with a smile.

Link's shoulder and head twitched at that. That was all he needed; a good, two hours report from Toon Link about his achievements of the day. The Hero could feel the murderous vibe starting to emanate from Samus behind him. He quickly formed a plan not to get his cartoon self murdered on the spot and pointed behind Toon, exclaiming:

"Hey! Zelda is being threatened by Ganon again!"

"What?" Toon Link exclaimed, turning and holding his Master Sword high while running to the rescue, not minding the fact there wasn't anybody for him to rescue. "Don't worry Zelda! I'm coming!"

Toon then disappeared from sight and Link sighed. There were days you simply didn't have any break or privacy at all in the mansion. He turned to Samus and saw she had calmed down a bit, though there was a vein throbbing in her forehead, saying she could explode at any moment.

"Uhm… do you want to try again?" Link asked, a little scared of the face his girl was making now.

Samus spoke between her teeth, very slowly. Like in _dangerous_ slowly.

"I'm fine. But if someone interrupts us again I…"

"Hey Link. What's up?" Ike greeted, coming from inside the mansion and approaching the two.

In the second Link looked to the Crimean mercenary, Samus finally snapped and pulled out her Paralyzer, setting it to whip mode and charging at Ike in a blink of an eye. Link could just watch as she beat mercilessly the blue haired swordsman.

" WHAT DID I DO?" Ike cried out as Samus inflicted some burns on his back with her Plasma Whip and kicked and punched every part of his body she could reach.

The strong swordsman let out several cries of pain as Samus continued to fiercely maul him. Link really wanted to help Ike, but he wouldn't be able to do so if Samus knocked him unconscious by accident. The beating then stopped and Samus let an Ike with a torn cape, clothes and hair burned and several bruises, cuts and broken bones lying on the floor, his hands twitching slightly.

Samus kicked him on his side yet again. Kinda unnecessary if you ask me, since the guy is already in an unconscious state. She then walked back to Link, who would have spoken something about she overdoing it, but shut up once he saw she was speaking:

"You know what? I got tired of this. Screw the romantic slowness!"

Before Link could even ask what she was talking about, Samus grabbed his face and planted a kiss on his lips, a little hungrily at first, but latter making it slow and passionate. The Hero answered by kissing back and warping his arms around the athletic body of the bounty huntress.

Now this certainly would be a very romantic final, if you don't take Ike's bleeding form on the ground into account, with the sun setting behind them and all. But this isn't really a romance fic, is it?

Link opened his eyes after kissing Samus for some time and saw Zelda, Sonic, Mario, Snake and Lucario all smiling to him and Samus while peeping their heads out of the doors of the mansion. Samus now settled for just hugging Link and putting her head on his shoulder, cuddling him her eyes closed. The swordsman took the chance while and shot an angry look to his friends, making a gesture with his hand for them to scram.

The smiles on the Smasher's face just widened while they complied with Link's requested, but not before Snake and Mario dragged Ike's unconscious form back to the mansion without make any noise to interrupt Samus and Link's moment.

_Sometimes, I wonder if living in a normal place would be better. _Link thought with himself. He then noticed Samus had started nibbling at his ear, making the swordsman almost purr in contentment. _Thinking again… why would I want to exchange something so good for a boring normal life?_


	13. Metroid vs Halo, once more

This chapter is brought to you by me and thanks to **jioplip**'s collaboration as a beta-reader. Thanks a lot, man!

Now, some warning before you start: I'm not a sexist person, but here you will see some anecdotes and jokes regarding the subject, but don't worry girls. Samus is going to maul all of the offenders. Also, those who guess what are the series on YouTube and the comercial I make some references to here will gain 3 cookie points for each right answer.

* * *

**Chapter 13**

**Halo vs. Metroid, once more**

Samus was on her room, sleeping and having a really strange dream. She was exploring a dungeon very similar to the ones in Link's games and she had just opened a door that lead to a normal room where Zelda and Midna seemed to be having a sleepover and were singing "Girlfriend" while looking to each other.

Though the bounty huntress found that quite disturbing at first (so much she closed the door with a slam), latter, as she was exploring the dungeon, she started to find that was kinda… enticing. She wondered what Link and Ike would think if they saw the two princesses… singing.

Ok, this is getting really weird, so let's go out of Samus' dreams and to her room, since Link opened the door and entered running. The Hylian warrior approached Samus' bed and called her name. The galactic warrior mumbled something in sleep, seeming not very willingly to wake up. Link tried calling her again, but had to jump back to avoid a punch Samus gave in her sleep.

_What the… what is she dreaming? _Link thought. If only he knew Samus had now encountered a whole platoon of Space Pirates in her dream and was in a fierce fight against them. _Ok, how am I going to wake her up?_

Link then thought on his options. There was one that could work, but just the thought of it made him blush. But he needed Samus to wake and come with him soon, so…

The Hero sighed and watched Samus' movements in her bed and saw the sheet lowering a bit revealing that she… wasn't using her underwear while sleeping this time. Link's blush hit a new color tone as he tried to look away, but his mind reminded him he had came to fetch Samus. Plus, a side of him, which he frequently kept locked away at seven keys, said it would be good to… admire her in that state. What? He's a man too.

Deciding the least he could do was to wake her up at once, Link dived in when he saw an opening in Samus' movements during her sleep and planted a kiss on her lips. The effect was pretty much the same as in those fairy tales: Samus' eyes opened wide and she slowly sat in her bed.

"Finally, you're wake." Link said. "Samus you have to come quickly to the garage!" Link pointed to the door to give emphasis to the urgency of the matter. However, Samus was still with the same expression as when she woke up, now passing her fingers slowly in her lips, like she was tasting something in them. "Uh… Samus?" Link asked. The bounty huntress then looked to him. "Are you alright?"

One minute of awkward silence passed. In the next Samus jumped on Link, tackling him to the ground and covering the green clad swordsman's body in kisses, as he had his hand waving in the air, but it soon sunk below the level of the bed…

- / - / - / -

"Why didn't you tell me sooner there was a job for us in the garage?" Samus asked, already in her Zero Suit.

"I tried, but you were blocking my mouth." Link said.

"Well, from the way you woke me, I thought you wanted to have some fun."

"Just because I'm a man, it doesn't mean I think in sex the entire time."

"Ok, then what is the emergency? Don't tell me Fox's Landmaster got stuck in the entrance again."

"No, it's nothing like that." Samus was about to ask what was it then, but saw they had arrived at the door to the garage. She opened it and they entered.

The garage was bigger than even the dining hall, since it had to accommodate all of the Smasher's means of transport, which were either space tanks, flying teacups with clown's face, glowing stars, etc, etc. While Samus was turning to talk to Link again, someone jumped in front of her shouting "Show me ya moves!" just for her to punch the guy with a right hook. Link called his girlfriend's name.

"What?" Samus asked.

"You just punched Falcon without any reason." Link said.

"Oh, thank goodness. I thought I might have hurt someone important." Samus said in mock relief.

"What the hell, Samus? I wasn't even coming on to you." Captain Falcon whined.

"And…"

"Is that the way you treat your clients?"

"You? Hired our joint?" Samus asked, seeming surprised.

"Yeah. Because… because… oh, I can't even speak it. It's just too terrible." Captain Falcon said.

Samus raised an eyebrow. Link then called her to come with him. The three went to where the Blue Falcon was parked and made a turn around the futuristic race car. Link pointed to the side of the vehicle and Samus saw what was putting Falcon into that depressed state.

Scratches were all over the side of the car, like someone had picked up a sword and scratched the side of the Blue Falcon with it. Where was the name of the car, which was painted bellow the window, the word "blue" had scratches over it that formed the word "POO".

"Poo Falcon?" Samus read aloud. She had to contain a snicker.

"Who could possibly be so evil to do something like this?" Falcon said, getting on his knees at seeing once more the damage made on his precious race car. "I swear they will pay, or I'm not Captain Falcon!" Falcon said, getting up and with an angry expression on his face. "But I have a match today at night so that's why I called you guys." he got on his normal pose.

"So you want us to chase and beat the guys that vandalized the Blue Falcon to a bloody pulp?" Samus confirmed, still trying to contain the snicker at thinking on the word inscribed with slashes in Falcon's racing car.

"Yeah. That and fix my car."

"Come again?" Samus asked, now with a serious face.

"C'mon, Sam. Blue Falcon is my Final Smash. How can I face everybody if people see me driving over my adversaries with a car scratched like that?"

"First, don't call me Sam or I'll show you what it is to vandalize someone's car, and second, do we look like a garage to you?"

"But why not, Samus? We'll have to fix your ship too, anyway." Link said.

"We provide 'heroic services' Link, not repairs on… what did you just say?" Samus asked suddenly, turning to Link.

"Well, you see Samus, the guys who vandalized my baby seem to have vandalized yours too." Falcon said, pointing to Samus' ship, which was parked nearby.

The bounty huntress turned and her eyes widened while her face paled. Her starship, just like Falcon's race car, had been completely scratched, so much parts of the sides seemed to be hanging to stay connected to the ship. Link felt bad for Samus, but his pity soon turned into worry once he saw she lowering her head and her shoulders trembling in anger.

_Oh-ho… here it comes. _Link and Captain Falcon thought at the same time, covering their ears not to get deaf…

- - - - - Meanwhile, in the other side of the town - - - - -

Master and Crazy Hand were in a business meeting in a Japanese restaurant with the manager of a TV channel, talking about selling Link and Samus' participation to one of the channel's series. Well, at least Master was, Crazy was busy observing a nearby aquarium.

"Someday, I'll uncover all of your secrets you tricky tunas. Just you wait." Crazy said, closing his knuckle like he was threatening the poor fishes, except there was no tuna at the moment in the aquarium, but Crazy obviously hadn't notice it since he was too busy trying to decipher how tuna could taste so good to some people and so bad to others.

At the exact moment Samus was about to "voice" her wrath, Master Hand was about to sign a contract and sell Link and Samus' participation. The point of his pen was about to reach the document, when Samus' let out her scream. Though Master and Crazy couldn't hear it, the effect was so powerful that Master's fingers made the pen slid all over the contract, spilling ink on it and ripping the document.

The manager of the TV channel raised his eyebrow at that. Strange, he had heard Master Hand was a professional business man (or hand, in this case). How could Master have ruined a contract like that right when he was about to sign it?

"Dammit! I can't believe I ruined the contract like this right when I was about to sign it!" … I hate you all. "I never did something like this before!"

"You know, just when you were about to sign, I sensed a disturbance in the Force." Crazy spoke, more to himself than to his brother, still looking to the aquarium.

"What?"

"What?" Crazy asked back, turning to his brother.

"You just said…"

"Cheese!"

"Why do I even bother?"

- - - - - Back to the mansion - - - - -

"WHO THE HELL DID THIS?" Samus asked, looking around like an hallucinated serial killer. "I'M GOING TO F*censored*ING KILL THE B*censored again* WHO DID THIS AND BLAST THEIR -" the rest of Samus' line had to be cut due to the overuse of swear words.

"Samus, I don't think this is a… " Link was about to say, but Samus interrupted him, turning to the Hylian warrior and pointing while shouting at his face.

"Shut up!"

"Yes ma'am." Link said immediately, cowering in fear over his angry girlfriend.

"So, does that mean you'll take on the job?" Captain Falcon asked Link, since Samus was too occupied shouting promises of a very gruesome death to the culprit.

"I think so." Link said.

"We'll do the revenge part for free." Samus proclaimed, turning to the two.

Link and Falcon looked to Samus like she had grown another head. The bounty huntress looked from one to the other, asking what it was. The other bounty hunter spoke:

"I never thought I would live to hear you say that, Sam."

"Call me that again and you'll cease to live."

"Now that's more like you." Captain Falcon said with a smirk. Samus grumbled. "So are you going to fix my car too?"

"Seems we'll have to, but that will cost you."

"Oh, c'mon. You just said you would chase the guy for free to me."

"Who said it was for you? I'm the one who wants to blast his head for what he did to my ship. I don't care if he vandalized your stupid race car."

"Hey! I take that as an offense."

"Who said it wasn't?"

"Guys, calm down." Link asked, making the two stop their squabble and look to him. "Everybody will have their revenge, ok? But first we have to discover who did it."

Samus then looked around her ship and found something that could point them to the culprit. She read the words inscribed on her beloved starship with scratches:

"'Metroid sucks. Halo owns.' Those good for nothing sons of *censored yet again*!"

"Halo?" Link asked.

"It's a futuristic game that people consider to be Samus' rival." Captain Falcon explained. "Samus and me know their leader. The guy is okay, but the rest of the troop is a bunch of douche bags. I can't believe Master Chief would let them do something like this."

"Who cares?" Samus yelled, turning to the two. "I'm going to make them pay for this!"

"Don't you think you're overreacting just a bit about it Samus?" Link suggested, making the gesture of bit with two fingers.

Now, I wonder what Link would say if the guys had done it to his vehicle, but since Link comes from a medieval world, which cars are not even cogitated to be invented, I suppose we can just imagine what his reaction would…

"Hey, what's that inscribed in Epona?" Falcon asked, pointing to Link's mare. The Hero turned and the expression on his face matched Samus' when she saw what had been done to her ship.

You all are probably wondering what Epona is doing in the garage of the mansion in the first place, aren't you? Well, you see, Link feared that if he let Epona back in Hyrule people would try and steal her to be used in horse races (you wouldn't believe how often that happened there), so he decided to bring her along to the mansion, where she could be fed, treated and where Link wouldn't have to worry about Ilia trying to take her from him.

Ok, that explained, let's concentrate on the plot. Sprayed on Epona's side were the words "Master Chief was here". Samus looked to her boyfriend's mare and was surprised at seeing that they had even sprayed Epona.

"Well, that was certainly unexpected." Samus commented.

"I'M GOING TO F*the censor is having a lot of work lately, isn't it?*ING KILL THEM!" Link swore.

"I can see why you guys are attracted to each other." Falcon commented.

Samus looked to the racer, her look practically asking what that was supposed to mean. The two then turned back once they heard the sound of a sword being drawn. Link was pointing his sword skyward with an expression of pure hatred on his eyes as he proclaimed:

"Tonight, I'll make them all dine… IN HELL!"

Samus and Falcon shook their heads, facepalming. She was almost regretting she had taken Link to watch _300. _

"Well, if it help you guys, I've heard the Halo crew is having a party in the convention center here in town for the release of their new game." Captain Falcon spoke.

"Then let's go there and…" Link spoke. He would probably have said some swear word, but Captain Falcon decided to spare the censor from having to cover that one too and interrupted.

"Hey, hold your horses, man. First you have to fix my car. Besides, their party is probably going to last until nighttime anyway."

"Fine, fine." Samus said. "Link, let's leave the murder part to later."

"Ok, but Master Chief's head is mine!" Link spoke with a murderous glint in his eyes.

"I'm starting to think maybe it wasn't such a good idea to hire you two…" Falcon thought aloud.

- / - / - / -

Three hours later, Captain Falcon came back to check on the fixing. He was surprised when he saw not only his race car, but Samus' starship fixed and Link was just finishing wash Epona. Apparently, the perspective of catching the responsible for vandalizing their means of transport made those two work at twice their normal speed.

"Wow! I take back what I said, you guys rock!" Falcon said at seeing his beloved Blue Falcon was completely restored and shining like it had just been washed. "I knew my bud would never fail me."

Link said a "thank you", giving one of his friendly smiles as he finished washing away the last of spray on his mare. Samus didn't care Falcon didn't thank her, the call of vengeance for her profaned ship was stronger. Man, she's really protective of her belongings, isn't she? No wonder she's like that with Link too.

The bounty huntress approached Falcon and said it was time to pay up. The racer took out his wallet, still with his usual smile at having his race car restored to its former beauty. When he asked how much it was, however, his smile dropped and was replaced by an expression of shock.

"$120,00." Samus said.

"What? That's robbery! The garage guys from back home charge me just $50,00 when I have to replace the anti-gravity propulsion." Falcon protested. "You just made this price up, didn't you?"

"Look, I'm a busy woman and I'm not with much patient to deal with you right now. So either you pay up or I'll open a new hole in your car." Samus activated her Varia Suit and pointed her Arm Cannon to the Blue Falcon.

"Samus, now you're definitely overdoing it." Link said. "I also want my revenge for what they did to Epona, but you can't just take it out on Falcon like this." Wow, finally got some guts to stand up for yourself, huh? Samus shot an icy look to Link, who felt that even though she was using her helmet. "Uh, please?"

… ok, forgot what I just said about him being the man for once.

Samus sighed. She really didn't have the patience for that, but decided to wield for once and accepted Link's opinion. Falcon stared in disbelief when Samus said:

"Alright, fine. $50,00. Just give me the damn money already."

Falcon slowly reached for the note in his wallet and handed it to Samus, who took it without another word and walked away of them. Falcon then approached Link and put his hand on the blonde's shoulder, speaking in what sounded an apologetic tone:

"I'm sorry I ever doubted you, bud."

"Uh… ok, I think…" Link mumbled. He couldn't contain himself and asked. "What are you exactly apologizing for?"

"Me and the others thought you were on the leash. Even I started to think it was true. But comes out nobody can truly tame my best bud. Instead you've tamed Samus. Man, you have to tell me your secret!"

Link almost jumped back at hearing that and looked to Samus, who had stopped on her tracks. The Hero knew she was still at hearing range, so she probably had caught it, which meant he had to act fast or there would be one less Smasher in the mansion.

If there was something Samus absolutely loathed, even more than Riddley himself, it was sexist anecdotes. Since she had been one of the first heroines in the history of gaming, she often got some remarks about how everybody thought she was actually a man. That and combined to her not-so-feminine behavior, some people who didn't know her appearance still insist she was a man when they saw she wearing her armor.

That, plus the way she was treated back when she began her career of bounty huntress, certainly contributed for her to turn into the temperamental, proud, violent person she was today.

Link dismissed Falcon, saying he had to go and walked to Samus, who was turning and seemed to be aiming her Arm Cannon. The Hero quickly got to her side and leaned the closest he could get to her ear (try doing that with those shoulder protections).

"Calm down, Samus. Save it for the Halo guys." Link tried to reason with his angry girlfriend.

It seemed he actually achieved to stop Samus from murdering Falcon, that or he just reminded her of who took priority and she would come back to maul the racer after they were done. Probably the latter, but he preferred not to be present when she did that. Link didn't like what Falcon said about her either, but the obnoxious, buffed bounty hunter was his friend too and he didn't like seeing his friends fighting each other. I repeat: _seeing_.

The two were about to turn when they heard Captain Falcon let out a yelp. They turned again and saw the racer running to them, with a look of desperation on his face as he pointed to his race car.

"What… what have you done?" Falcon was looking to Link as he spoke that.

Samus raised an eyebrow behind her visor. She left Link in charge of repainting the Blue Falcon. Surely there was no way the swordsman could have screwed such a simple task. She and he then took a turn around the Blue Falcon, looking for the reason why the bounty hunter was so distressed.

The galactic warrior then saw it: the name of the car on the lateral instead of being written "Blue Falcon" it was written "Blue Triforce". Samus then turned to Link, who was scratching behind his head. She asked him:

"'Blue Triforce'?"

"Well, I was painting it and then I remembered about that commercial were the guy left his name in a clock he fixed to leave the owner know it had been him and I kinda thought I should do the same thing." Link justified.

"Link, you don't leave your mark in a car you fix. And didn't I already tell not to follow everything you see in TV?"

"But what about that commercial of the car when the machine was…"

"Forget it. It never happened."

"But…"

"It never happened!"

"Uh, guys." Falcon called, making the two turn to him. "I think we're getting away of the main topic here. You have to paint my baby again!"

"Look, your car is fixed and we're in a hurry. It's already three hours passed and the ones who wrecked my ship are still breathing. So, move or I'll make you." Samus said.

"But… but… what will people think when I call out 'Blue Falcon!', but instead my car is written 'Blue Triforce'?"

"I think it has a nice ring to it." Link said.

Samus shook her helmet and pushed Falcon aside, urging Link to follow her. The two left the devastated racer behind, who had his hands on his helmet in a desperate pose, like he was trying to think on a solution while in panic.

Once the two were out of the garage, Samus turned to Link and said, smiling inside her armor:

"Nice one Link." the Hero looked to her with a confused expression. Samus would love to see Falcon's face when he got to call out his Final Smash, just for people to see his car's name had been "changed". "Just because of this, when we come back, I'll have a special treat just for you."

"Really? I didn't know you knew how to cook." Link said, his obliviousness to double-meaning anecdotes kicking in.

"I wasn't talking about that kind of treat…" Samus said, sighing.

- / - / - / -

Link and Samus reached the convention center of chapter eleven. This time it had two soldiers with futuristic armor guarding the entrance, giving off a sensation that the security was better than last time. The couple was at the other side of the street, out of sight and hiding behind a bench. Link pointed out:

"Looks like the security is better than last time." … must. resist. urge. to. scream.

"Believe in me Link, I know those guys. They don't play in service." Samus said.

Really? Let's take a look at them then:

"Man, guard duty is sooo boring." the marine soldier at the right of the door said.

"Yeah, I know. But I can't ditch service anymore. If I don't start bringing the money home, my wife is going to kill me." the other marine, who was guarding the left side of the door, said.

"Same here buddy. Ever thought about asking Master Chief for a raise?"

"You kidding? He would shoot me if I did. No thanks, I'd prefer sleeping outside again."

And these are the brave soldiers who protect the galaxy. At least theirs, because in Samus' galaxy, they are literally raped by Ings and Space Pirates.

Back to the main couple, Link and Samus were trying to devise a plan to enter the convention center. Ok, why exactly are they trying to sneak in? Wouldn't it be simpler if they beat the guards, since they were going to do that to every Halo soldier inside the building anyway?

"So, any idea of how we will get inside?" Link asked his girlfriend.

"Stealth isn't exactly my forte, Link." Samus admitted. "Normally, I just make my entrance, but since this building isn't Space Pirate-made, I don't think I can do that. Not if I don't want to face trial for destruction of public property."

The two stayed thinking until they saw two other marines, one wearing blue armor and other dressed in red, approach the guards in the door. Link and Samus saw that and crossed the street to hear what they were saying.

The guard at the right of the door asked:

"Names please."

The blue and red marine looked to each other. The blue one then spoke:

"Well, my academy buddies called me Carl, but my real name is…"

"I was talking about your code name, idiot." the guard answered.

"Oh, right. That makes more sense." the marine in red armor _helm_palmed at that comment from his partner. Get it? Because he was wearing a helmet. Hehe, I'm awesome. "I'm red-D09 and this is blue-78E."

"Are those even codenames?" Link asked Samus. "C'mon, it's something even I could come up with."

"Don't ask me. These Halo guys sometimes are just weird."

"Wait a minute…" the guard said, tapping the side of his helmet, connecting to the virtual list of the party guests. "Okay, you're names are on the list, you can pass."

"Wait, just a question." the other guard interrupted. "How come a blue marine and a red one are walking around together. Aren't guys supposed to…"

"Ignore him. He's been on YouTube too much lately."

"But…"

"How many times do I have to tell you? It's a fan movie. It isn't real, goddammit!"

Okaaay… anyway. The other two marines looked between themselves and entered the convention center. Link and Samus looked between themselves too. Taking aside the awkward scene, that gave the couple an idea.

Link and Samus waited for two more marines appear. Soon enough two of them, one in purple armor and other in white, appeared. After pulling the guys into the alley at the side of the convention center, beating the snot out of them and taking their armor away, Samus and Link threw their bodies into a trash container. Link then asked how come there were so many soldiers' armor with different colors. If they made part of an army, surely they should have some kind of standard color.

"Supposedly, this is their 'party armor'." Samus answered. Link raised an eyebrow at her. "Yeah, I know. Anyway, this one seems to be my size, so let's wear them."

However, as soon as Samus deactivated her Varia Suit, a whistle was heard and the guard from chapter one appeared almost out of thin air again, quickly writing something in his notebook and handing the paper to Samus, before bidding them farewell by inclining the edge of his cap.

Link leaned in and saw it was another fine for "being naked in public". Samus sighed and threw it away.

"Honestly, sometimes I am forced to agree with Peach about expanding my wardrobe." the bounty huntress said.

After much struggle on Link's part as he tried to put on the suit (which he soon complained how it was uncomfortable), the two made their way to the entrance of the convention center. The marines guarding the door asked for their names just like with the other two soldiers of Halo. Samus adjusted the voice frequency of her suit so it would sound more robotic than human, making it impossible to guess her gender.

"I'm…" she then looked to her uniform, noticing she was wearing the white one. "white-K98 and this is purple-G52."

"Samus, I'm starting to have my doubts if they will really fall for it." Link whispered to Samus.

"Ok, you're names are in the list. You can enter." The guard said, giving passage to them.

Link's jaw fell. Luckily, nobody was able to see it since he was using a helmet. As soon as he and Samus entered, the disguised bounty huntress asked in a tone that indicated she was grinning inside the suit:

"So, what were you saying again, Link?"

"Just… no, forget it… I'll never understand you, futuristic people." Link said, sighing.

Deciding to drop the strange logic that was behind the guest list, Link and Samus walked to the main hall of the convention center, where the great majority of the marines were all reunited and where (Link was almost grinning maniacally at the perspective) Master Chief was.

Remember kids: though Link is a friend of the animals, that doesn't mean he's takes animal abuse kindly. The last guy who tried to hunt a squirrel that came everyday to Link's home to take a bite of his breakfast ended up with a broken arm, two black eyes and severe trauma of "angry, country folk". And Link didn't even have his steel blade at the time.

Samus lagged behind a little, discreetly closing the door and barricading it so nobody could escape once she and Link began with the massacre… err, I mean. Well, you get it, so let's continue.

"Ok, Link. Now when I give the signal, you get out of this armor and then we start the _real _party." Samus said.

"I thought we were here to give these guys a good beating for what they did to your ship and my Epona." Link said somewhat confused. Samus turned to him and though Link couldn't see her face, he could feel the look she was giving him. "Oh, I got it now. Sorry."

"We better start this soon, because whatever the guy that wore your armor had, you're catching it."

"Hey, look, newcomers." the couple heard a marine say.

Samus cursed under her breath. Great. She was planning to get the marines with their guard down, so they could beat a good number of them before she and Link got spotted, but it seems that plan was going down the drain now.

She and Link turned to look at three marines coming to them. For now let's call them marines #1, #2 and #3, since the author is too lazy to give them names. They couldn't see the guys' faces behind their visors, but they could tell by their voices that they seemed friendly. Marine #1 then spoke:

"Hi there. How are you two?"

"Fine." Link answered back, putting up his best friendly voice. He didn't have anything against these guys, so he didn't need to disguise his tone of voice (which he was very bad at, just to let you know). It was Master Chief he wanted to slice to bits.

"So, are you two new recruits? I'm pretty sure I haven't seen you around before." marine #2 asked.

"Yeah, we're new. Got hired for the crew of the new game." Samus immediately lied.

"Really? What troop are you from?" marine #2 asked again.

"From what troop… huuummm…" Samus tried to think fast. She didn't know if the organization of the Halo troops was the same as the ones of the Galactic Federations troops in her game. "Battalion… number… 3?" she tried. Oh please, Samus. Surely you could have come up with something better than…

"What? You lucky bastards! I've been trying to get into Battalion 3 for two years now."

…

Forget everything I just said.

Samus sighed in relief behind her helmet and Link couldn't believe their luck. They had just said two blatant lies and still gotten away with it. Seems like things were finally starting to work out for them.

"Hey, did you hear that a new Metroid game is going to be released? They say it's going to tell about the past of that Samus chick."

Or not. Link started to sweat behind his visor. Generally, when Samus wasn't around and the guys in mansion talked about her, either it was regarding her… assets, or her unfeminine manners. He could just wonder what these guys, who were from supposedly from a rival game series to hers, would talk about her.

As Link looked to his girlfriend, he could really wish he could see what expression she had in her face. Luckily for him… I mean for the marines, she just had her eyebrow arched. If the guys didn't go saying anything stupid, they would be able to keep Samus from…

"I honestly still have my doubts if she is really a _she_. I mean, c'mon, do you really expect me to believe a woman could beat that many Space Pirates when we wouldn't stand a chance against their dragon boss? Not to talk that she doesn't even sound like a woman." marine 3# said.

Ok, forget it. They are dead.

Samus' right shoulder started to twitch and that made Link divided between feeling angry for the fact that people were talking about his girlfriend like that and worried Samus could snap. His snaps were nothing compared to Samus' ones. Think the times when she was beating other Smashers and Assist Trophies means she snaps a lot? Pfft. That was just her normal mood.

"My theory is that she is actually a man disguised." marine #1 said.

"Disguised?" Link exclaimed, deciding to try and stop that talk before Samus blew up their cover (emphasis in "blew"). "How can someone disguise a… I mean, the… hum… you know." Link struggled to say the word, but his almost innocent, naïve nature didn't allow him to do so.

"You obviously don't know how advanced plastic surgeries are today." marine #1 said. "And besides, everybody knows women don't know how to use weapons."

"Except for credit cards." marine #2 spoke.

"How's a credit card a weapon?" marine #3 asked.

"Oh it's a weapon alright. Against my wallet!"

The three marines laughed at the sexist joke. Hum… remember what I said before about Samus not liking these jokes a bit? Well, that was the last straw for her. Deciding to screw the stealth part, Samus got out of the uniform and stood just in her Zero Suit.

The marines stopped laughing at the same instant. Link sighed and decided that since Samus had abandoned the surprise element, there was no use in him still disguised too. As the Hylian warrior was taking his suit off, marine #2 said to marine #1:

"Holy s*censored*! You weren't kidding when you said plastic surgeries were advanced!"

"It's because I AM A WOMAN, YOU F*censor hitting critical levels*ING MORONS!" Samus screamed, attracting the attention of half of the hall.

Link could just look at all the visors and helmets that turned to them. Just great. Now they were the center of the attentions. Even so, the marines didn't seem to have noticed they were in mortal danger, for marine #3 spoke:

"You don't sound like a woman to me."

That was it. With another twitch of her right shoulder and head, Samus pulled out her Paralyzer, changed it to whip mode and snatched the guy, dragging him close and starting to beat the daylights out of him, yelling so many obscenities and curses her line had to be cut out of the fic, since the censor machine exploded due to its overuse in just one sentence.

Link decided to ignore that and concentrate on the fact those guys had just said his girlfriend was a man. That was enough to give the green clad warrior a reason to beat their asses.

What followed could only be described as chaos. The marines started to run in panic, some tried to flee by way of the windows, others through the doors, just to be snatched back by Samus' Plasma Whip and Link's Clawshot. Since the main doors were barricaded, the marines didn't have time to open them before couple of Smashers beat them.

From the other side of the hall, Master Chief was observing the danger that had beat at their doors in the form of Samus and Link. Pretty poetic, don't you think? As the leader of the Halo's marines, he had to do something before his whole troop got decimated by the two angry Smashers.

It was then he realized an important fact: they were soldiers. They were trained to survive that kind of extreme situation (or something close to it, because a berserk Samus and a pissed off Link was above any level of danger known by the man), so why were they panicking?

"Hold down everybody! Why are you running? There are just two of them against hundreds of us. We can easily overpower them with our sheer numbers." Master Chief said.

"Yeah, but we didn't bring our weapons." a random marine said.

Well, now that is a good reason for them to be panicking and running around in circles. Master Chief, to say the least, was pissed:

"Didn't bring your weapons? We're the Halo crew, for crying out loud! Who had the brilliant idea of not bringing the weapons?"

The marines who weren't either running, or being beaten pointed to another random marine, who surprisingly was the responsible for them not bringing their weapons, since he was the one that made the party invites.

"Sorry." the guy said. He was shot in the head by Master Chief the next second. It didn't kill him because of the armor, but it was enough to knock him unconscious.

Master Chief sighed. He then saw Link and Samus had already beaten one quarter of his troops and were quickly progressing to beat the remaining three quarters. The commander then charged his weapon.

"Looks like I will have to deal with this." Master Chief said.

"Master Chief is going to enter the action. We're saved!" a random marine #4 said. However, at that moment, an arrow struck Master Chief's weapon, piercing it and making static ran around it. "We're doomed!" the random marine #4 spoke again.

Master Chief was shocked beyond belief. He then looked to the damage and saw the arrow had pierced his weapon in the hole the shoot came out. Meanwhile, the marines were now in a desperate state. Some were beating others unconscious to avoid being beaten unconscious by Samus (see the difference here?). Others were screaming like scared, schoolgirls and one of them even tried to escape through the sewer pipes in the bathroom by ripping a sanitary vase out of its place. It didn't work though.

Master Chief swore. What good did his status as an expert shooter make if he didn't have a weapon with him? It was then he felt something latch itself to his armor. Before he could look down, he was pulled to the middle of a crowd of beaten marines and was face to face with Link.

"Are you Master Chief?" Link asked, his voice serious. Something in his tone made Master Chief feel a shiver ran through his spine.

"Y-yes." he said, getting caught off guard by the sudden question.

"YOU ARE DEAD MEAT!" Link yelled.

Now, Master Chief had been in many dangerous situations and endured things that no other commanding official had, but never before had he taken a beating from a violent maniac with a sword. A very sharp sword at that.

After breaking at least half of the commander's armor, Link threw him to the ground with a triumphant grin in his face, feeling the honor of Epona had finally been avenged. Samus then got near the swordsman, after having beat almost all of the Halo troops and saw the battered, bruised and more than beaten Master Chief.

The boss of the Halo troops than looked up and recognized Samus. That explained how Link had gotten inside. Samus' reputation had reached even his galaxy and, while his troops thought she was a man, he was the only with enough sense to acknowledge Samus was a woman. Even so that didn't mean she was going to be merciful with him.

_Where the hell are the guards when you need them? _Master Chief thought, almost desperate.

- - - - - Moments before, at the doors of the convention center - - - - -

The two marine soldiers started to hear screams coming from inside the convention center and looked to the doors. They then came up with the most logical explanation for such a commotion inside the convention center:

"Man, this is one wild party."

"Yeah, and we have to stay here… on watch duty."

"This sucks. I want to go inside and commemorate with the other guys. You know, sometimes I think I should just ask my wife for a divorce."

"Are crazy? Didn't you hear what happened to the other guy who asked his wife for one? He ended up losing the house, the car and his dog."

"Oh no. I like my dog."

That's pointless. Let's go back to the slaughter inside.

- - - - - back to the actual scene (a.k.a.: the slaughter) - - - - -

"So, Master Chief, we meet again." Samus said.

"I should have known it was you, Samus. Only you would be brave enough to barge into a commemoration full of our soldiers with a sword-wielding psycho by your side." Master Chief replied.

For that smart remark, he was earned with a blow of the handle of the Master Sword on his already damaged helmet after Link grabbed him by the collar and pulled him up, speaking in his still angry tone:

"I'm not a psycho!"

"Then why are you two mauling us when we did nothing to you?" Master Chief asked back.

"What do you mean with 'nothing'?" Link asked, not dropping the anger on his voice.

"You and your pals invaded our mansion in the middle of the night, sprayed Link's mare and vandalized my ship." Samus said.

"And Captain Falcon's." Link reminded her, thought she had forgotten to mention that on purpose.

"Yeah, that too."

"What are you talking about? We were staying here the entire night, preparing everything for our party." Master Chief spoke.

"Hah! Nice try, but we're not going to fall for it." Link said.

"It's true! Check the surveillance system."

Samus sighed, but decided to do so, just to spit back at Master Chief for his weak attempt to evade his eminent doom. The bounty huntress activated her Varia Suit and quickly accessed the achieves of the surveillance system.

To the Hunter's surprise, Master Chief was right. She viewed the recording of the cameras and saw no marine had left the surroundings of the convention center until the sun was starting to come out and, at that time, Master Hand and Snake would already be up and those two sure wouldn't let any potential threat (or the concurrence) enter the terrains of the mansion.

The paparazzi, you're asking? Oh, they aren't really a threat. Not according to Master Hand's logic. Samus then deactivated her Varia Suit. She had a worried look in her face as she spoke to her boyfriend:

"Uh, Link… he's right."

"What?" Link asked, turning to Samus while still holding Master Chief by his collar.

"He's right. They didn't leave the convention center until morning."

"But… then… that means…" Link mumbled.

When realization hit the house, Link let go of Master Chief, who fell to the ground with a painful grunt. The two blondes then looked around to the charred and destroyed remains of the would-be party of the Halo crew. There were even places burning, courtesy of Link's bombs and Samus Paralyzer's shoots. The two then looked around to the moaning marines, who they had beaten so mercilessly. Some had their arms up and twitching in pain

Finally, they looked back to Master Chief, who was now standing. Even though his visor hadn't been broken, thus hiding his eyes, the couple could feel the ugly look the boss of the marines was giving them.

"Eh, heheh." Samus let out, with an expression that mixed embarrassment and apology. "Well, you see… it's actually quite funny."

"Yeah… like we come here, beat you all senseless just to discover it hadn't been you guys…" Link said, scratching the back of his head with his eyes closed and as embarrassed as Samus.

"Hehe… yeah… hum…"

Samus and Link looked around again. Master Chief crossed his arms. The couple then made the only thing they could at moment:

"Bye!" the two then hightailed out of the convention center.

Master Chief was left alone in the hall. He looked around to his beaten soldiers. Sighing, the commander brought his hand to his forehead and spoke:

"I need a drink..."

- / - / - / -

"I can't believe we beat an entire battalion of marine soldiers for nothing!" Samus exclaimed in frustration as she and Link went back to the mansion, already far away from the convention center, a.k.a.: the crime scene.

"I've never felt so embarrassed in my entire life. Not even that time when Zelda and me went to talk in the bedroom she gave me in the castle and Midna appeared there covered in chocolate, saying she felt dirty and wanted me to clean her…" Link sa… Midna what?

"She what?"

"Uh… I said that too loud, didn't I?"

Samus could just look to Link, her mind immediately producing images of the mentioned scene. The bounty huntress shook her head and decided to focus on the subject at hand again.

"Anyway, what are we going to do now? We still don't know who vandalized your horse and my ship." Samus asked.

"Well, it has to be someone who knows about the rivalry between your games and Halo and that has access to the garage or at least means to enter in it." Link pointed out.

Samus then started to think. Who knew of the rivalry between her games and Halo's ones, hated her and would be as violent as to discount that on the guys around her? There was also the fact those scratches on her ship and Captain Falcon's seemed strangely familiar.

It was then the pieces came together to the bounty huntress. Of course. How come she haven't thought of that before?

"Of course! How come I haven't thought of that before?"

…

…

OH, TO THE HELL WITH IT! I'M OUT!

- - - - - Later that night and after the author found another narrator - - - - -

A large figure was slowly walking in the shadows of the mansion's garage, smiling to himself in anticipation. It was the perfect crime. They would never find out and he would have someone else to be the escape goat.

Oh the satisfaction he felt when he heard Samus had ravaged the Halo convention out of anger just to discover latter she had made a fool of herself. He wished he could have seen that. But now wasn't the time to stay thinking on it. It was time to cause havoc in the bounty huntress' life once more and see her break her face in front of her friends yet again.

He was already over Samus' starship and started to scratch it when the lights suddenly turned on. Impossible! There shouldn't be any people in mansion at this hour. They should all be watching Falcon's match.

"I knew it was you!" came _her_ voice. He turned to face the bounty huntress with her loyal _wolf _right behind her. "Ridley!"

The space dragon roared to her as he turned his purple, bony body to his arch-nemesis. Samus saw scratches on her ship's side and that made her blood boil. So it was another ploy of her mortal enemy. She had told Master Hand that keeping Ridley around the mansion for the boss matches was a mistake, but no. The money spoke louder in the hand's opinion.

"So it was your enemy all along? Man, talk about obvious." Link said, drawing his sword.

"So obvious she didn't even think it was me at first, did you, Hunter?" Ridley replied.

"True." Link said.

"Hey! Are you on his side or what?" Samus asked Link.

"I was just saying, Samus." Link defended himself.

"Whatever. So, you thought it would be fun to vandalize my ship, heh?"

"No. I thought it would be a good payback for all of the times you vandalized my bases!" Ridley roared again.

"Not my fault if your security was so poor they got their asses burned."

"I'LL RIP YOU TO SHREDS!"

Link decided that dragon definitely had anger issues worse than Samus'. Anyway, that didn't mean he would let that bony freak get away after the embarrassing scene he made Link and Samus go through, and not to mention what he did to Epona and Samus' ship.

"Then how about I vandalize you this time?" Samus taunted, charging her cannon.

"I would like to see you try, human wench!"

An epic battle then issued as the two Smashers charged at the big, space dragon, but since we all know Ridley never stood a chance against Samus (not counting the fact she has Link with her) and since this isn't exactly an action fic and we have yet to fix the broken censor machine, we instead, decided to show you some of Falcon's match.

Speaking of which, Falcon had grabbed a Smash Ball and was ready to finish DK. He jumped to where to monkey was and called:

"C'MON! BLUE FALCON!"

The blue race car hit DK as Captain Falcon got into it. The ape fell on the racing track that appeared out of nowhere as Falcon was driving in high speed and ran into DK. The burly ape was launched out of the stage, ending the match as the announcer called:

"And the winner is… CAPTAIN FALCON! With an amazing finish by his Final Smash, Blue Triforce!"

"It's Blue Falcon!" the bounty hunter protested.

"But here it says the name of your Final Smash is the same as your race car and the name in the lateral clearly said 'Blue Triforce'." the announcer argued.

"Why?" Captain Falcon asked, pouting…


	14. The Divine and the Comedy

**Foxpilot**: First, yep, Ridley is the best, if not hardest, fight in all over the game.

And the cookies points go to **Foxpilot** and **XRahkZorzX** for rightly guessing the RedVsBlue reference in the last chapter. Congratulations! Now, each five cookie points you collect can be tradded by real cookies. Why did I just give them instead of points, you ask? Well, that's because... I ate all cookies. Sorry...

Anyway, for **XRahkZorzX **doubt: the guards on the door would be Church and Grief and the blue who spoke would be Caboose.

Now, enough fo this and let's get to the real story. Once more, I would like to thank **jioplip **for the beta-reading fo the chapter. You did a good work, man!

* * *

**Chapter 14**

**The Divine and the Comedy**

Link was coming back to his room after fetching some breakfast for Samus and himself. He opened his door and found her on her seat, reading a big fold of paper in a low voice. Putting the tray on the desk besides his bed, he took one cup of coffee for him and another for Samus. As he handed it to the bounty huntress, he spoke:

"Here Samus. Decaffeinated, just how you like it."

"Thanks Link. I really appreciate the gesture," Samus said… and Link let his cup fall from his hand at hearing that. Samus looked to him and saw a shocked expression at his face. "What's the matter?"

"You… just… thanked me… in a cordial way… ?" Link mumbled. Samus rarely ever thanked someone, much less with cordiality. "Ok, who are you and what you did with Samus?"

"What are you talking about, Link? This is me, I can assure you," Samus replied.

"No, you're not! Samus wouldn't have said that, she would have replied 'of course it's me, stupid!'"

"Is that what you think of me? That I act like an uneducated person?" Samus asked, her tone almost sounding hurt.

"Ha! Nice try, but I'm not falling for it. What are you, a clone? Maybe one of Ganondorf's minion in disguise. Yeah, that must be it," Link said, drawing his sword at the thought of Ganondorf trying to trick him once more.

Samus sighed and stood, taking her Paralyzer and muttering:

"Seriously, I really try… but you guys are just impossible."

Link let out an "huh?" at the random line and before he could react Samus switched her Paralyzer to its whip function and used it to bind Link, passing the Plasma Whip around his body. She then twirled the weapon again while the green clad swordsman was still surprised and threw him at the bed, her whip retracting back to her weapon.

Before Link could get up, Samus, as agile as she was, sat on his belly and pinned him to the bed with her right hand on his chest. Link stayed dumbfounded and Samus then spoke with a serious tone:

"Ok now, first of all: I'm me. And second: I was just practicing, dumbass."

"P-practicing?" Link asked, confused.

"Yeah. For my new game, the one where my story will be told. They finally let me speak, but guess what? I have to open my heart in it and tell secrets I've kept bottled up ever since I've left the Galactic Federation. Even worse. I have to tell it like… like… like I was some scared little girl or something!" Samus said, her other hand twitching at the thought.

Link raised one eyebrow at that. Samus sighed and handed him the mass of paper she had been reading, all the while not letting him out of his position, pinned under her. He saw what his girlfriend had been reading was actually the script of her game. He read three paragraphs and let out:

"Wow. Did you really care for that Metroid baby this much?"

"Yeah, I did. It was like having my own pet. But it wasn't like I was going to cry when I realized it would never come back."

"Really?" Link asked, raising his eyebrow. He knew that, deep down (_really _deep down), Samus was caring. She just put up that violent, prideful facade not to let people hurt her.

"Ok, maybe a little. But then I got angry and wished Mother Brain was back, so I could blast her back to hell, so she would come back once more and I could blast her again."

Link sighed. It seems the writers of the game decided to focus more on Samus' emotional side rather than her violent one. He read some more parts and then left it on the side.

"What about that 'I always have to prove something' and this 'young and naïve' thing?" the Hylian warrior questioned.

"What did you expect? I was in a field that was dominated almost entirely by men. You can't expect me not to come across with some sexist douche bags along the way. As for 'young and naïve', who isn't at that age? Bet even you, Mr. Hero, did something childish at one time or another in your life."

"Well…"

- - - - - Flashback - - - - -

"And with this blade I shall purge everything that is evil and save the princess!" a young Link said, holding a wooden blade high.

"Link, evil and good aren't exactly something you can tell like somebody who talks about what color is the sky. They're concepts and… stop playing with your training sword already," Rusl, who was teaching Link at the time, spoke.

"But I don't understand what you are talking about," Link whined.

"Link, you are still young and naïve. You will come to understand what I mean when you're older."

"How come wielding something pointy and sharp is naïve?"

"It is when you think it's solely for rescuing princesses."

Link stuck his tongue at his mentor as a retort, while Rusl just shook his head.

- - - - - End of Flashback - - - - -

"Ok, I get your point. But if that's the case, maybe you could tell your story to me and the others," Link suggested.

Samus thought about that. She really didn't want to open old wounds and expose her weaknesses of the past, but once Other M came out, she knew it would be impossible. Maybe it would be better for her to tell it herself so she could preserve at least some of her dignity.

"Alright. I will tell you…" Samus said, finally deciding to share her experiences with her boyfriend and… "while we do something to _lighten_ the mood," …

"Like what?" Link asked. Always the clueless one. Samus shook her head, facepalming. The galactic warrior then pointed to the… interesting position they were in. It took some seconds for it to click to Link. "W-what? But what about… ?"

"Link, if there is one thing I never was, even when I was young, it is shy." Samus said, putting up a seductive smile as she leaned on the pinned swordsman below her.

Link seemed to be about to say something, but Samus shut him up with her lips while she took off his (ridiculous) hat and started caressing his hair.

The scene certainly would have quickly turned into something more passionate, if it wasn't for a knock on the door. Even so, Samus didn't stop as she proceeded to lick Link's earlobe, earning what sounded like a purr from the swordsman. Kinda ironic don't you think?

Another knock on the door sounded. The bounty huntress suppressed the urge not to clench her teeth in anger, mainly because her mouth was at the moment with Link's ear in it.

"S-Samus…" Link said in a low voice tone and with a sparse breath, clearly showing he was melting thanks to his girlfriend's ministrations. "The… door…"

Another knock. That was really starting to irritate her. Couldn't somebody do _anything _without being interrupted in that mansion?

"Let it be. They'll soon think we're not here and leave," Samus said, moving on to kiss Link's neck.

"Samus, Link, I know you two are here."

"Dammit."

Samus then got up and went to the door, intending on murdering whoever was there. When she opened the door to yell at the person, she lost her train of thought that once she saw who was at their door.

"Hello," the person said, sporting a gentle smile.

"Palutena?" Samus asked, surprised.

Link sat on his bed and looked to the goddess of light. That certainly was a surprise, the Hylian swordsman thought. What could Palutena want with them?

"May I enter?" the goddess asked.

Samus could only nod with her head, still too surprised at seeing that Pit's boss had come to them. Palutena then went to the chair in front of their table and sat there, putting her staff on her lap. Samus and Link sat at their places behind the table too. The dirty-blond swordsman was the first to ask:

"So, why did you come to our joint?"

"Because I have work that I would like the two of you to perform for me." Palutena said in rather formal language. Probably a deity thing.

"And that would be?" Samus asked.

"Have either of you seen Pit in these last days?" Palutena asked.

Link and Samus looked between themselves, thinking. Indeed, they hadn't seen the angel in quite some time, but they thought he would probably be in his room, mopping and praying forgiveness for Palutena or something like that.

"No, he's not in his room," Palutena said.

"What the…? You can read our minds?" Samus asked.

"A little bit. But I haven't sensed Pit anywhere around the mansion lately. The other day I had caught his aura around the town, but after that I couldn't find it anymore. I'm starting to get worried," Palutena admitted.

"Hum, I think some of this is my fault," Link confessed. "He heard me talking about… well, you know."

"Yes, I'm aware that your relationship with the huntress is no secret," Palutena said, though her tone wasn't scolding in the least. "And… to confess the truth… I actually hoped he would ask you about it, since he held you so high."

"Yeah, I know it… wait. What?" Link said, at first feeling guilty as he knew how Pit admired him, but as soon as his mind processed that last part of Palutena's line he got confused.

Samus also arched an eyebrow at that. Seeing the two didn't catch what she meant, Palutena sighed, seeing she would need to do some explaining here. The goddesses of the light then started:

"Have you ever wondered why I even let my captain around all of you, knowing what he could possibly be exposed to? Or rather, have you ever thought why I even sent him to this tournament?"

"I thought it was because it makes years since he last fought something, so you didn't want his skills to get rusty," Link said.

"Well, that too, but… I had another, more ulterior motive to do so," Palutena said.

As the green haired goddess spoke, Samus' mind was fervently working to find out what could have possibly motivated Pit's boss to send him to that mad h… uh, I mean, to the mansion where they lived for the time being.

Surely it wasn't for him to make friends, since Pit clearly didn't need any kind of help in that field. It was easy for anyone to become fond of the angel, with his cheerful mood, innocent manners and spontaneity. The bounty huntress often made fun of that, saying he was just too pure to be in the middle of a bunch of perverts, pig heads and nearly bipolar swordsmen (guess who she was referring to), but it was in a playful way.

Samus even remembered Peach commenting to Zelda that Pit wouldn't have problems in making new fans with his looks, since he had the most perfect pair of blue eyes she had ever… it was then it clicked to Samus.

Link was still interrogating Palutena to try and find the right answer, but it seemed his oblivious side was at full force today. Samus decided to end that charade and shot:

"You send him here for him to learn about 'the birds and the bees' didn't you?"

Link looked to Samus, protesting:

"Samus! She's Pit's boss and practically a mother to him, right?" Link then turned to Palutena for agreement, however, the goddess had looked to the side now, avoiding their eyes. Link had to bite back his comment at seeing this.

Samus gave the Hylian swordsman a sneer. She then put a hand on his shoulder, making the Hero look to her as she shook her head, all the while keeping that sneer on her face as she said:

"Link, Link, Link. When will you learn that nobody, and I repeat: _nobody _is that innocent. Everyone does something with second intentions in mind now and then."

"Oh really? What about Mario?" Link asked in a defying tone, trying to prove his point to his girlfriend.

"Huh, do you thing he didn't get something _extra _at least one of the times he rescued Peach?"

"Well… huh… Zelda…" Link started, but was interrupted.

"One word for you: Ike."

"And what about me?" the Hero asked.

"Should I remind you of that occasion when we had that job to go after that gang that was vandalizing the streets around a neighborhood and you took me out of the way of that car that you blew the wheel up just to grab my ass when we landed?" Samus asked, now with an eyebrow raised.

"That… that…" Link stuttered, looking from Samus to Palutena, who had a curious expression on her face which said 'and here I was, thinking you were purer than this'. "That was an accident!"

"Yeah, but what we did after we got back to your room surely wasn't."

Link grumbled. Maybe he should just give up and accept that he wasn't that different from the other men in the mansion. Palutena made a sound to clear her throat, calling the couple's attention back to her. They apologized and Samus went back to her interrogation:

"So, you admit you did send him here for us to tell him about the facts-of-life."

"Yes…" Palutena said, in what seemed to be an ashamed tone.

"Why couldn't you do that yourself?" Link asked.

"Look at Pit's face and ask yourself this: do I really have the courage to tell this child something that will change his entire perspective on life?"

Link and Samus thought about that. Yeah, none of them would have the courage to do so, not willingly, that is. Samus thought she would probably end up messing things up for the angel if she tried to explain that. She was never very patient at teaching things to people, let alone educating them on something like that.

Link wouldn't even get two words formed before his tongue rolled on itself. Not to talk about the last time he tried to teach somebody something, Malo ended up with his nose broken for a week and Colin ran back home, saying he had forgotten something, only to not come back for the rest of the day, when he described a scenario where sword skills would come in handy (unfortunately, he just had to choose one where a village was being looted, burned and people were holding big, scary monsters back).

"Point taken," the two Smashers said in unison.

"But why would you even want him to learn these things?" Link asked.

"Link, this one is quite obvious," Samus spoke. "Just look at Palutena."

The Hero did as the goddess looked back at him. Three seconds later, Link had to avoid his eyes. Palutena was just too beautiful for him to don't have his thoughts twisted by his _masculine _mind and… it was then something clicked for the Hylian.

"You're in love with him?" Link asked her.

"Took you long enough, huh?" Samus teased.

"Give me a break, will you?" Link talked back, narrowing his eyes.

"But it is true. The problem is: I don't have the courage to tell him how I feel. Then I thought that if he passed this time with you, he would come back knowing a little more about feelings and attraction between beings and would be able to notice…"

"Wait a minute," Samus interrupted. "You don't have the courage to tell him your feelings? You're a goddess, for crying out loud."

"Yes, but I'm not Farore," Palutena replied. "But I see it was a mistake not to tell him directly. And now he's gone. Could you two please find him? If you do so, I can confess my true feelings for him and he won't have to torture himself with the thoughts he's been having lately."

"Do you refer to the fact he's been picturing you the same way Link here pictures me when he gets excited?" Samus asked, earning a "Hey!" from the Hero. "Oh c'mon, I dare you to say you don't think it."

Link stood quiet at that and looked to the side, pouting and crossing his arms. Palutena gave a giggle at their behavior, though she nodded to Samus. Even the goddess had to admit the two were quiet entertaining when you got used to their squabbles.

"Ok, but this is a service that requires payment. You obviously know that, don't you?" Samus inquired.

All Palutena did was to raise her hand and snap her fingers. A treasure chest appeared out of thin air and fell to the ground, opening and showing its "shining" contents. Samus' and Link's eyes were the size of saucers when they saw just how much gold was inside the chest. The bounty huntress then turned to the goddess, saying:

"Did I already tell you that you're my favorite goddess?"

- / - / - / -

Link and Samus were once more walking in the city, this time in search of Pit.

"So, where do you think we could find him, Link?" Samus asked. Why is she even asking that since she's a bounty huntress? Well, she's quite good at hunting things, since they are _alive_. Pit wasn't exactly a being she saw everyday so she didn't even know where he would try and hide.

Link thought for a moment and looked to the other side of the street. He then answered:

"An angel convention."

"Ok... that was the most..."

"No, look. An angel convention," Link said, pointing to the other side of the street.

Samus looked and noticed they were near another convention center, this one relatively smaller then the other they had been to in the last chapters. Actually, it was more like a building with just one big hall. Right above the door was a sign saying: "Angel Cosplay Convention".

"Talk about convenient," Samus mused.

"Sometimes, I wonder what happened for the logic in this dimension to be so twisted..." Link spoke.

- - - - - Meanwhile, back at the mansion - - - - -

"And that is how my brother and me gained a corporeal form in this dimension at the cost of completely scrambling the laws of logic," Master Hand told to some of his business buddies, who came to visit him. "But it's not like anybody is complaining about it, is it brother?"

"Logic sucks. Hurray for randomness! And cheesecake," Crazy answered.

"See? No problems, no sir."

- - - - - Back at the city - - - - -

Link and Samus were about to enter the convention hall, until they were stopped by a security guard, who put his hand in their way.

"You two aren't dressed properly. Please leave," the guard said.

"You aren't either, so what are you doing here?" Link asked in an attempt to confuse the guy.

"Because I'm the security guard and I'm not _inside_ the building," which failed spectacularly.

"Hum, then can you at least tell us if our friend is inside? He's an angel without a halo on his head and he wears a white toga," Link asked.

"Can you be more specific?" the security asked.

"Brunette... sky-blue eyes... sandals... is that enough?" Samus asked.

"We have around one hundred cosplayers here. Do you think I remember each one of them?"

"Then just let us in," Samus said, her patience getting thin.

"Sorry, unless you're cosplaying an angel, can't do."

Samus was already considering blasting the guy, but Link grabbed her arm and dragged her away of the convention hall. They didn't need to get arrested for murder right now.

Samus "humph"ed and tugged her arm free of Link's. The Hero then looked to the side and located a costume store. He nudged Samus and pointed to the store when she looked to him:

"You can't be thinking of..."

- / - / - / -

"I swear, Link, I love you, but I will kill you someday."

"Relax Samus. This will get us inside without problem."

The two then approached the door to the convention hall where the guard was standing. He then saw the two approaching and looked above his glasses with a devious expression.

"Wait a minute. What kind of angels are you two cosplaying?" the guard asked.

Link had found a green toga his size and remained with his brown boots. His cap was off (which made half of the girls around faint once they saw him). He had false wings strapped to his back and a laurel wreath similar to Pit's. Samus, on the other hand was in her Zero Suit, which had changed its colors to black under Link's instruction and thanks to the mechanisms in the suit, and had two black wings strapped to her back.

"I'm an angel of nature," Link said, pointing to the green of his tunic. "And she's an..." he looked to Samus who shot him a look before he continued. "A dark angel of seduction."

"Say what?" Samus asked. Link hadn't told her exactly what kind of angel was she supposed to be, but that was the last thing she expected hearing from him.

"Yeah, she seems to be convincing enough," the guard pointed out.

"I'll show you the convin... !"

"You can pass," the guard interrupted Samus, giving passage for them.

Link grabbed his girlfriend's arm yet again and dragged her off before she could utter a stream of curses and murder threats to the guard. Once they were inside, she then freed her arm from Link's grip, still clearly angry with him.

"Dark angel of seduction?" she asked in a sharp tone.

"You do try to seduce me most of the time," Link pointed out, with a grin in his face. He wouldn't admit, but he was enjoying having Samus go through this as payback for all the times she taunted and/or made fun of him.

"You mean those? Please, I wasn't even trying."

"How about you and me with that bottle of Twilight Delusion?" Link asked with his eyebrow raised.

"Ok, that could be an example. But it was for the sake of science. I wanted to see how many bottles it took for you to get drunk," Samus justified, using a very poor excuse, by the way.

"How exactly is that... you know what? Just forget it and let's go find Pit."

The two then arrived in the hall and their eyes widened. That wasn't going to be easy. There were a hundred of angel-lookalikes, all with wings and light clothes. Some had halos while the others didn't, but there were so many that Link and Samus couldn't tell which had or hadn't in middle of the sea of bodies.

"I don't know about you, but I'm not going to check them out one by one," Samus declared.

Link then looked around and located a makeshift stand in the middle of the hall. Having another idea, he called Samus to come with him. The two got up the stage and Link approached a microphone in there.

He looked to the thing with an inquisitive look. How did you use that again? He decided to poke it and see what happened. An unbearable electric sound echoed in the room, making all of the cosplayers and staff working in the convention cover their ears. Even Link and Samus had to protect their ears.

"Give me this before you make everybody go deaf," Samus said snatching the microphone from Link. She then spoke on it. "Now, everybody. Please could the real angels go to the right side of the room."

The cosplayers looked between themselves and shrugged, thinking that was probably some kind of event planned for the convention. They did as they were told and _all _of the angels moved to the right side of the building.

"I said the real angels," Samus repeated.

"But we are angels," the disguised angels said in unison.

Samus facepalmed. She had forgotten that little fact about cosplayers; when they dressed, they liked to get into the character too. Thinking quickly, she came up with the solution:

"Could all the Pit cosplayers go to that side of the building?" she pointed to the left side of the building. Surprisingly, nobody moved. They just looked to her in anxiety. " I think I wasn't clear enough. I said for all Pit cosplayers go to that side," again, nobody moved. "Don't tell me Pit doesn't have any fans here. C'mon, I know his game is not very memorable nowadays, but you people certainly saw him in the Super Smash Brothers."

"We did, but nobody here wants to cosplay Pit," one of the staff of the convention said.

"Why?"

"Pit's fans are fanatic!" one cosplayer said. "I tried to come here as him and they almost mauled me. They said nobody should try and imitate the perfection that Pit is," the other cosplayers agreed with him.

Samus was quite surprised by that. So Pit's fans were like religious fanatics? Talking about irony. Then realization downed her as she turned to Link, an angry expression on her face as she looked to her boyfriend. Link asked why she was like that and the futuristic woman said:

"You made me buy those costumes just for us to come and discover Pit isn't here. Why did I even listen to you?"

"He could be here, you know," Link defended himself.

"And what are we going to do with these costumes? We can't return them now that we wore them!"

Link backed a step as Samus was almost over him, an angry expression in her face. While trying to think on a way to calm her down, an idea came to his mind... from that other part of his mind that he tried to keep quiet most of the time. Link blushed at the thought, but Samus' angry expression made he realize either he told her what he thought, so she would be distracted or she would hurt him for making she lose money like that (because, after all, angel costumes weren't exactly cheap. At least not when there's a convention going on right at the side of the store).

"Well... we could use them," Link told her.

"Oh, sure... use them," Samus repeated in a sly tone. "Use them for exactly what?"

Link knew this would certainly come back at him latter, but better having her wanting him _that_ way then she wanting him in a violent one. He then approached her ear and whispered on it.

In an instant, Samus' expression went from angry to a surprised one. When Link ended, she looked to him again. A grin soon came to the huntress' face as she spoke:

"My, my. I never thought you were one for this kind of fantasies."

"Believe me, neither I did," Link said, deciding to blame it on that rebellious part of his mind that kept fueling him with mental images of Samus and him... in certain positions that I can't mention due to the censor.

"Well, anyway, let's get out of here," Samus said, deciding to leave Link's idea for latter.

As the two changed back in their normal outfits thanks to the strange power that video game characters have to instantly change their clothes and equipment without even needing to put them on/off, Link and Samus were back in the city. Afternoon was almost ending and they still hadn't found any clue about Pit.

"If at least there was a away to track Pit down between several people different from him. I mean, he's an angel. He probably has something in him that makes him different from others," Link let out.

Just then, a thought came to Samus. How come she hadn't thought of that before?

"Oh, dammit! How did I not I think of this before?"

Luckily, I'm not the old narrator, because if I were, I would be throwing a fit right now. Anyway, let's just move along.

"What are you talking about?" Link asked her.

"I could've used my scanner the entire time to find him. Like you said, Pit is a different life form from us, if angels can even be considered life forms, so I just have to scan for something with a different signature than a human one."

"I didn't understand what you just said, but that mean you can find him, right?"

Samus nodded to him and tapped the side of her helmet. Her scanner was activated and it started to... scan things, looking for something different in the scenario. It was then it exhibited a message that a different energy signature was found. The bounty huntress made signal for Link to follow her.

She and the Hero walked through the streets being guided by the radar of her scanner. Their chase eventually brought them to a restaurant.

The two entered in the place and looked around. To their surprise, they saw Pit in the bar, his back hunched over it as he was with his head on his arms, which were crossed over the counter. Samus and Link approached him with curious expressions on their faces.

Pit then noticed their presence and turned to them, he had a depressed expression on his face.

"Oh, hey there... Link, Samus..." Pit said in a low, tired tone. He then went back to the position he was when they found him.

"Hi... is this where you've been this entire time?" Link asked, looking around.

Pit only nodded, not looking at them. Link and Samus had to admit: a bar was the last place they would think of look for the angel. Maybe that was why Palutena didn't find him. Samus then saw some bottles at Pit's left and went to them. The barman was washing some glasses when he noticed he had newcomers.

Samus took one bottle and found it was empty. Link saw it too and turned to Pit, asking:

"You drank that?"

"Yep," Pit said in an emotionless tone.

"Actually..." the barman spoke. "he already drank twenty six bottles. I'm already out of one of my best wine."

"WHAT? TWENTY SIX? How are you still standing after all of that?" Samus exclaimed.

"Angels don't get drunk," Pit answered in his still low and emotionless tone. "Another one."

The barman seemed to have cringed at the order. He went to the other side of the counter and made signal for Link and Samus to come. The two approached the man and he whispered to them, in a rather desperate voice:

"Please, take him away. He's already drunk half of my stock. I don't mind if you can't pay, just take him out of here."

"Why don't you do it yourself?" Samus asked.

"Are you kidding me? Just look to him," he pointed to Pit. "His expression is so miserable that I didn't even had the courage to tell him to shoo."

"Yeah, Pit has that effect on people."

"Plus, even my other clients left when they saw him. His face is just too heartbreaking."

"Where is my drink?" Pit asked. The barman cringed again and reluctantly went to get Pit's drink

Link decided he couldn't stand that anymore and walked Pit. Before the angel captain could take the bottle, Link snatched it from the barman's hands and forced Pit to look at him.

"Okay, now what made you think of coming to a bar?"

"Snake said that the only way for a guy forget his problems is a good drink," Pit said.

"You sought advice from Snake?" Link asked in a disbelieving tone. Pit was friends with everybody, that was a fact. However, it wasn't just anybody he listened too. Snake was one of those people.

"Actually, I just overheard him saying that."

"That reminds me, I haven't beaten the guy for quite some time," Samus mused, sitting on the bar at Link's side. "This could give me a good reason to do just that."

"You need a reason to beat people. That's new," Link teased.

"And what do you think I am? Some violent woman who likes to beat the daylights out of people just for fun?"

"Um, weren't you two discussing my problem?" Pit asked, making Link and Samus remember why they were there.

"You should come back to the mansion. Palutena's worried," Link said.

Pit now seemed to react at the name, for he looked up, seeming worried and scared. He then turned to Link, his tone frenetic as he spoke:

"No. No, no, no, no! I can't go back to goddess Palutena. I'm a failure to her," he turned to the bar again and buried his face in his arms.

"You mean the fact that you fantasize about her just like Link here does with me?" Samus spoke.

"You're never going to let me live down that, are you?" Link asked her, his eyes narrowed.

"Nope. Besides..." she turned to Pit again. "It's exactly because of it that Palutena sent you to the tournament."

"What do you mean?" Pit asked, his childish curiosity erasing any nervousness that he had before.

"She's interested in you, Pit. Did you never notice it?"

A minute of silence passed over the group. Pit then spoke again, his tone neutral:

"My Goddess... interested in me?" Link and Samus nodded. "Look, I know you two want me to go back, but this is a low blow. You can't use Goddess Palutena's name like that."

"But it's true," Link said. "She even hired us to find you."

"Yeah, right..." Pit said rolling his eyes.

"If you don't believe then come with us and see for yourself," Samus said, but Pit shook his head, like a stubborn child. Samus sighed, her patient running short. "Pit. You can come willingly and walking, or be dragged, bound and gagged. Which one will it be?"

- / - / - / -

After beating Pit into submission, binding and gagging him, Link and Samus dragged the angel back to their room in the mansion. Luckily, the manager of the restaurant was so glad Pit was going away that he didn't even mind Link and Samus destroyed half of the bar while trying to subdue the angel. Seemed Pit was going to give him a loss bigger than if Link and Samus had destroyed the entire building.

The two had to admit: Pit was a good fighter. No wonder he recovered his old popularity in record time and even amplified it once he started to fight in the tournament. Result: Link had several cuts in his tunic, a superficial one in his face and two in both arms while Samus had nicks all over her armor. However, Pit was outnumbered there and flying wouldn't help him escape the two since both had long-range attacks, so in the end he was captured.

"And you would think angels are supposed to be peaceful and harmless," Samus commented. "Huh, harmless my ass."

The three finally entered Link's room. Palutena was still sitting on the chair for costumers, her staff in her lap. However, it seemed the goddess had found something to do while Link and Samus were away. Namely: she was reading Samus' script of her new game.

"Hey! That's mine," Samus said, walking to Palutena and snatching the script from her hands. Pit seemed to have mumbled in protest, but since nobody could hear him clearly, they paid no mind to it. "You better not go around telling anybody about this."

"I'm sorry. I was just waiting for you two to return, so I decided to do something to occupy my mind," Palutena said.

"Well, rest assured, because we caught Pit," Link pointed to the bound and gagged angel, who was on the ground, trying to undo the rope around him.

"Why is he bound and gagged?"

"Long story. Anyway, he's all yours," Samus answered, giving space for Palutena.

The green haired goddess approached her captain, who looked to be terrified to be at her presence. Palutena sighed and freed Pit with a simple wave of her staff, making the ropes and the gag around his mouth disappear.

"M-m-my goddess! I-I-I'm very sorry!" Pit hurried to apologize, still on the ground and bowing to her, his head touching the ground. "I just ran away because I was... having these thoughts about you... and then..."

"It's alright Pit. Actually, I'm the one who should be apologizing to you," Palutena said, making Pit look up in confusion. "Pit... do you know why I sent you to this tournament?"

"Because it makes years since last I fought something, so you didn't want my skills to get rusty?" the angel captain offered.

"Are you sure he and you aren't related?" Samus asked to Link, earning a confused look from the Hylian warrior.

"That too. However, there was another reason," Palutena said.

"Then what is it, my goddess?" Pit asked innocently.

"It's... well... I'm..." Palutena mumbled.

"Some goddess, she is," Samus whispered to Link again.

"I already told you two; I'm the goddess of light, not courage," Palutena said, starting to get bothered by that comment.

"Okay, then me and Link will be counting the profit of the day."

Samus and Link went to the other side of his bed, where they had put the treasure chest Palutena gave them as their payment. Samus deactivated her Varia Suit and immediately took a handful of jewels, starting to mentally calculate their value.

"As I was saying..." Palutena spoke, turning her focus back to Pit. "I send you here so you would... learn about relationships and... some details related to this subject."

"Really? But why?" Pit asked.

"Because I... I love you, Pit," time for the cheesy, love scene. Man, I hate those. Anyway, Pit's eyes widened at hearing that. "I have ever since you rescued me from my sister... but I couldn't tell you then because I feared that others might give you problems due to our rankings."

"I-is that really true?" Pit asked. Palutena nodded to him.

"Does this look like some corny romantic film to you too, Link?" Samus asked, having already counted all the value of the jewels and turning to the scene unfolding at their office. Man, she's fast.

"I don't really know, but it kinda looks like one."

While the two were discussing that, Palutena and Pit didn't even pay attention to them, being off in their own little world. The angel captain then said:

"Well... I... I don't know what to say. I mean... I've been thinking about you too, lately, my goddess, but I... I don't think I deserve this kind of love coming from you. I'm just a captain and you're my goddess. I'm not worthy of a blessing like this."

"No Pit. Believe in me..." Palutena said, approaching him and putting her hand on his cheek, which made he blush a vivid red. "You, more than anyone, deserve it. I should have seen this before," her face lowered and approached Pit's, who mildly opened his mouth, like in anticipation. "I should have remembered that ranks and tittles don't matter in the face of love."

With that, Palutena kissed Pit. The wings of the angel stood up to its ends. Samus then commented:

"Well finally. I was wondering how long they were going to just stare at each other," Samus said. Link stood quiet at that, looking to the side and feeling a little awkward at being in the middle of something like that. "Well, now you two..." Samus called Pit and Palutena, however they were still kissing, deaf to anything around them. "Uh, hello-oo?" and the angel and goddess were still kissing. "Hey. This is our room, you know?" Samus got ignored yet again. More kissing. "Ah, screw it. Let's go to my room Link before Pit decides to put his ideas into practice."

"Hey! I heard that!" Pit said, finally stopping his kissing and turning to Samus with an expression of protest. However, Palutena grabbed the collar of his toga and made he go back to kiss her. I wonder if the girls in the mansion didn't have an effect on the goddess too.

- - - - - Latter, in Samus' room - - - - -

"Aren't you happy that Pit and Palutena finally had a happy ending?" Link asked Samus while he was sitting in her bed. The bounty huntress was washing herself to go to bed.

"Yeah," Samus answered simply.

"It feels good to finally help him getting over this thing of him having these fantasies about her," Link spoke again, with a smile on his face and laying back on Samus' bed, crossing his arms behind his head. He felt very content with himself for helping his friend like that.

"Yeah," Samus answered again.

"You don't sound very content with it," Link pointed out.

"Oh, sorry. Should I start to squeal and say something like 'oh my gosh! They're so cute together', or 'I wanna be the best maid in their marriage'?" Samus replied sarcastically from the bathroom.

"Sometimes I forget you and romance doesn't mix," Link replied in a dry tone.

"Hey. I can be romantic, just so you know," Samus protested, her voice now sounding clearer, signalizing she finally stepped out of the bathroom.

"Oh really?" Link asked, sitting and ready to give her a comeback.

The Hero lost his voice once he saw Samus was wearing the angel costume they had bought that afternoon. He proceeded to mumble some incoherent phrases. The bounty huntress noticed the effect her action had caused him and put up a seductive smile on her face as she approached the bed, bending on it to get her face closer to Link.

"So, what were you saying again?" she asked. Link stood mute at the sweet tone in her voice, opening and closing his mouth without uttering a single sound. "That was what I thought."

"Um... can this really considered romantic?" Link finally asked.

"It was your idea, genius. Remember?" Samus replied, going back to her sarcastic behavior.

"Oh... yeah, I forgot," Link said.

"And anyway, who knows what romance really is like?" Samus spoke, straightening up. "It might be several things. Not just sweet talk, cuddling and those things. I think each one person has their own idea of it."

Link had to agree with her. Romance wasn't something one could tell with accuracy what it exactly was. It came in the most different forms and ways. Sometimes subtle, others very explicit. It was something that varied from person to person, to better suit their personality, resulting in an unique experience.

"Now enough talk. Let's get to the action!" Samus said, crawling in the bed and kissing Link square in the lips, after all, she wasn't the philosophical type to stay thinking on life questions like that when there was a hot guy on her bed who wanted her.


	15. Nothing like a Detective Job, part 1

We're getting to the last chapters. This one would probably be the before the last, that is, if I don't decide to put an epilogue.

Anyway, this last job will have two parts. Thanks for all of you that support and companied this fic until this point. Now, get ready for more laughs before we're done with it!

* * *

**Chapter 15**

**Nothing like a Detective Job, Part 1**

It was another peaceful morning in the...

"GODDAMMIT WARIO!"

...

Correction, it was another morning like any other in the mansion of the Smash Brothers. This time, Bowser was shouting at Wario while everybody else was gulping down any liquid with strong taste they could snatch to get the awful taste out of their mouth.

"This is the last time we let you in the kitchen!" Bowser roared at Mario's rival. "What do you have in the head to put garlic in even the pancakes?"

"It's because that was-a for me, stupid lizard, not-a for you." Wario spoke, snatching a half-eaten pancake from Bowser's hand, which he considered unworthy to be holding such a magnificent thing like garlic.

"I'll show you the stupid!" Bowser got out of his chair and tried to lunge at the greedy fighter, however, in that moment Wario took out his bike from seemingly nowhere and speed out of Bowser's reach.

"Hah hahaha! Just try and-a catch me, loser!"

Wario then sped out of the dinning hall, making people jump to the tables to get out of Wario's way. Mario's rival almost ran over Marth, Ike and Zelda, who were entering the dinning hall and had to press themselves in the portal not to be caught by Wario's bike.

"Hey! Didn't Master Hand already tell you not to ride in your vehicle around the mansion?" Marth spoke, but Wario was already out of hearing range. The prince then sighed. "Typical mood for the finals."

"Yes. I can't even believe the finals are already here. Seems like time flew by." Zelda mused.

"Yeah." Ike agreed. "Speaking of which, have anybody seen Link and Samus?"

"They said they received an urgent call from a client in the city. I think Link said something about the client promising some nice money or something."

"The way Samus was hurrying him, I wouldn't be surprised." Marth spoke.

- - - - - Meanwhile, in the city - - - - -

"Link, remind me to check the voice next time we receive a call." Samus said to the green clad swordsman.

The two had been guided into a trap, for the call was from one of Link's enemies. Now, the couple was surrounded by a mob of various villains from their series' games. Vaati then stepped forward, proclaiming:

"Now, you two. Prepare to be destroyed! Humiliation style!" typical villains' behavior, always saying those taunts and one-liners when they get the upper hand.

"Wait. Aren't you Toon Link's villain?" Link asked the corrupted Minish.

"Who cares about Toon Link?" Vaati replied. Back in the mansion, Toon Link suddenly felt dejected. "Once I defeat you, beating that little child will be piece of cake."

"Why does everybody always want a piece of me?"

"Isn't that obvious, handsome?" Dark Samus said from the crowd. "Oh, I would love to have you like my personal sex slave."

"Hum... and who are you?" Link asked Samus' doppelganger, blushing at the line.

"She's Dark Samus and she is pretty much the same as your clone." Samus said, pointing to Dark Link, who was with his sword drawn and near Ridley, who had been revived (_yet_ again) as Meta Ridley. "She's like, the twin, bitchy sister I luckily never had. But didn't I kill you already?" the bounty huntress asked to her Phazon clone.

"In fact you did. Four times. But you forgot an important factor: I'm Phazon and, thus, immortal." she gave a brief pause before admitting. "And Master Hand brought me back to sculpt my trophy."

"I have to have a talk with that guy about his 'bring all villains back' tendency. It's already bad they're capable of coming back from death by themselves..." Samus muttered.

"Enough talk. It's time to rip them apart!" Meta Ridley roared.

- - - - - One epic battle later and back at the mansion - - - - -

The battered and bloodied (thought most of it wasn't theirs) forms of Link and Samus entered their joint's office, talking:

"... pretty cool of you to hit Ridley right in the eye with that bomb arrow when he grabbed and tried to smash me against that wall." Samus complimented Link with a smile as she deactivated her armor.

"Yeah, but not as much as when you got me out of the magic cyclone Vaati trapped me in, by snatching him with your Grapple Beam and throwing the guy at Dark Link." Link returned the compliment. "But did you have to beat Dark Samus that hard?"

"She said she was going to have you lick her boots once she was done with me. Do you know how caustic Phazon is? I swear, she must be a sadist." Samus said with anger. "But I remember you using your secret techniques a lot on Dark Link. Don't forgot you plunged your sword into his gut. Numerous times."

"Well... you would probably do the same considering the things he said about you."

"Like what?"

"That you were a hot babe that a guy like me would never be able to satisfy. Not to talk about all those allusions to Zelda."

Samus considered that. Yep, she would do same to Dark Samus. The two then sat on their chairs and let out a long sigh. Link then thought aloud:

"And to think that was the only call we had this week..."

"Yes. And we're already at the finals of the tournament."

The two stayed silent at that. Soon the tournament would be over and everybody was going back to their worlds. Link knew Samus had suggested he come with her, so they could continue their joint and be together, but that didn't mean he wouldn't miss everybody else. He had grown fond of most of the Smashers in the time he passed together with them (except Ganondorf, of course). Samus would also miss some of them, while she had a list of others she couldn't care less.

The two then decided to break the silence by changing the subject. They decided to talk about the final match of the tournament that would occur between Bowser and Mario and each one's changes of winning.

It was then a sound interrupted Samus in the middle of her pointing out that Mario would be dead if Bowser grabbed a Smash Ball and went Giga Bowser on the plumber. She signaled for Link to stop and listen. The Hylian warrior ceased his speech and also heard something. It sounded like some kind of metallic rattling and... was that humming?

Looking between themselves, Link and Samus got up and walked to the corridor, trying to be as stealthy as they could. That is, until Link tripped and fell on a nearby vase, which broke once it hit the floor. That made Samus remember the Hero was everything, but stealthy.

Facepalming, she just signaled for him to continue normally, since whoever was making the sound certainly listened to Link's "approach". The two then turned the corridor and saw something at the very end of it, in a "T" junction of the hallway, but couldn't see it very clearly due to the distance.

It was then the couple noticed two things. One, there was no window in the corridor, and two, the lights were dim, casting the corridor in half-darkness. That was more than enough for Link and Samus' experience to warn them they should draw their weapons. While Samus was preparing her Paralyzer, she looked at a nearby light bulb and wondered:

_What is the problem with the electrical system?_

- - - - - Meanwhile, in the mansion's garage - - - - -

Fox jumped a thick cable that was connected from Falco's Arwing battery and a nearby electrical generator of the mansion. He approached the cockpit where his friend was sitting and playing his Nintendo Wii on the radar, which seemed to have been converted to a TV screen.

"Are you sure it's ok to use the mansion's electrical system to power the Arwing's monitor just so you can play your Wii on it?" Fox asked his friend.

"C'mon, don't be such a prick, Fox. Master Hand will never know and the only thing that will happen is a section of the mansion will have less power than other, but what's the worst that could happen?" Falco said with a tone of somebody that said "you worry way too much".

Fox just sighed at his friend and partner.

- - - - - Back to the sinisterly illuminated corridor - - - - -

Link and Samus walked down the corridor slowly, attentive to their surroundings. The Hero was quite spooked by the situation, like he expected something to jump at him, but Samus was as stoic as she was always when on a job. After all, she had seen the ugly, the bad, and Mother Brain's second form, so there wasn't anything that would be scary enough to make her scream.

On the other hand, Link hated creepy places. He always had the impression a ReDead would rise, scream at his face and hit him with its giant sword. That wasn't so bad, not compared to the ReDead's face. He remembered a time he was using the Hawkeye and accidently set the zoom to maximum right when a Re Dead was rising near him. The view wasn't pretty in the least, and Midna had to scream and slap him back to sense for the Hero to notice the creature was approaching them.

"Man, this looks like one of those scenes from a terror movie." Link said, looking to the sides. "All that's missing is somebody screaming."

Right after Link said that, the two heard a scream nearby, thought a little faint. Link jumped on his place, looking to the sides frenetically. Samus also looked around, but she was confused rather than scared.

"Did you hear that? It sounded like Zelda!" Link said.

"Strange… I think I recognize that kind of scream." Samus thought aloud.

"I don't like it, Samus."

"What? Are you scared?" Samus asked, smirking.

"N-not really. It's just…" Link started, trying to save his pride, but Samus interrupted him.

"Well, this must be historical. Link, the oh-so-courageous Hero Chosen by Goddesses scared of a dark corridor. I wish I had a camera to register this. Oh, wait…" Samus said in tone of mock remembrance. She quickly activated her suit, looked to Link, tapped the side of her helmet and a "click" sound was heard. "I do have a camera in my suit."

"You can be very mean sometimes, you know that?" Link said, narrowing his eyes at his girlfriend.

"Yeah, I do." Samus said, deactivating her suit. "Now, let's get back to business."

The two then resumed their serious stances and went back walking down the sinister corridor. Finally, they reached the junction and saw the last thing they expected: there were words written on the wall with what appeared to be red ink, or blood.

Link looked up and tapped Samus in the shoulder, pointing. The bounty huntress looked and her eyes widened for an instant. There was a dead Pikmin (you could guess it was because of the "X"s in his eyes) hanging on a candle with his stalk around its base and, near him, was ROB's head, which had static on its eyes, signalizing he was offline.

The scene could have been considered grim, if it wasn't the fact that Pikmins were so annoying, boring and there were millions of them out there and ROB was a robot and his CPU was located in its head, so he would survive.

Link and Samus then looked to the words written on the wall. It said:

_The chamber of secrets has been opened… but the heir lost his key right after…_

"O-kay..." Samus murmured at the randomness of the quote.

It was then the lights came back to their full potency and people started to flood that corridor, even though they rarely came to that section of the mansion. Mario, Luigi, Captain Falcon, Snake, Ganondorf, Bowser, Wolf and Olimar saw Link and Samus standing there and the dead Pikmin and ROB's head right besides them.

The group of Smashers approached the couple and Mario was the first to ask what happened. Link and Samus then told him about what they heard and what they had met when they came down that corridor. Luigi then asked, pointing to the message in the wall:

"I-is that b-b-blood?"

Captain Falcon approached it and passed his finger on the substance, soon identifying it:

"Actually, it's oil. Probably ROB's."

"But who would do something like that?" Bowser asked. More people then started to come and gathered around, which required Mario telling them what happened.

"One thing is certain; we have one Smasher murdered and a Pikmin killed and any of us could be the culprit." Snake said in a cryptic tone.

"Hum… where have I seen that before?" Wolf mused.

Meanwhile, several "murderer in the Mansion" fanfic authors sneezed, sensing like somebody was talking about them.

"Oh c'mon." Samus said. "They're not dead. Well, except for the Pikmin, but who cares? They already have a pretty low life span and Olimar has thousands of them. Sure, one Pikmin less won't make that much of a difference."

The Smashers agreed with Samus, none noticing Olimar had changed his costume to a dark one and was mourning over the death of the nameless Pikmin, but since he couldn't utter a single sound, nobody heard that.

"Maybe ROB saw the attacker." Peach suggested.

At that, most of the eyes all turned to Ganondorf. The Dark Lord saw that and asked "what?". Link seemed ready to draw his sword, but Samus put her hand on his arm, stopping the Hero.

"Ganondorf, were you having any murderous urges lately?" Fox asked the Dark Lord.

"And what would I gain from disembodying ROB and killing a Pikmin?" Ganondorf pointed out. "It would be as useful as trying to force important information out of Olimar, considering he can't even talk."

Olimar jumped up and down in protest, but since nobody could hear his strange dialect, he was ignored once more.

"So, it wasn't you?" DK asked.

"Of course not, you big, imbecile ape."

"What was that?" DK asked, cracking his knuckles. The gorilla could be quite prideful.

"Guys. Let's-a stop, please." Mario asked. "And Snake, turn ROB back online so we can-a know what happened."

The spy nodded and took ROB's head out of its place, apparently glued in the wall. The spy pressed some buttons behind ROB's head and the static in the robot's eyes suddenly gave place to his normal, black visors.

"W-What happened?" ROB asked in his robotic voice of robot. ... sorry for the pun.

"Actually that's what we want to know." Captain Falcon said. "What happened man?"

"I just remember I was passing by this corridor when my sensors picked up a movement behind me."

"So you saw your attacker?" Peach asked.

"Affirmative."

"So, who it was?" Link asked.

"A Bob-omb."

Silence. Heavy silence.

Then everybody spoke at the same time:

"A Bob-omb?"

"Wait. You mean to say a Bob-omb attacked you and somehow survived its suicidal explosion and managed to attach you to the wall with no arms?" Samus asked, trying to process just how much nonsense was in that theory.

"Of course not. A Bob-omb was thrown into me by a third person, who I couldn't see due to the explosion." ROB resumed.

"You could have simply said you didn't see the guy." Snake said in a gruff tone.

"Seems like the mystery remains." Link said.

"Link. There's no mystery here, because there is no crime!" Samus said. "Honestly. ROB got his body destroyed and a Pikmin was killed. Big deal."

"You seem awfully sure that there are no victims for somebody who supposedly just walked in on the scene." DK pointed out. What? Who said he doesn't have a good vocabulary? Samus shot him a death glare. "Please don't hurt me."

Mario sighed and said everybody should go back to their things while Snake and he brought ROB to Master Hand for the robot's body to be rebuilt (again). The Smashers nodded and were about to leave until Ike and Zelda arrived in the scene, both with their hair messy and their clothes a little crumpled.

"What happened?" Ike asked.

"We heard some commotion and word that somebody was attacked." Zelda completed.

"I knew it." Samus whispered to herself with a grin.

- / - / - / -

Captain Falcon was in the garage, verifying the engines and polishing his pride and joy (a.k.a.: Blue Falcon) with a smile on his face and humming to himself. The day was pleasant and most of the Smashers were relaxing.

Falcon then closed the hood of his race car and turned to see somebody nearby. He smiled to the newcomer and said:

"Hey there, nice to see you. How ya doing?"

The person just gave him an affirmative sign. I think you all can guess what's going on, so… suspense music cue.

Falcon then turned to his beloved car and resumed his polishing as the mysterious figure approached. The F-Zero racer went on talking:

"I wonder who's going to win the final. Man, I wished I was there, fighting Mario, but seems Bowser made sure he would get there." he then looked to the figure again and saw it was very close to him. "Hum… are you alright buddy?" Falcon asked, getting a little worried as he backed away. The figure followed him. "H-hey! What are you doing?"

The figure then closed in and Falcon's trademark scream sounded in the mansion's terrains.

Meanwhile, at the living room, Peach was about to bring a cup of tea to her lips when she heard Falcon's scream. Sighing, the Mushroom Princess said:

"Honestly, can't Samus stay without using violence even in the tea hour?"

"What are talking about? I'm here with you and Zelda." Samus pointed out.

Indeed, she was with the two Princesses, the three of them having some tea and biscuits. Why is Samus drinking tea? Well, for one Peach and Zelda dragged her out of Link's room, who had went to take a stroll around the mansion, since they weren't getting any job lately. Second, the two bribed her with chocolate biscuits. Samus wasn't a tea fan, but she appreciated a good snack now and then.

"Oh, hi!" Peach said in a rather ditzy manner.

"But if you're here, who's inflicting pain on Falcon right now?" Zelda questioned.

Samus shrugged and went back to take the biscuits. Zelda and Peach looked between themselves and nodded. They took one of Samus' arms each and dragged her out of the table to go and see what was going on in the garage. Samus tried to fight and go back to her treats, but the two Princesses were stronger than they looked.

The three adult women then entered the garage, Samus now walking (or more like sulking). The three then looked around and soon found Falcon, or what they could see of the pilot. The upper half of his body was inside his car's hood.

Samus tried hard not to laugh while Peach and Zelda rushed to their fellow Smasher and pulled him out of his car, Peach holding the hood and Zelda taking him out. Samus just observed, since she didn't really care.

Once the Princesses got Falcon out of his own car, the door to the garage opened and Fox, Pit and other Smashers came in. Zelda saw Falcon was unconscious and communicated it to the group. It was then Samus noticed something sprayed in the side of the Blue Falcon. She read, calling the others' attention:

" 'Falcon to the Flyer: Falco, we have a problem with Fox'…" the others stood mute at that. Talking about total randomness… "Okay… what the hell?"

"I think it's some kind of anecdote, because Falco and Falcon have similar names and Fox also begins with a 'F'." Pit pointed out. The others casted looks to the angel. Dedede said, more to the other Smashers than to Pit:

"Seems getting laid made him smarter."

"I-I didn't do anything of the short with Goddess Palutena!" Pit protested, his cheeks flaring.

"Sure you didn't, mister _angel_." Bowser said, rolling his eyes and trying to hold back his laugh.

"Please. Stop picking on Pit." Peach asked the others.

"Thanks, Peach." Pit said, giving a smile to the Princess.

"It's none of our business if he and his goddess decided to shape their relationship after Link and Samus."

Pit stood mute at that, right before lowering his head, putting his hand on his forehead and shaking it. Samus coughed and decided to change the subject. She didn't like being the center of attention, mainly on _that_ kind of subject.

"Do you think the guy who attacked Falcon was the same who attacked ROB?" the bounty huntress asked.

"Maybe these messages are just to confuse us from finding out the identity of the attacker." Zelda suggested in her typical, smart tone when she was presented with an enigma or puzzle.

"Then either the guy is kind of insane or really cunning." Snake thought aloud.

The Smashers then looked to Ganondorf, who seemed to be enjoying the scene. The Gerudo thief noticed the accusatory stares everybody was throwing him and grumbled before speak:

"Oh, for the love of the Triforce… stop blaming me for everything that happens in your pathetic lives."

"Then if it wasn't you, who did it?" Fox inquired.

It was then Link entered the garage, coming from the gardens, humming to himself while washing his hands. He saw the commotion around the unconscious Falcon and approached as everybody looked to him.

"Hey, what happened to Falcon?" he then noticed everybody's stares was still on him and that nobody answered. "Huh? What's up with you all? Is there something on my face?"

No answer still. Link was starting to get nervous. Did Midna tell them another story about his times with her in their journey? It was then Dedede spoke up:

"Everybody who thinks he fits in the category crazy, cunning and culprit, hands up."

Dedede, Bowser and Ganondorf (obviously) raised their hands immediately. Link got confused by that and tilted his head to the side? It was then Pit ran up and stood between the Hero and the other Smashers, opening his arms like he was trying to shield Link.

"Wait, everybody! How can you ever think Link would do something like that to Falcon?" the angel spoke.

"What? What happened with Falcon?" Link asked, turning to Samus.

"He was attacked..." the bounty huntress answered. Link's eyes immediately went for Ganondorf. The Gerudo mumbled what appeared to be death threats. "and it wasn't Ganondorf." she added.

"If it wasn't him, who it was?" Link asked.

It was then the gears on his head started to turn and it clicked to him. Everybody's stares, Pit apparently trying to protect him. Link spoke up:

"You think it was me? Why would I ever do something like that?"

"Who knows? You do have your… moments though." Dedede pointed out.

"Moments?" Link repeated.

"Yeah. Kinda like when you think Ganondorf is attacking some of your friends or is making fun of you." Bowser said. "You do go overboard."

"Actually, the term for it would be; bipolar." Fox said, though he didn't agree on Link being acused.

"That's ridiculous. I'm not bi-whatever you said." Link said like that was the most absurd thing he had heard in his entire life.

"Oh, really? What if I said Ganon here wrecked your room?" Dedede suggested.

"What?" Ganondorf let out, but it was too late.

"I'M GOING TO WRECK YOU!" Link roared, drawing his sword, entering in his "psycho/killer/fierce mood" and jumping to the attack. He had to be restrained by Peach, Fox, Dedede and even Snake.

"See what I mean?" Dedede said while trying to restrain Link.

"That proves nothing." Pit insisted in Link's defense. "It would be the same as if you said Samus likes to hurt Falcon and other males for sport." Pit said, pointing to Samus, who was "discreetly" kicking Falcon. She let out an "huh?" when Pit said her name and upon realizing everybody was looking at her, she quickly disguised, whispering to herself and eyes wandering through the garage. "Or saying that Zelda doesn't act like a Princess should because of Midna's influence." Zelda blushed two shades of red as she looked away with a guilty expression. And Midna had just called her that morning to "give her tips" of how to "keep Ike on the line". "Or even saying that ever since the first time Bowser kidnapped Peach he was…"

"Ok, I think we got the message." Bowser said, now putting his hand on Pit's mouth to stop the angel from "helping" them. Peach gave the Koopa a confused look as he just let out a fake laugh and walked away, still with Pit on his grip.

"Yeah, but it was kind of suspicious Link didn't hear anything and came here washing his hands." Snake pointed out.

The penguin Kind and the others saw Link's urge to kill Ganondorf had passed and let him go. The Hylian turned to them to explain that:

"I was washing Epona outside."

"Of course. That would be the most obvious excuse." Dedede said.

"I swear it's true."

"Dedede. Stop playing detective, will you?" Samus said, finally getting tired of people accusing Link. "He didn't do anything."

"Uhu… and how would _you_ know that?" Kirby's villain said, looking to the galactic warrior. "You surely wouldn't mind what he does as long as you get your _share of the bounty_." he said with emphasis on the last words.

Samus' left eyebrow twitched as she kept a look of steel. She then took out her Paralyzer and was ready to whip Dedede to his death before Peach came in to stop any massacre from happening in the garage.

"Ok, everybody. I think we already got enough of accusing each other." she said, being the voice of reason for once. "We don't have proof of who did it, so let's just drop it."

"I don't know. Maybe we should put a leash on Link to make sure he doesn't go around biting everybody." Ganondorf commented, earning a death glare from the Hero. "Oh, wait. I forget. Our dear Huntress already did this for us." he taunted.

Link and Samus started to consider if being portrayed as murderers and/or insane attackers was worth Ganondorf's death. Oh, who am I kidding with? Of course it was worth it. They didn't do it just because Peach would make them clean up the mess latter…

- / - / - / -

Midna was walking through the corridors of the mansion, humming to herself and thinking on what she would do next:

_Let's see… I already gave my hint of the day to Zelda. Shared some stories about Link with Samus and embarrassed him with anecdotes about our times. Beat the crap out of that fat guy that tried his luck with me… _and that's Midna for you.

As the Twilight Princess went on her list and planned what else she would do for the day, a figure loomed around her. Suspense music cue, take 2.

Midna stopped, sensing a presence behind her and turned. And just like in those suspense movies, there was nobody behind her. Midna let out a "hmm". She knew she had sensed somebody. The Twili woman continued her way in the corridor, until the figure that was following her was looming behind her again. Midna turned, this time faster and without giving any indicative, dark tendrils and red electrical currents coursing through her hands as she pointed them at whoever was stalking her. And yet again, she saw nobody.

"Ok. This isn't funny in the least. You better come out or I'm going to…" Midna said that as she was turning to her front and stopped speaking once she saw something hovering in front of her, sustained by a plastic string attached to the roof.

Meanwhile, the Smashers were on their usual routines. That is, until they heard an unfamiliar scream. DK and Diddy were lounging in the living room, eating some bananas when they heard it. The gorilla started to think whose scream that was while his chimp nephew asked:

"Anybody we know?"

"Not that I know of." DK replied.

Samus who was walking nearby stopped once she heard the scream. She also thought and found that reminded her slightly of Midna. It was then the three Smashers saw Link running up the stairs with a look of worry and urgency in his eyes.

"Seems like it was Midna after all." Samus said.

"You mean Link's ex-girlfriend?" Diddy asked. "She didn't seem the kind to be scared easily. Actually, she scares me."

"Me too." Ness, Lucas and the Ice Climbers, who were playing in the room, said in unison.

"Why?" Samus asked.

"She said she knew of things that would make us go crying for our mommies when we asked what she was talking about to the other girls." Lucas said.

"She also said that if she commands, Link would chop somebody's head off." Toon Link said. "I can't believe she can control him. She has to be someone very scary to be able to order him like that."

"I think she's just bluffing." Samus said, narrowing her eyes at the child's naivety.

"Huh, shouldn't we be running up to help her and see if she is alright?" DK suggested.

The Smashers then said "Oh, yeah. Right." with expressions of remembrance in their faces right before they all broke in a run and went to the second floor of the mansion. Arriving there, they found Link holding Midna's head as he tried to wake the Twili woman up.

"Midna? Midna! Speak to me!" the Hylian warrior said.

"Uhh… Link?" Midna mumbled, slowly opening her eyes. "Link… I…"

"What? What is it?"

"I…"

"Yes?"

"I'm hungry…"

"Huh?" Huh?

"I'm quite hungry, right now." Midna said, sitting. "Hey, how about you hold a strawberry in your mouth and I try to catch it with my teeth and in case I miss you have to…" Midna started, but Link interrupted her, knowing where that was going to lead.

"Midna, we're not dating anymore."

"Huh?"

The Twilight Princess then looked around and saw the other Smashers, who were looking to her and Link with raised eyebrows. Samus was making mental notes to ask Midna latter what exactly she was going to suggest.

"Oh, yeah. Sorry. Forget I said anything. Hehe…" Midna said, with an apologetic smile.

The Smashers shook their heads at the Princess' antics. Link helped her to get up and asked why she screamed. An expression of realization downed the Princess, which was quickly replaced by one of anger as she spoke:

"Someone decided to pull a _very_ idiotic prank on me. Oh, when I get my hands on him." Midna said, magical electricity flaring around her hands.

"You mean you didn't see who it was?" Ike asked, having arrived with the others to see what the scream was.

"No. He kept circling me and hiding and I couldn't feel his presence."

Zelda then looked ahead and saw something attached to a string that came from the roof. It looked like a photo. The Princess then walked up to it and took the photo off the string to take a better look at it. The others noticed that too and approached.

When Zelda could discern the content of the image, her expression changed to one of shock as she stayed mumbling:

"This… this…"

"What's up Zelda? What's on it… that…" Ike asked, looking over her shoulder and soon getting a shocked expression that matched hers, his mouth hanging mild-open.

"What's up with all of you?" Samus asked, taking the photo from Zelda's hand and looking at it while speaking. "Surely it can't be that… bad…" Samus' speech died, but she soon recovered it. "… the hell?"

"What is it?" Ness asked, jumping to try and see the photo.

"Yeah. Show it to us." Toon Link insisted.

Midna, knowing the photo's content, knew if she showed it, the children would probably get so traumatized they would run around the mansion screaming bloody murderer, which would certainly reach Peach's ear and result in she getting a _very pleasant_ speech from the pink wearing Princess about cares around children, which Midna surely wasn't looking forward to hear.

The Twilight Princess decided there was just one way to prevent the children from seeing the harmful contents of that photo: scaring the daylights out of them.

"Oh, I wouldn't look at it if I were you." Midna said in a cryptic tone.

"W-why?" Lucas asked, getting scared of Midna's tone already.

"Because it is a curse photo." Midna said as someone who tells a ghost story.

"Curse photo?" the children repeated.

"Yes…" Midna flickered her wrist and suddenly all light around went out and just one beam of light appeared around her, much like when people do around the fire camp when they're going to tell ghost stories. "It is a photo that, should you look at it, will suck your soul out of your body by your eyes and then add your scared face to the image in it… forever!"

The kids then screamed and hightailed out of the corridor as Midna made the lights come back with her magic. She giggled her trade mark laugh at seeing how easy it had been. She then looked back to the Smashers, who were shooting looks at her. She asked a "what?". DK was the one to speak:

"Do yourself, and the world, a favor and never have children."

"Humph. I don't know what's the problem. Link once said I would be a good mother, right Link?" Midna said. The Smashers then turned their looks to Link.

"Oh no. Don't drag me into this. And stop giving me these looks."Link said.

"Anyway… what about this?" Diddy asked, referring to the photo. "Is it real?"

"No. It's actually a montage." Samus explained. "But…"

"You would have to look attentively to see it, right?"

"Yes."

Anyway, let's get over with this mystery and see what's of so grave about this photo.

…

Wow. I mean… man.

Ahem. Anyway, the photo in question had a picture of Midna and Zelda in a… position that would make children run away screaming about bleeding eyes. At the foot of the photo was written "Midna's Yuri Fantasy". Zelda couldn't look anywhere but the floor after seeing the photo.

"Well, I have to say, anybody would be screaming if they ever saw a photo of themself… like this." DK said, hesitating in the last words.

"It's not exactly the photo that might have startled Midna." Link explained. "She has a… let's say, trauma of these things."

"How so?" Ike asked.

"Let's say that because of what I normally wear…" Midna meant her robe and thong, which barely covered most of her body. "Some people tend to get the wrong impression about me."

"Then why don't you wear something more to cover yourself?" Diddy suggested. Midna shot a look to him, her eyes shining with a demonic gleam. "I mean, maybe?" the chimp quickly corrected himself, worried for his safety.

"Just for the notice, there are other videogame characters that wear clothes very alike mine and they don't care about what other people think of them. It would be the same if Zelda suddenly decided to use some skimpy clothes." Midna said, making her counterpart blush at the comment while still looking to the ground. "And it's not my fault if they think it's funny suing me every time I play around with the cast of my game."

The group shot looks at Midna when she said that. The Twilight Princess noticed that and mumbled under her breath as she brought her hand to her forehead and shook it with her eyes closed. She then said for Link to explain it. The Hylian warrior decided it would be better for the Twili's image if he did so and turned to their friends:

"It's just a part of Midna's personality. Just like she likes to embarrass me in public…" Link shot a look at his ex-girlfriend, who only winked to him in return. "she also likes to do it with other people. But she never did anything without their consent or exactly harmful to their reputation, but, obviously, people tend to think she's… what's the term again?" Link tried to remember.

"Sexually harassing them." Midna said. The other Smashers let out a "WHAT?" at that. "That's pretty much what they say in the news when a photo of me appears on it and soon enough I receive supinas."

"Midna almost got fired because of all the processes Nintendo had to pay for this, though they achieved to prove she was innocent. If our game hadn't been such a huge success, she would still be paying lawyers." Link ended the explanation.

Midna sighed again and the Smashers looked between themselves. Samus then decided to ask the question none of them wanted to ask:

"Just out of curiosity, what did you do to the feminine crew of your game that could be considered sexual harassment?"

"Oh, nothing of too much." Midna said. However, the other Smashers shot looks to her. "Seriously." the Smashers then raised their eyebrows. "Ok, ok. I glomped them." the Smashers then crossed their arms. "And touched sometimes."

"Is that why you and Link broke up?" Diddy asked.

"Oh no. Link didn't mind it."

The Smashers then turned to Link with surprised faces. The Hylian warrior sighed, but was thankfully spared from further questions by Master Hand's arrival. The manager of the tournament asked:

"Alright, what is happening? I heard a scream from my room." nobody answered Master Hand. Instead, Samus showed him the photo of Midna and Zelda. The Hand staggered in the air. "What the? Is-is it real? Oh, wait. No, it's a montage."

"Yeah. Our mysterious friend, who has been attacking everybody lately decided it would be cool to pull it on Midna." Samus said.

"You mean the one who killed that Pikmin, destroyed R.O.B.'s body and attacked Falcon?"

"Wait, if you knew about this happening all along, why didn't you do anything?" DK asked.

"I thought it was just your normal behavior."

"More like he didn't care." Midna whispered to Link, who nodded.

"But it seems things are starting to get out of hand." Master Hand said. He then pointed to the photo and it burnt, not leaving any trace of it. "If this fell in the hands of the paparazzi, Midna could be sued and since she's here, Nintendo would put the blame on me." Master Hand mused to himself, though everybody heard him. The Smashers narrowed their eyes.

"If that's so, then hire a detective to find out who's doing this." Zelda suggested.

"Are you kidding? Don't you remember what happened to the last guy that came here to investigate something?" Master Hand said in a tone of somebody that considered the idea absurd. "Wario kidnapped him saying the guy was threatening his garlic and Samus almost mauled him because he eyed her in her Zero Suit. I had to pay for his therapy after that."

"Then how about hiring someone from here?" Diddy suggested.

"Huh?"

"Link and Samus' joint. They've been really helpful to everybody lately." the chimp said.

Link and Samus felt somewhat flattered by the compliment. Master Hand turned to them and back to Diddy. The Hand then considered it for a moment. Deciding that would be fastest way to solve this case before something that might incapacitate the Smashers for the finals happened, the manifestation of the Creative Spirit agreed:

"Ok. Can you two solve this and find out the culprit?"

"Of course. We had similar experiences in our games before." Link said.

"Yeah. Just wait a minute…" Samus then pulled out what looked like a miniature version of their price board. Link didn't even bother to ask her when she made it. "Let's see… 'Detective Service'. $89,00 an hour."

"Hum, that seems reasonable." Master Hand said.

"Wait, there's a tax."

"Tax?" Master Hand repeated. "What kind of tax?"

"This one." Samus pointed to an item at the foot of the price board, handing it to Master Hand.

"'Job for Master Hand'? You made a tax specially for me?"

The other Smashers started to wonder exactly how much that would increase the price. Knowing Samus, they probably guessed it would be…

"WHAT THE… ? YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS!" something like that.

"Why? Is that too much for you?" Samus said with a sly tone.

"THIS IS COMPLETELY ABSURD!"

"Actually, this is the total value of all the taxes you put on our contracts combined."

"So, this is revenge on me?"

Samus simply replied with a "maybe" in a tone of false innocence. Midna was suppressing her laugh, as were some other Smashers. Some wondered why they didn't bring a camera to register the moment. Link decided to stay out of that, though he had to admit that hearing Master Hand's tone at seeing an overprice service being presented to him was quite a unique sight.

"I'm not paying it!" Master Hand said, giving the price board back to Samus in an offending tone.

"Fine. Then bring a particular detective here and see how much he can stand before fleeing from the mansion. Maybe he will tell you how it was in therapy."

Master Hand seemed to twitch. The other Smashers had to give it to Samus; she had cornered the money grubbing hand and there was nothing he could do. Thinking for a moment, he grumbled a "fine".

Final score: Samus 1 X Master Hand 0.

"I'll pay you when you grab the guy..." Master Hand said, going back to his office, suddenly feeling the need for an aspirin. A potent one.

Link then approached Samus and asked her how much she had charged Master Hand. She gave him the price board and pointed to the tax item. Link read and furrowed his eyebrow at it.

"Is there even a name for this number?"

"Oh yeah. I forgot you're not very good at mathematics." Samus said.

"More like he's in denial at it." Midna commented, coming to the two.

"Hey!" Link protested.

The Smashers then decided to go back to do their things, feeling confident that Link and Samus would catch the guy. However, Ike approached Midna, Zelda close to him, wondering what her boyfriend wanted with the Twili Princess. The mercenary then asked:

"Hum, just out of curiosity. Did you… glomp Zelda too?"

"Hehe. Well, let's just say she was too funny to let it pass." Midna said with her typical smirk. "You should hear the sounds she made."

"Though I asked for you to stop embarrassing her." Link inputted.

"Yeah, but you too let out some funny yelps when I did it to you." Midna then sighed before adding. "Good days, good things."

"Strange, you never did any of this to me." Samus pointed out.

"For one, you wear that armor most of the time, and two, I didn't want to rob Link the pleasure of doing it himself."

As Link blushed a scarlet tone while Midna and Samus kept talking, Zelda decided it would be better for her image if she just went to her room without anybody noticing. Ike stood there, muttering while scratching his head in confusion:

"I… honestly don't know if I should be jealous… or creeped out."

- / - / - / -

Link and Samus decided to start their search in the locals of the previous crimes, namely, the strangely bad illuminated corridor of the mansion and the garage. In the corridor, Samus passed a bio-scan through the area to detect the signatures of who had been around the local, but found nothing concrete.

In the garage, she also passed a scanner on the sprayed words at the side of Blue Falcon, but that didn't tell her anything, except what kind of polishing wax Falcon used (an information she decided to guard for the next time she sent her starship to wash, but she would never admit Falcon gave her the idea).

The two then talked with Midna, who was called to their office. The Twilight Princess inquired why they hadn't done that in the first place. Link stayed thinking at that, while Samus just decided to change the subject back to the interrogatory.

"All I remember was seeing the photo hanging in front of me. Then I woke up and saw Link." Midna recounted,

"Is that all?" Samus asked. Midna nodded to her. "Did you feel anything that could identify the attacker or something?"

"No. I sensed I was being watched, but every time I tried to point out his presence, it seemed like he cloaked himself for me not to detect him."

"Hum…"

"Suspicious indeed." a new voice sounded in the room.

Link, Samus and Midna looked to the couch and saw Sonic laying on it, his head on his hand and his look a thoughtful one, with his eyes closed. Link asked what the blue hedgehog was doing in his room.

"I was asked to see how the investigation is going. The others are kinda nervous about it." the anthropomorphic hedgehog said.

"What about you, spiky?" Midna asked.

"Nah, I'm fine. If anyone tries to catch me, I'll be out before they can even blink. And, 'spiky'?" Sonic asked.

"There aren't any hedgehogs in Hyrule or Twilight Realm, so…" Link explained.

""Oh, okay." Sonic said, jumping from the couch and walking to the door. He stopped and turned to the trio to say. "Hum, Link… I don't know how to say it, pal, but… the others are getting suspicious about you."

"Me?" Link asked, getting up. "But… why?" the Hylian warrior couldn't believe he was now in the list of suspects.

"Well, you were washing your hands when you entered in the garage and people said they saw you around the corridor where R.O.B. and that Pikmin were attacked and you were the first to run to Midna when she screamed."

"That's because she's my friend!" Link defended.

"Hey, easy there guy. I'm not against you, I'm just saying it. But you two should hurry, word is getting around fast."

"And who is spreading it, may I ask?" Samus asked, already opening an entry at the top of her "People to kill" list.

"I think it was Wario, or Ganondorf, but I heard Wolf and Falco speaking about it in the kitchen."

_Oh, in that case I'll just have to kill them all. _Samus thought simply, after all, she was used to blast everything in her way.

Sonic gave them a "later" and exited Link's room, who sat on his chair, looking upset. How could the other Smashers being doubtful about him? He never hurt anyone. Well, if you don't count Ganondorf or all those people he and Samus "accidentally" beat in their jobs.

"I swear, Ganondorf is dead." Midna said, crossing her arms. "And what's wrong with them? This mansion lives a war each day and nobody points fingers at each other."

"Yeah, but stray fighting and trouble is one thing, mysterious attackers leaving confusing messages is another one." Samus reasoned. "But I have to agree with you, Midna; Ganondorf needs to die. Don't you think Link? … Link?"

The two women turned to Link, who was in deep thought. The green clad swordsman turned to them and asked:

"Do I really look suspicious?"

"Of course not. How can you even think about that?" Midna promptly said.

"People say I 'have a problem' whenever I'm around Ganondorf."

"What so?" Samus said. "Don't you think I would like to rip Ridley's head off each time I see him?"

"Really? Because I heard you kinda freak out in our new game when you face him." Midna asked.

"Hey! That's just because he looks just like he was when he killed my parents! And how do you even know that? Did you read my script?"

"No. But I convinced Link to tell me."

"What?" the bounty huntress turned to Link, who forgot all about his previous doubts and gulped once he realized Midna had denounced him.

"I-I-I…" the swordsman mumbled. "She…she said she just wanted to k-know. And since you two are friends I thought…"

"That doesn't mean you have to tell it like I cowered before him!" Samus cut Link off.

"…Sorry? …" Link suggested.

As Samus argued with Link, Midna decided to slowly get out of the room. Even she knew better than to get in the middle of a couple fighting.

- / - / - / -

It was night as Zelda was in the kitchen, making some tea for herself while wearing a nightgown. She managed to make Ike stop asking her questions regarding her and Midna's friendship and decided she needed a break until that situation calmed.

As she was putting the tea in the stove to heat it, she felt somebody entering the kitchen. She looked and saw a figure there. The Princess gave a cordial smile and greeted it:

"Hello. Are you doing well?"

The figure nodded to her. Suspense music cue, take 3.

Zelda went back to making her tea, now looking for the sugar holder. The other figure in the kitchen rounded her, eying her actions as she continued to prepare her tea. Zelda started talking to him:

"You should watch yourself. I heard that attacker has been getting quite daring lately. Honestly, Midna will not lay down until she finds him." Zelda then searched for the sugar and found it in a shelve with some piles of cans containing some condiments around it. "It seems the others didn't hear when Peach said where each of the different condiments should go in the kitchen." Zelda said as she took the sugar holder and turned to the mysterious listener, just to find he was gone.

The Princess just shrugged and was about to go back to her tea when she heard something above her. The noblewomen looked up in time to see some cans falling over her. Zelda let out a yelp at being hit by the rain of cans and letting the sugar holder fall and shatter in the floor.

Link, who was at the dining hall, heard the commotion in the kitchen and Zelda's yelp. He drew his sword and stormed into the kitchen, thinking the Princess might have been attacked.

"Zelda?" Link called, looking around and watching his surroundings in case the attacker was still inside. The green clad swordsman called the Princess' name again, but got no answer.

As he approached he heard the sound of a can rolling, looking to the floor he saw there were several cans in the floor and, under a pile of them, was Zelda, unconscious. The Hero approached her and kneeled. He then looked to a nearby can and picked it, seeing some blood on it. He looked to Zelda and saw she had been hit in the head.

Before he could say anything, Link heard the door to the kitchen opening and Samus and Ike entering, both in fighting stances, as Samus pointed her Arm Cannon around, probably looking for the attacker. Ike saw Link and looked to him, soon seeing Zelda on the floor near the swordsman.

The blue haired mercenary then saw Link with can and sword in hand and Zelda with a wound in her head. Ike ran to the green clad warrior and demanded:

"What did you do to her?"

"What are you talking about?" Link asked, getting up. Samus then turned to him and approached upon seeing there was no threat around.

"You hurt Zelda!" Ike said, his tone getting angry.

"What? Of course not! Why would I ever want to hurt her?"

"Then why are you with a bloodied can and sword in hand, kneeled near her like that?"

By that time, more Smashers were entering the kitchen, attracted by Ike's voice. Bowser, Falco, Falcon, Pit, Fox and King Dedede came in, seeing the scene at the kitchen. Some Assist Trophies arrived too.

Link then noticed that he was still with the can that probably had hit Zelda in the head in his hand. The Hero then defended himself:

"I heard some confusion in here and entered to see what was happening. Zelda was already like this when I found her."

"Oh, really?" Ike asked, sheathing his sword and crossing his arms, in a clear gesture he didn't believe Link.

"Ike. Stop being the overprotective, jealous boyfriend, will you." Samus said. "You can't prove it was Link."

"Yeah. You tell him, Samus!" Pit said, encouraging the bounty huntress.

"And what about you? You're defending him because he's your boyfriend." Ike pointed out.

"No, I'm just being reasonable and logical. A concept you don't seem to understand."

"Ok, you all. Let's calm down." Fox said, approaching.

"What? Are you saying you're in that bipolar, nut case's side?" King Dedede asked. Link protested with a loud "hey!". "It's right in your face, furry. He's the culprit."

"Shut up!" Lyn said. "What do you know, Mr. King of the chubbies?"

Dedede seemed ready to reply, but decided being called chubby wasn't an insult, at least not coming from a woman with such a big slit on her dress. Yeah, I know. These kings nowadays…

"I didn't do anything!" Link protested, making everybody turn to him.

"Yeah! No way bud would ever harm a defenseless woman." Captain Falcon said promptly. "But if you are in doubt, we could always throw accusing looks to Ganondorf. Speaking of which, where is he?"

"He went back to his room, before coming here." Bowser said. "Oh, and he also said you all are a bunch of bastards and he's going to kill you in your sleep."

"Well, then it seems Link's the only one left." Falco said.

"Guys! Let's calm down. Nobody was around to see it to say Link was the attacker." Fox said, trying to put an end to the discussion, however, the Smashers continued to argue between themselves, one half blaming Link while the other defended him. Fox sighed. "I'm going to take Zelda to Mario. Maybe when she wakes up she can stop this madness." he then turned to Link. "I'm sorry Link, but seems like you're going to have to prove your innocence."

The anthropomorphic fox called Ike to help him and to prevent the other swordsman from starting to fight with Link. The two carried the unconscious Zelda away, leaving Link and Samus with the arguing Smashers.

The green clad warrior had a devastated look on his face. He would never do anything against Zelda, one of his best friends. Why couldn't the others believe that? However, it seemed that night was going to be the start of many rumors about him being the mysterious, crazy attacker.

Link then felt an armored hand touching his shoulder and looked to his right to see Samus, her helmet gone. She was giving him a reassuring smile, to say she didn't believe it was him. The bounty huntress knew Link had his problems with Ganondorf and his episodes, but he would never do something to harm a friend like that.

"Don't worry, Link. I promise I'm going to prove you're innocent even if it is the last thing I do." Samus said, showing her complete support to him. Link smiled to her a smile that was but a fraction of his usual friendly ones. The whole thing about him being pointed as a suspect of attacking people without motive was clearly taking a toll on him. "Believe me, I would know if you had anything to do with these attacks and, if you did have, I would just have to put you in domiciliary prison… in my ship."

Samus said that last part with an undertone that were supposed to sound seductive, however, Link didn't catch any of it and what was an attempt to lighten the mood, sounded to the swordsman like Samus was doubting his word.

Enough to say, Link felt extremely saddened by that and let go of Samus' hand on his shoulder, leaving the kitchen with his head low. Samus tried to call for him and explain that was just a joke, but Link didn't seem to hear her.

_Nice move, Aran. _Samus scolded herself, gritting her teeth in frustration. _When will you learn you simply aren't fit to cheer up people in this state?_


	16. Nothing like a Detective Job, part 2

Merry Christmas people!

Here's my present for all of you: the last chapter of Steel 'n' Blade Co!

Well, technically there's still the epilogue, but that's another matter. Thanks for the support through the entire fic and hope I have been able to make you all laugh at least once in each chapter.

Now let's reveal the mystery of the mansion's attacker!

Remember: this chapter is brought to you by UK: Underworld King's Literary Productions and **Jioplip**'s Review Agency.

* * *

**Chapter 16**

**Nothing like a Detective Job, Part 2**

Just one day away of the final match of the Super Smash Brothers Tournament and the mood in the mansion was really tense, mostly because that the mysterious attacker had not been found out yet and more three people had been attacked.

Yoshi woke up one day and found himself with his tongue tied around a pole in the sides of the mansion. When the Smashers found him, they also saw something sprayed on the back of the dinosaur that said: "Would the yellow Yoshi please stand up?". Wolf was found unconscious inside his Landmaster, which had been turned upside down and had been sprayed in the sides with the message "Personally, he prefers air… or maybe not". And Lyn found out the Assist Trophies and Smashers had received e-mails (at least the ones that knew how to access the Internet) with montages of her with Link in… well, you certainly remember the one of Midna and Zelda so… the photo had the subtitle "Lyn's dream of the newest Fire Emblem", the swordswoman had locked herself inside of her room since then, that is, after she beat the snot out of all the males that snickered when she passed by, which resulted in more people being sent to the infirmary.

Samus, to say the least, was pissed. Not just they hadn't come even close to know who was the attacker, but there was a faction within the mansion that still thought Link was the culprit and she had tried to talk to Lyn the other day and explain to the green haired woman she wasn't going to kill her out of jealously, because she knew the photo was a fake, but the heroine of Fire Emblem had avoided and ran away from her like she was an angry, bloodthirsty dragon.

"Just great!" Samus mumbled while she was alone in Steel 'n' Blade's office. "Half of the mansion is pointing fingers at Link, Zelda and the others attacked are still unconscious, the finals are tomorrow and Lyn will probably starve to death if she stays locked in her room like this, just because she didn't even let me explain that I know she wouldn't go after Link. Is there any way things can get worse?"

If she wasn't so frustrated, Samus would certainly know better than to evoke that saying, but since she did it, fate decided to answer her by making Link barge into the room, quickly closing the door behind him and throwing his back against it, trying to block the door. Samus looked to her boyfriend and saw he had a fearful expression in his face and was panting. The futuristic woman asked what happened and Link said, as soon as he recovered his breath:

"I tried to go to the infirmary and check on Zelda's condition, but Ike was there guarding the door and as soon as he saw me, he drew his sword and tried to chop my head off."

"What is that blockhead's problem? Honestly, that guy needs to have some sense knocked into his head. Hard." Samus spoke.

"At least, I met Mario on the way and he said Zelda's condition is stable, but she hasn't shown signs of waking up yet."

Seeing there wasn't anybody banging on his door and sensing the danger pass, Link stood up from the door and walked to his bed, laying on it with a heavy sigh. He then looked to Samus and asked:

"Why does everybody think it was me? I don't get it."

"From a logical standpoint, there's no reason for them to accuse you, but we both know logic is the last thing that people consider around here."

"If at least Falcon woke up, we could find out who the attacker is." Link mumbled.

"From the way things are and considering how destiny seems to have a thing for screwing our lives, I would say they'll wake up just after we find out who it is."

"You think so?" Link asked, whilst Samus nodded. "But until then, what could happen?" an explosion was heard outside. You shouldn't have said that Link. Honestly, what's with you guys forgetting the dangers of evoking such sayings?

Samus and Link went to the window and looked bellow. Their jaws fell at seeing the war that was occurring in the front yard of the mansion.

"You all blamed Link for the last time!" Toon Link said, raising his Master Sword high and ordering his forces to charge. When did he turn into a general?

"We're not going to let that crazy nutcase wander free anymore!" Dedede said. "That is, after we kick your asses!" he then ordered his own forces to charge.

Several Smashers we're fighting against each other, laser beams and magical blasts flying through the fields while swords clashed. Marth and Ike were locked in a fierce duel, the former saying:

"I cannot believe you took the cause of these scum. I thought you were a noble warrior Ike, however, it seems jealously is clouding your judgment." he then jumped back to avoid an ample swing of Ike's Ragnell and proceeded to apply his Blade Dance on the mercenary, who defended some blows, but was caught when Marth finished his move with several thrusts.

"And you always playing on the other _team. _Aren't you Marth?" Ike taunted, making Marth's eyebrow twitch. "I always thought you had a thing for Link, but I thought I was wrong when I saw your fiancé. Unless you're cheating her."

"How. dare. YOU!" Marth yelled, entering in Brawl Trance and ready to Critical Hit Ike back to Tellius.

Ike gulped, but held his stance, that is, until he felt something colliding with the back of his head. Hard. He looked back and saw Sheeda standing there, a look of pure anger on her face. The blue haired Princess said:

"You know what? I always wondered to myself how come somebody as decent as Zelda is dating an idiot like you. But I guess that won't matter in… two seconds." she said with a wicked smile.

The mercenary was about to ask what she meant with that, but saw too late Marth coming at him in lightning speed and hitting him with tremendous force. Thankfully, Master Hand noticed the commotion in front of the mansion and immediately casted a spell that was similar to the security measures in the stages, so Ike was only rocketed away from the place, however, if he was going to survive the fall or not, that was another issue.

Now, why Master Hand didn't do something to stop that? Well, he might be powerful, but even he knew better than to get in the middle of such war zone. He wasn't his brother to stay in middle of a fierce, raging battle, which was what Crazy was doing in that exact moment, staying a little ways from the battle, but close enough to see the explosions and everybody flying and being KO'd.

"Cool. The fireworks started sooner this year." Crazy said when somebody threw a crate of explosives in the middle of the field and somebody else threw a Bob-omb in the crate, catching all of the nearby fighters in a fiery explosion and launching them in the air.

"Using Final Smashes, heh?" Dedede said from his position behind the rows of the "Blame Link" team. "In that case…" the penguin king then entered in Brawl Trance himself and whistled, calling his army to the battle.

Seeing that Final Smashes were on, hell broke loose as Fox and Falco, who were on opposing teams, called their Landmasters to battle. Kirby tried to shallow up Dedede's army, but Bowser countered by transforming into Giga Bowser and scaring the Star Warrior away.

More explosions and Olimar summoning his army of Pikmins to counter Dedede's own, Ganondorf decided to enter the play, by turning into Ganon and stomped at everybody in his away, even ramming into Fox's Landmaster, causing great damage to it and almost turning the tank over.

"Hey! You overgrown pig!" a known voice called. Ganon turned and saw Midna there, who had been giving magical support to the "Pro-Link" team. "Yeah, I'm talking to you! Come here and catch me if you can!"

Ganon roared at her and charged at the Twilight Princess. Midna only smirked. Ganon had forgotten one thing: in their game, she was able to stop his charge with just her hair, and she was in her cursed form, so what were his chances against her with her full power back? But since the Dark Lord got quite narrow minded in this form, he didn't think that through.

When the Dark Beast was about to run over her, Midna's hair shot in front of her and formed a hand, grabbing the beast's head and stopping it on its tracks, though the Twili woman was forced some centimeters back. Midna smiled as she held her adversary back and taunted:

"Oh, what's the problem? Tired? Then allow me to put you to rest!" she used her hair-hand to grip the monster's face and threw it to the side. "Now Toon!" Toon Link came and plunged his sword on the Dark Beast's glowing scar, making it revert back to Ganondorf in an explosion of darkness. The Dark Lord fell unconscious after that.

The battle then went on as Link and Samus just watched from the Hero's room. It lasted exactly thirty minutes until everybody was either knocked out or passed out from exhaustion.

"What in hell just happened?" Samus asked.

"Seems like there was a group fighting in my defense and the other wanting to blame me. So their mood finally reached a breaking point and…" Link said, being interrupted by Samus.

"I know that. It was a rhetorical question."

Link let out an "oh" and Samus sighed. She then turned to their table and saw something that wasn't there before. Approaching, the bounty huntress saw it was a holographic projector. She then questioned aloud:

"How did this thing get here?"

"Oh, I saw Snake putting it on the table and exiting through the ventilation duct." Link pointed out.

"What? And why didn't you warn me?"

"I thought you noticed his presence too."

"You know what, forget it. Let's see what this is about."

Samus then pressed a button on the projector and Snake's holographic image appeared. Link got surprised and asked:

"How did Snake get so small?"

"Link, this is a holographic projector."

"Hollow-what now?"

Samus sighed and decided to ignore her boyfriend's comments over the matter, concentrating on the message Snake gave them:

"If you two are seeing this, it's because I found out who is the culprit of the recent attacks. Link, we both know it certainly couldn't be you. First, because I can tell you're not the type to willingly harm someone. Second, you would never be able to pull out those enigmatic messages."

"Thanks. I think…" Link said, wondering if Snake was mocking him or not.

"Come to my room at midnight, when everybody's sleeping."

"Why is it always midnight?" Samus asked.

"And in case Samus asks; it's because it's the only hour I can access the mansion's security grid without calling attention."

"He's good." Link commented.

"One more thing: this message will self-destruct in ten seconds." the holographic Snake said.

Link was about to ask what he meant by that, but the green clad warrior heard Samus curse as she dove in, grabbed the holographic projector, which had Snake's image replaced by a timer, and threw it to the corridor, shouting for Link to get down.

However, at that exact moment, Pit had entered Link's room, since the door was open, and was talking:

"Hey Link! We're making a group to defend you, so I wanted to tell you and Samus that you don't have to worry about…" it was then the explosive, holographic projector fell in Pit's hands. "Huh? What's this? Why is it counting…" the rest of his question was muffled by the explosion that followed.

Link and Samus looked up from the table when the explosion passed. All they saw in the place the projector had detonated was a charred spot. The green clad warrior then asked Samus:

"Did you hear something before that exploded? I swear I heard somebody talking."

"No. Must be your imagination." Samus said.

- - - - - Meanwhile, in Sky World - - - - -

Palutena was again inspecting how things were going in the world of the mortals when she heard the familiar scream of pain of her captain as he fell from the ceiling and landed face first in the floor. The green haired goddess walked to her new lover and looked to his state.

Pit's clothes were charred and his front seemed to be burned as she turned him over. There was even a small fire in one of his brunette spikes. Palutena put it out with her hand and asked her captain as she helped him to accommodate his head in her lap:

"What did you do this time, Pit?"

"Honestly… I have no idea, my goddess…" was Pit's pained response.

- - - - - Midnight, in the Mansion - - - - -

Link and Samus knocked on Snake's door. There was a series of clicks and even what seemed to be somebody typing in a digital pad. Snake then opened a crack in his door and looked outside. Recognizing Link and Samus' figures he opened the door and said for them to enter quickly.

As they got inside, Link saw Snake's room hadn't changed too much from the last time he had been there. Espionage devices and high-tech weapons lay here and there and the windows had heavy curtains covering them. The door had an absurd amount of different locks which occupied almost the entire edge near the knob.

Link once asked why Snake had put so many locks on his door and why he brought that much equipment. The secret spy answered you never knew who could be walking around the mansion while they weren't looking. Link though that Snake was exaggerating with the caution. Samus said the spy was just plain paranoid.

"Good to see you two came. I thought Samus would offer some resistance." Snake said.

"Honestly. I'm so desperate right now that I don't even care." Samus said. "So, you said you have a way to prove Link's innocence."

"In fact, I do. Come here."

Snake then made signal for them to gather around a computer he had in a nearby desk, which was occupied by many other devices that Link couldn't even begin to guess what they were for. While typing something in the keyboard, Snake started to explain them what he was going to do:

"I'm going to enter the mansion surveillance system's achieves and access the videos of the corridors around the time of the attacks…"

"Wait. We have a surveillance system?" Samus asked. "How come I never heard about it?"

"What's a surveillance system by the way?" Link asked.

"It's something that monitors the security and condition of a building." Snake explained to Link and then turned to Samus to answer her question. "And you don't know about it because Master Hand was probably worried you would hack into it just to see where the other Smashers hung around so you could go and kill them."

"And why would I give myself the work of hacking into the mansion's security system just to look for some idiots?"

"Well, maybe that's the other reason why Master Hand didn't tell us about it. This security system covers _all_ areas of the mansion."

Samus' eyes widened at what that could mean. Certainly Master wouldn't do that, would he? Thinking again, when had that money grubbing hand ever cared about what they thought? Link asked the question that Samus was dreading to voice at that moment:

"When you mean 'all areas' does that include the… bathroom too?" the Hero seemed as disturbed by the idea as his girlfriend was.

Snake only nodded to them. Link gulped and his cheeks turned a scarlet tone. Samus had the same reaction, however, it was mainly by the fact of what those cameras would have registered that she hid in her room. She could just imagine what the other Smashers would think if they saw she had taken some "souvenirs" from Link's room.

That also brought other doubts to the couple. Link was the first to voice his:

"Taking aside the disturbing fact we had our privacy being invaded the entire time without us knowing, if there is this surveillance system, then surely Master Hand would have known who the attacker is by now."

"Nah, not really. He apparently considers the work of monitoring the cameras boring and thought hiring a security guard was an unnecessary cost." Snake said.

"Huh, typical." Samus said.

"So he selected a trustworthy Smasher to take care of the surveillance system. The first one was Mario. The second Mewtwo. And now it is Olimar."

Link and Samus were about to question why the one who supervised the security hadn't divulged the identity of the attacker when they heard just who the chosen one in this tournament to watch over the mansion's security was. Samus then voiced her indignation:

"Olimar? He put _Olimar_ in charge? The guy can't even talk!"

"Actually he can, just he doesn't speak our language." Snake corrected her, but had to almost cover himself when Samus yelled again.

"WHATEVER! JUST HOW DOES THAT IDIOTIC HAND EXPECT HIM TO REPORT WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG!"

"Maybe Olimar could write a report." Link suggested. Samus shot him a death glare. "Or not?" the green clad Hylian asked, sweating under the angry expression of his girlfriend.

"Taking that aside…" Snake said, trying to calm down Samus (a task he knew was virtually impossible for him to succeed). "I tried to hack into the system as soon as I got this information and discovered the video files were encrypted."

"And you certainly found out the password, didn't you?" Samus asked the legendary spy.

"Naturally." Snake said in a proud tone.

"Does that mean you saw the videos of me and the other girls in the bathroom?" the bounty huntress asked in a tone that promised Snake a load of pain if she got the answer she didn't want or if she caught him lying.

"No." Samus' glare intensified. "I swear I didn't. What, do you think I would take advantage of something like that? I might not be the most decent guy in the world, but even I have my morals, you know?"

"I honestly doubt that."

"Samus. Let's give Snake a vote of confidence." Link said. "After all, he's trying to help me."

Samus looked to her boyfriend and considered that. She sighed and decided to give Snake that chance, though she soon imposed a condition:

"I want you to give me all of the video files you downloaded from the system."

"What makes you think I downloaded the video files?" Snake questioned.

"Because I know you."

There was a moment of silence before Snake muttered a "good point". The legendary spy then decided to concentrate on showing them the recordings they came to see, however, when he had accessed the mansion's surveillance system and was about to enter in the database of the videos, a big "Warning" window flashed on the computer screen, asking for a password.

Snake grumbled in what seemed to be irritation. Link asked what happened and the older man explained to him in a way he thought Link would understand:

"It seems they changed the password. Now I'll have to find a way to hack into it again."

"Can't you simply do what you did before?" Samus suggested.

"This system is quite advanced. It'll take some time for me to bypass it."

"We don't have that much time." Samus grumbled, putting a hand on her forehead.

"How about we try to tell it the password then?" Link suggested.

Samus and Snake threw Link looks of somebody who was hearing a child explain how putting a hand in a flame was good for one's health. Snake then said, trying to explain to Link what the problem there exactly was:

"Uh… Link. That would work only if we knew the password."

"Try 'money'." Link suggested.

Samus and Snake looked between themselves, wondering if all the stress the swordsman went through had finally affected his mind. Samus then gave the spy a look that said "do it. It's not like we have anything better to try".

The other Smasher shrugged and decided to do it, though he was quite reluctant at following the suggestion of a guy with medieval rising, who thought a byte was the measure of how many bites somebody needed to finish eating something.

However, against all the odds, Link's suggestion worked and when Snake pressed enter, they entered the folder that contained the archives of the security videos. To say the two more modern fighters were surprised would be an understatement. They were downright dumbfounded Link had actually got it right.

Samus turned to her boyfriend and asked how he knew. Link said, while showing a smile, seeming proud of himself:

"Easy. Master Hand likes money, so what better password than this one for him?"

"But, you do realize the objective of a password is to use a word that nobody else would guess, don't you?" Snake said.

"So, there it is. Anybody that knows Master would think of that and would think it was just too obvious, so they wouldn't even bother to try something so easy, thus making it the best password to use."

Seeing that kind of logic and the results, Samus and Snake couldn't argue with the Hylian warrior. But they stood with one doubt in their minds: since when did Link get so smart? Oh c'mon! It's not like he wasn't smart to begin with. Ok, he might not understand somethings and be oblivious to anecdotes, double-meaning jokes and people's feelings for him, but he is quite smart on other things.

Snake then opened the archives that contained the videos of the corridors where the attacks had occurred. Link and Samus watched them, seeing clearly who the attacker was. At the end of the videos, Link said:

"So he was the attacker the entire time!" hum, who was the attacker?

"Well, I have to say, that's quite surprising." Samus said. Ok, but who's the attacker?

"Well, for someone like him, I doubt it's even necessary to have a motive to do those things." Snake pondered, to which Link and Samus nodded. Again: who's the attacker?

"I don't know. He might have played some tricks on people before, but never something that could really harm anybody to this extend." Link said. Are you going to say the name or not?

"What are you going to do about it then? I doubt the others will like to be woken up at this hour, even if you say you found out the attacker." Snake asked.

Ugh! Ok, I give up. Seems like we'll have to wait until they decide to reveal the identity of the attacker.

"I don't think we should spoil the finals by saying it. Let's wait until after the fight, during the commemoration of the tournament's end, when everybody will be reunited." Link said.

"I agree. There, he won't have how to escape." Samus said… STILL OMITTING TO SAY A SIMPLE, GODDAMN NAME!

- / - / - / -

Now you certainly are wondering who won the finals and how the fight went, right? Well, unfortunately, this is a comedy fic which doesn't focus specifically in the tournament, and due to the number of taunts and comebacks that were thrown in the final match between Bowser and Mario, the fight could take up an entire chapter. So, in this sense, we are very sad to inform you the final match scene had to be cut out of the story.

But we can offer you an autographed DVD containing the entire 1st series of "Master and Crazy Hand Family Time!" episodes and… wait just a minute. Hello?

…

Nothing of merchandise? But what are we going to give them as compensation for cutting out the final match?

…

Oh, right. Almost forgot about this. Sorry. Well, it seems we will have to content ourselves with the outcome of the "mansion's mysterious attacker". Make your bets, people!

"I still can't believe you won against Mario, Bowser. You surely must be proud of yourself." Peach said to the Koopa King, who was sitting in the table reserved for the dwellers of the Mushroom Kingdom.

"Damn right I am! Hah! Now what do you think, heh Mario?" Bowser said, pointing to Mario, who had been quiet during the whole ceremony.

"It was a stroke of-a luck." Mario said, trying to not let that affect his normally cheerful mood.

"Stroke of luck my ass! You were totally…" before Bowser could continue, a golf club impacted with the back of his head, making he stop and massage the spot. Looking to Peach, he saw she had a sweet smile on her face, the same kind of sweet smile she gave when she was about to give an order that promised much pain in case it wasn't carried out.

"Now, now, Bowser. Let's not forget there are children around. So, you should watch your language." the pink wearing Princess said, shaking her finger.

"Oh, c'mon Peach. Why can't I simply point at Mario's face how he sucked in the fight? I'm the goddamn champion of this tournament! The fearsome and mighty Bowser!" Thanks to that, Bowser received another blow of the golf club, this one stronger then the last and enough for him to feel his skull painfully shaking inside his head.

"I said: there. are. children. around. Got it?" Peach asked, her eyes flaring dangerously.

"Y-yes ma'am." the "fearsome and mighty" Bowser said.

Mario sighed. That was one of the reasons he always made sure he won against Bowser in all of their fights. The Koopa was never a good loser, but he was an even worse winner, even more if the fight was watched by many people. Bowser wouldn't let him forget that for at least one year.

"Do you think Master Hand will-a proclaim Peach the new champion if she-a beats Bowser unconscious here?" Luigi asked his brother as Peach was still subtly threatening the turtle-dragon in case he let his tongue slip.

"I honestly am starting to hope-a for that." Mario replied.

The commemoration was happening in the mansion's dinner hall and everybody was there; the Smashers, the Assist Trophies and the guests from the Smashers' worlds. Well, that is, everybody except for three figures that were at the back of the stage in the end of the dining hall. Samus peered through the curtains and found that the attacker was there, just like they expected.

She then turned to Link and Snake, who had took control of the lights using his personal palmtop and was ready to act at their signal. Link was anxious to clean his name, though he was also feeling a little bad by ruining Bowser's commemoration.

"He'll get over it. Now let's get this over with." Samus said once the Hylian warrior spoke that to her.

The couple then passed the curtains and appeared in the stage. Samus grabbed a microphone that Master Hand had used in his congratulation speech for the winner of the tournament and tested it. The other Smashers noticed it and looked to her and Link in the stage.

"Hello all of you…" Samus said. "hope you all had fun with the commemoration…"

"I sure am having! Isn't that right, Mario?" Bowser said, shooting a sneer look to Mario, who crossed his arms and looked away.

"Because we have some news for you."

"Huh?"

Snake then took that as his cue and locked all of the doors in the hall while Samus continued talking:

"We found out who the attacker that has been messing up with everybody is." some Smashers looked to Link. "And he's not Link." others shot looks to Ganondorf. "Neither is Ganondorf."

"I'll turn your lives into pools of suffering. Just you wait." the Gerudo thief mumbled under his breath once everybody looked away.

"So who it is?" Marth asked.

"Very simple, it is…"

At that, Snake took control of the lights and dimmed most of them, leaving just one light shinning with its normal intensity, which produced a single light beam in a location of the dining hall. The Smashers turned to see…

"An empty table?" Yoshi let out.

"Damn! Where is he?" Samus let out.

"The main door!" Link pointed out.

Snake controlled the lights again and this time, they focused on a figure trying to force the doors open. It was none other than…

"CRAZY HAND?" said hand turned once everybody spoke his name.

"Wait? Crazy?" Mario let out. "How come?"

"Very simple my plumbering friend;" Crazy said in a wicked voice tone typical of villains, his fingers wriggling more than normal. "I'm doing it for VENGEANCE! MWUHAHAHAHAHA! … and new spoons. Spoons are cool!"

There was a moment of silence. Then Falco let out:

"Woah, woah! Wait a minute. Vengeance? Against who?"

"Against all of you!" Crazy said. "Yes… you, the ones that made me lose my position as leader of the Canon Brigade. You who made fun of me, who kidnapped my goldfish, Morris, and drowned him just to put fire on my house and spread a plague on my crop!"

More silence this time. The entire Super Smash Brothers cast was trying to process what Crazy Hand said and link the facts, which was quite a feat, shall I say. Link took the microphone and said:

"Wait. You mean you were the new leader of the Canon Brigade."

"Cheesecake!" Crazy replied.

"I think that would be 'yes'." Snake said.

"And now that I've been found out, it's time for me to put into action my ultimate trick. Make you all taste Taco Bell… in OBLIVION! MUHAHAHAHAHA!" at the end of that, someone threw a beef on Crazy Hand. "Hey! Who did that?"

"Good throw Ike." Marth complimented the other swordsman.

"Thanks. And you!" Ike said, pointing to Crazy. "You hurt Zelda!"

"Actually, the evil cans hurt her. They're creepy." Crazy said, shuddering at the thought of how those cans could be eviler than him.

"Prepare yourself!" Ike said as he charged.

"Actually, I am prepared. And I have a whole load of tacos with your name on it!"

Crazy then snapped his fingers and suddenly a dark hole opened bellow Ike and he fell inside, closing soon enough. Another black hole opened in the middle of the air and the mercenary fell out of it, encased in an ice block.

"Oooohhh. Ice cream!" Crazy said, seeming to forget he was the one that caused it.

There was another moment of silence until Bowser said:

"Get him, my minions!"

Nobody moved. They just threw looks to Bowser. Mario, Peach and Luigi got up, sighing. The Mushroom Princess said:

"Forgive him. He is still too happy that he won."

"Anyway, let's-a go!" Mario spoke.

The Smashers then ganged up against Crazy Hand, however they soon found out that just throwing themselves on the hand in hopes of inflicting as much pain as possible wouldn't work. First, because they were soon reminded that Crazy's powers were equal to Master's, which meant, he could bend reality and time and space at his will. Second, Crazy held back in the fights on the Final Destination.

Midna's spells were all batted away by Crazy like they were nothing. Most of the Smashers were either grabbed by Crazy and thrown away, or used as baseball bats against the others. Others had a taste of Crazy's bombs, lasers, slaps and quakes.

Even the Final Smashes were all countered. Dedede's Waddle Dee army was turned against him along with any fighters and Assist Trophies nearby when Crazy made a maestro's staff appear on his fingers and took control of the music, hypnotizing Dedede's own soldiers and sending them against him. Ganondorf tried to ram the berserk hand as Ganon, however, Crazy countered by making several oversized barbecue items appear out of thin air, even conjuring a cooker hat for himself and an apron that had the saying "Kiss the Cook". How Crazy achieved to wear those things, I have no idea.

Anyway, Ganon's primitive mind upon seeing it registered that as mortal danger and the Dark Beast hightailed out of the place, running over several Assist Trophies on his frenetic run as Crazy trailed behind, saying:

"Here, piggy, piggy, piggy! Who wants some bacon?"

Even the Star Fox's Landmasters proved to be useless, for when they tried to shoot Crazy, the hand simple put his finger on the hole of the gun, blocking it, and the whole futuristic tank blew up. Luckily, Fox and Falco came out unscathed, though deeply disturbed by the experience.

Amidst all of the chaos, Samus and Snake were still on the stage, holding Link back from running there to help his friends (and consequently be beaten), like Mario, Peach, and Marth did. Luigi was just trying to avoid being ran over by Ganon or hit by an explosion. Samus then called Master Hand, who just stood on his table, which was near the stage, observing all the mayhem:

"Care to explain what the hell all of this is about?"

Link seemed to finally relax, realizing he wouldn't be able to help anybody if he ended up like another toy of the berserk, crazed entity. Master Hand sighed and turned to the trio at the stage, speaking:

"Seeing that he entered in the Canon Brigade, he was probably exposed to some bad influences."

"Come again?" Samus asked. "'Bad influences'?"

"Crazy is _very _suggestionable. How do you think I was able to hold him back all these years and prevent him from blowing up the entire mansion?"

"I thought it was because you two were brothers, so he listened to you." Link said.

"Puft. You are so naïve, Link. Anyway, I think he have probably met somebody that put the blame on others for his own incompetence and took his behavior as an example after he himself was expelled from the Brigade."

Link and Samus looked between themselves, thinking the same thing: ArwingMaster.

"In that case, all we have to do is to make him an offer that will make him forget all of this." Snake said.

"Yeah, but what could we give to him that would work? It's Crazy Hand we're talking about." Link said.

"Well, we know somebody that would have this information." Snake said.

The three fighters then looked to Master Hand, who turned to each one of them mumbling an "what?". Link then asked the manager of the Smash Brothers Tournament:

"You need to help us! Otherwise, who knows what Crazy will do to the others."

"I honestly don't see why I should do it. After all, aren't you two Steel 'n' Blade Co., which can do any kind of heroic service?" Master said.

"Are you being sarcastic with us?"

"Maybe…" Master replied in a sly tone.

They then heard a roar and turned to see Midna had wore the Fused Shadows and turned into her arachnid-like form, just for Crazy to bind one of her several hand-legs between his fingers and started to "play" with her like the main body of the creature was ball the leg-hand a string and Crazy a racket.

Seeing that, Samus decided there was no option, but to comply with Master Hand:

"Ok, what do you want?"

"Ah, that is a good question. Let me see..." Master said, thinking.

Another roar and Link and Samus turned to see Crazy had batted Midna away, forcing her back to her normal form, and was now dealing with Sonic and Shadow. The insane limb passed one finger in the floor and froze it, making Sonic lose traction and control of his speed, ending up in a wall. Shadow's Chaos Control was also useless against Crazy, since the white, disembodied hand was a near-omnipotent entity with control over time and space. Translating: Shadow was screwed. Big time.

"Hurry up!" Samus said.

"Ok. I decided: cancel that tax you put on our contract for the detective service and I'll stop Crazy."

"What?" Samus said. "No w…"

"Uh, Samus. I think you should see this before you answer." Snake said, tapping the bounty huntress in the shoulder.

The futuristic woman was ready to turn and say Snake to mind his own, damn business and stomp on his foot for invading her personal space (not necessarily in that order), until she saw that Link was gone. Looking again, she saw him going to Crazy Hand, the gleam in his eyes indicating he finally had enough and was ready to slice the insane, disembodied limb to pieces.

"Stop right there, you degenerated hand!" Link said, entering in Brawl Trance as he got ready to brutally attack the insane entity that was hurting his friends.

"Huh?" Crazy said, turning to him.

"Nobody hurt my friends and get away with it!"

"But I thought Ike was the one that fought for his friends."

"Well, guess what. So do I!"

Link then jumped, ignoring Samus' warning and pointed his left hand's palm forward, shooting a thin, beam of light against Crazy. Five seconds passed and nothing. Link then landed, with a confused look on his face.

"Uh… why that didn't work?" Link asked aloud.

"You idiot! There's a reason Final Smashes can't be used in boss matches!" Samus called from her position as Link turned to her. "It's because some of them wouldn't have any effect on the bosses."

"Oh… I forgot that." Link said, scratching behind his head.

"Me too. To tell the truth, I forget most of the things, like what I ate for breakfast or that task my brother asked of me. Strange how things work, don't ya think?" Crazy said.

Samus facepalmed at that. She decided to take that opportunity while Crazy was distracted and turned to Master Hand, saying:

"Alright. Deal! Now stop that idiot before he decides that killing everybody is fun."

"With pleasure." Master said in a delighted tone, having finally achieved to get that insanely pricey tax off him.

"Oh wait! I remember something now. I'm supposed to be evil and destroy you." Crazy said, pointing to Link.

"Uh… can't we talk it over?" Link suggested, backing away slowly.

"Nah. Being evil is much more fun." the manifestation of the destructive spirit seemed to clear his throat (don't ask me how he's capable of producing this sound) and changed his tone to his evil one, wriggling his fingers as he spoke. "Now, prepare to meet the friend of your friend, your grandma, Timmy and that creepy guy who terrorizes everybody's dreams… in DARKNESS! MUHAHAHAHA!"

Crazy then pointed two fingers to Link and started to charge an abhorrent amount of energy. Link knew the hand was probably going to pulverize him and braced himself for being blasted to oblivion. It was then Master Hand approached and called:

"Hey Crazy!"

"Huh?" Crazy let out, stopping what he was doing and turning to his brother.

"How about you forget this whole vengeance business?"

"Never! I must punish the unfaithful ones that doubted House! House is always right, did you hear me?" Crazy replied.

"Man, just kill us already. If I have to hear any more of these idiotic rambles, I think I'm going to go insane." Falco commented, from his place, laying in the ground.

"Massachusetts! Being insane is awesome!"

"If you think so, then how about I give you something I'm sure you'll love?" Master Hand offered to his brother, who turned to him quickly.

"Wait. You don't mean…" Crazy replied in what seemed to be… a worried tone?

"Oh, but I do."

"No. Y-you can't convince me even if you…"

Master Hand then snapped his fingers and extended two fingers while something appeared in them. All Smashers that were either conscious or trying to get up looked to the manifestation of the creative spirit and saw what he was holding in his two fingers. It looked like…

"A cake?" Bowser let out.

…

Cake? How does a cake will stop a berserk Crazy Hand?

"It's not any cake. It's a cake-pie!" Master Hand said in a mysterious tone.

…

Cake-pie? Please. Nobody is gullible enough to buy something like…

"The cake-pie! The ultimate dessert that looks like a cake, but tastes like a pie! They say only the most enlightened bakers can make such a divine dish and its taste is so superb only few lucky souls ever caught a glimpse of it!" Crazy said in a fast way, like he was talking about some deity.

…

Alright, forget anything I said.

"Yes. So, how about you forget this whole revenge thing and I'll give you the cake-pie as a present?" Master Hand offered.

"I-I-I… I'm not that easy to buy."

"If he's falling for a story like that, I think he is." Fox commented to Mario and Luigi, who nodded.

"Oh really? Then I think I'll have to give it to somebody else. Hum, maybe Wario." Master Hand said, Crazy seemed to twitch at that. "But we all know I'll have to add garlic to it, so he can eat. Oh well..."

Master Hand then made a garlic appear floating at the point of his indicator finger and brought it slowly close to the cake-pie. Crazy seemed to finally have reached his limit, for he shouted while rushing to Master Hand:

"NO, STOP! You shall not ruin such a divine treat by adding another ingredient that will alter its sacred taste!"

"Then you will…"

"Yeah! Screw this revenge thing! Now gimme that!" Crazy said, snatching the cake-pie from his brother and rushing out of the hall, cackling like a manic or a fanatic, or even both.

Master Hand seemed very content with himself. The other Smashers that had been fighting Crazy all got up and glared at the manager of the tournament. The manifestation of the creative spirit sensed their glares and asked what it was. All fighters inquired at the same time:

"Cake-pie?"

"Yeah. Or at least, that's what Crazy will think. By the time he realizes it's just a normal cake, if he does, he'll have forgot everything." Master Hand said.

"So… the pie part is a lie?" Sonic asked, scratching his back.

"Kinda ironic, wouldn't you say?" Fox commented.

"But I got curious. Do you think there really exists a cake-pie?" Peach wondered.

"I think Master Hand just-a made that up." Mario argued.

The Smashers then started to discuss whether there was a cake-pie or not. Snake smiled at seeing things had went back to normal (if you can consider a bunch of strange beings discussing something like the existence of a cake that tastes like pie normal) and spoke to Samus:

"Seems like you accomplished your mission, Samus." there was no answer. Snake turned to the galactic warrior, ready to call her again. However, when he saw her face, he gave a step back with worried look on his face.

Samus' eyes had an expressionless gleam in them and her face a cold expression. However, there was an intense, assassin vibe emanating from her. She then walked to Master Hand, keeping that cold expression on her face, her murderous aura not diminishing a bit, so much that when she passed by the Smashers, they all stopped talking and looked to her, just to slowly back away. Even Link, who was looking for her, gulped and showed an expression of fear, deciding it would be better for his health (and life) to stay away of his girlfriend right now.

Samus finally reached Master Hand, who was looking at the damage inflicted upon the dining hall and mentally calculating how much it would cost him. He then noticed Samus near him and once seeing her expression, the near-omnipotent entity felt a shiver.

"Cake-pie… you stopped him with some tale about a cake-pie." Samus spoke to the manager of the Smash Brothers Tournament in an emotionless voice.

"Um… yeah." Master Hand said.

"Even Kirby could have come up with that."

"Well, that stopped him. Now, if you would excuse me…"

Master was about to turn to the entrance door and leave the dining hall, however, Samus appeared near the door in a blink of eyes and closed it shut. Suddenly, the more mentally-stable hand felt the atmosphere in the hall had gotten very heavy.

"Not so fast." Samus said, still in that emotionless voice. "You and I still have to discuss my payment for the detective service."

"B-but… we agreed you wouldn't charge that extra tax and…" Master tried to look for help from the other Smashers and Assist Trophies, but when he turned he found no trace of them, just the door to the kitchen (which was too small for Master Hand to pass through, by the way) swinging. He then turned to Samus again, who _calmly _approaching him, while activating her Varia Suit.

"You know what? I decided to simply screw it and sent that deal to hell. Now, let's talk about business…" she then raised her Arm Cannon, which opened making mechanical sounds as it adjusted. "in my way."

Anybody who would pass near the mansion at that hour would be able to hear several shouts, painful yells and explosions, like there was some kind of war going on inside of the dining hall, which got reduced to smithereens after Samus was done "training" with the new moves, the Lethal Strikes and Overblasts, she would use in her new game, most of which she came up with while "negotiating" with Master Hand.


	17. Epilogue: We Moved

Epilogue came!

With it Steel 'n' Blade Co. is official over.

Thanks for all those that reviewed and helped me providing the beta-reading so far! Cake-pie to everybody!

Final Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to Super Smash Bros. series or its caracters, but I **_do _**own the plot **_and _**the cake-pie concept, so please don't steal it from me or use it without my permission.

* * *

_Epilogue:_

_We moved_

Link was packing his belongings while looking to the space where the table of his and Samus' joint used to stand. The two had to dismount it since any extra decorations were to be removed of the bedrooms before they leave.

Many Smashers had already left, giving their farewells to their friends and partners in the mansion. Master Hand wasn't there to see them off (since he was still in the local hospital), so instead there was Crazy, who (luckily) had completely forgotten the events of the closing ceremony of the tournament. Sufficient to say, the other hand seemed to cry each time a Smasher was leaving, saying:

"I'll miss you! You are definitely the greatest guy in the whole galaxy."

"Hey, you said that to me too." Ness said, turning back while Crazy was giving his farewell to Lucas.

"Oh, did I? I don't seem to remember anything. You must be confusing me with another person." Crazy said, suddenly getting out of his crying state and reverting back to his normal one. Mood swings, much.

"But I could swear it was…"

"Ducky!"

"Forget it…"

Back to Link, he was now closing the last of his luggage when he saw somebody leaning against the wall near his door. Looking up, the dirty-blond swordsman saw it was Midna. He greeted her as the Twilight Princess approached, saying:

"I know this was supposed to be the time I say I will miss you and I wish happiness to you and Samus."

"And won't you?" Link asked.

"Of course I will, idiot!" Midna said, reverting to her playful manner. The two laughed at that.

When the laughter died, Link and Midna sat in the Hero's old bed. Link looked around, commenting he would miss that place and all friends he made during his time in the mansion. Midna just stayed listening to it, until Link asked her what she thought of what she saw in the mansion. The sarcastic Princess said:

"I've seen more chaotic places, if that's what you're asking." Link shot a serious glare to her. "Ok. Seriously, I kinda got a liking to some people here, but it's not like I'll miss everybody like that. Plus, you and Samus will be traveling around. Maybe you'll find some way to the Twilight Realm in your travels, so you can visit me."

"I don't know. How many worlds out there could have a portal to a dark dimension?" if only he knew… "But, I'll miss you. And… thanks for being so nice with Samus."

"Don't sweat it. I just wanted to make sure she was taking good care of you." Midna said, crossing her arms behind her head.

"Really?"

"Of course. You were the best and only dog I ever had and I would be pretty mad at seeing somebody mistreating my previous property." Link arched an eyebrow to her. "Just kidding. Oh, and speaking about it, I bought something for you to use with Samus."

Midna snapped her fingers and a bag appeared out of thin air. She handed it to Link, who searched for his present, wondering what Midna have bought for him. When he had grabbed something, he pulled out a transparent package and inside there was…

"A collar? Midna, what does… ?"

"Take a look at the inscription."

Link did so and there he could read "Please, return to Samus Aran upon finding". To say the Hero was surprised would be an understatement. He looked back to Midna, babbling:

"Wh… this… you… when…?" trying to organize his thoughts, he finally came up with something coherent to say about it. "Am I supposed to wear this?"

"Well, not in public. I thought it would be more like a… private, clothing article." Midna said in a very meaningful tone, winking to Link.

Seconds of silence passed. When Link finally found his voice again, he said:

"Have you ever thought of giving advices on this matter to people, Midna? Seriously, You would make much success."

"Are you being sarcastic on me?" Midna asked.

"Does it look like that?"

"If that's the case, then I have to say… I'm proud of you, Link."

The Hero decided not to comment on that anymore. It was impossible for him to win Midna in a discussion about that matter, or use sarcasm against the Twili woman…

- / - / - / -

There were less ships and vehicles in the garage of the mansion than before. The most noticeable was the absence of Fox's, Falco's and Wolf's Landmasters (which got stuck in the garage's door when Crazy decided to "help" the three… at the same time).

Samus was already by her ship, Link at her side, while giving their goodbyes to the other Smashers. Peach had a handkerchief as she gave her farewells to Samus and Link, wishing them happiness and many children (Link blushed a scarlet tone when the pink wearing princess said that and Samus just widened her eyes), bursting into tears at the end of it. She had always been the most emotive out of all women at the mansion.

Bowser had been the one consoling and trying to cheer up the Mushroom Princess, but when Mario came in, the two started fighting with glares, like defying the other to pass by him and try to go to Peach. Luigi shook his head at his brother and his nemesis' behaviors and supported Peach when she left Link and Samus, crying again.

Zelda, Ike, Sheeda and Marth were also there. The Hylian Princess and the others that had been attacked by Crazy had woken up right after the entire incident had been solved. Samus scoffed at the "coincidence". Zelda then elbowed Ike on the ribs, causing the mercenary to wince in pain and look to her. The wielder of Wisdom gave him a meaningful look. When Ike was about to groan, Zelda's look sharpened and the blue haired swordsman gulped, knowing what that look promised in case he defied his girlfriend. Zelda's blows were always accurate. Sometimes, too much.

"Um… Link." the mercenary called, making the green clad swordsman look to him. "Sorry, for the whole think about Zelda. I…" Ike looked to Zelda, who made a motion with her hand for him to go on. "I'm a jealous idiot. There. I said it! Happy?"

"I am, though I knew it the whole time." Samus said.

"I was talking to Zelda."

"Just don't jump on conclusions next time, ok?" Link said to his friend with a smile.

"Then, do you forgive me?" Ike asked.

"Well…" Link then looked to Samus.

The bounty huntress smiled, understanding the gesture. She then asked Ike to approach. The mercenary made it, though a little confused at the request. He just realized what that meant once Samus stomped his foot. Hard. Ike let out a pained scream, holding his foot and jumping on his place. Before he could do anything else, he got punched in the guts, the blow taking the air out of his lungs.

"Samus! I said just one blow and I would forgive him." Link protested, while Ike exclaimed a "what?".

"The punch was for me." the galactic warrior said simply.

Zelda sighed, but shot Ike a look that clearly said "you deserved that, so deal with it". She passed her boyfriend and gave her farewells to her two friends in a very polite manner, just like always. Link and Samus returned it.

Marth also gave his farewells to Link. The Hylian warrior said for him to wait and went to another side of the garage and came back bringing Epona. Marth asked what he was doing when Link gave him the reigns. The Hero then said:

"I want you to have her." upon seeing Marth's surprised look, Link added. "I can't take Epona to space with me, so I figured it would be better to leave her with someone I know will take good care of her."

"Then why not let her with Zelda?" Marth inquired.

"Let's just say she took a disliking to somebody that is very close to Zelda at the moment…"

While Link said that, nobody noticed Epona slowly approaching Ike. The mercenary just noticed it when a heavy hoof came down on his already aching foot, making him scream and jump in place again. Epona neighed in a way that it seemed she was laughing at the mercenary.

"I see…" Marth said. "Don't worry then. I'll take care of her like she is my own."

"Just bring her to Hyrule when you visit Zelda. She likes to ride the fields there." Link asked, Marth nodded to him while Sheeda gave her farewells to the two, saying for them to take care.

Captain Falcon then approached and shook hands with his good buddy, whispering to Link:

"Make me a favor and tell me latter how it is to do _it_ with Samus."

Link's eyes widened while Falcon just gave his farewells to Samus at a safe distance, just in case she had heard. Needless to say, Link never told the racer anything.

Link and Samus waved to the others while taking to the platform that brought them to inside the ship. While Samus checked the conditions for them to take off, Link waved a few more times to their friends. The Hylian warrior then turned to his girlfriend and said:

"So, this is it. No more Steel 'n' Blade Co. I will miss that."

"I wouldn't say that. Who knows? Maybe we might continue with it or come back to this world sometime and reopen it."

"Or, we could do it in your world." Link suggested.

"Maybe. Now hold on!" Link then grabbed his seat with all his strength as the ship took off and they gained the skies, eventually reaching space and seeing the stars.

Link wondered what kind of challenges he and Samus would face from now on. The worlds he would see and the adventures that could be out there. The Hero knew it wouldn't be easy to adapt to this space travel thing or even the futuristic worlds and cultures they would encounter out there, but as long as Samus was by his side, he knew he could face anything. And they could find a way to visit their old friends in their worlds as they were traveling.

It was then Link heard a beep coming from the panel besides his seat. Curious, he pressed a flashing button and saw a red screen pop up and something being written in it.

"Samus…" Link called. The bounty huntress looked to him in an inquisitive manner. "What's a 'Baby's Cry' signal?"

That made something click in Samus' head. She then searched in a compartment bellow her seat and pulled out the script of her new game, flipping through the first pages. She gulped when she found what she was looking for. Link was still looking to his girlfriend with a cute look of curiosity as she turned, seeming to be sweating:

"Well… you see…"

Somewhere out there, in Nintendo's headquarters, Team Ninja had his mouth agape when they saw the first scenes of their first attempt at Other M's scenes, wondering how in the world a green clad swordsman appeared in it.


End file.
